28. Ruin

N othing has made sense since she walked into the shop that day.

I'd given up on Aerilyn. I told myself she didn't exist because it was easier to accept than what actually happened.

I'd lost my charge…the mortal I'd been tasked to guide.

I'm a damn guardian angel. How bad do I have to be at my job to lose the one person I'm supposed to be able to find no matter what?

As it turns out, I'm not as terrible at the whole guardian thing as I thought I was, and I might not have lost her at all.

Rome.

Somehow, I feel like I should have known he was behind this. He's been behind almost every other bad thing I can remember happening since the dawn of time.

Beyond every other crazy thing that's happened recently, there's also the fact that Bast seems to think Aeri is his mate…yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Actually, I know exactly how I feel about that. I'm just not sure what to do about it.

She is my charge. She is a mortal .

Yet somehow, I find myself feeling all kinds of ways that I shouldn't when I think of her being with someone else.

Fuckity fuck.

I'm so screwed.

Speaking of being screwed, I've taken my ass back to heaven to see if I could find a way to get Aeri out of this deal with Rome, and maybe anything about demons having mates. More specifically, demons who were once angels.

I'm not sure why I thought this was a good idea, but I'm here now, and it's too late to turn back.

I don't even make it through the gates before Uriel is here waiting for me. It might have been a few hundred years since I've been back.

I don't make a habit of coming back often, not since…

But Uriel knows I don't enjoy being here, so he suggested I apply to be a guardian after everything happened. It was a good way to get down to the mortal plane and let me help, which is something I've always enjoyed doing.

I've only been doing it for a few thousand years, so I only have one mortal at a time, but some guardians have hundreds. I'm not sure I'd ever want that many, but I've complained a few times about only having one, mostly to myself, while working my day job down on Earth. If I'd had more than one, I wouldn't have been so damn bored all these years with this one missing.

"Ruin, it feels as though it's been forever since I last saw you," he says as he lands before me with a smile. Uriel might be the only friend I have left in heaven, but he's a seraphim, which means he can only be so friendly. His first duty is always to God, even above himself.

He reaches out to offer me a hug, and I hesitate a moment, staring at his impressive red wings, all six of them. I've seen them a million times over millions of years, but they never fail to impress. Especially when it's been so long since I've seen him.

"Hug me before you give me a complex brother." He laughs at his own joke, the sound like wind chimes that wrap me in a hug of their own as I move forward to hug him.

He claps me on my back, knocking the wind from my lungs before pulling back to look me over. After a moment, he releases me before turning and heading down the main road, the one that leads anywhere you might ever need to go in heaven. It's super convenient.

Wish the humans had something like it, their roads are a nightmare.

"How have you been? How's the mortal?" he asks, sounding genuinely interested in an update, and I can't help but want to share, especially now that I actually have something I could report. Before, I would have had to lie because I had no idea. I mean, technically, she might not be great right now with Rome sniffing around, but that's temporary; I'll make sure of it.

"The mortal, Aeri, is good. So far, I've had no need to intervene, and I don't foresee one anytime soon. Much easier to handle than most I've had so far." It's not a joke, but I still laugh, thinking back to some of the other charges I've had. I swear some of them were trying to see how far they could push.

"Good, good. I'm happy to hear that. I know you don't need to be reminded that guardians are only meant to help guide. Intervention is very rare. All mortals have a divine path they must fulfill." We both know he doesn't need to tell me, but he always says it, regardless. I think it's a way to cover his ass should someone go off the rails.

"So what brings you back if not for assistance or a new charge?"

Like I said, Uriel is well aware of my distaste for being here longer than I have to be.

"I'd hoped to look into a few things in the library." I stick with as much of the truth as I can give him. Not only does he know me well, but I don't enjoy lying to him, even if it is for a good reason.

As expected, that makes Uriel raise a brow at me.

I might not be one for reading, either. There's a reason I chose a mechanic as my mortal job and not something like a librarian.

