Chapter 74

74

ZACH

I don't think anyone could have prepared me for just how much it would hurt to have the kid I hadn't even realized I wanted taken from me in just a matter of hours. Worse still, I was even more worried about his mental health under the circumstances, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Jason tried to get me to talk about it, but I couldn't. I knew I should bring it up with my therapist, but I couldn't bring myself to do that either. It was as if everything was locked up inside me, and I didn't have the key to release it.

For days after, I went through the motions. I managed tryouts for the high school age group. I buried myself in the administrative work involved with getting the season rolling in the fall. Walked the job site with the contractors of the new soccer facility due to open in the spring.

Jason and I continued our morning jogs. We had Drea and my father over for dinner. Went to one of Sammy's art shows. Hung out with Rafi and his family. I'd wanted a mundane, ordinary life, and we were living it. But it was empty. Something was missing, and it wasn't hard to identify it.

"School started this week."

We'd taken our coffees down to sit in the Adirondack chairs on the dock. Rain had rolled through the night before, taking the oppressive heat and humidity with it, leaving the air comfortable for the first time in weeks.

Jason turned to look at me. "I know. I've been trying not to think about it all week."

I returned his gaze. "Do you think he's okay? Do you think they got the school supplies they needed?"

He shrugged, but I could see the sadness written on his face. "I think Sarah made it pretty clear that wasn't our problem."

I sighed, trying to release some of the frustration inside of me. It had been bubbling just below the surface for weeks now, making me feel irritable and snappy. Jason and I had bickered more than once recently over really stupid, unimportant shit, and I knew it was because of the toll the situation was taking on both of us.

"Do you think we should reach out? Surely, she's cooled off by now. Maybe she'd be more willing to listen."

"What are you going to say? That you want to adopt him? I know you've been researching it."

"I just want to know our options," I said, feeling defensive. "I figured it didn't hurt to have the information."

He reached out and took my hand, gentling his tone. "There are plenty of other kids out there who need good homes. It doesn't have to be Sean."

"I know. But I can't let go of it. Adopting Sean is a stretch, but I still worry about him. I worry about all of them. A part of me is so mad at Sarah, but I can't help but worry about her too."

"I love your big heart," he said, stroking his thumb across the back of my hand.

"I learned it by watching you."

He leaned over, and I met him halfway for a kiss.

"You have your first practices this week, right? Let's see if Sean shows up before we do anything."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks for being patient with me."

"It's hard on me too. Just remember, we're in this together."

"I know. Some days, I think it's the only thing that gets me through."