21. Chapter 21

21

T he first thing I notice is my back and ass are on fire. The second thing is my arm is still wrapped around Jace in front of me. And the third, someone is behind me with their arm around my waist.

"Shh, go back to sleep," Ryker whispers in my ear. Rolling my eyes, I do close them, but sleeping is the last thing on my mind. No, instead I want to know why Ryker is behind me, cuddling.

"You're not going to go to sleep, are you?" he murmurs.

I shake my head, feeling his chin on the top of my head. Of course, I can't sleep. What the hell does he think this is? I know what he did last night, I might be some mafia princess, who was sheltered most of my life and then tossed to a bunch of monsters that ruined me. But that doesn't mean I'm stupid. Ryker did what he wanted to me, not that I minded. And because the emotions ran too high, he handed me off to Jace.

"I seem to be in the giving mood, ask me what you want?" Ryker utters.

Wiggling my arm off Jace, I scoot back some so I can use my hands. I don't think or question why he wants to talk now. I'm too afraid he'll change his mind .

How do you know ASL?

Ryker's eyes watch my hands before he peeks over at me. While I've been close to Ryker before, I feel as if this is the first time I've been able to actually see him. On the outside, he's your typical scary guy, with tactical gear, a mask, a red flag of sexual desires. But one look into those hazel eyes, and I know he's just hiding.

"I had a sister, Laia. She was born deaf."

Had. Past tense, I don't have to ask to know what he means. She's dead.

Are you always going to wear a mask around me?

Ryker's eyes shift as if he's frowning, but just as soon as it appears it's gone. He had expected me to ask more about his family. And as much as I want to, I have other questions that I have a greater chance of getting answered.

"I'm not sure."

Are you ugly?

That makes him laugh, and I want to beg to see him smile.

"I'm not sure, no one has seen my face to tell me if I'm ugly or not."

You took your mask off last night, didn't you? That's why you had me face forward.

Ryker nods. "Alright, enough questions, pet."

Sighing, I turn back towards Jace and bury my face in his back again. Ryker scoots closer, squeezing my waist. "Hang out with me tomorrow. Maybe I'll be in the mood to answer more of your questions."

It's not long before Ryker snores into my ear and for the first time ever, I feel safe. Jace in front of me and Ryker behind me.

When I wake up again, both Jace and Ryker are gone. I stretch my arms above my head, the sharp pain from my back and ass shooting down to my toes. Fluffing my pillow up, I roll onto my stomach facing the side window. Growing up, there were days when I was able to look out the window, dreaming of the moment I could walk away from the mafia life. I know this isn't a life someone would choose. I wouldn't. I was born into it, and I hate it. I hate that I hate it. Dad and Mom have their moments, all parents do. But at least Tobias and I weren't abused. We had food and water. We were taken care of.

So why do I hate it so much?

Nope, I won't think about it any longer. I refuse to dwell in the boohoo parade I'm having for myself. Easing off the bed, I slip on a clean pair of leggings and swap out my sweatshirt for a long sleeve. Glancing down at myself, I bite down on my bottom lip. My skin itches to put the thing back on, to hide under the hood. I know they've both seen my neck, they've seen the scars.

Before I can think too much about it, I pull on a pair of socks and swing the door open. Jace stands in the kitchen at the stove. Looking around, I don't see Ryker. Not that I had expected him to stay or hell, even be around.

Pulling a stool out, I ease down, wincing a bit when Jace peeks over his shoulder at me.

"Good morning, Sunshine."

Good morning, I sign back, hoping he would remember .

"I'm thinking we should have sign language lessons each day," Jace announces turning back towards the stove. Touching the corner of my head, I sign, Why? While it's been nice having Ryker know ASL, I'm so used to no one taking the time to understand or learn it. I know Jace had mentioned it before, but I thought that was him just trying to be nice. He wouldn't talk about it twice if he wasn't serious, right?

Not saying anything, I watch Jace pull three plates down, splitting up whatever he was cooking on the stove. From the looks of it, pancakes, and then he pulls fruit out of the fridge. Pressing my lips together, I can't lie and say I'm a little hurt that there are no cinnamon rolls. Every day since we've been here, I've had a fresh cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll waiting.

Way to sound like a spoiled brat.

"You forgot something."

Jumping in my seat, my head swings around, eyes snapping up, finding Ryker staring down at me.

"What are you talking about?" Jace asks. I can hear him placing the plates down on the table, but I don't turn around. And neither does Ryker. Are we having a moment? I can't tell. I'm only confident when there's conflict. I'm protecting myself, but now with him standing over me, looking scary, all I can think about is him cuddling me early this morning. Answering my questions and fuck, he was cuddling me.

"You made pancakes. You're getting fruit," Ryker looks away from me finally. Swinging around, I shrug at Jace, confused about what Ryker was trying to get at.

"Spell it out for me, Ryker. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Where's her cinnamon rolls?" Ryker asks, stepping out from behind me.

