29. Trust

29

Trust

Violet

Every word I type in my criminal psychology essay is proof I'm a hypocrite because all I do is excuse Kole's actions every other second of the day.

I spend so much time telling myself it's his overbearing family's fault that he is the way he is, wishing I believed it. I tell myself it's his sick fraternity's fault. I want it to be everyone's fault but his own.

But it isn't.

People experience terrible things every day, and they don't act out the way Kole does. They don't hurt people. They don't kill them.

Nothing can absolve him of what he's done for me.

But when he held me in his arms last night, I wasn't scared. I was safe .

And through all his wrongdoings and morally irredeemable actions, I wanted him anyway.

This must be how exposure therapy works—subject yourself to the behavior long enough, and you become numb to it. You justify it.

Worse, you desire it.

We were up half the night tangled together between bouts of sleeping. Kissing, sex, talking. It's not supposed to be like this—I'm not supposed to feel like this. So why can't I seem to help it?

The library doors open, and Patience, Teal, and Mila walk through them. I've avoided them most of the day. And while I told myself it was so I could finish this paper that's due tomorrow, the truth is I'm not sure how to face them with everything that happened between me and Kole over the weekend.

I can barely look in the mirror, much less at my friends.

"Should have known we'd find you here." Mila stops beside me and looks over my shoulder at what I'm writing, reading it aloud. "Her doctor indicated she displayed signs of hybristophilia. She thought he could change. Or that for her, he would—"

I slap my laptop shut. "Don't read that. It's not done."

"That was just getting interesting." She pouts, leaning back. "What's hybristophilia?"

"Someone obsessed with criminals," Patience answers her.

"Not obsessed." I shake my head, not sure why I'm so defensive when Patience is right.

Mila' s face scrunches in disgust as she drops into the seat next to me. "You study the weirdest shit."

She's not wrong, but she also doesn't know the half of it.

"So, what's the deal, Vi? You've been MIA."

"You knew I was here. I texted Patience."

"This morning, yes." Patience leans forward against the table. "The rest of the weekend is a different story. You left Friday and haven't been back since."

"Not true." I shake my head. "I changed before class this morning."

The three of them look at me—Mila grinning, Patience annoyed, and Teal picking paint off her nails. None of them believe a word I'm saying.

"She was with me." Kole's voice comes up behind me, and I nearly jump out of my skin.

He's only approached me in front of my friends once, and even then, it was only around Mila. Other than that, he keeps his distance.

I didn't expect that to change anytime soon, regardless of the connection we shared over the weekend. With Liam's missing person's investigation underway, I assumed he would be more careful and only communicate through messages he can delete in the app.

Apparently, that's not the case.

My friends' glances shoot behind me as he grips onto my chair.

Tipping my head, I look up, and Kole stares back.

"Up," he says as Declan and Maddox circle around him .

I stand, and he sits in my chair, pulling me down onto his lap.

My friends are still speechless as Declan and Maddox drop into two free chairs at the table while Kole leans in to whisper to me.

"Don't look so surprised, kitten." He plants his hand on my thigh and wraps his other arm around my waist. "You'll only seem more suspicious."

Casually, he leans back, like it isn't odd for him to be treating me like his girlfriend when we've never touched in public.

I'm about to ask him what he thinks he's doing, but Teal pushes her chair out, distracting me.

"Not going to stay, Tealene?" Declan leans forward and winks at her.

She spears him with her glare. "I'd rather drown in paint."

Teal and Declan grew up together, but she refuses to talk about why she hates him so much. All I know is that it's better if she leaves because the two of them are gasoline on an already raging fire.

"Paint, huh?" Declan bites his lip, pretending to think about it. "If that's your kink, I'm sure it can be arranged."

Teal grits her teeth. "I bet you'd like that."

He shrugs, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'll see you at home." She looks at the rest of us, clutching her bag to her chest and storming off.

"Teal!" Mila tries to call out, but Teal ignores her, so she turns to Declan and narrows her gaze. " Asshole."

"Don't bother," Patience says, scrolling through her phone. "He'll just take it as a compliment."

"Isn't it?" Declan grins.

Mila takes the opening to tell him what an egotistical jerk he is, but I'm too busy focusing on Kole's arm around my waist to listen.

"What are you reading?" Kole flips open the book sitting next to my laptop, stopping on a random page. "Women who love serial killers?"

