Chapter 14

Colby

“Improper asset management must be addressed.” Saint’s frown made it clear he was frustrated but it took me a few seconds and a sigh to figure out he didn’t like their selection of books.

“I don’t think we’re in the right section.” The regular contemporary romance section was not where they were shelving the books we wanted to read.

And I was very certain about that because we’d been looking through it for almost ten minutes. We’d managed to find a few romances with his people as best friends and sidekicks for silly adventures but nothing like what we wanted to read. “Maybe we need to go to sci-fi?”

Saint scoffed and waved several tentacles at the row of books we’d been browsing. “I am a here and now alien. Not an away alien.”

Was that the defining factor?

“The last time I was in here I wasn’t looking for romance novels, so I’m not sure if this is a change or not.” I’d actually gone in for coffee and a boardgame that was my work Secret Santa gift. I’d gotten a box of cookies…and still couldn’t decide if I was upset by that or not. “I usually buy them online, even the physical copies, since they have a wider selection.”

That made Saint’s entire body twitch and I had to look away so I wouldn’t smile. “Books are to be caressed.”

The way he was running one of his smaller tentacles along all the spines he could reach said he meant that just as literally as it’d come out.

Part of it seemed to be his way of dragging his feet…well, wasting time because he was offended at the possibility of being a far and away alien. He’d been walking much faster toward the romance section when we’d been aiming for contemporary romance where most of the kinky fun stuff was mixed in.

I thought we were making progress when we finally turned the corner down the next aisle and walked past the paranormal books, but that went fucked up even faster.

“I am not a shifter , my Colby.” Huffing, he picked up a book that had a clear picture of someone like him on the cover but he seemed to be mid-shift into a human. It was actually a really well-done cover, but to say Saint was shocked would’ve been a massive understatement.

“I am not that .” Pulling his drama back as well as his tentacles, he shook his head and sighed. “Human imaginations.”

I wasn’t sure if I felt sorry for him or if it was funny, but Saint’s Dommy glare said he didn’t appreciate anything he was picking up from me.

“Sorry.” For a variety of things, probably, but I tried to fix the situation by stepping closer and wiggling my way under one of the larger tentacles he used as arms. “Imaginations are weird. It’s not meant to be offensive and no one is going to think that’s real. We know you’re not a shifter or…well, anything else like that.”

I was pretty sure serial killers should be in a different section too, no matter if it was a shifter book or not.

“Some humans have darker imaginations than others.” Wishing it was more socially acceptable for him to pick me up and carry me around, I stroked one of his smaller limbs and got a wide-eyed look from an older woman walking past us.

She’d definitely been reading naughty things because her eyes had gone way too wide for just being shocked by regular homophobic nonsense.

“Let’s keep looking for the right options.” What else? “Oh, at some point, we should look at the cookbook section to see what kind of recipes you want us to try.”

Bingo.

His brain took that jumping-off point and ran with it.

“Humans have books on a variety of interesting subjects. Do you know there are books on decorating and ones for how to tell offensive jokes ?” Saint seemed confused about both of those, but I couldn’t figure out how they’d ended up on the same list.

“We’ve got books on just about everything.” I pointed toward one I’d heard about but never read as we got to the end of the paranormal books. “Elven princess with a fuck-ton of lovers. See? Everything. One of them even has tentacles but he’s not like you.”

Saint huffed again but his sigh was less frustrated. “We are here and now, my Colby. However, yes, all books are not here and now.”

Most of his were here and now, though, and I read a lot of the same kinds of books.

I just needed to figure out a way to get him to buy more online so we didn’t have to do this again. There had to be a way. But as I wondered if he’d accept surprise book boxes from his human, we finally got to the sci-fi section.

Oh.

Yeah, we were in sci-fi.

Not good.

Saint sucked in a breath doing a perfect shocked human expression with wide eyes and everything. “Oh, my Colby.”

I changed my mind…he was a shocked Mrs. Fletcher from Murder, She Wrote.

“At least we found the right place to look?” He was correct, though. Our relationship shouldn’t be next to a half-naked alien warrior prince fighting to fuck the woman he loved on some purple planet. “Oh, that one.”

Grateful to see a familiar author, I tugged on his tentacle and chuckled when he pretended to let me drag him down the aisle. “That’s the new release I was telling you about when we were walking over.”

“Ah.” Switching to his smiling, tender human expression, Saint sighed. “An example of a successful mating which has provided much information for the author.”

Huh?

Oh.

“I knew it.” Snatching up the new book as well as my favorite that’d come out last year, I waved them at Saint. “I knew they were mated. Their backlist isn’t the same type of story. The books started at regular alien smut but then they changed.”

I knew it.

Saint looked like he was trying not to laugh as he rubbed his tentacle over my head. “You are highly intuitive, my Colby. Some humans sense changes better than others.”

I didn’t care if he was humoring me or not, I just waved the books again. “He’s right? I mean, he’s telling the truth about stuff? It’s fiction but it’s not fiction?”

