Chapter 75

75

JASON

When Zach walked in the door Tuesday evening, I knew Sean hadn't been at practice. Everything about him screamed defeat. I tried to coax him into talking about it, but he waved me off, saying he just wanted to shower and head to bed.

When he'd woken in the throes of one of his nightmares, I'd helped him work through it, going through the grounding techniques we'd been taught, until he collapsed in my arms, and we'd both gone back to sleep.

This morning, I'd risen before him, and with a restlessness I couldn't contain, I decided to head over to my house and catch up on some chores I'd neglected since I spent most of my time at Zach's. He'd been so tired that he hadn't even moved when I'd kissed his cheek before leaving.

I was worried that this whole situation with Sean had triggered a depressive episode on top of the PTSD he was still trying to get a handle on. I had no idea if he'd shared any of what was going on with his therapist, and his appointment with the psychiatrist wasn't for another week, which left me feeling helpless.

By lunchtime, I'd scrubbed both bathrooms and vacuumed the entire house, but I was still just as restless and irritable. Needing a break, I headed to my truck and started her up.

Ten minutes later, I was pulling into the lot of the diner. I found a spot and killed the ignition, taking a moment to stare at the front of the restaurant. I had no business coming here like this. Sarah was likely in the middle of the lunch rush, and I honestly didn't even know what I would say to her anyway.

But the radio silence was killing me. I'd been so focused on supporting Zach that I hadn't realized how much I was hurting too. I missed Sean. I missed all of them. It felt like we'd been cut off from half our family.

Resolved, I got out of the truck and walked inside. The diner wasn't as busy as I would have expected during the lunch hour, but I took a seat at the counter, not wanting to take up a table.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah came up behind me, holding a pitcher of water. Her voice held no venom. She simply seemed tired. And maybe a little resigned.

"I just want to talk. Please."

She sighed, surveying the tables in the dining area. "Give me twenty minutes."

I ordered an iced tea and sipped it while I waited, scrolling socials on my phone without really taking any of it in until Sarah sat in the empty chair next to me. "Both of my tables just tabbed out, but if another one comes in, I'll have to cut this short."

I nodded, taking in her appearance now that she was sitting in front of me long enough to get a good look. I assumed she was in her early thirties, but the dark circles under her eyes and the pallor of her skin had her looking several years older. From the moment I'd met her, she'd looked world-weary, but there'd always been a fire inside her. A determination to do what had to be done. Now, she looked like a boxer who'd gone nine rounds and didn't have any fight left. "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

I ducked my head, searching her eyes. "Are you?"

She blew out a breath. "What do you want me to say? I'm the same as always. I work. I take care of the kids. Rinse and repeat."

"Did you end up getting a second job?"

"No." She pushed a stray piece of hair off her face. "Sean was right. There really wasn't a way for me to squeeze it in."

"What about your car?"

"I'm handling it, okay?" She glared at me, a little of that fight coming back into her eyes. "I think we've established that's really none of your business."

"You're right. It's not my business. But I'm not asking just to be nosy. I'm asking because I care. Zach and I have been worried sick about you guys."

She snorted. "Did Zach send you here today?"

"No. He doesn't know I'm here. But he was heartbroken when Sean wasn't at practice last night."

"Even if I could get him to practice, I don't think that's a good idea. Zach and Sean…they're too attached to each other."

"Is it really such a bad thing? The two of them being so close? For Sean to have someone else looking out for him after all he's been through?"

"It confuses him. He wanted to move in with you guys, for fuck's sake."

I was silent a moment, weighing my words. It was very possible I could make this entire situation worse if I wasn't careful. "Look, I won't deny that Zach would adopt Sean in a heartbeat if you allowed it?—"

"I knew it! I knew he was trying to take Sean away from me!"

"It's not that he wants to take him away, it's just that…" I ran my hand through my hair, picking through my words. "Okay, so his mom died when he was sixteen. His father was hard on him, and he and his sister were close, but I think he felt that because he was older, he had to be the strong one. He put on a brave face for the world when everything inside him was crumbling. So, while his family circumstances were different from Sean's, I think he sees a lot of himself in the kid. There's a bond there that I don't think you or I could ever understand.

"So, yes, he wants to adopt Sean, but it's not because he wants to take him from you. He's just a man with an overabundance of love to give, and he wants to give that love to Sean."

"What about you? What do you want? The two of you are pretty serious, right? Are you going to add a thirteen-year-old kid with trauma into the middle of your relationship? You guys think you're going to play house?" She snorted, the sound of it full of sarcasm and snark. "Wait until he comes home sullen and barely talks for days. Or gives you an attitude for asking him to do something as simple as picking up his socks. What about when he just stops doing his homework and nothing you say or do can convince him to do it?

"Raising kids is hard. He's past the age of middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes. Everyone thinks that's the hard part, but raising a teen—that's when the real work starts. Once they hit middle school, you get just a few more years to keep them on the right track before launching them into the world and hoping they're good, self-sufficient humans."

The door chimed, announcing new customers. "I need to get back to work." Sarah stood from the stool and turned to look at me. "For what it's worth, I think you and Zach have good intentions. But I don't think you have any idea what you'd be getting into. And the bottom line is my sister left Sean in my care. I love that boy, and I'm honoring my sister's wishes to the best of my ability. I need you to leave it be."

She started to push past me, but I put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Will you at least consider letting us see him again? Even if it's just for soccer practice? We miss him. We miss all of you."

She peered up at me, her gaze inscrutable as she considered. "I'll think about it."