I grab the book and slap it shut over his hand, but he just smirks at me.

"It's for a paper."

"I'm sure it is." He plants his hand on my lap again, but this time, he wraps it over where I'm fidgeting my fingers. "What's wrong?"

"Should we be doing this?" I ask, my eyes darting to the group around us, even if they aren't paying attention. "Here?"

"I don't see why not."

"Doesn't it look suspicious?" I lean in. "Everyone knows I was dating Liam when he disappeared."

"And now you're not." His tone is angry, as if he doesn't appreciate the reminder, and I shouldn't blame him.

"I know I'm not." I lace my fingers through his, and he surprises me by allowing it. "I just don't want to draw attention to you because of it."

Kole stares at me. His dark eyes trace my face like his thumb traces the back of my hand. The pinch between his eyebrows hints he's as confused to hear that as I was when I said it .

I want to protect him, whether that makes sense to me or not.

He brushes the back of my hand with his thumb. "You're mine, Violet."

"I know."

"Then you should know I'm going to make sure no one will question that again. I don't care about the rumors. You're fucking mine . And they're going to have to deal with it."

His grip over my hands tightens. The intensity in his gaze makes me lose my breath.

"Okay." I nod, knowing there's no point arguing.

There's still so much about Kole I don't understand. But he's made one thing clear. Once he's decided on something, he doesn't waver. And deep inside, where all the things I deny fester, I don't want him to change his mind about this.

"Did you mean what you said to me this weekend?"

"About what?" He tips my chin to face him fully. "I said lots of things."

My gaze darts around, but no one's paying attention. Declan is now battling with Patience and Mila over something on their socials while Maddox has abandoned the table to hit on some girl across the library.

"Violet?" Kole drags my attention back to him.

"When we were in the basement, you said you haven't touched anyone since you first saw me." The words rush out before I can stop them .

It's not important, given all the other more pressing things I should be focusing on right now. But it's those few words that burrowed the moment he said them.

"I wouldn't lie to you about that." Kole releases my chin but doesn't take his eyes off me.

"What about before that?"

I chew the inside of my cheek because I should shut up now. These aren't things I really want to know. But sitting here in his arms, knowing I've handed him everything, I'm a raw nerve.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?"

Against better judgment, I nod.

Kole is obsessive. He stalked me for a year before making a move. And I can't help but wonder if it was because of his interest in me specifically or if his attention will fade now that I'm caught in his trap.

"That wasn't my first time having sex," he answers honestly, his expression passive. "I lost my virginity when I was fourteen. My stepdad said it was a rite of passage."

"That's young." And disturbing, given it sounds like it might not have been fully his decision.

Kole nods. "And anything after was just sex—me trying to figure out why it didn't scratch the itch like everyone said it would. Nothing did until you."

"So, you've never chased a girl through the forest?" I narrow my eyes, trying to hide the fact that if he says yes, I might lose my mind.

Kole reaches for the back of my head, lacing his fingers through my hair. "No, I haven't. I've never even kissed a girl until you. What I do for you is only for you , Violet. Just like I promised."

My jaw goes slack. Butterflies flutter wildly in my chest.

I'm his first kiss?

His confession makes me desperate for him to lean in. For him to seal his mouth to mine so I can taste the truth of his statement. But I'm frozen. Drowning in his gaze. Speechless.

The library door slides open again, and from the corner of my eye, the uniforms draw my attention.

Kole releases my hair but doesn't force me up or take his arm off my waist. We both watch the cops as they move to the woman sitting at the front desk, and my heart drops when she points over to me.

I knew this was coming. The rumors have already started spreading, with cops crawling the campus seeking answers. But I'm still not ready to face this.

"Kole—"

"I won't let anything happen to you, Violet." He rubs my thigh. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

The cops weave through the tables, and the temperature in the room drops a degree for every step they take. My spine tingles, and the hair on the back of my neck stands on its ends.

They make their way toward us, and I wish they'd keep walking.

Please keep walking.

Please keep walking .

But I already know that won't happen as they both watch me. Their eyes dart from me to where I'm sitting in Kole's lap, and I wonder what's going through their mind. Are they here for me or him? Do they already have the answers they're looking for, or did Kole really bury it?

Finally, the officers reach the table, and my heart beats so hard it might burst through my ribs when they focus on me.

"Ms. Morrow?"

"Yes?"

"We need to ask you a few questions."