19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Snow fell all through the night, lying thick on the lush grounds of the mansion in Vermont. Kinsey was still curled deep into the warm blankets when a knock sounded on the guestroom door. She rubbed her eyes.

Mornings had never featured in her hookups with Rosalie, but it made some kind of sense that leaving Rosalie to stew for the night was exactly the kind of thing that would draw her in closer. She wondered exactly what Rosalie was going to say to get Kinsey back in her bed again. Or maybe - Kinsey's heart rate started to speed up - Rosalie had finally worked out what it was she actually wanted.

"Come in," she said softly, pulling herself to sit up in bed, and to her surprise, it was Cassidy who entered, closing the door behind her. "Hey," Kinsey said, frowning in the low light streaming in around the curtains. Cassidy came all the way over and sat on her bed. Kinsey realized, with alarm, that she was crying.

"Hey," Cassidy said, her voice small. Kinsey pushed back the covers and quickly pulled her in to hug her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, as for the second time in less than twenty-four hours she held a crying woman against her shoulder. Cassidy cried harder. "Oh honey," Kinsey said, holding her tightly.

After a minute, Cassidy pulled back."Lane dumped me."

" What?"

"I mean, they didn't break up with me exactly, but they said they wanted a break."

" Why?" Kinsey wasn't sure if she wanted to murder Lane or lock them both in a small room together until they came to their senses.

"Well," Cassidy said, her voice cracking, "I told them I loved them."

Kinsey got out of bed and went over and opened up the curtains, the gray early morning light spilling in. She came back and sat on the other side of the bed and looked at Cassidy. Cassidy's eyes were swollen and her shoulders drew tightly inwards as though to protect her heart. She looked very small.

"Cass," Kinsey said. "Tell me everything."

"I will," Cassidy said. "But right now I just really need to be away from here, you know?" Kinsey nodded. "I told Savannah last night and she's spoken with the pilot. If we leave in an hour we can fly back home this morning."

Kinsey blinked.

"Oh shit," she said, thinking of Rosalie, of everything they hadn't gotten to say or do. It felt too fast, too final, too unresolved. Cassidy brushed back another falling tear and Kinsey looked at her bandmate and friend. "Are you sure?" she tried. "You don't want to stay and try to work it out?"

"Kinsey," Cassidy said, her voice flat, "I told Lane I loved them. And they didn't say it back. And then they told me they wanted a break. Believe me when I say I do not want to be here right now. They're going to get their fucking break, okay?"

"Okay," Kinsey said. "Yeah. You're right. I'm going to get dressed and packed right now."

"I'm sorry it's a rush," Cassidy said. "I just have to get out of here."

"I know." Kinsey looked at her friend, her blue eyes dim with sadness, her pretty face pale and the dark circles under her eyes making clear the kind of night she'd just had. Kinsey ached for her. "It's going to be okay, Cassie."

"Is it?" Cassidy's composure cracked again, her chin wobbling as she got to her feet. "I'm not so sure."

She gave Kinsey the saddest smile she'd ever seen, then she closed the door behind her.

Kinsey squeezed her eyes closed, trying to catch up with the sudden whirlwind of change. She got out of bed, almost on automatic pilot and quickly showered and dressed. She packed her suitcase then ran down to the band room and packed everything she'd left down there too. She paused for a moment, soaking up the feeling of the space, now holding not just what Beware the Fury had left behind in the air, but Kinsey and Cassidy too, whatever their own album would become. A small shiver went down her spine.

Back upstairs she checked her phone. There were less than fifteen minutes left before she needed to be downstairs. She headed to the door, about to go and wake Rosalie. Then she paused. She remembered the day before, the feelings welling up inside her, telling Rosalie she'd always want more of her, Rosalie's troubled eyes and quiet mouth, never telling Kinsey she'd want her back the same way. Always conflicted, always holding back. What more of an answer could Kinsey ask for?

She lifted her head, then went over, pulled open her door, and marched all the way down the corridor.

She knocked.

"Hey," came the soft voice from inside. Kinsey walked in and found Lane, sitting in their pajamas on the window seat, looking seasick.

"Hey," Kinsey said, taking a seat opposite them. "Are you okay?" she asked finally.

Lane rolled their eyes and squinted out the window. Their jaw was clenched.

"You're right, stupid question." Kinsey studied their face for a while. Lane's shoulders were hunched, their eyes haunted. "Here's another question: are you out of your damn mind?"

Lane's head jerked up at that.

"You don't know anything," they said, their voice low.

"I know she fucking loves you," Kinsey said gently. "I know she's fucking amazing-"

"Do me a favor, Kinsey?" Lane's voice went tight. "Try not to fuck my girlfriend the second we go on a break, okay?"

Kinsey's eyes went wide. She was about to defend herself, their friendship, her intentions, and then she thought of Cassidy, crying in her arms this morning.

"Do yourself a favour," she said instead, getting to her feet, "and get your shit together so she doesn't have to go and fuck anyone other than you. If you actually care about her, you'd tell her that. You'd stop her leaving. You wouldn't let her go thinking she doesn't mean that much to you and you'd stop running away from your feelings like some scared little kid."

