Chapter 39

39

JASON

I stopped by Drea's room just before lunch with a niggle of worry tapping on my brain like the incessant fly-by of a gnat that simply wouldn't leave you be. I'd texted Zach a couple of times since we'd gone in separate directions at the hospital but hadn't received a response. The messages were innocuous, unimportant things, but the lack of even a tapback reaction was unlike him.

When I entered the room, Zach was leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed, much like the way we'd found his dad earlier this morning. He opened those beautiful brown eyes as I approached, his mouth curling up in a small smile, sending my heart tripping over itself like it always did when he looked at me like that.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey." He raised his arms and kicked out his legs in a full-body stretch. I liked the way my hoodie looked on him. Liked the reminder that he was mine.

"How's she doing?" I asked, nodding toward Drea.

"She opened her eyes very briefly earlier this morning. Doctors came in and told us that would be happening more and more frequently as they pull back the sedatives. She's also had some twitching of her hands and feet, which they said were also good signs and totally normal."

"That's great news!" I was thrilled to hear it. I couldn't wait to tell Mandy.

"It is. Hopefully, she'll wake enough for me to say goodbye before I have to leave." My smile fell as my eyes flashed to his. "I spoke to my advisor a little while ago. I'm heading home first thing Sunday morning. I really can't afford to miss any more classes, and with Drea showing every sign of improvement, I don't really have an excuse for staying."

My stomach sank. It wasn't like I hadn't known this was coming. But we'd been in sort of a bubble this week, a really weird one full of intense highs and lows, and while I was absolutely ready to be rid of the lows, I wanted to hold on to those high moments just a little bit longer. "Makes sense. I'm gonna miss you."

"I know." He rose from his chair, standing close enough that his chest brushed against mine, his hands resting lightly on my hips. "I'm gonna miss you too. After this week, it's hard to imagine being separated. But I'm gonna be home in a couple of weeks like we planned before all this happened. We'll just have to find ways to make it work."

I nodded, relieved to know he was still as invested in this as I was. I leaned forward and kissed him but pulled back before we got carried away.

"Where's your dad? I was going to see if you wanted to go to lunch. Maybe get out of here for a little while."

A shadow passed over his face, making me wonder if something had gone down between them this morning. They'd been getting along so much better. I hoped I'd imagined it. "He ran home to shower and check on the house. I can't believe I haven't even been there since I've been home."

"We can stay there tonight instead of my house if you want?"

He wrapped his hands around my waist, and I did the same. "I kind of like staying at your house. Your room is…cozy. I don't know. It just feels like us. "

I smiled, loving the sound of that. I liked having him in my space. And in my bed. I wasn't sure how I was going to sleep without him when he went back.

"I'm assuming you want to stay here with Drea until your dad gets back?" At his nod, I continued, "Why don't I grab us some lunch and bring it back?"

"That'd be good, thanks!"

I ran out to Runza, knowing how much he missed it when he was gone, and by the time I got back, Mr. Jacobs had returned. Zach and his dad were sitting side-by-side, talking quietly. I could tell from the way Zach held himself there was some tension between them. In fact, Mr. Jacobs was holding himself the same way. But they weren't arguing, so I hoped it was something they'd be able to resolve.

I held up the to-go bag outside the window, catching Zach's attention, and he came out, surprising me when he kissed me in greeting in front of the open doorway. I pulled away, shocked, but he only chuckled. "Dad knows. I told him this morning." His smile dropped. "Shit. Was that okay? I should have asked you first."

"It's fine. I talked to my mom and dad earlier. Exactly as I suspected, Mom wasn't surprised, which is why she didn't say anything when she caught us holding hands this morning. Dad was more oblivious, but he was cool with it. What did your dad say?"

I hoped my relationship with Zach wouldn't be another source of conflict for the two of them.

"He was cool with it. That was the easiest part of our conversation."

"Yeah?"

We sat at the table in the waiting area, spreading out our food and digging in.

"We talked about a lot of stuff, actually. I don't think we totally cleared the air, but it's a little less hazy, maybe?" He shook his head, chuckling. "That was really corny."

"Yup." I smiled at him before popping a french fry in my mouth.

He filled me in on the rest of the conversation about all the ways he'd felt his dad had been hard on him and how he hadn't been there when he'd needed him. I was really proud of him for laying it all out there, though I was surprised his father hadn't been more angry. As someone who preferred to keep the peace, I didn't know if I would have had the courage to lay it all out there like that. I would have feared hurting his dad's feelings or angering him. Maybe both.

But this was healthier, I thought. The wounds had already festered enough. Better to "clear the air" as Zach had said, while there was still a chance at salvaging the relationship.

"I'm proud of you," I told him as we worked through the last couple of fries.

"I don't know if it's something you should be proud of. Pretty sure I hurt him. And I'm not sure we're out of the woods yet. He barely spoke to me after he got back from the house."

