Chapter Thirteen

Thirteen

Shawn

It’s the last day of the engagement photos with Shanna and Mark. I’m going to miss seeing them every day. And I’m going to miss the fuck out of Charleston. So much so that I’ve even started thinking about maybe staying a couple more weeks. My next job doesn’t start until next month, and it’s not like I have a family to return to.

And Lucas is here. I haven’t talked to him about it, but I think he’d be happy to hear I’m considering it. These past few days with him have been so amazing. They’ve reminded me of all the reasons why started falling in love with him back when we were just teenagers. The way his face lights up when he smiles, the fierce protectiveness of the people he loves. The quiet strength that has me feeling like everything will be okay.

I know that no one can take away the trauma of everything I’ve lived through, but being with Lucas helps me deal with it better. Nothing feels too scary or too big when I’m with him.

Something squawks nearby, pulling me from my thoughts, and I turn to see a large sandhill crane making its way across the yard of the small church.

Mark laughs. “Wow, haven’t seen one of those in a while. You know they’re associated with good luck and happiness?”

“It seems like you’ve got plenty of that already,” I tease, returning my focus to my camera so I can make sure I got all the shots I wanted.

Shanna wraps her arms around Mark and squeezes him tightly. “We do. Hopefully, the crane was showing up for you.”

My lips pull up in a smile. “That’d be nice. I could use some.”

The bird squawks again before wandering off behind the church. This is the place Mark and Shanna are holding their wedding ceremony, and they want me to take one of the photos today and use it for their official wedding invitation.

We sit at a picnic table and drink some lemonade from a nearby deli while I go over each photo with them. It takes them a while to choose which one they want to use, but I’m more than happy to just sit with them while they decide. The only other thing I plan on doing today is going to see Natalie again. Then Lucas. I think I’m going to talk to him about maybe staying in Charleston for a bit longer. Seeing where we go from there.

Just the idea of it has warmth spreading through my body. I would love to make this become something bigger with Lucas. Even if the thought of it is a little terrifying.

“This one,” Shanna says, turning the camera screen to show me. “It’s perfect.”

I glance down at one of the photos I took during the middle of the shoot, where Mark and Shanna are in the front with the church in the background. The sun is streaming down behind them, turning Shanna’s hair gold and making everything in the picture look happy and content.

“Great choice,” I tell them, making a note in my phone of which one to use before looking back up at them. “You guys were great to work with.”

Shanna beams as we stand from the table and throw our cups away. “You were great to work with too. You made this whole process so easy, and I never felt stressed at any point.”

“That’s good. You’re not supposed to. Your engagement photos are supposed to be a happy time for you.”

We walk to the parking lot together, and Shanna hangs back while Mark goes to get their car from where he parked it down the street.

“You seem a little happier,” she says, turning to look at me.

“I am a little happier.”

“Good.” She gives me a hug, squeezing me tightly. “You deserve to be happy, Shawn.”

“Thank you.” I return her smile as she pulls away. She’s the first person to ever say that to me. And I’m going to try to be strong enough to believe her.

***

I feel strangely content as I head to the cemetery. Spending time with Mark and Shanna is always good, and I’m really happy with the way their photos turned out. I’m also incredibly thankful the job led me here. I never intended to go back to Charleston, but I’m glad I did, even if it was hard.

It led me back to Lucas. And there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t trade for the chance with him.

I park and get out of my car, taking in a deep breath of the summer air. This time of year always makes me think of Natalie. I came to live with them midway through the summer, and Natalie spent pretty much every day at the beach, usually dragging both me and Lucas with her. It didn’t long for me to start looking forward to our time there.

I’m almost to Natalie’s grave when I see a figure hunched over the tombstone, and I stop abruptly. I’d recognize Richard Miller anywhere. We haven’t spoken since the night I went to their place for dinner, and I don’t want to break that streak.

I take a step back, trying to leave quietly, but my foot lands on some twigs, and they snap loudly in the quiet cemetery.

Richard jerks his head up and glances around before his gaze lands on me. His eyes narrow, and his hands fold into fists. “Shawn.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, taking another step back. “I didn’t know anyone else would be here. I’ll come back later.”

“Or you could come back never.” His voice is low, so full of anger that it’s a little startling. He had a bit of a temper when I was younger, but nothing scary. He sounds like a whole different person now.

“Okay,” I say because I’m not sure what else I should tell him. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, like he’s disgusted with me. “I don’t want you back in my son’s life. Just because you make him happy doesn’t mean you’re good for him.”

I stay silent, wishing I’d never come in here. I should’ve just gone straight back to the hotel. All the certainty I felt just a couple hours ago is evaporating quickly. Now I feel like I’m sixteen years old again. Like I need to run away before I get hurt, or someone I care about gets hurt.

Richard takes a step toward me. “Natalie was perfectly healthy until you came into her life. As soon as you were in our house, she got sick. You spread darkness everywhere you go, don’t you?”

I can’t give him a response. My tongue is suddenly too heavy to move. I try to tell myself that this is simply his grief talking. I can smell alcohol on him. He wouldn’t be saying this in normal circumstances.

Richard moves toward me suddenly, so quicky that I barely see him approach. Up close, I see his eyes are wet and rimmed with red. He looks so different from that put together person I remember from all those years ago.

“You gave my daughter that disease,” Richard spits. “You killed her, and if you stay with Lucas, you’re going to do the same thing to him. Didn’t you ever wonder why no one wanted you? Why no one loved you? It’s because everyone could see who you really are.”

My throat is tight as I stare into Richard’s dark gaze. I know he’s wrong. I don’t know why Natalie was chosen to get sick, but I didn’t cause that to happen. But what if Richard is right about the darkness? What if I’ll only bring more pain into Lucas’s life the longer I stay with him? Or…what if he’ll eventually realize I’m not worth anything, and he leaves me just like everyone else?

How could I possibly be thinking about staying? I’ve always been the one who runs away. Sometimes because the home was too bad to stay in. And sometimes I did it so I could leave before the other person did.

It’s kept me alive this long.

Richard’s still looking at me, so I take a deep breath and say, “I’m sorry about Natalie. But you don’t have to worry about Lucas. I’m leaving Charleston. I promise I won’t come back.”