Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Shepperd

By the time the weekend rolled around, I had myself convinced that going to this family birthday party would be a monumental mistake. I never did well in social gatherings, whether it was with family or friends. The noise level alone typically got me so edgy, I ended up biting off someone’s head for the most minor of infractions.

Getting out of it didn’t seem like an option, though. As the week progressed, Law became more and more excited that I’d be meeting his closest brother, oldest sister, and her little girl. Adding to my tension, we were able to confirm that my sister Hannah and her husband, Elijah, would also be at the party.

The one bright spot in all of it was that I’d get to see my brand-new niece. I loved little babies and couldn’t wait to hold her. It would be neat to see Law around his niece, too. From the way he talked about her, she was the apple of the family’s eye. Already, I knew there would be a lot of choked-down emotions, and I needed to bring my best game face so I didn’t embarrass myself.

Then there was the food situation at gatherings like this. It was hard to say what I dreaded more—copious amounts of food and drink or general people-ing. Eating in crowds made me terribly uncomfortable. When you’re the “too thin” girl in the room, everyone nonchalantly keeps track of your caloric intake and does a shitty job at hiding their concern.

Which brought me to the current dilemma as I stood wrapped in a bath towel trying to find something to wear. I didn’t have an expansive wardrobe to begin with, and about half of what I did own was still at my parents’ house. That left me with the handful of outfits I rotated through for work and a few things that registered higher on the scale of acceptable for public viewing. The rest were oversized sweats or workout clothes.

Warm arms circled my waist, coaxing me to lean back into Law’s embrace.

“Mmmm,” he groaned and trailed kisses across my shoulder and up the length of my neck. “You smell good enough to eat,” he growled before sinking his teeth into my skin.

I smacked the top of his head playfully and warned, “Don’t you dare leave a mark on me.” When in truth, I’d love nothing more than exactly that. But not right before meeting his family for the first time.

We just had amazing sex before I got in the shower, but the man’s libido was in high drive all the time. Not that you’d hear me complaining. He was an incredibly generous lover. He spent hours lavishing my body with his attention, and I was utterly addicted. I’d never had a boyfriend like this man before, and I reminded myself constantly not to fuck it up.

“What are you going to wear?” he asked when he finally peeled his face from my body.

I dropped my shoulders low. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out. I had this one dress in mind, but I don’t see it here. It must still be at my parents’ house.”

“Do you have a lot more stuff there? And what did you decide to do about the car? Last we talked, your dad was going to have it looked at…”

Something in my expression pulled him up short, and he stood there nervously waiting for me to either reply like a normal person or permit the explosion of frustration I felt regarding the situation in general.

Not his fault. Not his fault .

I reminded myself not to snap at him with a sassy answer.

It was almost unnerving how well he already knew me. As quickly as my anger flared to life, it ebbed as he shifted from foot to foot. A grin spread across my lips as I watched his confusion blossom at my mood swing. So I reached out to reassure him I wasn’t about to blow.

“I’m fine, man. I swear. I’m getting better at the whole”—I made air quotes—“ control the rage routine.” I wrapped my arms around his fit waist and hugged him. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have found you, Mr. Masterson.”

He looked down at me with one brow raised high. “I think I was the one who found you, no?”

“Oh, no way. I saw you first.”

“No way.”

“Seriously. I watched you do squats one day for thirty minutes, and you never even knew I was there.” I rolled my eyes back and fluttered my eyelashes. “It was a glorious show, let me tell you.”

Law pulled me into his arms again as we both laughed.

Undoubtedly, I had laughed more in the past few weeks with this man in my life than I had in multiple previous years combined. It felt so good. Laughing with Law felt like I had sunshine sparkling in my veins. He made me feel like I effervesced from deep inside, and it was a heady feeling. I wanted more and more days like these.

Was I falling in love with him? Was it too soon?

When we were little girls, our mom would tell us stories about meeting a man, falling in love, and one day, getting married. Since it was the highlight of her life, she made it sound like it was all a girl could hope for. Even as a child, I was skeptical. But she painted such a magical picture, we would listen with starry eyes and bated breath.

