Chapter 64

64

JASON

We spent the remainder of the afternoon and evening at Zach's house. Zach threw in another load of laundry and then joined me on the dock, where I read some more of my book and he caught up on one of his coaching podcasts. We traded glances and small touches—a hand on a knee, a brush of an elbow—as if we needed to remind ourselves that the other was really here.

As the sun sank lower in the sky, we heated up leftover chicken and pulled the cucumber salad out of the fridge, sitting out on the deck as we watched the sunset. I watched the way his dark chestnut hair caught the fading sunlight, the dark strands appearing almost coppery red. Zach caught me staring and raised a brow. "What?"

"You. Just you. You're beautiful."

He set his fork down, color flooding his cheeks, clearly at a loss for words.

"Looks have never been all that important to me. It's not that I don't notice other people's appearance. It's just that it doesn't really factor into how I perceive them. With you…I…"

A thought, a memory, really, popped into my head, and I chuckled. I couldn't believe I was actually considering sharing it. "Did I ever tell you the first time I had an inkling that I might be into you?"

He leaned back in his seat, giving me his full attention. "It was around Christmas, I think? I don't remember if you ever told me the exact timeline."

"It was Christmas that I figured out I was demi. But before that, around Thanksgiving, actually, was the first inkling I had that there might be an attraction happening. I just didn't understand what was going on or how to name what I was feeling."

"Okay…"

"Shit, I can't believe I'm telling you this." I pulled off my hat, running my fingers through my hair while I tried to find my words.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. "Well, you have to tell me now. You can't drop a hint like that and then not spill it."

"I'm getting there." I put my hat back on and decided to rip off the Band-Aid. "It was the day after Thanksgiving, I think, because you'd sent me some pictures of you and Drea at the Santa Monica Pier from earlier in the week. I don't know how many times I looked at those pictures, but I remember thinking it was the happiest I'd ever seen you. The expression on your face—your eyes were dancing and you had the biggest smile. I couldn't stop looking at it. You were beautiful. You still are beautiful."

"Jesus, J. You really know how to make a guy feel good."

I laughed. "I mean it. I don't usually notice other people's looks, but with you, I suppose I take notice."

"Thank you."

"Should we clean up and take a swim?"

"That sounds perfect."

By the time we'd loaded our dishes into the dishwasher and Zach had moved his wash to the dryer, the sun had set and stars were making their first appearance in the night sky.

We walked back out to the dock, stripping our shirts and shorts as we went, leaving us in just our underwear. Zach slid his thumbs beneath the waistband of his briefs and began lowering them. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off my underwear."

"This is a public lake," I hissed.

He laughed. "Not this part. Besides, I turned off all the lights except the ones that line the path. It's pitch black out here. No one can see anything."

He continued lowering his briefs, but I stood there, the good little rule-follower in me hesitating.

"Come on, where's the confident guy who invited me to shower sex earlier?"

"That guy thrives indoors. Outdoors, not so much."

Zach stepped toward me, closing the gap between us. The heat of his body so close to mine had my skin breaking out in goosebumps. "Come on, J…" He slid his fingers beneath my waistband, teasing the skin underneath. "Live a little."

Slowly, he lowered my briefs, allowing my erection to spring free. He bent and pressed my dick up with his hand so it was touching my belly, exposing the underside. He licked a stripe from root to tip, eliciting a groan. Then the fucker stood, winked at me, took off running down the dock, and jumped into the water.

I stood there for a solid five seconds, mouth gaping open while he splashed about in the lake. "Are you fucking serious?" I called out in disbelief.

"Watch it. Keep up that racket and the neighbors will come out to see what's going on. Do you really want Peggy Anderson from next door seeing you standing on my dock buck-ass naked?"

"Peggy Anderson? My fourth-grade teacher, Peggy Anderson?" I began walking down the dock toward the sound of his laughter.

"Oh shit. I forgot she's a retired teacher. Better get in here before she sees you."

Standing on the edge of the dock, I could just make out where he was treading water. I jumped, landing just enough off the right side of his body that I didn't hit him but close enough to catch him in the splash my big body made when it hit the water.

It wasn't very deep here, so I pushed off the sandy bottom of the lake, kicking my feet until my face broke the surface. I pushed the water out of my eyes and reached for him, pulling him into me for a kiss.

"You're a little shit, you know that?" I said playfully.

"It got you in the water, didn't it?"

I bent my head forward and nipped playfully at his shoulder before sliding my tongue up the column of his throat to the spot just behind his ear.

"Mmm," was his response. I could feel his breath catch as I nipped and sucked his earlobe. We were both treading water, our arms wrapped around each other while our legs worked to keep us afloat. I hadn't known my lifeguard training would come in so handy a decade later.

I worked my hands down his body as my lips traced a path across the line of his jaw and around to his other ear. The feel of his scruff against my lips was even more delicious than I'd imagined. When my hands reached the tight globes of his ass, I grabbed a handful and pulled him into me, groaning as our dicks brushed against each other.

"Fuck it," I said and began moving us closer to the shore until my feet touched the bottom comfortably. I released him so he could stand on his own, sliding my hand in front of me until it came in contact with his cock. I lined mine up next to his, taking both of us in my hand and stroking slowly.

"Jesus, J. That feels amazing."

"Mmm. It does." I slid my hand back and forth a few more times. "You know, I didn't finish my story up there at the table."

"What story?" He'd tipped his head forward so his words were muffled against my chest.

"There was more to the story about the picture."

"Yeah?"

I lost my train of thought for a moment when he flicked his tongue across my nipple, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my cock.

