27. Pride

27

Pride

Violet

"Happy?" I wave my arms out, wearing one of Kole's fresh T-shirts. My wet hair hangs slick and straight around my shoulders. "You said we'd talk after we showered."

I tell myself that's why I'm here—in his room alone with him again.

I tell myself it means nothing when he doesn't respond, and I walk up to where he's standing in front of the bed.

I tell myself I'm not affected by his pine forest body wash or how close he is, wearing a simple pair of sweatpants.

It's all lies.

And when he reaches up and grabs me by the throat to pull me closer—holding me tight enough to tug me to him without cutting off my air—I lose my breath anyway.

"We'll discuss it when I say we do. "

I start to roll my eyes, but his grip tightens, snapping my gaze back to his.

"Kole." It's a plea through my irritation, and I hate how he's capable of forcing that from me. "I need to know what you meant."

My lips press tight, and I swallow my nerves. The motion of my throat bobbing against his palm has his gaze drifting down to my neck. His grip tightens the slightest bit, and I wish I didn't love how everything I do makes him feral.

After his confessions tonight, I should hate him. And when he first admitted the truth about the trials and why Liam started dating me, I did.

But more than anything, I was hurt. And when he tore the blindfold off to reveal Declan standing across the room, fury was just one more emotion mixed into the waves already crashing inside me.

Hate, lust, rage, devastation.

I watched him talk to Declan as I drank my water and tried to sift through the tornado of feelings ripping through my chest. I tried to make sense of them and cling to my anger. But the longer I sat there, the more it all bled together until I was left with a single truth.

Kole thinks his actions are proof of unwavering devotion. They're his way of showing affection when all he understands is inflicting pain.

Everything he did tonight—no matter how disturbing or hurtful—was him trying to prove to me that he cares about me .

Which is why, even if I know I should have run home the moment he walked me out of that basement, I didn't.

Kole letting Declan into that room with us wasn't punishment. It wasn't even jealousy. It's the only way he knows how to hold onto someone—by clinging so tight everything around them shatters. He doesn't understand emotion or how to vocalize to Declan to stay away from me, so he uses physical examples instead.

Pain.

Sex.

Kole's methods of caring hurt both of us.

But instead of pulling away when he holds my throat tighter, I rest my hand on his chest. I place my trust in his palms. Knowing that whatever he inflicts, I can handle because it's him .

His breath hitches at my touch when he so rarely allows it.

I graze my palm over his skin and trace his hard muscles until my fingers reach the seven slashes carved below one collarbone.

"I don't understand why you'd do this for them," I whisper, barely tracing the still-healing gash. "What does Sigma House offer that would make any of this worth it?"

"It's not about what they offer. It's what we owe to be here." Kole reaches for my hand and traces my finger over the second cut in.

"What's this mark for?" I ask when he traces my finger down it again.

"It's the reason I trust Declan. "

Kole releases my throat. He sinks onto the bed and pulls me with him so my back is to his front and he's spooning me. It's gentle and confusing as he buries his face in my wet hair.

"You trust him because of a trial?"

"Yes."

"What was the sin?"

"Pride." He sighs, relaxing behind me for the first time since we started whatever this is. "The preoccupation with individual importance over the greater being."

I take the opening—the rare moment of vulnerability—and seize it.

"What was the trial?"

Kole hums against the back of my head, breathing me in. His fingers toy with the hem of the T-shirt I'm wearing. And he pauses so long I'm not sure that he'll answer. But then he wraps his arm around me to hold me to him and tips his forehead to my hair again.

"It was one of the more difficult trials." His body tenses at the reminder. "They chained us up for four days in the room you asked about earlier. No food. Just enough water so they wouldn't kill us. Lights on the brightest setting and music so loud your ears hurt. Anything to make it hard to sleep, much less think."

"They tortured you?"

"They needed to break us."

" Us? I thought the trials were different for everyone?"

Kole presses his palm flat on my belly, letting out an exhale. "Usually, yes. But in this case, they wanted something in particular… from me, Liam, Declan, and Alex. "

My stomach sinks at the mention of Patience's brother. I don't know exactly what happened in that room, but I know what came of it.

"What did they want from you?"

"We were all friends growing up. And in Sigma House, your bond to the brotherhood is more important than individual friendships. They needed to make sure we'd be loyal to them—not each other."

"Isn't it the same if you're all here?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"But you passed. So, you all broke then?"

"Some more than others."

I roll in his arms, and he lets me, so I'm lying in the bed facing him. "What does all this have to do with you being able to trust Declan if the whole point was to turn you against each other?"

"Because he didn't break for me, and I didn't break for him. Regardless of what they think."

"How do you know?"

