Chapter 20

20

ZACH

DECEMBER

I stood on the curb, shivering in the wind as I watched the cars moving through the airport pickup lane, looking for my father's black BMW. I had forgotten how bitter the December wind could be in Nebraska, and my UCLA quarter zip and jeans weren't cutting it. It had been sixty-four degrees when I'd left, and as I looked down at my smartwatch, I noted it was thirty-seven here with a chance of snow moving in later that evening.

I was about to walk back inside and call my father when a beat-up silver Ford pickup caught my eye. The person in the passenger seat was waving madly, and as the truck slowed to a stop just a few feet away, I realized it was Drea. Before I knew what was happening, my feet carried me forward as a huge smile spread across my face.

Drea hopped out of the pickup and threw her arms around me, and I lifted her off her feet in a bear hug. "I missed you so much!" she said, her voice muffled against my shoulder.

"Back at ya, sis!" I said as I released her and turned toward Jason, who was already putting my suitcase in the back of the cab.

"Hey, man. I wasn't expecting you to pick me up." I stuck my hand out for a handshake, but he pulled me into a hug instead. It was a brief embrace, the kind bros do with a couple of hearty backslaps for good measure, but warmth flooded me at the contact, nonetheless. I couldn't remember a time when someone bigger than me had last hugged me, at least not since I was a child. It was oddly comforting to be engulfed in someone's arms like that. It was another little thought I filed away for contemplation at a future date.

I'd been filing those thoughts away for a little over two weeks now, ever since Clayton suggested Jason was my boyfriend. In my entire life, I'd had no reason to doubt my sexuality, but ever since Clayton had planted the seed, I'd analyzed every text, every interaction, every thought I'd had about Jason since we'd met.

The results were inconclusive.

"Dad had a last-minute meeting, and Jason offered to drive into the city to pick you up. I begged him to let me come along."

A gust of wind swept through, and we all eagerly climbed into the truck, ready to get out of the cold.

The drive was pleasant, mostly filled with Drea's chatter about school, dance, and her upcoming finals, with Jason occasionally interjecting things he'd heard from Mandy. A pleasant thrum hummed in my veins as the voices of my favorite people in the world washed over me.

And that was it, wasn't it? Despite our three-year age gap, Drea and I had always been close, but Jason had become someone important to me in just a matter of months. What did that mean? Because he was definitely one of my favorite people. Surely, those were bonds of friendship, though, and nothing more. I was straight. He was ace. I'd know if there was something more to it.

Confident in that conclusion and surrounded by the warmth of the heater, I relaxed in my seat and let my eyes drift closed.

I had a craving for Runza, so Jason took us through the drive-thru in Astaire where we loaded up on Runzas and fries, with ranch dressing, of course. We headed back to my house where Drea took her food upstairs so she could finish working on a project for biology. She still had another three days of school before she was out for winter break.

Jason and I headed down to the basement, where we spread the food out and sat at the bar to eat. "You're done with classes on Tuesday, right?" I asked between fries.

"Yeah. I've got one more round of clinicals on Monday, and then we have exams on Tuesday."

"But that's not the big test, right? You said there's a national one in January?"

"Yeah, the certification exam is January 5."

"Less than a month away. How do you feel about it?"

He chewed his food and swallowed, wiping his mouth with his napkin before responding. "How do I feel about the test? Or the program itself?"

"Both, I guess. Does the EMT thing still feel like a good fit for you?"

"Yeah, it does. I've enjoyed the clinicals, but I think the ride-alongs have been my favorite. I'm contemplating training to become a firefighter down the line."

"Wow, I can totally picture you doing that." I remembered how he'd always watched out for others at the bonfires. The way he kept a level head. It would be a good fit for him.

"I mean, we'll see. I still want to go through with the EMT thing first and then maybe I'll consider becoming a firefighter in the future."

"That's cool, man. I'm happy for you." I dipped the last of my fries in ranch and then shoved them in my mouth, trying not to be jealous of the fact that he seemed to have it all figured out. I truly was happy for him. I just wanted that for me too.

"How about you? I know we texted, but how was your first semester? How was it living in LA?"

I took a bite of my Runza, contemplating my answer. "It was alright, I guess. Classes weren't too bad. LA is a trip. Obviously, Astaire is tiny, and so is Omaha compared to a city that size. Traffic is insane. It was probably for the best that Dad made me leave my car at home. I didn't have a need to leave campus a whole lot anyway."

"I can't imagine living in a place like that. I like small-town life."

"Would you ever consider moving to a smaller city, like Omaha?"

He took a sip of his pop, washing down the last bite of his Runza. "Maybe? I've always pictured myself living here. But I suppose if the circumstances were right, I might consider it. I don't know if I could do a bigger city though."

I didn't miss the way his cheeks heated when he said the word circumstances and wondered just what circumstances he was thinking of.

With both of us finished with our food, I stood and began gathering up our trash. "Movie or video games?" I asked, falling back on our summertime ritual.

"I'm pretty beat. Not sure I'd last through either. Maybe we can watch a couple episodes of Rick and Morty. Then I should probably head home. I've got class tomorrow."

After throwing the trash away, we moved over to the couch and I picked up the remote, scrolling through until I found it. I hit play, and we settled in to watch.

He'd been right. He really didn't make it very long before his eyes started getting droopy and he leaned over to the side, resting his head on the arm of the couch. I knew I should wake him and send him home, but I couldn't resist taking a couple of moments to study him.

I pulled out those thoughts I'd filed away for later and tried to consider them objectively. Jason and I had quickly become close in a way I wasn't with much of anyone. And while that didn't necessarily indicate anything romantic, it did represent a bond I'd never had with anyone, including previous girlfriends. In fact, the girls I'd dated had been pretty and fun, but rarely had my relationships with them gone much deeper than that.

I wasn't a virgin. I'd enjoyed sex with women, just as I'd enjoyed the companionship. But it had always been the girls pushing for something deeper, something I'd been unwilling to give. No one had ever been able to unlock those deeper parts of me the way Jason had. Did that mean something? Or was it merely the power of Clayton's suggestion that had me trying to make our friendship into something more?

Then there was the physical. I had never in my life felt any sort of attraction to a guy. And it wasn't like I hadn't had opportunities. I'd seen plenty of fit, attractive men in locker rooms over the years, and never once had I sported an unfortunate boner. Had never imagined what it would feel like to kiss a guy. What it would feel like to have a hard body pressed against mine rather than soft feminine curves.

I thought about the way it had felt when Jason hugged me earlier. There'd been no stirring in my dick, but definitely a thrum in my blood. I'd liked how it felt to be enveloped by such a large guy. I'd felt…safe. But wouldn't anyone?

I looked at him now, my eyes mapping his features. The way his lashes rested on his cheeks. The carved edge of his jaw. The column of his throat. The way his chest rose and fell with each breath. What would it feel like to curl up beside him? To rest my head on his strong shoulders and close my eyes? Better yet, to have his arms around me and my head on his chest? To be wrapped in his warmth? Surrounded by his scent?

My mouth went dry, and it was suddenly hard to swallow. And, shit , there was definitely a stirring in my dick now. It twitched as if it wanted to make extra sure I couldn't deny what was happening in my body.

I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying not to panic. Clearly, some sort of attraction was happening here, but that didn't have to mean anything. Jason was my best friend. My ace best friend. The end. Having those sorts of feelings didn't mean I had to act on them. Nothing had to change. I just had to get through winter break, and then I'd be back in LA, and I'd get over…whatever this was.

Fucking perfect.