24. Chapter 24

Chapter twenty-four

Amelia

I paced along the dark green hedges near the old fountain, my heart pounding. Sabrina had been so certain James would come. Part of me hoped she was right, that he would come at my request. My heart was his—it had been for a long time—and I wanted him to return that sentiment.

But I also knew that if he came, I would have to make a difficult decision. I had arrived at a crossroad. One path would take me to freedom but had the potential to ruin my future and my sister's. The other path left me caged, possibly in perpetuity, and would also destroy the happiness of the man I loved. To make such a decision felt wrong and sickening.

Would I live to regret my choice? I likely would, regardless of what I chose. There was simply no way to win in my present situation. But I knew what my heart wanted, and while either choice could ruin the happiness of someone I cared about, only one would protect my character. Only one gave me hope for my own future.

I had already defied Sabrina's wishes by changing the meeting location with James. She'd watched over my shoulder as I'd written the note but had not followed me to deliver it, eager to rush to the gardens to await the earl. She assumed, and rightly so, that I would obey her. I had for well over a year, after all, but I was finished playing her puppet.

I'd considered not delivering the note at all, but I couldn't risk James taking a walk in the garden, as he often did in the mornings, and then being ambushed. Informing him of Sabrina's scheme in the corridor where the servants might overhear also wasn't an option. So, I'd taken the opportunity to modify the note without a second thought.

I blew out a shaky breath and rubbed my gloved hands down my soft pink gown. In some ways, it was strange to wear brighter colors rather than the dull mourning blacks and grays. I had yet to put them off before coming to Fallborn, and it seemed fitting that doing so here also marked my first step toward potential freedom. My first step toward a future not fraught with misery.

The noonday sun beat down on me, which did nothing to help the perspiration resulting from my anxiety. I swept a glove over my brow to remove the moisture forming there and tucked a stray curl behind my ear.

Was my hair as messy and sticky as it felt?

I groaned and muttered to myself. "Oh, this was the worst idea. I should have just taken him to the library rather than ask to meet me here, in the sun, where I am sure to melt. And I've forgotten my bonnet. I cannot even hide my face. Not from the heat or from embarrassment."

Because I would, without doubt, experience the latter during the course of our conversation. Maybe it was better if James did not come.

I paced along the hedge, my gaze fixed on the ground. "Is it noon yet? The time must be drawing near. Unless, of course, he's come to his senses and realized that meeting me in the garden would be a tremendous mistake. Proposing to me in a garden would be a worse one." Not that I expected that to happen.

"I don't know. A garden seems a lovely place to propose to a lovely lady."

My feet halted, and I sucked in a loud breath as I spun around. James stood several feet away, dressed in a deep red waistcoat and brown breeches, a wide grin adorning his handsome face. "Good afternoon, Amelia."

"I…you…" Drat. How much of my blabbering had he overheard? Judging by the way he continued to grin, likely a great deal of it.

James moved closer, and my pulse sped with every step he took. He stopped in front of me, close enough that I could smell his shaving soap. His smile faded as his gaze swept over my face. "Why do you think me proposing to you would be a mistake? "

His voice was soft and warm. It beckoned me to answer honestly, to trust him. And I did. Rowe had revealed that James knew my secret. There was no reason to hide anything from him now. Still, expressing such vulnerability was difficult, and I struggled with where to begin.

"Your secrets are safe with me, Amelia," he whispered, taking another step closer and removing nearly all space between us. "All of them."

"I know. I trust you, but that does not mean I'm not terrified of losing your good opinion."

"Why is that?" he asked, a twinkle returning to his blue eyes. "Why do you care so much about what I think?"

"I've always cared what you think. My cousin informed me that you are aware of my…parentage. That Sabrina is using the information to control me. I cannot think an earl would wish to align himself with someone of my birth. At best, I would be ostracized by society. Any connection to me risks a stain to your reputation."

"Perhaps some would view things that way." He lifted his hand, and his bare fingers slid along my jaw. I shivered under his touch and leaned into it. I had dreamed of a moment like this with James, but being the recipient of his affection went beyond anything my mind could have conjured. I wanted more. I wanted him always, not just for a fleeting moment, no matter how perfect that moment was.

"I do not see your secret as a risk, Amelia. A challenge, certainly, but nothing we cannot overcome together. I am willing to fight if you are."

"Fight for what precisely?" My eyes fluttered closed with the stroke of his fingers moving across my cheek and down my neck. I could hardly think.

"For your freedom. For your happiness." When his hand stilled at the base of my ear, I opened my eyes and looked up at him. His were a storm of emotion—adoration, concern, and a hint of fear all fighting for the stage. James swallowed. "For us."

Fight for us? It occurred to me that I had been fighting against us since coming to Fallborn. Not because of lack of desire, but because of fear. I still felt it, clawing at me from within, and I worried that my bravery would not be enough to face what was to come. At the same time, I wanted to reassure him, to confess my heart was his, but the words were strangled before they could be spoken as the sound of Sabrina's voice drifted from beyond the hedges .

"She's coming." I grabbed James by the arm and dragged him behind a colossal shrub taller than him. He offered no resistance, his trust in me as complete as mine in him. How had we arrived here? How had I gone from loving him from afar, from hoping for something that could never be, to having those same hopes fulfilled? So much had changed, and yet, so much hadn't.

But I would see that it did. I would not stay silent in my cage any longer.

