Chapter 47

47

ZACH

It wasn't the first time I'd taken a punch to the jaw, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

I lay in the sand, stunned, gingerly moving my jaw from side to side, testing out the damage. I didn't think anything was broken, which was fortunate because Jason was a strong motherfucker.

I'd gotten a good look at him before he'd noticed me, soaking up the sight of him in his black AFD shirt and pants. He'd always been a big dude, built like a linebacker, but the years had matured that body into a man, and the uniform fit him like a glove. Everything about him was thick. Thick thighs. Thick biceps. Broad shoulders. I'd missed what it felt like to be held by that big body.

I was lucky he hadn't used all of that strength when he punched me.

A hand appeared in front of my face and I grabbed it, allowing myself to be pulled up to stand.

"What the hell, Jason?" Hannah shot him a look before turning back to me. "Are you okay?" She nudged her fingers under my chin, taking a look at the left side of my face.

"I'm fine. A little ice, and I'll be okay."

I attempted a smile, but it hurt like a bitch. For his part, Jason stood with eyes wide like he'd surprised himself, clenching and unclenching his right hand. It wouldn't surprise me if it was the first time he'd ever hit someone. The gravity of what that implied, that I was the first person who'd ever made him angry enough to throw a punch, hurt almost as much as my face, but I had no one to blame but myself. It was just an indication of how long the path to forgiveness might be, if that path was even open to me at all.

"Jason, man, I've never seen you do something like that. Not even on the football field back in the day." Rafi turned his attention toward me. "You must have really pissed him off."

All eyes were on me. Some curious. Some edging toward distrust. One thing was clear. Jason hadn't told any of them what I'd done to him. Maybe hadn't told them about us at all, and I certainly wasn't going to out him. Before I could fumble my way through a response, another voice chimed in.

"J? You alright?"

Will joined the cluster of people with Sammy following behind, holding his hand. Huh. They must have gotten back together. Will peered into Jason's eyes. He didn't like whatever he saw there because when he turned back to me, his face had darkened like a thundercloud. And oh shit . Maybe Jason had confided in someone. "I'm not sure why you thought it was a good idea to do this here, at the reunion, but I think you need to go."

I chanced one more glance at Jason, but he was looking away, hands on his hips with his jaw clenched tight.

"Yeah, okay." I bent down and picked up the cup I'd dropped when Jason laid me out, and without looking back, I walked away.

I walked into my house around eleven with a bruised jaw and an aching heart. I made a beeline for the kitchen, where I poured two fingers of whiskey into a glass, then pulled out a bag of frozen veggies and held them to my face. Grabbing my drink with my free hand, I walked to the windows and looked out at the dark lake beyond. If I angled my body just right, I could see a flicker on the shore where the bonfire was still going strong.

I wondered what Jason would tell his friends. Would he tell them what we'd once meant to each other? Would he tell them what I'd done? I wouldn't blame him. I'd only lived here for a year, while he'd known some of those folks his whole life. It was good that he had a support system.

Drea had been right. And so had Will. What had I been thinking confronting him at the bonfire like that? What had I thought to achieve? I'd ghosted the man for nine years. Was I expecting him to welcome me with open arms?

Jesus . I'd made several life-altering decisions in the last year, had come to some conclusions about the status of my mental health and what I wanted out of my life, and once I'd set a new course for myself, I'd forged ahead with tunnel vision. I didn't have any illusions that any of this would be easy. But I also hadn't stopped and thought about what it would do to him if I just showed up out of the blue in front of all of his friends.

God, I was an absolute dumbass.

I walked into the living room and sat on the new couch delivered earlier that day. I set my drink down on the coffee table and pulled out my phone, swiping into the Messages app.

You were right

Drea

I've been waiting to hear those words all my life, but suddenly I'm filled with dread

He punched me

Seriously? Jason?

I sent her a selfie capturing the swelling on the left side of my face. I was going to have a shiner.

Damn

What do I do?

I have to make this right

This isn't just a little spat you're asking forgiveness for. You ghosted the man for nine years

I know

Do you? Because you're asking the question like maybe if you just give him flowers or buy him a nice dinner, you can smooth things over

God, she wasn't pulling any punches.

That was a terrible choice of words under the circumstances.

I know

Those three dots fluttered on the screen, and I waited to see what she'd say.

The phone rang in my hand, startling me, and I nearly bobbled it as I tried to answer.

"Hey."

"I can't help you with this, big brother. I love you. But I love him too, and you didn't see him after you left. What it did to him."

My heart clenched and it was like I was back there all over again. Lying in my dorm room, tears soaking my pillow, trying to get my panic attacks under control while also trying not to let on to my roommate that I was upset. Wanting so badly to call Zach. To hear his voice. And being completely unable to do so.

Over the years, I'd told Drea some of what I'd gone through during that time, but even she didn't have the full picture. I hadn't wanted her to see just how bad it had gotten. "If you can find a way to get him to forgive you or to reconcile, I'll support it. But that's between the two of you. I'm not getting in the middle of it."

"That's fair."

My voice was quiet. Defeated. I knew coming back here was the right choice. I still believed that. But there were demons I hadn't yet faced, and in the end, I might have to accept that my life here in Astaire wouldn't include him.

"I love you, Zach." She softened her tone, letting me know she really meant it. "I forgave you for abandoning us a long time ago. It's up to Jason if he wants to do the same."

"I love you too, sis. I'm just not ready to give up on him yet."

"Good. He deserves someone who will fight for him." I smiled at that because she was right. He absolutely deserved that and more. "It's late. I'm gonna let you go. You coming to Aunt Amy's for the cookout tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'll see you there."

We said our goodbyes and disconnected the call. I tossed the soggy bag of veggies on the floor, then slouched back against the couch, resting my phone face-down on my chest. I couldn't get the image of Jason out of my mind, the look on his face after he'd punched me. His eyes had been full of so much emotion . Sadness, anger, fear, sorrow, regret… I'd known I'd hurt him, but it was one thing to know it and another to see it written all over his face. I had to fix it. Even if reconciliation was beyond the realm of possibility, I owed him an apology. An explanation, at least.

Picking up my phone, I fired off another text, this time to Jason.

I shouldn't have shown up at the reunion like that. I owe you a conversation in private. That is if you're willing to talk to me at all

I'd just like a chance to explain

Please?

It was still pitch black outside when I woke up, slumped on the couch at a very uncomfortable angle. I sat up, rubbing the back of my neck as I tilted my head left and right, cringing as I felt the tenderness in my jaw. I stood, intending to find a couple of ibuprofen and climb into my bed, but paused when my phone hit the floor with a thunk. I'd forgotten I'd fallen asleep with it on my chest. I picked it up, noting a message had come in while I'd been sleeping.

Jason

I'm off Monday. I can meet you at Fred's Diner at 9am

My heart pounded, and I was suddenly wide awake. He was giving me a chance. The door might have only been open a sliver, but it was an opening, nonetheless.

Quickly, I fired back.

Thank you

See you then