Kinsey paused at the door and then flinched. Lane's skin was pale and clammy in the early morning light. They didn't move a muscle.

"I'm sorry-" Kinsey started, belatedly realizing that perhaps some feelings had maybe leaked out where they didn't quite belong.

"Just leave me alone!" Lane snapped, their voice cracking.

Kinsey dipped her head and nodded. She closed the door behind her.

When she got back to her room, her bags were already gone. She trailed down the hall, her heart stuttering as she passed Rosalie's door, and went downstairs to meet Cassidy in the foyer. Brynn was there, arms around Cassidy, squeezing her tight. Savannah stood aside, a worried expression on her face. Brynn hugged Kinsey next and Kinsey somehow still found a tiny space inside her to feel the shock of Brynn fucking Marshall hugging her. Savannah pulled back from holding her sister close and fixed Kinsey with a look she couldn't decipher.

"I'm sorry you're leaving early," Savannah said, with a small frown. "It's a real shame."

"Yeah," Kinsey said. "Thank you for everything," she added, meaning it.

"No," said Savannah, a small hidden sparkle arriving into her eyes, "thank you for everything."

Kinsey tried not to blush. Savannah Grace appeared to be thanking her for taking Rosalie to bed every night for a week. Savannah pulled her in and Kinsey looked over her shoulder, sensing movement. To her chagrin, Rosalie walked down the stairs toward them, looking soft and very touchable in a plain old sweater and leggings. Kinsey swallowed hard, as to her great discomfort, she felt a serious ache in her chest.

Rosalie frowned as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "What's happening?" she asked. "Day trip?" She saw Cassidy's tear-stained face and did a double take.

Everyone paused.

"Cassie and Lane," said Savannah delicately, "need a bit of space from each other. These two are on their way back to Nashville."

Rosalie stilled. Her eyes went straight to Kinsey, before she flicked them back to Cassidy with effort. She wavered briefly, then turned, giving Cassie a warm hug.

"Sweetheart," she said. "I'm sorry. Have you got people to talk to?"

Cassidy nodded against her shoulder.

"I've got Kinsey," she said, making Kinsey's heart squeeze a little. Rosalie met her gaze over Cassidy's shoulder. Her eyes were full of something that Kinsey couldn't read. Rosalie let go of Cassidy and tucked a lock of hair behind her ears, seeming lost. For a second, everyone stood by and then Savannah jerked into movement.

"Let's get you to the car," she said to Cassidy, clearly trying to give Rosalie and Kinsey a moment of space. Brynn went with them and Kinsey belatedly realized that of course Savannah's wife knew about them too.

"Kinsey," Rosalie said, her expression slightly panicked. They only had about thirty seconds before it would be weird for her not to go outside, but Rosalie seemed lost for words. Her mouth opened and then closed. "I wish you weren't leaving right now."

"I know," Kinsey said. "Me too." Silence hung heavily between them. "For what it's worth. I'm going to be forever grateful we got a little more time together than just a few hours in a bar."

Rosalie looked a little winded. Then, for the first time, risking their cover, she pulled Kinsey in and kissed her. It was soft, sweet, filled with longing. It felt, to Kinsey, like a goodbye. She pulled back from the kiss, cupped Rosalie's face, just briefly, meeting her beautiful eyes one last time and then made herself walk out the door.

Outside in the early morning light it was freezing cold. Cassidy was already in the car, the motor running. Brynn shot Kinsey a sympathetic smile then headed back into the house. Savannah looked frozen stiff in the snow, but she hesitated, searching Kinsey's eyes just briefly. Kinsey could only shrug. Savannah pulled her into another quick fierce hug, then to her surprise, the most epically famous woman she'd ever met grabbed her hand and slipped something tiny into her fingers like they were passing contraband. It felt small and scratchy. Kinsey slipped it into her pocket, automatically.

"Catch you round, Kinsey," Savannah said. Kinsey nodded and slid into the back of the car next to Cassidy.

The driveway and the roads had been neatly plowed but the snowdrifts were high along the verges. Kinsey glanced over at Cassidy who stared out the window, traces of tears still on her cheeks. Kinsey reached out and squeezed her friend's hand. Cassidy sighed, her face wobbling. They both turned their heads, watching the snowy trees pass by as the car wrenched them out of the peaceful forest and toward the city.

Kinsey thought of Rosalie's face when she realized they were leaving, the emotion in her eyes, the heat of her kiss. She thought of her appearing in the kitchen that first night, glowing from the cold, hands full of herbs, her blush when she realized Kinsey was there. God, what a trip.

As the driver pulled up at the airport and they struggled out in the cold, Kinsey retrieved the square of paper Savannah slipped her from her pocket. It was a scrap of white paper, folded about twelve times until it was less than the size of a penny. When she opened it, she saw a looping curving script. It was a phone number, and underneath, underlined three times for emphasis, it just said Rosalie.