She insisted she fell in love with our dad in a matter of days, and if asked, he would say the same. So that became exactly what we all wanted. After I was molested, though, I completely lost faith in humanity, and any dream of getting out from under that dark, oppressive experience seemed hopeless. In my bitter world, there was no way in hell the end of the rainbow would be at a man’s feet.

Growing serious, I stared into Law’s deep, rich chocolate eyes. He stilled as the words danced on the tip of my tongue. No way would I say them first and drive him screaming from the room. No way…

“You’ve been the greatest gift the universe has ever given me,” I told him instead. And I meant every word of that statement. It just seemed like the safer of the two overwhelming feelings to share.

“Thank you, darling. That’s a lovely thing to say.”

So I expounded on the thought. He deserved to hear the effect he was having on me. Normally, I wasn’t that brave. If I had strong emotions, especially positive ones, I kept them to myself. If I didn’t put them out into the world, they couldn’t be taken away or destroyed.

“I think I had given up hope that I’d ever be happy. It just didn’t seem like it was in the cards for me, you know? One by one, my sisters have met their forever guys. In the meantime, I’ve been sitting on the sidelines convinced it would never be my turn at love. Or happiness.”

Oh shit.

Maybe I shouldn’t have used the L-word in any context . At least I added happiness on there at the end. A quick scan of his reaction showed no signs of discomfort or panic.

He slowly closed the space between us and kissed me. Like every other time, he took my breath away. He had soft but demanding full lips. The kind of lips women look at with envy. The kind of lips you daydream about feeling all over your body.

When we parted, he gave me the slow, sexy smile I loved the most. “And we’re just getting started, baby.”

My brain stalled in the fog of bliss he created. I just stared at him, unable to respond intelligently.

“Now let’s get ready or we’re going to be late. Want to pregame a little bit? I’ll open a bottle of wine or something.”

Damn. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Perfect way to take the edge off the nerves that skyrocketed again the moment he reminded me of our afternoon adventure ahead.

“That sounds perfect.” I smiled over my shoulder as I turned back toward the closet. Law walked off to the kitchen, and I rummaged through my pitiful clothes and tried to put an outfit together.

Ninety minutes and two glasses of wine later, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt pretty good about the results. I ended up going with a denim-on-denim look, some chunky heels that brought me a little closer to Law’s height, and fresh make-up that had my skin all dewy and glowing. I looked and felt fuller of life than I had in years and took a moment to absorb it all.

“Fuck me, woman,” Law groaned low when I entered the kitchen. He was ready long ago and busied himself on his laptop while perched at the island. “Maybe we should stay in,” he said in that husky voice that made goosebumps pop out all over my body.

He pulled me between his spread thighs as he sat on the counter stool, and I clasped my hands behind his neck.

“I don’t think I can take you out in public like this,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m going to end up in a fistfight.”

Heat crawled up my chest and neck while I burrowed my face into his chest. He had a way of making me feel so good yet so awkward at the same time. I wanted to be fierce and confident like everyone thought I was, even though I knew the truth was so much different.

I had become a master at covering all the fucked-up things inside with a brave, no-nonsense mask on the outside. Whether people were intimidated because they thought I was truly that confident or put off because I seemed that brash, it didn’t matter. It just meant I didn’t have to engage with people I didn’t know well. It was my way of mediating risk. If I didn’t get close to anyone, I couldn’t be hurt.

Law eventually put some space between our bodies. “Ready to go?”

“Mmmm, I was warming up to the idea of staying home,” I said through a smile. A girl could dream, right?

“It’s going to be fine,” he reassured as he stood and closed his laptop. “Everyone will be focused on the birthday girl and not even notice us there.”

“See? We could skip it, and no one would know the difference,” I teased but followed him to the front door. I stood to the side while he set the security alarm and locked the front door.

He clasped my hand, and we walked to his parked car on the driveway.

“Wait!” I realized just as he opened my door. “We never got a gift!”

“In the back already,” he answered coolly. “I had my assistant deal with it yesterday. Wrapped and everything.”

I narrowed my eyes his way.

“What?” He chuckled. “That’s what I pay the guy for.”

