10. Blakely

"That was so much fun!" Ari exclaims, throwing her arms around my neck and giving me a hug.

Jordan hugs me next, telling me we need to hang out again soon. I nod, thanking both women for being so welcoming.

Cassian is standing on the porch, smiling at me while I say my goodbyes to the girls. Wilder pats him on the back and says something, but Cassian never breaks eye contact with me. I know that look. And I know exactly what our next activity is going to be.

As we make our way across the compound area where the cabins are located, my hand finds Cassian's, and I squeeze it. "Thank you for sharing your friends with me," I whisper.

"Sweetheart," he murmurs, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing it. "You deserve all the love in the world. I know the three of you girls will be the best of friends, and you'll always have us to look after you." I nod and lean against Cassian, loving when he wraps his arm around me and tucks me further into his side.

By the time we reach the cabin, the mood has changed from sweet to steamy. We barely make it through the front door before I turn and lift myself up on my tiptoes so I can press my lips to his. Just like every time, I'm swept up completely by him, drowning in lust and never wanting to come up for air.

Cassian takes control of this kiss, walking us backward until my back is pressed up against the wall. He slides his tongue against mine, his hands roaming over my curves and clawing at my clothes. Cassian pulls me away from the wall and somehow shuffles us toward the bed while stripping both of us down.

Cassian takes a step closer to me, erasing the distance between us. He runs his hands up and down my naked body, caressing my hips, my breasts, even my throat and lips. His strong, capable hands leave a throbbing, warm blaze in their wake.

His hand wraps around the back of my neck, pulling me into him for a punishing kiss. I'm his. He owns every part of me. That's what he's telling me with each stroke of his tongue, each anguished groan that travels through his body and into mine. I feel his kiss everywhere, and I need more.

"Please," I whimper, not even caring that I sound desperate. I am. He's right there with me.

"I've got you, love. I've got you," he murmurs, gripping my hips and guiding me backward until the edge of the mattress hits the back of my legs. Cassian gently lays me out on the bed, then stands in front of me, looking down at my body. It's all for him.

I spread my legs, moaning when he growls and clenches his fist.

"Please," I whisper again, my hands trailing up my torso to cup my breasts. My skin is so sensitive, every light touch seems to go straight to my clit, making it throb in anticipation.

Cassian tears his eyes away from where they were locked on my pussy, and he grunts again when he sees me playing with my nipples.

"Fuck, Blakely. You"re so damn sexy." He"s on me in the next instant, covering my body with open-mouthed kisses, sucking on my skin, and leaving little love bites up my torso and on my breasts.

I jerk and twist beneath him, gasping for air and whimpering with each lingering touch and kiss. When he finally reaches my mouth, Cassian slants his lips over mine and leads us in a slow, drugging kiss.

My legs automatically spread wider so he can settle between them. I feel his long, thick cock glide against my pussy, collecting my juices and driving me crazy. He's so close to where I need him I nearly cry in frustration.

Cassian sits back slightly and gathers my wrists up in one of his massive hands. He raises my hands over my hand and pins them to the mattress before nuzzling into the side of my neck.

"Fuckin' love seeing you stretched out for me," he says into my skin, his voice low, gravelly, and desperate. Cassian drags his lips down my neck and across my collarbone, then he nips at the tops of my breasts, grinning wickedly when I jump and gasp. "Gonna fuck this sweet little pussy now, Blakely. Are you ready for me?"

I nod and tilt my hips, nudging the swollen head of his cock against my entrance. Cassian growls and reaches down between us to guide himself inside in one smooth stroke. Fire spreads through my veins and heat pulses out from my core, overwhelming my body.

I wiggle my hips, making sparks sizzle and burn across my skin. Cassian groans, leaning over me, one hand still holding my wrists above my head while the other trails up my side. He squeezes my breast, pinching my hardened, sensitive nipple before sucking it into his mouth.

