26. Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Six

Cassidy left the car and walked toward the gap in the trees. Her heart started to pound. She'd been disoriented, having driven all the damn way from Kentucky to get here. She'd only been here once before, at night, and it wasn't until she walked through the trees and out into the light that she knew for sure where she was.

How the hell did Kinsey know about this place? Cassidy didn't remember telling her about it, but then again, the two of them had talked all day and night for months, drunk, sober, exhausted, excited. At this point, she'd probably told her everything. She thought of Kinsey's eyes in the car, telling her she loved her. And then this? Was she trying to recreate something? Cassidy was incredibly bewildered. She wasn't sure what she wanted or what to expect.

A year later and she still didn't know what the tall metal structure in the middle of the wheatfield was for, but she walked towards it like a sailor to a siren. What was at the top? A white tent shaped thing? She adjusted the overnight bag on her shoulder. Were they camping here? Her heart in her throat, Cassidy reached the tower, grabbing hold of the metal ladder. Muscle memory kicked in as she climbed, a thousand glimpses of that one life changing night flashing through her head.

When she reached the top, she dropped her bag, and turned.

Her heart seized.

There, standing before her, was Lane.

They were heartbreakingly handsome, in the lazily hot tux she remembered from their accidental almost-date, back before they'd ever really considered each other. Their hair was neatly swooshed, their beautiful caramel eyes intensely soft as they gazed at her. Their chest rose and fell rapidly beneath their jacket, the only sign that they weren't one thousand percent confident right now.

Cassidy froze. This was what Kinsey had brought her here for?

"Hey," Lane said casually, like they'd seen each other only yesterday, like she'd dropped by the guesthouse to see them before dinner. Her heart fractured at the sound of their voice.

"Hey," she managed.

"Kinsey's still in the car park," they said, seriously. "You're not, like, trapped here, just in case you're worried."

"Um, okay?"

"She's supposed to leave after an hour, hoping you want to hear me out. You know, best case scenario. But she also made me promise to tell you that her phone is on and she'll be back in five seconds to pick you up if you want."

"Right," Cassidy said, slowly, mind whirring with a thousand thoughts. "What… is happening?"

Behind Lane there really was a tent, a picnic blanket at the entrance, a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a whole damn field's worth of fresh flowers.

"How did you get all this up here?"

"Oh," Lane said. "Burt helped me." Cassidy blinked, imagining Savannah's burly driver hauling flowers up the ladder. "He loved every second of it, by the way."

Cassidy found herself smiling, just for a second. Lane smiled too. Then their face crumpled.

"Fuck, Cassidy," they breathed out in a rush. "I'm so, so sorry. I fucked up so bad." Their eyes were huge and bright with tears. She'd never once seen Lane cry before. "I'll tell you everything, I swear, every single thing you want to know-" they broke off, flailing for words.

Cassidy didn't reach for them. She watched Lane struggle, their shoulders squaring as they scrunched their eyes closed in concentration. When they opened them again, they were blazing.

"Cassie," they said. "Being loved the way you love me feels fucking terrifying when I've spent my whole life having to cut off every part of me that needs love. To let myself be loved by you means risking one day needing that love. Needing you. And if I lost you…"

"The only reason you lost me was because you literally broke up with me in the first place!" Cassidy said, throwing up her hands in wild exasperation.

"I know!" Lane said. "I left you so you couldn't leave me. It's fucked up, I get it. And I have no right to ask you for anything, Cass," they said softly. "which is why Kinsey's out there waiting for you right now. But I've spent every second of the time we've been apart doing two things: fucking longing for you and working on my shit."

Lane sank down onto both their knees and Cassidy's throat got thick. She tried to swallow.

"I love you," Lane said hoarsely, head tilted up at her where she stood, her legs weak and wobbling. "I fucking love you, so much. You're the first girl I've ever loved and I swear, if I'm lucky, you'll be the last."

Cassidy looked down at them, on their knees.

"You're not… like proposing right now?" she asked warily. Lane's eyes went wide.

"Uh, no," they admitted and Cassidy sighed in relief. "I might though," they added, "one day."

Cassidy bit her lip. She breathed out, no sound but the soft breeze tousling their hair, nothing between them but the sun on their faces. Then she crossed the distance between them and shoved Lane back onto their heels.

"You're an asshole ," she said, then she climbed into their lap and kissed them. Their mouth was soft, achingly familiar and strange all at once. "And I love you too," she whispered, as their hands came up to hold her tight, "still. I think I started to love you the first time you kissed me."

