22. 22

22

Kalle

S o I did that.

I don't know what's worse: I'm freaking out because I finally said something to Edie, but at the same time I'm kicking myself that I didn't kiss her.

I should have kissed her.

She was right—it was the perfect time, only we were already in her bed and if I kissed her, we might have stayed there a lot longer

We probably would have. Definitely.

I would have wanted to, and that would have rushed it.

Edie shouldn't be rushed. I've waited sixteen years for this and it needs to be perfect.

If this is what she wants.

What if she doesn't?

I'm not going there.

When I escape to the washroom, I find my pants are still damp but I pull them on anyway. I don't bother with the shirt because it's no problem running across the alley bare-chested.

Edie catches me when I'm at the door, holding the sweatshirt I left in the washroom. "You can't leave."

"Sweetheart, I don't think it's a good idea if I stay. "

I see the moment Edie realizes what I mean. "Oh. Ah. I just meant you can't leave like that." She reaches out like she wants to touch my chest, just like the Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter moment in the Captain America movie.

Maybe it's childish, but I can't help puffing a little with pride. "What's wrong with this?"

Edie rolls her eyes. "If you walk out of here without a shirt, someone will see and take a picture and I don't especially think it's the right moment to deal with that, do you?"

I laugh, and she goes ahead and rests her hand against my chest before pushing the sweatshirt back at me. "There's nothing wrong about this, by the way," she says with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Good to know." I pause with my hand on the door handle, and look down on her. So sweet and sleep-rumpled, brown eyes shining and those full lips—

I need to leave. But still, I hesitate. "Will this be okay?"

"Us?" I nod. "I think we can make it work." It guts me that she sounds so uncertain. How can she convince me if she's unsure? Maybe we should—

"I can't lose you," I mutter.

Edie cups my cheek with her hand. "You won't."

I really hope not.

Edie doesn't start work until four today, so I'm stuck with my own company for the day, since Dillon and Chase have the day off. I've never gotten close to their replacements, mainly because they usually stay in the car and don't say much when they follow me around.

The rain continues, sheets of it pouring down but the thunder and lightning seem to have stopped. The bar isn't as busy as it's like the town can feel we're near the end of it.

Or else they're sick of my place.

I change the kegs for Bethie, spend a nice half hour talking to Lennie Tak, and even throw some darts with Ken McKibbon. I get the paperwork finished before Edie tells me to do it.

I text her sixteen times.

I spend the rest of the time thinking about her.

Edie has been a constant for half of my life. She's the only person other than my family that I completely trust to have my back. Thinking about changing the dynamic between us should be terrifying, but instead, I find myself impatient.

Regretful. Why didn't we figure this out earlier? We wasted so much time. Or did we? Would it have worked between us?

Will it work now?

What if the first time I kiss her, Edie decides I'm not enough. I'm not what she wants.

I doubt that will happen, but there is the uncertainty of the future. Edie knows what I want—I want her. I want her… forever.

Do I really? And is it only because I think she can steady me if I become king?

What if I wasn't going to be king? Would I still want Edie England?