I tugged James around the corner of the hedge and pressed myself against an old ash tree, my breathing quick considering how little distance we'd covered. The hedges would provide us with decent concealment so long as Sabrina did not venture to the edge of the path, where we might be seen through the barren spots between the leaves. The tree offered us a second line of concealment, but the trunk was not thick enough to protect us completely.

Why had she come to this portion of the garden? Had she given up waiting for James already?

James jerked his arm from my grasp and pressed himself against me, so close my nose touched the folds of his cravat. I gasped, and he covered my mouth.

"They're drawing closer," he whispered into my ear.

I listened more intently, willing my pounding heart to calm, the sound so loud I feared it might give us away. The rustle of rock and leaves sounded directly opposite the hedge. I stiffened at the presence of another, deeper voice, and my fingers dug into the bark of the tree.

"You've failed yet again," Mr. Perry spat. "I saw the earl leave the house, so where is he? I should have known this scheme of yours wouldn't work. I thought you said the girl would serve as the perfect bait?"

"She is," Sabrina countered. "I'm quite certain he's in love with her."

"Then it seems to me you have already lost. He will not propose to you, even in light of scandal. Not given how readily he's offered his opinion about marriage to you." Mr. Perry scoffed. "Turn down a duchess? The man is a fool."

"He is in love, Father," Sabrina responded meekly.

My chest constricted with sympathy, and surprise. Sabrina knew I had turned James's head, but to defend the reasoning for it to her father? I would have never expected her to care enough to pay light to the excuse .

"Then I have wasted my time in coming here." He paused for a moment. "Unless, of course, the information you claim to have on Miss Scott would persuade him. He might refuse to save your reputation, but would he agree to a match between you to save hers ?"

Sabrina hesitated. "Perhaps."

"Then tell me what you know."

"No, I…" Her tone shifted, and I could imagine the slight lift of her chin. "No. You taught me to never reveal all of my cards, and I shan't do so now. Not to you or anyone. Not yet, at least."

Mr. Perry swore, and their exchange continued as they moved away, though it was rather one-sided given Mr. Perry persisted in his demands and Sabrina in her silence.

"That was unexpected. I can hardly believe it." James shifted, and his hand fell from my mouth, but he did not put distance between us and his voice still came as a whisper. "Forgive me. I assumed you did not wish to be seen and this tree is rather…narrow."

"I suppose we can eliminate a great deal of animals to compare you to, given your broad shoulders."

He laughed but quickly snuffed out the sound. "Quiet, Miss Scott, else you give us away and they come back."

"Me? It is you who laughed."

"I may still be in shock." His expression sobered. "I did not expect Sabrina to say no to her father, nor did I expect him to truly have orchestrated all of this."

I nodded, understanding his surprise. "I have always known the man to be cruel and ruthless, both in his business dealings and his relationship with Sabrina. I was not aware just how deeply involved he was until recently, and I admit, I never thought Sabrina would oppose him."

"Nor so blatantly state that we are in love." His gaze explored my face as if searching for confirmation. My heart pounded steadily. Neither of us had denied Sabrina's statement.

James pressed both hands against the tree trunk to either side of my head and created a gap between us. His shirt pulled tight against his arms, and it required a great amount of energy not to focus on them. His mouth lifted on one side, as if he could read my thoughts despite my efforts.

One hand left the tree and returned to my cheek, sending another chill through me. Did this man know how he affected me? How much I wished for his arms to wrap around my waist and pull me against him? James had been clear in his regard for over a week now, but I had not once returned even a hint of my sentiments with words. What would happen if I expressed them? Something told me the result would be glorious, that more of my dreams would be fulfilled right here by the ash tree.

"In case I was not clear last night in the drawing room," he said, his gaze dropping momentarily to my lips, "I care for you, Amelia. My heart is yours, and I wish…I wish to know one thing."

"One thing?" I repeated, feeling the heat he exuded as he leaned closer. I struggled to resist grabbing his shirt and pulling him the rest of the way.

"Do you still love me?" His words came laced with vulnerability, eagerness, and sweet desperation. My heart responded with a resounding yes , and I wanted to scream it so loud that those miles away in Cheltenham would hear.

Do you still love me?

My mind caught on the added word and the implication it carried. James knew more than one of my secrets.

"My diary," I whispered. "You read it."

He chuckled, running his fingers through my hair until they met a pin. He played with it absently, and I fought the urge to order him to remove it completely.

"I'm in possession of…" His gaze lifted to the sky as he appeared to think. "Three pages of your diary, and yes, I have read them. I hope you can forgive me for that, but in my defense, I hadn't any idea what they were at first."

"But how have you come to have only three ?" I couldn't make sense of the idea. Someone had taken my diary, and clearly it was not James.

"I believe your sister is very hopeful that we will make a match of it. She thought I could use a bit of prodding, it would seem."

"Grace!" I covered my mouth at the outburst, and both of us stilled for a moment as if waiting to hear footsteps. But none came. "She ripped pages out of my diary and gave them to you?" I hadn't noticed that when she returned it.

"Afraid so." James was finding far too much amusement in this. "I told her to give it back to you. "

"She did, but…" I scoffed. "I can't believe she evaded my questions about the diary's whereabouts and snuck pieces of it to you."

"Miss Grace is not the only one who evades questions," said James.

I met his gaze, and all thought of Grace and the rebuke I would give her faded. His eyes pleaded with me, flicking to my lips and back again, each time stealing my heart a little more. Each time fueling the desire to break free of my confines and leave my doubt and worry behind.

"Do you still love me, Amelia Scott?" James whispered the question again, somehow with more tenderness, and the last of the bars holding me back disintegrated.