Jace glances down at me before looking back up at Ryker. I feel like I'm caught in the middle, and all because I'm a brat and love cinnamon rolls. I don't want them to fight but I don't get a chance to wave my hands around, to try and explain that it's fine before Jace is answering him.

"I thought something with a little protein in it would be better for you two since you're taking her around the woods today. "

My face and neck heat, realizing Jace must have heard our conversation. Which means he knew Ryker was behind me, and my throat fell into my stomach. I have no idea if they know I am messing around with both of them. It would make sense if they knew since Ryker handed me off to Jace early this morning. But that doesn't necessarily mean they know . They're men for fuck's sake, and men are blind to almost everything.

"Where's the cinnamon roll from this morning?" Ryker asks.

"Still in the room."

I frown, my head bouncing back and forth between them. Having a whole conversation as if I'm not even here. Folding my arms over my chest, I sit back, flexing my fingers. I usually would pull my hood over my head, to hide away from the tension. But I feel safe for a moment; I know they won't judge the scars, but now I'm feeling too vulnerable.

"Promise me you'll at least eat half the pancake; there's some protein in it. I don't want you passing out while you're out there," Jace says, gaining my attention.

Looking up, I cock my head to the side. Something changed and I'm not sure what. After Ryker choked me, I was so upset with Jace for not stopping it. Or I blamed my anger on that. Truthfully, I was upset that I enjoyed it so much. I wanted Ryker's hands on me again. I wanted to feel his fingers stretching around my throat, forcing the air from my lungs. I wanted Jace to watch as I enjoyed the pain, and then I wanted Jace to ask me if I was okay. To make me feel okay that I liked what his psycho friend did to me. So, while I locked Jace out of his own room, I formed my plan to invade Ryker's room. What I hadn't expected was to be fucked with a knife and then whipped with a belt.

"Here," Ryker snaps. Pressing my lips together, I look at what he slides onto the table, a Hostess cinnamon roll sits there.

How did you know I like cinnamon rolls? I sign.

"Jace had me pick them up at the store and I've never known Jace to eat them," Ryker says, reaching over to grab a plate. Pressing my lips together, I'm unsure how to feel about it. Ryker is being nice to me, and it's odd. He wants something, but I'm not sure what. Jace even tilts his head to the side, looking at Ryker as if he grew two heads.

"I'll be outside chopping wood," Ryker announces. He turns around without waiting for Jace to say anything, or for me to sign.

Peering at Jace over my shoulder, we share the same look. Something changed in Ryker, and I wasn't sure if it was all that good.

I sit outside on the steps of the cabin, watching Ryker chop wood. It's probably one of the hottest things I've seen in my twenty years of life.

While I stare at Ryker, I can feel Jace's eyes on me. Grabbing my whiteboard from beside me, I write Why are you staring? on it. Handing it over without even so much as moving my head, Jace chuckles before taking it.

"Maybe you're just so beautiful."

Rolling my eyes, the corner of my lips tip up. I'm not sure how he could think that. I'm scarred and damaged.

"You are beautiful, Sunshine."

I look at Jace, searching for the lie. He has to be lying. It makes me feel weird and I'm not sure how to handle it. It's easier with Ryker, he calls me things that those men said when we were taken. It's messed up that I'd rather be called a whore than beautiful.

"Do you like him more?" Jace whispers, his eyes flicking between Ryker and me. My eyebrows pull together, and my fingers go numb. I swear I feel my heart fall into my stomach. How can he think that? "Most girls do, the mask usually does it. He's just…he's more dominant and controlling. I would unders—" I don't know where I got the sudden pair of balls, but I slam my lips against his. Jace doesn't move his lips and neither do I.

I can feel Ryker's eyes on us, but instead of deterring me away, I find myself getting turned on with the idea of him watching Jace and me. I'm not sure who moves their lips first, but it's Jace who shoves his tongue into my mouth.

His hand tightens on my thigh before he reaches around my neck, dragging me further into him. Our tongues fight for dominance and all I want to do is hand myself over to him. I might not know everything that happened to Jace when he was younger, besides the small bits he's given me. But I trust him. I can't explain the depth of faith I have in Jace.

My tongue slides across his lips and into his mouth, curling around his tongue. I need more of him, more of both, but especially Jace. I lift my hands to his face, needing to feel his skin under my palms. Jace bites down on my tongue, my hands gripping the roots of his hair. I know I'm messing his hair up, but he doesn't seem to mind.

Just as things start to pick up, Jace pulls back, breathing heavily. I'm so scared of his rejection that I don't open my eyes. I don't want to face him. I hate being lost in my mind for a moment of peace, only to lose it when I look into his eyes.

"Look at me, Sunshine," Jace murmurs, brushing some hair out of my face. I freeze, feeling the wind against my skin. I hold my breath, blinking my eyes open.

"I think you've proved your point," Jace whispers.

I smile, my anxiety slowly disappearing. Only to be reminded that Ryker was right there, watching both of us.

Can I have both?