My back bows off the bed, and he takes the opportunity to slip his hand between my back and the mattress, pushing my chest up so he can feast on me. Cassian grinds his cock into me, filling me up before pulling back and slamming into me roughly.

My breasts jiggle with every thrust as he sets a relentless pace. I wrap my legs around him and dig my heels into his sculpted ass, crying out when he hits that spot inside me that pushes me right up to the edge.

I feel my muscles tense as my pussy tightens around his thickness. He lifts his head from my chest and studies my face, no doubt sensing how close I am. My thighs shake and a shiver runs up my spine, seizing my lungs and forcing out a scream as I come around his cock.

Rivulets of pleasure course through my body, making every nerve ending spark to life. Cassian fucks me through it, never letting up. He still has my wrists secured in his grasp, despite all my writhing around and trying to twist away from the intense pressure and sharp ecstasy he's creating deep inside of me.

I swear I'm about to come again, but suddenly Cassian isn't on top of me anymore. I hardly have time to register his absence before his large hands grasp my hips firmly. Cassian flips me over effortlessly, then pulls my hips back so I'm on all fours.

"Fuck yes," he grunts, gripping my ass cheeks and spreading them wide.

Cassian thrusts into me, growling when he bottoms out. I let out a broken cry as I unravel for him, my orgasm ricocheting through my body but never leaving me completely. I'm so fucking sensitive, so raw as he pounds into me.

"I-I-I ca-ca-n't…" I stutter out, unable to take a full breath.

"You can, baby. Trust me, you can. Feel this with me. Fucking feel it, Blakely."

I whimper and nod my head, staying right here with him in the moment, struggling to hold myself up on shaky arms while my pussy knots around him over and over. Incoherent words and strangled, almost tormented sounds fall from my lips as Cassian tears me apart, fucks me so good, so hard, so damn rough. He's branding me with each savage stroke, claiming all of me, body and soul.

Cassian slides his hand around to my front, spreading his fingers out over my stomach and pulling me even closer to him as he ruts into me. His hand creates even more pressure.

My fingers curl into the sheets, fisting them as I try desperately to hold myself up. When he brushes the tips of his fingers over my clit, my knees wobble and my arms give out completely. I faceplant into the pillow, my ass still in the air, Cassian still pounding away. He pinches my clit and I sob out yet another orgasm. My pleasure spikes as white-hot bliss fills my veins. When it fades away, I"m completely limp. Boneless. Held up only by Cassian"s punishing grip on my hips.

"Gonna come inside you, love. Gonna make you a mother," he growls as he holds himself deep inside me. His words make my pussy contract one last time, and that's his breaking point.

Cassian lets out a feral roar as his cum fills me up. He pulls back and then enters me again as more of his release shoots out of him. There's so much, I feel it dripping down my thighs, the tickling sensation making me moan and involuntarily tremble in his arms.

The last of his orgasm drains from him, and then Cassian collapses on top of me. He"s sweaty and panting for air as he rests his forehead between my shoulder blades. The way his hot breath tickles my skin, the weight of his body on top of mine, his sweat mixing with mine… I know. I love him and I want to spend my life right here by his side.

We must have fallen asleep at some point in the afterglow, because when I wake up, it's pitch black in the room and I'm still naked. I'm not sure what startled me awake, but then I hear it. An anguished groan coming from the other side of the bed.

It takes me a second to orient myself in the darkness, but when I hear a strangled scream, I roll over to find Cassian, his face twisted up in pain while sweat drips down his forehead. What is going on?

I panic, thinking at first he's having a heart attack or dying. It's not until Cassian shouts for everyone to take cover that I understand what's really happening. He's having a nightmare about his time overseas. If I had to guess, he's reliving his last mission.

"Cassian," I whisper, hoping to wake him up gently. "Cassian, you're having a bad dream."

I reach out, grazing my fingers across his arm in an attempt to ground him. His skin is on fire, and I can only imagine the horrors he's imagining in his mind. I wish I could take it all away, but I can't. Just like he can't undo what happened to me in the past. We'll move forward together. Heal together. Grow stronger together.

