Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

KAYDEN

T he night we beat Langston College was the night we came out to the team.

Not only me and Maddox, but Dane and Jace, too. In fact, Dane was the first one. At the after party at Ethan's house, of all places.

"I'm gay."

The announcement was made in the kitchen as we gathered around for celebratory shots. Dane's admission was followed by sudden silence. Except for the guys who choked on their drinks and coughed. The rest of them stood around gaping, mouths open, eyes wide.

"Not that it's anyone's business but my own," Dane continued with a sigh, reaching for another shot. "But I've come out to my closest friends and family and this is my next step. Y'all know Jackson. He's not just my best friend and roommate, he's my boyfriend. This is who I am. And that's all I have to say."

There were nods and murmurs from most of the guys. Was that a good sign or a bad one?

I glanced at Maddox, then at Jace. Everyone reached for another shot.

"Dane isn't the only queer player on our team," Jace declared as he stood beside Dane. "I'm bi. Like our captain said, this is who I am. And I'm not going to justify myself to anyone. Nothing changes on the ice. Nothing."

"We're cool," Ethan replied.

I was surprised—and pleased—that he was the first one to speak up. Finn nodded, then Julian, and even Silas murmured his agreement. Hell, I was shocked that Silas was even here. He'd never partied with us.

Sean and a few of the others shrugged but said nothing. I couldn't tell about Axel; he had his head down, staring at the glass in his hand.

I glanced at Maddox and he nodded. Better now than never.

"I'm bi too," I admitted. "But my situation is different?—"

"Cause he's with me," Maddox added, joining me. "Kay and I are together."

More guys reached for the bottles of vodka and tequila that littered the kitchen island.

"Whoa," Ethan held a hand up. "One big news announcement at a time. I mean, I don't have any issue with anyone who's queer, but, teammates that are dating? Not gonna lie, that sounds pretty fucking intense."

"Jace said it best," Maddox replied. "Nothing changes. Kayden and I love hockey. It's all we want to do?—"

"Besides each other," Finn snorted.

Maddox gave him his favorite finger. "We're both committed to the team and to winning."

Axel finally looked up and nodded at me. There was a hint of a smile on his face. It wasn't a total show of support, but I'd take it.

We hung around with the guys for a while, downing more shots and shooting the shit. Everyone seemed okay, but only time would tell.

Maddox and I headed back to the dorm. When we got to his room, there was a question in my mind that had been waiting for too long.

"I want to ask you something—but don't say no right away," I started.

Maddox leaned against the door, sliding one hand around my waist, and the other over my ass, pulling me in tight.

"I'm listening."

"I want you to come?—"

"Yes, please."

I laughed and kissed him quiet.

"Not that." I paused and looked into his eyes. "I want you to come with me when I volunteer next week."

Maddox's grip tightened. "You mean help out with the sports charity?"

I nodded.

"I haven't been back in a while, but it's time. And I know peopling isn't your thing, but if you saw these kids, Mad." I paused and leaned in closer. "They've been through so much already in their lives. If anyone can relate, it's you."

Maddox opened his mouth, but not a word or a sound came out.

"Mad?"

"Um, yeah. I'll go with you," he muttered. "But you're going to have to help me. I have no idea what to say or do."

"Just be yourself." I smiled at him. "Minus the swearing."

Maddox bit his lower lip. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

It was the best idea.

The following week, Maddox made good on his promise and came with me to All For Play. We set up an adapted lacrosse game for the kids and having something structured to do helped ease Mad's anxiety. Two of the quietest kids in the group gravitated toward my boyfriend. I wasn't the least bit surprised as I watched both Maddox and the kids slowly warm to each other. They asked him tons of questions about being a goalie, and he patiently answered each one. In fact, it was the most relaxed I'd seen him in any social situation outside of hockey. He even cracked a smile. Several times.

If Maddox hadn't already stolen my heart, this would have clinched it.

Afterward, I told him I'd never been prouder. His response was typical; he rolled his eyes and played off like it was no big deal. But I knew it was. For him, and for us.

Maddox

Coming out to the team was not the shitshow I'd anticipated. And I was more than relieved that Kayden and I didn't have to hide. There were a few guys that looked uncomfortable with the news, but that was their problem, not ours.

It was dealing with the other stuff in my personal life that was daunting. Going back to my therapist, for one thing. Telling them about the panic attack I'd had after the game with Langston and dredging up the past again. I'd be in therapy for a long time. And you know what? That was okay. I was going to do what I had to in order to live my life on my terms.

A couple of weeks later, I finally got around to emailing my father's lawyer. It was time to get that over and done with. I had a plan for what I was going to do with my inheritance. And when the lawyer sent me the paperwork and everything was signed, I contacted an accountant and got my financial stuff in order. My mom had left me enough for college and savings, and I didn't need anything else. So, after discussing with Kayden and Daniel, I donated what my father left me to several charities, including All For Play. Anonymously, of course.

It didn't erase what my father had done, but it left me feeling lighter than I had in years. Tackling my painful past and doing something positive with it was its own kind of freedom. Slowly, the grip he'd had on me, even after death, was easing.

And when February rolled around, we were back on the ice. Only, this time, I wasn't the one in net. I was helping Kayden as a volunteer with All For Play's sledge hockey series.

After the volunteers—which included me, Jace, and Dane—helped get the kids into their sleds, Kayden pulled me aside.

"What do you think?" Kayden asked.

Proud parents were filling up the stands, waving, and taking pictures of the kids.

I glanced at him. "I think this is the most fun I've had on the ice since I started playing hockey."

"I told you," Kayden teased me.

"Yeah, yeah." I rubbed my nose with my middle finger.

Then I remembered who might be looking. Shit.

Kayden chuckled and squeezed my waist. "Can't take you anywhere."

"And yet, you do," I responded tartly.

"How about taking you home?" he asked me.

I swallowed hard. "You mean, like, meet the parents, home?"

"Yep."

"That's a big step."

Kayden nodded. "It is. But it doesn't have to be next week or next month. When you're ready."

Could I really do this? What if they didn't like me? And since when did I care about what other people thought of me? Since Kayden.

"And they'll love you," he added. "Because I do."

I'd never get used to Kayden saying those words.

"Your parents weren't happy about the whole ‘dating a teammate' thing back at Christmas, right?" I replied. "What's changed?"

"What's our standing?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "We're the top-ranked team."

Kayden smirked. "Exactly. This is the best we've ever played. Our stats speak for themselves. And it's not just hockey. I'm doing better in school than I have in years, thanks to your support. I'm happy. Really fucking happy. And my parents know it because I talk about you constantly."

I bit my lower lip. "And what about the future? Going pro?"

"When we get drafted, we'll deal with it."

"You're confident," I replied, unable to contain a grin. "It's fucking hot, Kay."

"Don't give me that look, bee. Not now."

"What look?" I teased, licking my lips.

"You know exactly what look." Kayden shook his head and started skating backward. "Go teach the next generation how to be a goaltender."

"Never thought I'd be doing that," I quipped as I skated towards him.

"And yet, here you are."

"It's all because of you," I insisted.

Kayden cocked his head, a lock of his wavy hair falling into his hazel eyes. "It's us. Together. We make a great team, right?"

I caught up to him and took hold of Kayden's hand. There was no denying the truth.

"Best one ever."