"So bored, down with the mortals, that you plan to devote your time to studies instead?" Uriel says with a laugh, and I can't help but join him.

We both know that I could never do that. I'd hardly made it through the studies to become a guardian.

"I'm not sure I could ever be that bored, as you well know." He nods, and I assume he's remembering the same thing I am.

Michael was in charge of teaching guardian angels, and he'd told Uriel on more than one occasion that he wasn't sure I was cut out for it because of my inability to pay attention. If not for Uriel backing me, I would still be stuck up here every day.

Working daily like a mortal is much better than that, and that was before Aerilyn stumbled her way back into my life.

"I'd overheard something interesting recently. It seems to be the newest obsession among the immortal beings." I'm careful to make it seem as though it is something both demons and angels are talking about. While it's not exactly ‘illegal' for angels and demons to mingle, it is frowned upon, especially right now.

I'm unsure of the logistics of it all, but something's happening between heaven and hell. Not exactly a war, but it could become that. Balance is very hard, it would seem. Even after all these years, we keep finding a way to fuck it up.

It's never been enough to really affect the mortals, but sometimes, it can get out of hand.

"Those on the mortal plane always have something to talk about. Most of the time, it's nonsense. You should know that by now." Uriel gives me a look that reminds me a lot of the ones Asta used to give me when I said something stupid.

While we don't have ‘older siblings' the way mortals do, that's kind of the feeling I get from Uriel and once got from Asta.

"I do know that, but this one was…curious." I struggle to find a good way to describe it for him. If I were being honest about how I felt, I would have said it sounded crazy or even unbelievable. But I don't want to make it seem as though I care too much.

See, being in heaven is exhausting. Everything I do has to be calculated, every step measured.

It's miserable.

"Oh, enough to catch your attention and get you to come up here to look into it. Well, spill it. What's this curious thing?"

"There is a rumor going around that demons might have mates—"

"That's not possible." Uriel's voice is hard but not unkind. He just doesn't like when things threaten what he knows to be true, and until recently, I would have agreed with him. But I'd seen how Bast is with Aeri and heard about it from Kai. I also know he wouldn't say he believes she's his mate without really believing it. He might not understand it, but he believes it's true, and while I might have my own feelings about that, I can't help but hope he's right.

Bast deserves to be happy, they all do and I have no doubt Aeri would make him happy, she's amazing.

"Not just any demons, but those who fell."

Uriel stops walking, his face scrunching up in thought, and I remain silent, letting him work through it.

After a minute, he shakes his head before walking again. "That's ridiculous. Fall or not, they are demons now and unworthy of mates. Besides, who would care if they could have mates? A human mate, or worse, an angel. No, that would be a disaster," he says with a shake of his head. I'm not sure if he's trying to convince me or himself.

This next part is just a thought, but one I'd been thinking a lot about—so much so that it's what drove me to come here now and stop wasting time.

"Yes, it would be a disaster, and I doubt any demon would care for a mate, but if it's possible…" I trail off, trying to think of how best to word what I'm trying to say. I only have one chance.

"Well, if it's possible, that would imply that some part of their grace might still be intact. It would have to be, or they wouldn't be able to have a mate, right?"

Uriel stops dead, his hand gripping my shoulder as he spins me to face him.

"Ruin, I need you to listen and listen well," he looks around as if worried someone else might overhear, but for now, we seem to be mostly alone. I know you were close with them, and I'm sure you miss them, but they made their choices. They fell and, with that, lost their grace. Don't let them pull you from yours, too."

With a squeeze of my shoulder, he turns and walks away, leaving me in the middle of the road, halfway to the library.

I'm sure he intended for his words to be enough for me to turn back, but that's not an option. I knew he wouldn't approve; how could he? Demons are believed to be less than us, but our grace is the most important part of us as it allows us to be divine, help and serve God. That's our purpose, above all else, and it has been since the dawn of time and the beginning of our existence.

So why doesn't it feel like enough anymore?