"Because if either of us did, neither of us would be here." Kole's jaw clenches. "There are very few reasons Sigma House won't let you join after you're accepted into the initiation. One reason is failing the trials. The other is turning on a fellow member, unprovoked."

"By what? Hurting them?"

"Or killing them." Kole exhales.

Every muscle in his body is tense, and my gaze moves to the scar that cuts across his cheekbone, wondering if that's where it came from.

"Who? "

"That's not important right now."

Maybe not to him, but it plants deep inside me, and it takes everything in me not to demand an answer. There's so much blood on his hands, and I'm still learning how deep his sins go.

"Then why are we here?" I ask, planting my hand on his chest and grazing my finger over the marks that live there. "You said Liam's death isn't the real issue. That the problem is whatever was supposed to happen in the forest that night. What was it?"

Kole's dark gaze locks on mine. "Liam asked me to meet him on the side of the road that night."

"I figured."

"What you don't know is why ." Kole takes a deep breath, looking me over. "He said he was taking you to the Valentine's Massacre party, which I found odd that you even agreed since you usually avoided us."

"Liam was insistent."

Not only that, but he was also convincing.

At the time, I still wanted to be closer to him, and he guilted me for all the time I spent focusing on school and work. I thought it was the only way to prove to him I cared. Because I did, not knowing all the other sides of him .

Kole nods. "He said he wanted to play a prank on you—for fun. But Liam never did things just for the fun of it. He always had ulterior motives. So, when he asked me to be on that road wearing a mask, I couldn't risk turning him down and him sending someone else instead."

His voice deepens with his story as a chill runs up my spine, remembering that night differently.

"I made sure the tire would blow before I climbed in. That was the plan. But when we got out of the car to check on it, I realized the real reason he wanted me there." Kole's gaze is nearly pitch black. "Apparently, Liam had found our Dark Desires messages on your phone after you fell asleep on the couch one night."

My messages with Saint.

My fantasies .

"It's why I delete them after we send them now," he says, like he's doing me a favor. "He was pissed you were screwing around on him, even if he didn't really give a shit that it made him a hypocrite. And since the only reason he was with you was to piss me off, he figured I'd be just as irritated as he was."

"Because he didn't know you were the one on the other end of the messages?"

Kole nods. "He tried to convince me you should pay for what you were doing to us. He had a plan."

My throat turns to sandpaper when I try to swallow. "What plan?"

"He wanted to act out the things you shared with me in the app."

"Just like you—"

"No, Violet." Kole shakes his head, and his voice deepens. "Not just like me. He wanted to film it."

"Why would he do that?" Tears burn in my eyes, and I try to blink them away. "Because I hurt his feelings? He was doing worse to me. Why would he even care? "

"It wasn't just that," Kole says. "He was pissed and rambling. He said Sigma House betrayed him, and he'd found a way to make them pay for it."

"Using me?"

"I don't know." Kole's eyebrows pinch. "I stopped listening after that. I looked over at you sitting in the car, and I couldn't think. I couldn't even ask him, even though I should have. I just—"

"Killed him."

"Yeah." He holds my hip and runs circles over it, even if now nothing feels comforting. "He was going to hurt you."

"And only you're allowed to do that, right?" I huff.

Kole grips my face in his hands and forces my attention on him. "Exactly. Because I hurt you for you , Violet. Because you told me from the beginning that's what you want. But I'd never hurt you for anyone else."

His stare holds mine, and I believe him. Through all the unforgivable things he's done, I know he wouldn't. Because every action—good or bad—has been for me.

Kole presses his mouth to mine and steals my life. He breaks my heart and rips my thoughts to shreds. He forces my lips to part with his tongue and devours everything I have.

It's simple.

It's complicated.

We're nothing and everything, and I can't look at it too closely, or I'll run scared.

Even then, he'd just chase .

Kole's teeth clash with mine, and it forms a rift in outer space. Something too big to make sense of and impossible to contain. His fingers wrap around the back of my neck, and he holds me to him. He makes my life his life and my body his home.

I'm panting as we pull apart. And he lifts his thumb to my cheek to brush away a tear.

I didn't even know I was crying.

Everything is spilling out, and I don't understand it. How I fear him—how I feel for him. How I'll never be the same after this, and I don't think I want to be.

"Thank you for stopping him," I whisper.

Kole brushes my hair from my face. "I always will, Violet. I told you—I'll do anything for you. You're mine. And I'm yours."

"That simple?"

"We're anything but simple." He cups my jaw in his hand and holds me close. "But tell yourself whatever you need to get through this."

I press my lips together and fight back the surge of emotions clashing inside me.

"So, what now?"

"Liam was a traitor." Kole runs his finger down the center of my throat. "And Declan's going to help me prove it."

"Before they arrest you?"

Kole shakes his head once, slowly. "Before they do worse."