Internally I let out a sigh of relief, thankful that he had a male assistant and not some little hottie I had to worry about on top of everything else that poisoned my mind. People had no idea about the war going on inside my brain. Every little thing was examined and reexamined for signs of truth or dishonesty, for hidden motives versus pure altruism.

We spent the drive to Law’s brother’s house chatting about the movie we watched the night before and planned what shows we wanted to binge the next time we had an entire day to ourselves.

Before I knew it, we were creeping along a residential street looking for an open parking spot. My nerves were fine until I saw the chaotic activity on the street clearly centered around this birthday party. Parents towed little ones dressed in their party finest along the sidewalks. Some staggered with the burden of large, wrapped gifts while others jogged frantically behind their offspring as they hurried to the front door of the shindig.

“Oh my God,” I muttered and peeked beneath the edge of the sun visor to absorb what I saw.

“How many people are going to be here?” I asked, afraid I might vomit when I heard the answer. Judging on the parking situation alone, this was going to be an epic blowout.

“I’m not sure, but if I know my brother, they went all out. This is the first birthday he gets to celebrate with his daughter, so I’m sure he’s making up for all the years he missed,” Law explained as he expertly maneuvered his car into a spot about a block away from the house.

“Wait…what?” I asked as the words he so casually uttered sank in.

“What?” he asked with his face adorably screwed up in confusion. My God, could this guy get any hotter? I stole a kiss with a big smile on my face, and he looked even more confused when I pulled back afterward.

“What do you mean this is his first birthday with her?” I finally asked rather than justify my goofy reaction.

As we walked through the lovely neighborhood, he explained that the mother of his brother’s child hid the fact that she gave birth for eight years.

“Oh my God, you’re kidding,” was the nicest thing I could come up with. What kind of woman does something like that? Then I reminded myself to keep an open mind. You never really knew what drove a person to the decisions they made. It wasn’t my place to judge her any more than it was someone’s place to judge me and my choices.

“Crazy, right? They were college sweethearts,” he continued. “Well, really more than that. Jake never got over this woman. She did a real number on him when he moved away.”

“Wait a second,” I interrupted. “He moved away, yet she was the one that did a number on him? That doesn’t make sense. I mean, if he left her…”

“No, it wasn’t like that. He got an incredible internship in Barcelona fresh out of school. She encouraged him to go, and they planned to stay together. Do the long-distance thing. But she got pregnant and didn’t know until after he was already gone. So she ghosted him and planned to raise the baby herself. She knew if he was aware of the pregnancy, he would’ve come back to the States to be with her. And that’s exactly what he would’ve done because he’s that kind of guy. She said she was saving him from making the wrong decision regarding his career, but still…”

“Wow, what a tough situation to be in. Can you imagine?” I asked, trying in fairness to put myself in that mother’s shoes. Or his, for that matter. It was bad timing, for one thing. But so much more the longer I thought about it.

“Yeah, no, I can’t. It’s hard to say what was right or wrong in their situation, you know?” Law looked my way to see me nodding. “Some shoes are way too hard to imagine walking in when you haven’t actually done it.”

And with all that backstory fresh on the brain, we rang the doorbell at his brother’s house. You could hear the ruckus from inside while standing on the front porch.

“Do you think they can even hear the doorbell?” I asked when Law pushed the button a second time.

“You’re probably right. Let’s see if it’s open.” He tried the handle on the cobalt blue door, and it opened freely. He gave me a quick wink and said, “You’re so smart.”

I just grinned because I knew he was teasing, and honestly, it seemed like I just couldn’t stop smiling with the guy around. When I let myself really process how great my life had been lately, I was immediately filled with fear.

Nothing good ever lasted. Not in my life anyway. The trick was to enjoy it while things were good and not spend too much time worrying about picking up the pieces when it all went to hell again. Because it would. It always did.

We wandered through the busy house, Law towing me behind him by one hand. I held on tighter as the crowd thickened in the kitchen and someone informed him his brother was out in the backyard. I tried to smile at the people I made eye contact with but was more worried about running into my sister.

The backyard was an entertaining paradise. The pool took up most of the lot, but the outdoor patio and kitchen area had enough space for plenty of tables and chairs for the partygoers. Music thumped through the whole place and kids ran wildly from one end to the other. Parents chatted in groupings while several dads anchored a serious game of volleyball in the swimming pool.

