Chapter 25

Tommy

“Harley! Tommy!”

Before I could respond to Harley’s mind-blowing statement, Quinn came jogging out onto the sand.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked.

“It’s visitors’ day,” Harley said. “That’s my son, River.”

“Oh, wow, he’s a good-looking kid! You ever think about putting him in commercials or show business?”

Harley shook her head. “Not really. My own career in Hollywood never went anywhere, so I figured I’d save him the heartache. At least, until he’s old enough to make a decision like that on his own.”

“You were an actress?” he asked slowly, narrowing his eyes.

“Aspiring. I did a couple of photo shoots for catalogs, and had a few walk-on roles in TV shows, but then Onyx Knight took off and I went on tour with them. My career fell by the wayside.”

“You were also in our first two videos,” I reminded her.

“Oh. That’s right.” She chuckled. “I guess I haven’t thought about those in a long time.”

“That was you?” Quinn was staring at her. “I seem to remember a gorgeous blond on the back of a motorcycle. Is that right?”

I nodded. “Yup. That’s the one. The second one was the band and a group of models, rollerblading on the beach.”

“Well, if you’re ever interested in testing the waters again, give me a call,” Quinn told her. “I’m tired of the same old faces in every project. I’d love to work with new people, of all ages and experience levels. My wife made me promise not to feed into the misogyny of Hollywood anymore, and I’m going to try to keep that promise. Harriett and I are talking about a project, I’m writing a screen play about my experience with grief and loss, and I have quite a few irons in the fire. I’ll let you guys know if anything gets green-lit.”

“I don’t know what my availability will be like,” Harley said. “I’m busy with River, but if there’s an opportunity, I’d love to hear more.”

“Mommy, I’m hungry!” River came up to us with his hands on his hips.

“Well, then, let’s go get Auntie Wynter and have lunch.”

The two of them walked back toward the building as Quinn and I followed more slowly.

“You tell her how you feel yet?” he asked.

“It’s been, like, a week,” I protested. “I think we’re going to need a lot more time than that to admit those kinds of feelings.”

“Time isn’t your friend,” he said after a slight hesitation. “I know my wife having cancer is different, but it’s also part of life. It could happen to any of us at any time. Do you really want to wait until it’s too late? Haven’t you wasted enough time?”

He had a point.

But this was Harley and me.

We had the kind of history that couldn’t be rewritten.

If we were going to forge a new future, it had to be done carefully.

Her saying she was never going to marry anyone else didn’t necessarily mean she wanted to be with me again.

“A week isn’t enough. Not after what we’ve been through. There’s a lot of baggage to sort through before we can open up like that.”

He made a face. “That’s an excuse. You’re scared.”

“I’m not denying that. I’m fucking terrified she’s going to shoot me down, so I’m trying to maximize my chances by giving us both time to heal.”

“Well, you do you, but take it from a man who knows—things can slip away before you know it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, buddy.” I clapped him on the shoulder.

“Uncle Tommy, are you coming to lunch?” River asked, twisting back to look at me.

God, he really was a mini-Carter.

It wasn’t just the eyes. His dirty blond hair—though Harley was blond too—his quirky smile and even the way he laughed were so much like his dad.

Aw, buddy, how could you leave your kid like this?I almost lifted my eyes to the sky to ask the question.

I wasn’t even remotely religious, but I was struggling with the knowledge that Carter had knowingly left his son. There had to be some sort of higher power orchestrating some of this. Didn’t there?

“Uncle Tommy?” River broke away from Harley and ran up to me, tugging on my jeans. “You’re coming, right? Daddy said my uncles would always be with me.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“I’m coming, River. I just have to walk slower because of my knee.” I pointed to the brace.

He peered at it curiously, then reached out a small, tentative finger. “Does it hurt?”

“Not if you touch carefully,” I said. I watched as he put his tiny hand on my knee and then ever-so-slowly leaned over to press a kiss on it.

“There.” He smiled triumphantly. “All better!”

Tears inexplicably puddled in my eyes, and I had to breathe deeply to keep from breaking down.

What the hell was wrong with me?

“Thanks, buddy,” I said, my voice hoarser than I anticipated. “It does feel better.”

“You are so fucked,” Quinn murmured as we walked.

“Shut the fuck up,” I muttered in response.

He just laughed. “I bawled like a fucking baby when my kids were born. They’re all grown now, but becoming a parent is trippy.”

“I’m not a parent!” I protested, though I kept my voice low.

“Not yet, but the writing’s on the wall.”

“You’re delusional.”

“Am I?” He slowed down and looked at me. “You going to stand here and tell me that kid doesn’t already have you wrapped around his little finger? His dad’s dead, his mom is the love of your life, and because of the band, you’re all inextricably bound in ways I can’t even begin to understand. Can you really deny you want to be his dad?”

“I can’t…” I blew out a breath. “I can’t answer that. I really can’t. I’ve spent five or six years coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never be a dad. Adopting a kid never sat right with me for some reason, and while I can’t say I’ll still feel that way going forward, I also can’t just step into Carter’s shoes.”

“But he wanted you to.” Quinn looked genuinely confused and I frowned.

“How could you possibly know that?”

“You told me about his letters, and unless you were exaggerating, they were pretty clear that he wanted his bandmates to step into that role.”

“All of us, as uncles. He didn’t say anything about becoming River’s dad.”

Quinn rolled his eyes. “Are you really a dumbass, or are you just so busy being cautious that you’re not seeing the forest for the trees? Carter did this intentionally. He knew everything would blow up once you guys found out about River—and he also knew you and Harley would find your way back to each other. Everything you want is within reach, man. All you have to do is grab it.”

“Harley and I have to fix what we broke before I can even think about being in their lives like that. And as much as my heart is screaming that we’re ready, my brain is telling me we’re not. She’s too important to me to rush it.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. But at least admit it to yourself. Make sure she knows you want to try. And not for this let’s-be-friends bullshit either. Be real with her. Slow is okay, but honesty is tantamount.”

“Stop using fifty-dollar words. I don’t think in Ph.D.”

He burst out laughing. “Stop trying to pretend you’re some dumb rocker. There’s a lot more to Tommy Bane than drumsticks and groupies.”

I made a face at him. “Shut your mouth. You’re going to ruin my bad-boy rep.”

“That the rep you’re trying to keep up going forward?” He looked in the direction Harley and River had gone.

“No,” I mumbled after a minute. “Dammit.”

He just laughed again.

Asshole.

I needed better friends.

Or maybe Quinn was exactly the type of friend I needed.

But I had those kinds of friends.

Z and King and Kellan and Devyn.

They’d tried to be there for me the last year, but I’d kept them—and almost everyone else—at bay while I’d suffered alone. And I was just now realizing how lonely I’d been. Not just for the woman I’d lost, but for my brothers. My friends. My band.

First thing tomorrow, I was going to start making things right with them.

Then I was going to get my woman back.