Cassian flinches, then jerks his elbow back, narrowly missing my chin. I move out of the way, climbing out of bed and racing around to his side. "Hey," I try again, my voice louder this time. "Cassian. Come back to me." He gasps, choking on air as he fights his way through. "You"re safe. You"re here with me. Please, please wake up," I beg.

The next second, Cassian's eyes are wide open, confusion and panic clouding his vision. "What…" He trails off, his breathing ragged as he slowly comes back to reality.

"I'm right here," I soothe.

"Blakely," he murmurs. "Blakely," he says again, with more force behind my name this time. I watch as his face turns from confusion to something resembling anger. "My pills are on the dresser," he growls.

It takes a second for me to realize he's asking me to get his pills for him. I grab them and come right back to his side. He snatches the bottle from my hand and swallows down two pills before exhaling and closing his eyes.

After a few moments of silence, Cassian opens his eyes and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. I sit next to him, my heart sinking when he tenses up. "Are you okay?" I ask, my voice quiet and calm.

"I should be asking you that," he responds, his voice raspy from shouting in his sleep. "I'm so fucking sorry," he says, shame lacing his words.

"Sorry? For what? You had a bad dream." I look over at Cassian, hating the wild look in his eyes mixed with his slumped, defeated body posture. He must feel trapped in his own head, and I hate that for him.

"I could have hurt you," he grunts, closing his eyes. "My goddamn PTSD nightmares… fuck, what the hell was I thinking?" I'm not sure if he's talking to himself or me at this point. Clearly, he's in a bad headspace, but I don't know how to help.

"Cassian," I murmur, resting my head against his bicep. He doesn't move, but he doesn't flinch away from touch, either.

"I don't deserve you," he whispers. "I'm too fucked up. I… I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I say, trying to speak some truth to him. Cassian shakes his head. I can tell I'm losing him, so I decide to put it all on the line. Taking a deep breath, I shore up all the courage I have and tell him what's been on my mind and heart ever since we shared our first kiss. "I love you, Cassian."

Silence spreads between us as I sit there with my heart in my hand.

"You can't love me," he finally responds. "I'm no good for you. I'm no good for anyone."

"No, Cassian–"

He stands up and puts on a pair of shorts before handing me some clothes Ari let me borrow until I'm able to go shopping for my own stuff. I furrow my brow, tilting my head to the side as I look up at him.

"Are you kicking me out?" I whisper, trying not to let my voice crack.

"I… You can't stay here," he stammers out. Before I get a chance to ask what he means, Cassian grabs his phone from his bedside table and calls someone. "Wilder," he growls. "Got a situation. Blakely needs to stay at your place tonight."

"What?" I gasp. "Why? Cassian…"

He gives me a sharp look that has my protests dying on my lips. He's determined to get rid of me. I see that now.

"She's okay, I just… fuck, I had a nightmare, and…" Wilder says something over the phone, and Cassian grunts in agreement. "I need her to be safe."

He hangs up after that and heads out into the living room. I'm left gaping after him, trying to wrap my mind around what just happened.

No more than two minutes later, there's a soft knock on the door. I blink my eyes a few times, still in shock. Cassian wants me to go stay with Wilder and Ari. For my own protection.

I'm numb as I float through the bedroom door and out into the living room. Is this really happening? Wilder gives me a nod, and then I see Ari standing next to him, concern painted on her pretty face.

She holds out her hand, and I take it, letting her pull me into a hug. "A girls' night will be the perfect distraction," she says, dragging me onto the porch while Wilder stays and exchanges words with Cassian.

I give him one last look over my shoulder, and though I'm confused and hurt, I still hate the look of anguish and shame in his eyes. I wish he'd let me help instead of pushing me away. I can't make him choose me. I can't make him love me. That's what hurts most of all.