I wasn’t making nearly enough sense to be talking to someone whose third or fourth language was English, but Saint was smart and caught up quickly. “You would like to know if the human author has correct biological and cultural information? Fiction being not fact based but accurate when dealing with matings?”

“Yes.” He was brilliant.

And didn’t make me wait for my answer.

“Yes, my Colby.” Pulling me closer, I could feel his limbs tightening like he was forcing himself not to pick me up. “I have not found any incorrect factual information in the books you have defined as changed.”

Wow.

I had to ask.

I just had to.

Inching closer, I dropped my voice to a whisper so my question wouldn’t get us kicked out of the bookstore. “What about the lightning?”

Saint’s grin would’ve been ear to ear on a human. “Our body produces mild electrical stimulation. It was an evolutionary adaptation for defense.”

He could lightning me.

The first scene I’d read about them applying electrical stimulation to their human partner during sex came flooding back to me. Saint gave a bubbly laugh as he sensed the not-so-subtle changes in me. “My human is curious.”

Oh yeah.

“It…but it hurts?” That wasn’t really the question I wanted to ask, but Saint knew that, thankfully, and answered what I’d really wanted to know.

“You are a human who craves painful pleasures, my Colby.” A smaller limb stroked over my head as he cuddled me as tightly as he could in public. “My knowledge of you and of the human biological system informs me that you will enjoy what is sometimes called electrical play .”

My brain was stuck on stupid mode, but I managed to nod and find a few words. “It…the books say it doesn’t damage humans. We’re…we’re too big for it to hurt us. Like bad hurt. It’s just…it’s lightning.”

There were a variety of names it was called, but most of the time it was lightning and it made subs come like nothing I’d ever read…or experienced.

The author had lived out those scenes?

Saint said he was mated to one of them and he’d said the information was accurate.

Wow.

Saint could write a book about me being lightninged and everyone could read about it.

“Public is not for human pleasures, my Colby.” The tip of one smaller tentacle made a no-no kind of gesture in front of my face. “We must abide by human social customs.”

Unfortunately.

Swallowing hard, I tried to shove my vivid imagination in another direction. “Yes, social customs.”

And those dictated I couldn’t walk around with an erection.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and thought about buying the book and if I could talk Saint into letting me have another coffee.

Yep.

That worked.

Picturing his frowning face as he worried about me dying from neurotoxins had my cock starting to behave again. Opening my eyes, I did my best to think fewer erotic thoughts. “I should probably let you know that my list of limits includes lightning as long as you think it’s safe for humans.”

Hell, I’d read enough about it that I’d have taken fifty-fifty odds.

I’d lived a full life. It’d be fine.

“You will be safe, my Colby. There are no irregularities in your body which would put you at risk.” Petting my head again, he relaxed his hold and shifted back to give us the appropriate amount of space for human social norms. “You will be what is called overstimulated , however.”

He wasn’t helping the situation in my pants, but I took another deep breath and nodded. “I’m fine with that. Yes. I’m good with that going on our list.”

Reminding myself that he couldn’t lightning me in the bookstore, I stood straighter and focused on the row of books that he’d remember were shelved wrong sooner or later. “I think this is one of the books I’m going to get today.”

And then I’d buy the ebook too so I could have it when I snuck in book breaks at work.

Sometimes that was the only way to get through the day, so I wasn’t going to feel guilty about it…or tattle on myself to my rule-loving Dom.

“That is a fine choice, my Colby.” Praising me like I’d been a wonderful boy didn’t help my confused dick, but I liked making him happy so it was worth the yo-yoing erection problem I was having. “Would you like this to be a book we read together?”

I almost asked him if it would be weird to read a dirty book written by someone he knew…but then I remembered who I was talking to.

“Yes, please.”

He’d have tried to understand the question but he’d have just been confused as he sorted through human social norms he considered strange.

“Once we’ve picked out some fun romances, how about you take me over to the mystery section? You had some good ones.” And snuggling up while he read me a cozy mystery or something like that seemed a good plan.

“Humans have devised endless ways to end a life.” Sounding very cheerful as he talked about murder, Saint reached for a book by another author I knew. “I have a preference for poison as sharp objects promote bleeding in humans.”

“Don’t like the sight of blood?” I should’ve known better.

“It is messy.” Frowning, Saint looked like he’d have shuddered if he were human. “It would require much cleaning. I prefer sticky humans if a mess is to be involved.”

Yep…and the books he was currently picking out made that very clear.

“I like getting sticky with you too.” I shouldn’t have said it…there were entirely too many people wandering around judging by the giggles from the next aisle…but Saint’s snuggly hug made it impossible to be embarrassed.

“It is a way humans show attachment to their mates.” Anything to do with mates was a wonderful thing to Saint. “We will not rush into talk of mates, however. Our conversations will stay within dating and domination-based needs.”

We’d talk about sex and dating.

Great.

Sounded like the girls next to us approved too.

One of us was going to have to remember which topics were appropriate for public and which weren’t.