Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Although his dinner companions continued discussing the show and James’ performance, James was more focused on his encounter with Mike Cooper. Before seeing him in person, James assumed the athlete still looked good based on the underwear ads that bombarded the senses everywhere one went in the city. But he had also thought the photos were airbrushed and Photoshopped to hide the inevitable aging and imperfections. When Mike Cooper entered the dressing room, though, he blew away those assumptions. James was as floored by the athlete’s real-life attractiveness as he was when he saw the print ads. It was clear that Cooper was still in peak condition, and his face was more handsome than any career-models with whom James was familiar.

“Don’t you think so, James?” Nadia asked.

James stopped the fork-full of salad midway to his mouth. “What?”

Billy laughed. “Where’s your head at, big brother? That’s like the third time during the dinner you’ve asked what we’ve been talking about.”

“Sorry,” James mumbled, completing the motion of forking the food into his mouth.

“I’ll bet he’s thinking about Mike Cooper,” Nadia teased, taking a bite of her own meal.

James flushed, catching Maria and Billy both looking to him trying to gauge his reaction. “What? No. Just zoning out from the performance. It takes a lot out of you.”

“Bro, is he still your fantasy?” Billy asked, ignoring James’ explanation.

James half-laughed. “I’m not a teenager anymore. And I never said he was my fantasy.”

“Come on. You had a poster of him shirtless. And what’s age have to do with it?” Nadia asked. “The guy is hot, and you’ve got eyes. There’s nothing wrong with you noticing it.”

James was sure his face was heating even more. “God, I saw him for two minutes. Who had time to think about that?”

“Billy, pull up the pictures of us with Mike Cooper,” Nadia suggested. “Let’s see how they came out.”

Billy smacked his forehead. “Oh, right! I can’t believe I haven’t checked them yet.” Billy retrieved his phone and started to scroll through the shots. “They came out good.” He turned to Nadia. “And you’re right. The guy is a hunk. Maybe I’d jerk off to shirtless pictures of him.”

James felt flushed. “God, shut up. I never said I did that.”

Nadia giggled at Billy’s comment. “It’s okay, Billy, if you have a tiny crush on a male celebrity. If I weren’t with you, I’d do something with Dua Lipa if she were ever so inclined. Maybe everyone has at least one secret same-sex infatuation.” Nadia then turned to James. “And Mike Cooper seems to have an unfair share of men attracted to him.” She paused before affecting a mischievous expression. “Just because you never told Billy you worked one out when looking at the poster, it didn’t stop Billy from telling Mike Cooper that you did.”

“What?” James exclaimed. He glared at his brother. “Please tell me you didn’t.” There was silence in response, so James looked to Maria. “He didn’t tell him that, did he?”

Maria dropped her eyes. “It may have been muttered at some point.”

James’ anger rose, and he turned an accusatory gaze on his brother. “Billy! What the fuck? Why would you do that?”

Billy held up his hands in defense. “It wasn’t a big deal, was it? I’m sure he knows some guys are into him, too. It just slipped out. Sort of.”

James snarled. “How does that just slip out? Hey, you’re Mike Cooper? My name is Billy Vicksburg and oh, by the way, my brother wanked to your poster in high school? Jesus!”

Maria looked uncomfortable. “Don’t get upset, James. And don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”

“That’s the thing that shouldn’t have been said?” James shouted to Maria. “My brother just told a famous person that I masturbated when I looked at his poster!”

Nadia shrugged. “I agree with Billy. You and thousands of other people did the same thing. Do you think Cooper is so na?ve that he poses for underwear ads and doesn’t realize there are guys as well as girls fantasizing about him?”

“I repeat, I never said I did what Billy accused me of. That’s Billy’s dirty mind projecting,” James protested.

Billy smirked. “Dude, there were dozens of posters of Mike Cooper in uniform you could have bought. The only reason an eighteen-year-old buys the one where the idol is shirtless is because he’s boning for him. And let’s face it, at that age—you were going to jerk off to something. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the picture was just as much inspiration as the Cindy Crawford bathing suit poster you had hanging next to it.”

“Okay, puppy,” Maria chastised. “Stop embarrassing your brother.”

James wiped a hand over his now sweating upper lip. “This is a nightmare.”

Billy shook his head. “I don’t think so. If Mike Cooper isn’t into dudes, it didn’t seem to bother him when I made the comment. He still wanted to meet you, and he seemed to like you well enough once he did. I was getting a vibe. He even wants the pictures of you two together.”

“He’s being polite,” James snapped. “And what do you mean, you were getting a vibe? He’s dating a woman!”

“So? You date women all the time,” Nadia noted. “Like the tramp who stopped by the dressing room earlier.”

James shot her a warning glance. “She’s not a tramp. She’s just…friendly.”

Maria put her fork on her plate so she could join the conversation. “She’s not the one for you, James.”

James rolled his eyes. “Maria, I’m not looking for a relationship, so stop talking about ‘the one’. I’m just having fun.”

“I don’t think you are, puppy. I think you are not having fun at all,” Maria responded. “I think you have a hole in your heart, and you are medicating by sleeping around. James, they are the wrong people. You think it is fixing your pain, but it isn’t. Your fear of getting hurt has you doing things that hurt you more.”

“Christ, can we just eat?” James complained, pushing more salad into his mouth.

