1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Percy

Seven Days Until Christmas Eve

What had I been thinking, making the switch from working on Candy Cane Lane for Santa 35 to now working on Whipsy Lane for Santa 69? Somehow, I got it in my mind that my work was boring and that I needed a change, any change. And what did I do about it? I applied to the very first job opening I saw. It was a good idea at the time. Now? Now I wasn’t so sure.

It’s not like I didn’t know what I was getting into when I accepted the transfer. Everyone knew that Santa 69 had the adult workshop — as in, the workshop intended to build toys for adult nighttime adventures, both the good and naughty kind, and especially the naughty kind. There wasn’t a single toy in this workshop that wasn’t totally naughty. And alluring.

I should have been on Whipsy Lane, but they assigned me to Dildo Row today, where endless packages of... well, packages came down the conveyor belt. During my shift, I had my hands on more cocks than I ever had in my entire life. Then again, I had only ever had my hands on my own, so I suppose that wasn’t hard.

I had to laugh at that. Hard . Haha.

There was an endless supply of jokes to be made about the goings on at Santa’s Naughty Workshop. The other workshops I had been a part of were full of mischief and glee. Happiness abounds as we all prepared toys for the good little girls and boys in the world. Looking back, I wasn’t sure why I felt the push to leave my last position. Objectively, it was the dream job. But then again, they all were.

This workshop was different, though. It was full of mischief, all right. Every elf I worked with seemed to be a horny mess and was loud about it. And sure, I was too, but I kept it contained. Mostly. It was hard when you were hearing all the things the others were up to or wanting to be up to.

And even if I wanted to keep my arousal at certain conversations or toys private, it was nearly impossible. Hiding an erection in my uniform? While I wore green skintight tights and sparkling, swirly red shoes and a green tunic with the white faux-fur trim that covered very little? Yeah, impossible.

And it was then that it felt that all around me, the elves were talking out loud about which one of the toys and other naughty accessories they enjoyed the most. There was no such thing as oversharing at the Naughty Workshop. I knew which elves like which vibes, dildos, cock rings, sleeves, beads, eggs, games, blindfolds, edible accessories, and on and on. I knew how they used them, when, and with whom.

The wild part was that this was part of the job. The elves were the biggest product testers, and if the rumors were true, they also came up with the best ideas for new toys. Of course, they would discuss them. And probably I should too, but unlike the others here, I was a virgin. The only thing I had to compare a toy to was my hand… hardly made me an expert. That was unless they suddenly designed a series of toys for the inexperienced. Then I’d be their elf.

In the basement, which I hadn’t been brave enough to visit yet, was a full dungeon with every spanking bench, St. Andrew’s cross, and bondage table known in existence. One day I’d go down there, but I wasn’t ready just yet. I was too busy getting adjusted to my new surroundings.

At least I couldn’t say I was bored anymore.

“Okay, personally, I like that pink swirled one,” Willy Spriggle, one of my coworkers, said. “You know, it has the intense settings that make it just barely legal.”

“Rumor has it, it’s based on Donner’s parts.” Harry Noggins giggled.

If that were true, Donner was packing.

“No way!” Jimmy, another elf, exclaimed. “You made that up. You only wish it was.”

And now I was thinking about Donner’s dick. Poor guy probably did not know that he was the center of conversation in here, of all places. Imagine delivering toys based on your own massive package and not even knowing it. Or maybe he knew it and it got him off. Gods, what was wrong with me? I shouldn’t be entertaining these rumors.

“Speaking as someone who has seen and handled Donner’s parts,” a third elf chimed in, “It’s overrated, sweetie. He’s a little quick on the lift-off, if you know what I mean.” He winked.

I didn’t know what he meant, but the others all seemed to. It wasn’t like I could just ask. They already thought I was a prude, which I wasn’t. I just hadn’t found the right person yet.

Did that mean he grew hard in the blink of an eye? That would be good, right? Maybe they meant he was quick to finish? That I thought could go either way. No matter the case, I was out of my comfort zone with this conversation.

I wasn’t against the open talk. Not really. It was fine. They had these conversations around me. I just had nothing to contribute other than an erection and rosy cheeks.

A hand landed on my shoulder, and I jumped. “Pay them no mind, Percy,” Willy said. “They’re a bunch of naughty elves. They get this way as we get toward the end of the season.”