That’s where I spotted my brother-in-law. He was on the far side of the floating net, whooping it up with his buddy, Sebastian Shark. Their team must have just scored because the men were celebrating with high-fives.

Breathe .

It’s all I could repeat to myself as I scanned the crowd again for my sister. She had to be here somewhere, and likely not far from her man. They were sickening like that—always connected at the hip. Though I couldn’t really tell if it was her neediness or his controlling tendencies that fed the behavior.

Law must have felt me tense beside him because he steered us to the edge of the crowd and tipped his head down beside my ear. “You okay, baby? I know there’s a lot going on here, might be a little overwhelming.”

Bless the man for understanding what a scene like this might do to me. The smile I offered was genuine. His caring enough to check in with me when he noticed my demeanor shift was so touching and thoughtful. From across the gym, I had found the perfect man and didn’t even know it at the time. Now that I had him, I wanted to keep him.

“Yeah,” I squeaked. If he heard me above the cacophony of this soirée, I’d be shocked. Louder, I repeated, “Yeah, I’m good. It’s just a lot, you know?”

He nodded while I spoke, basically agreeing about the decibel level. Even outside.

“You know, this is kind of birth control in a way,” I joked, regarding the hordes of children in that backyard.

Law looked at me with almost a hint of sadness in his expression before he covered it up with a forced laugh.

Time to backpedal. And quick.

“I mean, I want kids, someday, but yowzah, this is a lot.” I squeezed the hand he had slipped into mine and studied his face to see if my damage control was enough.

“Definitely overwhelming.” He nodded. “Especially if you aren’t used to being around little ones. Oh, there’s Stella and my sister. Come on, I want to introduce you,” he said excitedly and began towing me across the patio to a beautiful woman and the most adorable little redhead standing before her.

The child was pleading her case for another soda when we approached. Her mother expertly handled the situation, though, and agreed to another sugar-filled drink if she first had an entire bottle of water. She just happened to have a water to offer, and the little girl took it and was off.

“Cecile, how are you today? Looking gorgeous as always,” Law said to his sister as they embraced. If he hadn’t told me this was his sister, I would never have guessed they were related. They looked nothing alike, which seemed odd to me. Given my sisters and I were all spitting images of each other, I guess I expected they would’ve looked at least a bit alike.

“Oh, you’re so full of it, Lawrence. It’s nice to see you out and about, though.” She kept her eyes on me while they hugged, and Law quickly turned in my direction. Hearing his older sister teasingly use his proper name had me smiling.

“I have someone I’d like you to meet. Cecile, this is my girlfriend, Shepperd Farsay. Shep, my oldest sister, Cecile.” He made the introductions with that infectious smile that calmed my anxiety no matter when he bestowed it upon me.

The fact that he just introduced me to a family member as his girlfriend didn’t go unnoticed. I’d have to give that one some brain time later when I reexamined the day. On first impression, I loved everything about it.

“Hello, very nice to meet you,” I said and extended my hand. She shook it and smiled. Ahh, there was the resemblance. The two had the exact same warm, genuine smile.

Playfully, she gave her brother a sideways look. “Law, you’ve been holding out on me. I didn’t know you had someone steady, or that she was this gorgeous.” She lightly punched his shoulder, and like a good brother, he pretended it hurt.

“No need to hit me over it,” he laughed and rubbed his upper arm.

The woman turned in a circle before saying, “Your niece is around here somewhere. She’s in heaven with all her classmates here to play with.”

“She’s adorable,” I said. “We saw you talking to her when we were crossing the lawn.”

“Oh, you witnessed that, did you?” she asked with an eye roll. “Everything is a negotiation these days.”

“She’s just gearing you up for the teen years.”

Cecile dropped her face into her hands and shook her head back and forth. “I’m not ready,” she teasingly wailed, and we all chuckled.

“Have you seen Jacob?” Law asked.

“I think he and Pia are inside. He mentioned something about the magician they hired cancelling this morning. I think they’re scrambling for a replacement.”

“Oh, that stinks,” I added. “It will probably be hard to find someone last minute.”