"None of that can be easy to hear. It's also something that's going to take time to work through. This likely won't be the last conversation you guys have."

"Great."

I laughed. "Give him some time. Change and growth don't happen overnight. He's already shown you how much he's trying over the last couple of months."

"I just feel bad. I'm happy things between us have been better and I do think it was good to get all of that out there. I just hate hurting him. He really loved my mom, you know? A love like that… I wonder if he'll ever be over it."

I swallowed, my stomach tying itself in knots around the food I'd just eaten. I thought Zach and I could have that kind of epic love. The kind you saw in movies and heard about in fairytales. I didn't want to contemplate ever having to get over him. "I don't know if you're meant to get over something like that. You just have to figure out how to live with it."

He watched me with an intensity that made me want to squirm in my seat. Like he was trying to figure out the answer to a question that hadn't been asked. My phone buzzed in my pocket, breaking the silence, and I slid it out of my pocket, swiping it open to read the message.

Andrew

Hey man. Just checking in. How are you doing?

Better thanks.

Mandy is going home tomorrow.

"Oh hey," I said, looking up at Zach, realizing we'd been so busy talking about his conversation with his dad that I hadn't told him the good news. "The doctors confirmed Mandy's going home tomorrow. They just want to keep her one more night to see if they can get her pain a little more under control."

"That's awesome!"

"She's nervous about navigating our house on crutches, and she'll still be out of school for at least another week, but she's excited to get out of here. You should go say hi."

"Yeah, let me just check in with Dad again. Make sure he doesn't need anything."

I nodded, then returned my attention to my phone, which had buzzed again with an incoming message.

That's great news! And how's her friend?

She's not fully awake yet, but she's showing definite signs of progress

Glad to hear it

We miss you around here

I miss you guys

I think I'm ready to come back on Monday

That's great news!

You should give Chief a call to let him know

Will do

See you Monday!

We spent the rest of the afternoon splitting our time between Mandy's and Drea's rooms. Mandy was still somewhat subdued compared to her normal bubbly self, but she was much more animated than she'd been earlier in the week. She and Zach chatted, catching up on what he'd been up to since he'd been back in LA and her eyes had danced with happiness when we'd told her about coming out to our parents.

The only thing missing had been Drea's presence. Those girls had become so inseparable that it was odd to see one without the other. And they had a symbiotic sort of energy that was incomplete with one of them missing.

We'd spent the last hour before we'd left the hospital in Drea's room. She'd had her eyes open for a longer period this time, though she hadn't appeared to recognize anyone or be aware of her surroundings, which was almost scarier than her lying there asleep. But the doctors had reassured us this was normal and seemed encouraged by her progress.

Zach had been quiet on the car ride, seemingly lost in his thoughts. I didn't blame him. He had a lot to think about. We both did. Watching our sisters fight through their injuries, taking our relationship to the next level while going back to the long-distance thing…not to mention his conversation with his dad and dealing with all the make-up coursework, while I was looking at a return to my EMT training. It was a lot.

We were about twenty minutes outside of Astaire, riding with my hand resting on his knee while little snowflakes danced in the headlights, when Zach piped up, his voice hesitant. "I know what I said earlier about staying at your house, but do you think we could stay at mine tonight?"

I squeezed his thigh. "Yeah, of course. I'll just swing by my house and grab a change of clothes."

"Thanks."

We stopped at my house, Zach waiting in the car while I ran inside and packed an overnight bag, taking a moment to repack his bag with his personal effects that he'd left at my house throughout the week. When I returned to the truck, he was turned away from me, staring out the passenger side window with his forehead resting on the glass. I put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey. You okay?"

At that, he finally turned toward me, offering a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah. I think the week's just catching up with me."

"I feel that." I squeezed his shoulder, then threw the truck in reverse and pulled out of the drive.

Unsurprisingly, his house was dark when we pulled up. The lights under the eaves were on, likely for security purposes, but the inside of the house was dark, giving it a lonely feel.

As we walked in, flipping switches as we went, the air felt stale, and even though Zach had mentioned the cleaners had come by a couple of days ago and his dad had been here at least a couple of times, it had a vacant air about it. Zach didn't seem to notice as he continued to trudge down the hall toward his room.

"You wanna grab a shower?"

"I just want to go to bed."

"Alright." We got ready for bed, brushing our teeth and undressing without speaking. I tried to tell myself that his silence was just as he'd said—the week catching up to him—but I couldn't help but think this felt deeper. Like he was withdrawing.

Shrugging off that thought, we climbed into his bed, and as usual, I pulled him into me, gratified when he came willingly, seeming to finally relax for the first time all evening.

"Goodnight, honey," I whispered into his hair, kissing him softly just behind his ear.

He wiggled a little, burrowing in closer. "Mmm. Goodnight."