"You like it when I play with your nipple?" he asked teasingly.

"Apparently." I grunted as he continued his assault.

I began working my hand faster, shuttling back and forth over our cocks at a steady tempo.

"What's the rest of the story?" he panted.

"What? Oh. That day, the day after Thanksgiving, I was taking a shower, and I was thinking about that picture, and I realized I was semi-erect."

I lowered my free hand, cupping his sack and rolling his balls between my fingers as I jerked us faster and faster. His forehead rested on my chest again and his fingers dug into my hips as he held on.

"I jacked off in the shower that day. I still remember it because it wasn't something I did with a lot of frequency. I still don't, if I'm being honest. But I had an erection, and I jerked off, and when I tried to figure out what was different, why I'd gotten hard seemingly out of nowhere, I realized I'd been thinking of that picture."

"Oh God, J. I'm about to come."

"Me too," I ground out, teeth clenched with the exertion and the need to come.

He let out a sound, partial grunt, partial whine, like the keening of some wild animal, and then he was coming in my hand. I could feel the slick heat of it coating my fingers beneath the surface of the water as I continued to stroke us until, moments later, my own release was added to the mix. I gritted my teeth and grunted my way through it, determined to stay quiet enough that I wouldn't alert the neighbors. I certainly didn't need to be discovered frotting in the lake by my fourth-grade teacher.

"So basically," he said, between panting breaths, "you're telling me you jacked off to me in the shower?"

"Yup."

"But that was the first inkling? Like you still didn't know you were into me?"

God, Zach was a sassy fucker when he wanted to be.

"Shut up. You didn't know either."

He tipped his head up and kissed me. "It was actually the same weekend Clayton first suggested you were my boyfriend, which is what got the ball rolling for me."

I wrapped my arms around him, savoring the feel of his slick skin against mine and the sound of water gently lapping at the shore. "Our sisters were right. We really were idiots."

"One hundred percent. But we can't ever admit that, or we'll never hear the end of it."

"Oh, I'm not that stupid."

We both laughed, the sound of it whisked away on the breeze.

I tipped his chin up to mine so I could look into his eyes. "I know now…that I'm into you."

He kissed me, soft and sweet and tender. "Thank you. For giving this a chance. I know you said you forgave me, but it all still feels so surreal."

"What if I turn it around and thank you for coming back? For trying to make things right. It wasn't a small thing to come back here after all this time."

"You're thanking me for doing the right thing?"

"Not everyone would. I think most would chalk it up to a painful mistake they made at nineteen and would do their best to move past it. In fact, I think coming back here was very brave."

"You do?"

"I do. Now, no more unnecessary thank yous and apologies. From here on out, we're looking forward and not back. Okay?"

"You're amazing, you know that?"

Zach's eyes were filled with wonder as he looked at me, but I didn't really think I'd done or said anything that incredible. I just wasn't interested in rehashing the past over and over again. I'd meant it when I said I forgave him. And I meant it now when I said I wanted only to look forward.

"I'm not amazing. I'm just excited to see where the future takes us. I want a relationship with you. I want to call you my boyfriend and hold hands at the diner and have more lazy days like today. I want to take you to the county fair next weekend and go on dates in the city and come to soccer games to watch you coach. I want a future with you, but in order for that to work, we have to be equals."

I brushed my thumb over his cheekbone, then cupped his face. "I don't want you to feel like you're always having to make up for what happened before or like you owe me something. I forgave you, honey. Maybe it's time you forgive yourself."

He closed his eyes, and I pressed my lips to his forehead, holding him under the stars. "That's easier said than done."

"I know. It's going to take some time." I kissed him again, leisurely sliding my tongue between his lips before pulling away. "Should we head inside? I should probably get going since I have work in the morning."

"Oh. Yeah, okay. That's probably a good idea."

He pulled away from me and sloshed through the water to the shore of the small beach. He shook off the water, then walked around to step onto the dock, where he pulled his briefs back on, then picked mine up and held them out for me. I pulled them on, then followed him up to the house, picking up the rest of our clothes as we went.

We stepped into the basement, the cool air a shock to our damp skin, sending goosebumps rippling all over our bodies. Zach grabbed a couple of extra towels off the shelf and we wrapped ourselves in them, grinning at each other as we shivered in the air conditioning. We pulled on our clothes and Zach walked me through the house to the front door. Daisy hopped down from the chair she'd been snoozing on and trotted over to nudge her head into my hand.

I gave her a scratch behind the ears before turning my attention back to Zach, who seemed more subdued than he had before.

"You know it isn't that I don't want to stay, right?" I placed my hands on his waist, wanting to keep us connected. "It's been an intense twenty-four hours, and I think it would be good for us to have some time to process. And if I'm in your bed, processing is the last thing I'm going to be doing." I waggled my eyebrows at him, eliciting a laugh, which was my goal. "Text me tomorrow and let me know how the yard cleanup goes over at Sarah's?"

"I can do that."

"And I was serious about the fair next week. We're going to have a firetruck there and I have to work a shift from eight to noon, but then I'm free the rest of the day. Let me win you a giant overpriced stuffed animal and feed you all the fried food you could ever imagine?"

He laughed. "I'm in."

"Good."

I pulled Zach closer, basking in the warmth of his smile, feeling happier than I'd felt in a long, long time. I leaned forward and kissed him, savoring the feel of his lips against mine. We'd traded so many kisses today, and I was still marveling over the fact that I now had the freedom to do so whenever I wished. I didn't think I'd ever get tired of it.