“Well between the two of them, they have a lot of connections,” she replied. “So if anyone can make it happen, it will be that power couple.”

“Do you want to go see if we can find them inside?” Law asked me.

“Lead the way,” I said as cheerfully as possible. Honestly, negotiating our way back through the crowd sounded awful, but staying here alone with his sister while he went himself would’ve been worse. I don’t mind chatting with people once I know them, but this whole day was going to be filled with awkward introductions and niceties.

We snaked our way through the throng of kids and parents, pausing occasionally to chat with someone Law knew. His niece skipped by at one point, and he caught her with his long arm around her waist and hoisted her right up off her feet. The squealing laughter bubbling out of the child warmed my heart, and by the time she took off with her friends again, I thought my ovaries were going to explode.

Watching my man with the child was enlightening. He was going to make an amazing father someday. I had to keep my head out of the clouds for the moment, though, or I could get lost in serious daydreams about being the mother in that scenario.

Once inside, it was marginally quieter, but not much. There were people milling around, whether changing into bathing suits or play clothes after already dipping in the pool. We found Law’s brother in the kitchen with his wife, or girlfriend—I wasn’t completely sure what their status was.

“There he is!” Law said and strode excitedly toward the other man. I knew from other conversations we had had that this was the sibling he was closest to. Even if I didn’t have that knowledge, you could feel how close they were just from their joy when seeing each other.

“You guys made it,” Jake said while the brothers embraced. The beautiful brunette smiled at the men’s affection, and Law gave her a big hug too.

“Hey, Pia, how are you? This is one hell of a party you guys put together,” Law said after kissing the woman’s cheek in greeting.

“Hey, Law, thank you. And thank you for coming,” she said while his brother’s gaze was laser focused on me.

“This must be Shepperd,” he said, wrapping me in an unexpected hug. Normally I had real issues with strangers touching me, even in a friendly greeting. But these people were so non-threatening, I didn’t mind. Not one shiver or inkling of panic after his exuberant hello.

Law’s eyes were on me the entire time, watching to make sure I didn’t come unglued. From personal experience, he knew how easily triggered I could be. He intercepted me from his brother’s hug before the woman thought to do the same.

“Yes, this is Shepperd. Babe, this is my brother Jacob and his partner, Pia Shark.”

Oh, we were really rolling with some local celebs at this get together. And these were the people my sister routinely hung out with. It was astonishing, really. She had as many social anxieties as I did, so I wondered how she dealt with this all the time. Unless she had worked through her shit by now. I knew so little about her life anymore.

“Nice to meet you,” Pia said and offered her hand.

“Same.” I smiled. “Thank you for having us. Cecile said you’re out a magician. Any luck finding a replacement?” I asked, hoping we wouldn’t get into the six degrees of separation we all had. The longer I could keep Hannah out of a conversation, the better.

She sagged in defeat. “We’ve called all the people we can think of, trying to cash in any favor owed, but no luck. There are a few calls that haven’t been returned yet, so there’s a sliver of a chance. But what can you do? Everyone seems to be having a good time, so it should be fine.”

But her man seemed to be the most stressed about the missing entertainment. She gave his hand a little pat and smiled up at him. Their height difference was at least a foot, so she had to tilt her head way back to meet his worried gaze.

“Chill, Jake. Seriously, those kids”—Law thumbed over his shoulder toward the backyard—“are having the time of their lives.”

“I know,” Jacob said. “I just wanted everything to be perfect for Vela today. She’s been through so much this year, I just wanted the entire day to go off without a hitch.”

“Well,” Pia replied, “we’ve done all we can do. She’ll have to understand.”

“Have you tried blasting it on social media?” I suggested.

Pia snapped her head my way. “That’s a great idea! Let me get my phone and make a few posts. Then we officially have done all we can, Jacob.”

“All right. And I know you’re right.”

“Ahh, spoken like a kept man,” Law teased his brother.

Jacob pointedly looked at me, then to Law, and raised one eyebrow.

Law shrugged with his arms extended as though he was admitting guilt to the same thing. The whole wordless exchange was so endearing, I found myself grinning along with everyone else.