"That's why I brought you back here," Lane said, stroking their hand through her hair, cupping her face, their eyes full of wonder, gazing at her like she was everything. "Ever since that first night, you're all I've ever wanted."

"Well," said Cassidy, "it was actually Kinsey who brought me back here. But I take your point."

Lane snorted out a small laugh, leaned in, and lightly bit the side of Cassidy's neck, making her clench and shiver.

"Fuck I've missed you," they whispered, "you're such an annoying jerk."

Their fingers were already pulling at the buttons on her dress and Cassidy went white hot with want. Her skin felt blazing, her head light. Every slight brush of Lane's fingers against her skin as they pulled her dress open went straight to her core. She felt molten and desperate and they'd barely touched her yet.

Lane went stock still, staring at her exposed body, before dragging their gaze to hers. Cassidy swallowed once, hard, and then Lane's mouth was on her. She gasped, headily, almost woozy at the sensation of their hot mouth on her breasts. Her nipple between their lips, Lane teased it with their tongue, nipping it lightly between their teeth.

She bucked in their lap, already needy. It had been so long since she'd been touched like this. Lane hissed in approval as her hips began to writhe, arching against them with want.

"Remember when I refused to fuck you here?" they asked, pulling back to smirk at her. Cassidy gripped their shoulders.

"This better not be history repeating." She bit her lip and Lane laughed. They pushed her off them and took her hand, pulling her over to the tent.

"This time I came prepared," they said, tugging open the tent flap so she could see the bed inside. Cassidy paused.

"An air mattress?" she guessed. "That sounds potentially dangerous."

"Oh, it definitely will be," Lane said already pressing her down onto the neatly tucked bedsheets.

Afterward, they got half dressed, Cassidy stealing Lane's shirt, partially buttoned and lounging back against their body on the picnic rug, sipping wine, watching the stars come out. She hadn't thought of Kinsey in hours. It felt strange. They'd been so in each other's space for so long, so fraught with pleasant, all-consuming tension. And yet, here in Lane's arms, she finally understood that it was different somehow.

She pulled away from Lane and went over to find her phone. There were two messages from Kinsey.

You good? Hope so. Please don't murder me

I'm hoping by your lack of response that you're getting wildly nailed right now and not crying and fighting

Cassidy laughed, sending the only response she could.

I'm going to love you both forever

Kinsey responded instantly with a wet emoji. Cassidy spluttered out a laugh, then dropped her phone and crawled back into Lane's lap.

"It's okay, you know," Lane said, wrapping their arms around her. "That you and Kinsey love each other too."

"It's different-" Cassidy started, slightly alarmed at how well Lane had read the situation, but they just squeezed her tight.

"I know. Turns out you like girls too though, huh?"

Cassidy's face turned red. She'd never known if Lane had picked up on that vibe.

"That doesn't mean that I have to do anything about it," she said.

Lane kissed the side of her neck. "I mean, I'd totally have a threesome with you and another girl if you wanted," they announced.

Cassidy turned all the way around to glare at them. "I bet you would," she said and they laughed.

"Not Kinsey though," they said. "That'd be too weird."

"Jesus, Lane." Cassidy wished her face would cool down. "I'm not going to have sex with Kinsey, whether you're there or not."

"Some other girl though would be fine, if you wanted to."

"I don't!"

"Okay. Just putting it out there." Lane watched her face and took a casual sip of wine. She rolled her eyes and turned and rested back in their arms again.

They were quiet for a while, just watching the stars. Lane leaned in again. "I could just be there, if you want. Like I wouldn't have to touch them if that's what's making you uncomfortable."

" Lane!" She cried, but she was smiling though.

"Don't say I never do anything for you." They shrugged. "God knows how much I'd suffer having to see my hot girlfriend naked with another hot naked girl. All those breasts, ugh. My poor eyes."

"You're ridiculous," Cassidy informed them. She looked out at the stars for a while. "I'll let you know," she added.

She felt Lane grin as they pressed another kiss along the nape of her neck, then wine forgotten, they pulled her back inside the tent.

Lane, it turned out, had packed really well. It was late that evening when the two of them disentangled and ate an over the top picnic feast from a cooler so large it looked like needed a crane to get it up the tower.

"Literally what would you have done if the farmer who owns this field had shown up and ruined your plans?"

"Burt knows them," they said, grinning. "Turns out they're some cool old lesbians. They wished me luck in getting my girl back, and also baked us this sourdough." Lane gestured at her sandwich and Cassidy laughed.

