Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

MADDOX

I hadn't heard from—or seen—Kayden for days. I should be ecstatic, grateful, so fucking relieved that the guy was no longer hounding me. There were no annoying text messages or sudden pop-ups at the gym. I had time to myself. Alone. It was perfect, great. Sort of.

Sunday was still bothering me. The way Kayden suddenly up and left the library, out of nowhere. I didn't know what was wrong, but it was something. I hadn't been my usual pissy self. But that wouldn't have deterred Kayden anyway.

So, what had happened? Why did he take off like that?

Kayden shouldn't have been preoccupying any of my thoughts, but he was. And I didn't like it. I didn't angst over other people and their problems. Selfish bastard 101; I worry about myself and that's pretty much it. That, and hockey.

And now I was nervous as hell going into our next practice. Me.

Fuck it.

I wanted Kayden to get lost, and he did. Why should I care how it happened, only that it did?

Don't go asking for trouble.

I headed for the locker room and got into my gear. I'd arrived a half hour early so I wouldn't chance meeting anyone else. But Dane was already here, and Jace too. I nodded at them, and they gave me a wide berth.

No sign of Kayden yet. Not that I was looking for him or anything.

I headed for the rink, and spotted Silas. Another player looking for early ice time. But then I realized that he wasn't alone. Coach was standing on the other side of the boards, gesturing at him. Silas said something that had Banning throwing his hands up in the air before stalking off. I was too far away to hear the exchange. When Silas slid onto the rink and skated away, he slammed his stick on the ice.

Tempers were running hot, so this was going to be an interesting fucking practice.

Soon, the rest of the team joined us, including Kayden. He looked like his usual self, smiling and joking with Dane, Ethan, Julian, Finn, and Sean. The other goalie started laughing at something Kayden said, and Kayden playfully shoved him. Fine. He could bug Sean from now on.

Suddenly, Axel skated by and nearly collided with Jace.

"Watch it, Rowland," Axel grumbled. "Maybe if you pay more attention to what you're doing, we'll win next time."

"I've had enough of your shit attitude and your stupid comments," Jace snapped back. "Back off and leave me alone."

"You're good at that, right? Using people and then leaving," Axel bit out and took off down the ice.

What the hell was that about?

Coach Banning re-appeared and skated to center ice. "Okay, let's go! Get warmed up and then get ready for new drills!"

Kayden completely ignored me, skating past without saying a word. I should've been elated. This was what I wanted. I asked him to leave me alone and now he finally was. So why did I feel like total shit? And why was I thinking about him at all?

"Melnyk, Moss, Hudak, Baran," Banning shouted. "Over here."

I watched as Kayden skated away, and a strange lump lodged in my throat. I reached for my water bottle and took a sip, but that didn't help matters at all.

"You think we're going to work out the kinks by the next game?" Sean asked me.

"We better."

The next two hours were nothing but drills, more drills, and sweat. Lots and lots of sweat. I was exhausted by the end of it. Probably because I forced myself not to be snarky for once. I made eye contact with the guys, I said a few encouraging words, and I kept my resting bitch face to a minimum. Much as I loved to do my own thing, Kayden was right. This was a team sport and if I wanted to succeed, I had to be all in.

We'd all loosened up, and it looked to me like Silas and Kayden finally found a rhythm together. And the rest of the guys, like Axel and Jace, put their attitudes and tension aside and worked hard.

Once practice was called to an end, I watched as player after player left the ice. Kayden was hanging with Dane, joking around. But the defenseman still hadn't acknowledged me. I didn't know what burned worse, that, or his overeager friendliness.

Enough.

I couldn't take it anymore.When Dane took off down the ice, and Kayden skated around my net, I caved.

"Why did you leave the library?" I asked him.

"What's it to you? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone."

"I did," I replied. "I do."

"And?" Kayden asked without looking at me.

"And, nothing. Fine," I bit back. "Fuck off."

"Why don't you save your breath and get that printed on your jersey instead of your number?" Kayden snapped and skated away.

Normally, I don't leave my net until I'm good and ready, but my temper ran hot. I needed an answer and not a bullshit runaround.

Not one to let anyone have the last word, I followed him.

"Hey!" I called out. "I want to know what's going on. Are you playing a game with me?"

Kayden turned around and this time, he was the one with angry fire in his eyes. I was shocked, my heart racing, my pulse pounding in my ears, drowning out any other noise around me.

He shook his head. "The real question is, are you?"

"The only game I play is hockey, so the answer to your question is no. Now stop talking in circles, and say what you mean. One moment we were reading each other's essay, the next?—"

Kayden scoffed and looked away. " You wrote an essay. Like a PhD thesis. And I wrote… I wrote shit."

"What?"

Wait. This is all about that econ essay?

"I'm sure you had a good laugh about it," he continued. "Stupid Kayden who can't write. Were you gonna tell everyone on the team about how dumb I am?"