“James,” Maria reprimanded. “I don’t like you using the Lord’s name like that.”

James was about to object that he didn’t share her religious beliefs, but he loved her too much to disappoint her. Instead, he turned to Billy. “I just don’t understand why you thought it was okay to say something that would humiliate me.”

Billy grimaced. “I don’t think sex is something to be ashamed of. And if you saw the way his eyes lit up when he heard we were related to the—quote—‘good-looking, dirty-blond guy on the print ad,’ you’d understand why I thought it might be good to put it out there that you could be into him.”

“That’s ridiculous,” James said. “You sensed he was interested in me because his eyes lit up?”

Nadia chimed in, “They did. And you left out the part that he called you good-looking. How many straight guys lead with that? I had the same thought as Billy.”

“You’re just trying to defend him,” James countered.

“I thought it, too,” Maria added. “And the way he was acting in the dressing room made me believe it even more.”

James shook his head with disbelief. “He was acting like a normal human being, unlike the three of you! Again, the guy has never dated a man to my knowledge. He’s dating a woman, as we speak…”

“One he’s breaking up with tonight,” Nadia pointed out. “It was an odd thing to share with us, don’t you think? Maybe, subconsciously, he wanted us to know he would be available. Maybe he wanted you to find out he’ll be single.”

James dropped his utensils on the plate. “My God. And to think of the four of us, I’m the one that spent time in an institution.”

Billy pushed his phone toward his brother. “Look at the pictures of you two. You’d make an awesome-looking couple.”

“Stop it! I don’t want to.” James sulked.

Billy shrugged. “Dude, check out this one where he’s looking at you. I think he’s attracted to you. It’s like you could add animated hearts coming from his eyes and nobody would question it.”

“He wasn’t paying attention to anyone else in the dressing room when he came in. His eyes were fixated on you,” Nadia noted.

“Well, he did come to meet me, so wouldn’t that make sense?” James shot back.

“He was eyeing you like a desert wanderer eyes a food cart selling ice water,” Maria said. “He didn’t look at his date that way.”

James mumbled, “Even if all of you are right, what makes you think I want to hook up with him?”

The three others laughed, irritating James even more. “Bro, you were acting like one of the Southern damsels in a 1940s movie. All shy and swoony.”

“Was not!”

“Okay, whatever. Just send the pictures to him and see how he responds. If he doesn’t text back, then I’ll drop it. But I’m guessing he will respond,” Billy commented.

“Big deal. He’ll be polite and tell me thanks and that it was nice to meet me,” James replied. “But then he’ll have the pictures to show his friends and laugh about how I’m the freak who used his poster as jack-off material. God, what if it gets to the press? Father will have a shit-fit.”

Maria reached across the table and stroked James’ hand. “James, you are letting your imagination run away from you. He seemed like a nice man. I’m sure he wouldn’t do that.”

“I’m not sending him the pictures,” James stated with determination.

“But…” Billy began to object.

“I’m not sending them,” James snapped. “And from now on, stay out of my business. I’m so pissed off at you right now. I mean it. You fucking embarrassed me, Billy. I can’t even look at you.”

Billy reacted like he’d been slapped, then looked down at the dinner plate before him. “I’m sorry, James.”

When Billy raised his head again, his eyes were moist. Nadia started massaging Billy’s arm. James knew Billy was sensitive and that he was his brother’s idol, so his infrequent reprimands always hurt him. But when he thought about how he could end up being the butt of Mike Cooper’s jokes when he was with his friends, it made him want to hide under the restaurant table and never reappear. He would normally tell Billy to forget about it, but this time, his brother had gone too far.

“You know, I’m beat. I’m heading home,” James announced. He pulled his credit card from his wallet and handed it to Billy. “Are you still coming over tomorrow for the mail I’ve been taking in for you while you were overseas?” Billy nodded, but seemed too afraid to speak. “You can return the card then.”

“James?” Billy’s voice cracked. “Please don’t go. I’m sorry.”

James nodded, but rose from the table and left the restaurant, choosing to walk home instead of taking a cab. He wanted time to clear his head. Billy, Nadia and Maria were right that he was attracted to Mike Cooper. He hoped it hadn’t been obvious to the athlete like the trio implied.

James thought Mike Cooper being into him was ludicrous—people didn’t just turn gay. James imagined that even if Cooper were attracted to men, he would never risk doing anything about it. The man had his reputation as a sports hero to protect. At best, James would be a dirty little secret—a quick encounter ending with Mike Cooper acting like he’d been seduced and leaving the scene in disgust.

James also had his father to consider. The last time Charles Vicksburg had discovered James was involved with a man, it hadn’t ended well. His father had warned him to break it off or he would be hurt. James kept seeing the man, figuring that even if his father went after him, it was worth it to be with his boyfriend each night. What he hadn’t anticipated was his father wounding James by destroying his lover. It had started when the suppliers to his boyfriend’s business started making excuses for why they couldn’t deliver. Soon after, more problems arose. James’ boyfriend’s employees were leaving for jobs where they were receiving large sign-on bonuses, his premises were failing health and safety standards over nonsensical observations and he was getting muscled by different organized crime families. The business didn’t survive, and neither did James’ relationship. James had vowed he would never again fall for someone and make them a target for his father.