"I'm glad I didn't tell you to go fuck yourself," she said. "That would have been a sad feat, getting all this stuff down without even getting laid."

"Was that an option?" Lane asked.

"You literally could have just shown up anytime and said you loved me, and I would have been yours," Cassidy said. "No artisanal bread required."

"Huh." Lane said. They tried to confiscate her sandwich back out of her hand and she snatched it back.

Slowly they caught up on all they'd missed out.

"I applied for eight early childcare jobs," Lane told her. "My grades were perfect, my experience is sound, my references are glowing, but no one will hire me."

"Lane," Cassidy said softly, her heart cracking in her chest.

"Turns out being trans and non-binary isn't popular in kindergartens right now," Lane said, their voice low.

"It's their fucking loss," Cassidy told them. "You're brilliant with kids. And some of those little kids desperately need to have someone like you in their life. Do they think people turn eighteen and then magically become queer or something? God, that makes me angry . Fuck Tennessee."

Lane smiled, even though their eyes were sad.

"Don't say that," they said. "That's my home you're insulting. You know, sometimes I really wonder what happened to the girl I first met who thought higher education was elitist indoctrination and queer people were doing it to be woke."

Cassidy rolled her eyes. "I mean you're the one who went and got a crush on me anyway, so I don't know that you can claim any high moral standards."

Lane laughed and Cassidy loved hearing it.

"I wish you'd told me about the job stuff," she said quietly.

"I felt too ashamed." Lane looked away. "Like it was my fault, somehow. The idea of some innate unworthiness still grabs me sometimes."

"You're the most worthy fucking person I know," said Cassidy fiercely. She kissed them and they smiled, reaching out to brush sandwich crumbs off her chin. "So, what are you going to do then? You know Savannah and Brynn would employ you until Emmeline is at least thirty-five if they get the chance."

"I know," they said. "And I'd love that, in a way. They're my family… But I need more." Cassidy nodded. It was the weird tension they'd always lived with, that Lane was all wrapped up with Cassidy's family in one complicated knot. "Of course, as always, it was Rosalie to the rescue in the end. She told me that she'd always hoped I'd become a youth worker eventually."

"She gave you a job?"

"Part-time," they said, "while Tucker and Emmeline settle in with their new nanny."

"Lane," Cassidy twisted to gaze up at them, "that's fucking great. You'll be amazing at that."

"Thanks," they smiled. She kissed them. Then she drew back, thoughtfully.

"Is the new nanny hot?" she asked. Lane scoffed and reached around to pinch her ass making her squeak. "That's a yes then. Sorry babe, you know I can't be bothered going any further than Savannah's guesthouse to get laid."

"Lucky for me I'm not moving out then," Lane gave her a dirty look and she smiled.

"Guess you've still got a shot then." She shrugged.

She told them about the moment they got a record deal.

"Sony rang Hailey with a big offer. The label head had our demos and when he saw the photo kit he asked around and found some paparazzi pics of Savannah and I out together. There was no hiding who I was after that." She winced at the memory. "Hailey nearly had a fit, both because we didn't tell her and that we rejected Sony on the basis we refused to be marketed as Savannah Grace 2.0."

"Holy shit," said Lane. "I love how ballsy you are. And Kinsey backed you?"

Cassidy smiled. "All the way."

"I literally can't believe you didn't sleep with her. You probably should have, just for that."

Cassidy elbowed them.

"But because Hailey is the fucking best she used that offer to sneakily build buzz and both BMI and Universal came to the table. All of a sudden it was raining cash."

"You're rich," Lane said slowly, looking a little queasy.

"It's weird," Cassidy agreed.

They shifted on the platform, facing each other, fingertips brushing in the widening space between each other.

"Our lives are about to get wildly different from each other," Lane said, their fingers tracing the back of Cassidy's hand.

"I know. There's no one else I'd want at my side more than you," she said. "Keep me on the straight and narrow. Stop my head from getting too big. You know what happened when Savannah made it big, right? Her life imploded. I don't want that."

Lane frowned. "It might happen anyway. If you get literally famous."

Cassidy swallowed.

"Lane," she said. "I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. I want to be a big deal musician, but I don't know that I want all of that ." She thought of Savannah not being able to go out for a regular meal or go shopping without twelve photographers, a stack of fans, and a bodyguard. She looked at Lane plaintively. "I just want to come off stage from my stadium tour being worshiped by millions and go home in peace so you can go down on me."

Lane burst into laughter.

"Well," they said. "When you put it that way. Sign me up."