“I’m fine.” I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, even though it was clear I was out of my element here. Pretty much that sleigh had left.

“Oh my goodness, look at this!” A flogger landed in front of me on the center of the table. The red-and-black leather handle was a stark contrast against the red leather and white fur falls. I shuddered at the thought of what that might feel like over my skin. I wasn’t even sure if it was a good or a bad shudder.

All the elves around me were working, each with a different toy in their hands, packaging them up. Mostly all dildos. There were thick purple ones, long black ones, and even a weird swirly one that couldn’t possibly be based on any human male I’d ever seen. Was it meant to be a dragon penis? An alien? Or maybe an octopus?

Don’t even get me started on the tentacles. I didn’t know tentacles were a thing, but they were on the most requested list this year. I could think of a place or two for them to go, but some had so many, and that had me a thousand times more confused than horny.

“Our Santa is an absolute genius. Look at the craftsmanship here!”

Chester Pole, a particularly horny elf, came over to our table. He was the lead of Whipsy Lane and the reason I had to move over to Dildo Row. His glare landed on me, then he looked back at the other elves. He let out a visible shudder.

“Oh, I wish our Santa would use this on me. Spank me, Santa, I’ve been naughty!” He bit his finger, and it should’ve been gross, but also it came across as flirty. Sex was weird.

They all laughed.

“You’ve always been naughty,” I snorted, trying to blend in more than I did, which was none.

Also, it was absolutely true. People knew Chester for his mischievous ways. I’d only known him a couple of days, but he’d made it more than clear that he had his sights set on Santa 69. No one was going to get in his way. At first, I thought he was implying he thought I was trying to get in his way or something. He wasn’t. He thought everyone was after Santa 69.

He was wrong. I wasn’t. As if a Santa would be interested in a lowly elf like me. Even if Santa 69 was absolute perfection personified. None of us in here were good enough for him.

“What are you snorting at, Percy?” Chester sneered. “You wouldn’t even know what to do with a whip like that. Or any of these cocks on this table. Have you even seen one in real life—aside from your own?”

Of course, he was the one elf to see me and my inexperience. Or maybe they all did, and he was the only one rude enough to bring it up. Lesson learned; I wasn’t ever going to fit in, so why even bother?

I glared with all my might, which was hard, considering I was an elf and being nice was part of my job description. How he managed to be such a sour apple, I’d never know. Maybe he needed more cocoa breaks to fill him with sweetness.

I kept working, ignoring his taunting. No good would come from pushing things.

“Leave them alone and get back to work, Bernard,” Willy called out. I wasn’t even sure what Bernard had done, but I knew enough to know I didn’t want to look and find out. “There’s only seven days till Christmas, and we’ve got a lot of packages to get ready.”

All around me, the elves returned to work. A few of them continued chatting about testing out different toys and how much they liked certain features—this one that vibrated, or that other one with ridges.

Meanwhile, I did not know what any of that meant. Which one would I like? More constant vibration? Different buzzing patterns? Did color really matter, or was it more about girth or length? How did you even know which one was right?

It all seemed so complicated—something I really should have figured out before now. Whoever approved my transfer did the department a disservice, that was for sure. I was not the elf for this job.

I continued boxing dildos up, singing Christmas Carols in my head, finding a rhythm and being a productive elf, when I stopped short. The most amazing dildo I’d ever seen—and I’d seen a lot of them in my short time here—fell into my lap. Literally.

It was massive. I could barely hold it with both hands. It was nearly impossible to fit my hands around. How did people use something this size? Maybe it wasn’t for humans? Maybe it was for the Yeti or Krampus?

I should have boxed it up and been done with it. But I couldn’t. I stared at the flesh-colored toy coated in a sheen of sparkle, looking almost like it was glistening. The velvety softness felt right in my hands. For the first time since I arrived, I wanted a toy. Maybe I should give it a try. Everybody else was enjoying the toys; maybe I could, too. It was research, right?

Without a second thought, I boxed it up and slipped it into my bag. Not an easy feat, considering its length, but everyone was too busy working to notice. Or if they noticed, they probably wouldn’t care. At the most, they would give me a pat on the back for finally settling in.

If all went well tonight, Chester wouldn’t be able to taunt me for my lack of experience much longer.