His assumption hit me like a two hundred pound skater at full speed. He thought I was going to do that to him? Then again, he didn't know me at all.

"I don't think it and I would never say it. You're making an accusation that has no basis in fact. I offered to help you. Now you're accusing me of what? Making fun of you? I didn't fucking do that. And I wouldn't."

Kayden looked up and finally met my gaze. "It hit me in the library that maybe you were, you know, getting close to me just to turn around and?—"

"And what, bully you?"

Kayden nodded, biting his lower lip. "It's happened before. I start to trust someone, and then they do a one-eighty and blindside me. It's like getting cross-checked from behind. It hurts worse because you're not prepared."

I yanked off my mask, finally able to breathe.

"You don't know me, and I don't know you. But I'll tell you something; what you see is what you get. If I have an opinion about you, I'll say it. Flat out. I don't evade, I don't play mind games, and I don't fucking bully."

Kayden said nothing. He stared at me for a moment and…skated away.

Whatever. I had no more talk left in me. This . This was why I didn't bother making friends. What a fucking headache. And it stung. Given my sharp mouth, it wasn't surprising that Kayden thought the worst of me. Who was I kidding? I wasn't good for anyone, not as a friend, and least of all for someone like him.

I slowly made my way down the ice, back to my net. I waited there for a while, alone, letting the cold and the quiet calm me.

Once I was ready, I headed for the boards. The locker room had to be empty by now. And when I got there, thankfully, it was. I undressed and headed for the showers.

Only, I was wrong. There was a player here. And, since it was an open shower room, I could clearly see that the player in question was Kayden.

Hot water sluiced down his broad back, between his shoulder blades and lower, over his taut ass. I stopped short because I couldn't stop staring at him, my mouth suddenly dry.

Kayden was…fuck, I couldn't deny it. The guy was hot as hell. There. I'd said it. I could admit when a guy was fit. It's not like I was immune to good-looking people. And he was. Nothing but hard muscles and smooth skin that was marred only by hockey bruises and sprinkled with golden hair. And freckles. Everywhere.

He lifted his head back and the water poured down over him. The scene reminded me of a Greek statue coming to life. Then I imagined Kayden trying to sit still long enough to pose for an artist and I bit back a laugh. Man, I had to stop doing that. Laughing. And staring at my teammate's body. Especially that big, round hockey ass.

But it was his posture—hands on the wall, shoulders slumped—that had me concerned.

Before I could think about it, I wandered into the room and turned on the shower across from him. I could've sworn I felt his eyes on me. And my cock—wayward bastard that he was—started to get hard. Okay, it chubbed up when I walked in here and saw Kayden naked, but now my dick was getting to full mast and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Think of something, anything, to calm down.

With my back to him, I scrubbed up and ignored my dick. Which was painfully hard, curled up against my abs.

Flashes of someone touching me, jerking me off, flooded my mind and I couldn't shut it off. But the hand that was touching me wasn't a woman's. It was big and calloused, the rough grip teasing my skin. Worst of all? The hand was covered in freckles.

Stop it.

Despite deep breaths and repeated attempts to calm down, my erection didn't flag. Neither did the images of me and Kayden.

I heard Kayden's shower shut off and prayed that he was going to leave and leave now. Why the fuck had I wandered in here? To clean up, duh. But as soon as I saw him, I should've waited. Why couldn't I just wait until he was done?

When his footsteps got farther and farther away, I breathed a sigh of relief. Glancing around, and now that I was alone, I poured more soap into my hand and tugged on my cock, jerking off hard and fast. I shouldn't be doing this, not here, not now, but I didn't care. I needed to come so badly. I closed my eyes, and all I could see was Kayden kneeling at my feet, his big hand stroking my dick.

Oh fuck.

My hand moved faster and faster, caught up in the fantasy of fucking Kayden's fist. He was moaning, and I was panting, ready to come.

"Suck me off," I bit out and imagined those plump lips of his wrapped around my dick. This part was oh-so-satisfying because finally, finally , I got to shut Kayden up. And get off while doing it.

The vision of me fucking his face totally did me in. I jolted, trembled, the intense pleasure snaking up my spine and sparking every nerve ending in my body. My balls pulled up tight, and with one more stroke, I came hard, lashing the wet tile with my load.

Holy shit. I hadn't come that hard in a long time. And I hadn't jerked off to fantasies of myself with a guy. That was a first. But hot. Like the hottest damn jerk off, ever. Did this mean I was gay or bi? I'd been numb for so long that I didn't think I could feel anything for anyone. I'd hardly taken any interest in sex.

But I guess things were changing.

It was all Kayden's fault. My teammate. My classmate. My roommate on the road. The guy who was driving me nuts and making me feel things I had no desire to feel.

It was one wank session, let it go.

Easier said than done.