Chapter Fourteen

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Parrish

“They probably have what we’re looking for at the hardware store in Clayton, if you don’t want to drive into Bedford,” I told Riven while sitting in the passenger seat of his truck. After breakfast, I’d thought for sure the grumpy motherfucker would tell me I couldn’t go with him to get the cameras, but for whatever reason, he hadn’t. He’d just grumbled a yes when I asked if I could use his shower, since I’d only freshened up earlier. After a grumbled yes, he’d stomped outside to pretend he enjoyed smoking cigarettes.

I wasn’t stupid enough to risk telling him I needed to go home for a change of clothes or to ask him to borrow something, so I’d just put on my clothes from the day before and dealt with it.

“I don’t like to go places in Clayton.”

“Do people give you shit?” They could be brutal. If he ran into Rex, Dad, or my uncle, yeah, they’d be dicks, but also, as far as everyone in town was concerned, Riven had killed someone. “Who said something to you?”

One second ticked by, then two, three, before a boisterous laugh jumped out of Riven’s mouth. It was so unexpected, I flinched. He didn’t laugh anymore. Did he use to? Yeah, he did, but now I wondered how real it had been because it wasn’t anything close to the joyous sound I’d just heard. “Do you think I need you to protect me? Fight my battles for me? I can take care of myself. It’s cute that you want to try, though.”

“Who said something to you, Riv?” I asked again, instead of arguing with him about it. Of course I knew he could take care of himself, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to have someone at his back.

“Jesus Christ, you’re relentless. No one said shit to me, and if they did, I’d handle it. They look at me like I’m trash because I’ve always been trash, but I don’t give a fuck about that. Just…I feel like I’m suffocating with people’s stares weighing me down. People don’t know me in Bedford, so that doesn’t happen there.”

I was speechless for a moment, unsure what to say. Riven’s response couldn’t have been more unexpected. He didn’t open up like that, and I was honored as hell that he had with me. “You’re not trash,” was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

“Aren’t I? I was shit to Becca when we were together.”

“Not like Rex is.”

“Is that the metric we’re using to judge who is good and who isn’t? I still didn’t treat her right.”

“She cheated on you.” Guilt exploded in my gut, talking about her that way, but it was true.

“I wasn’t good to her, Parrish. And the best thing you could think of to say about me last night was that I broke a woman’s window and stole her purse so you didn’t have to. I might not have been the one to knock Jerry down and kill him that night, but it could have easily been me. I’ve stolen, sold drugs, cheated, hurt people. I’m trash. You having a crush on me when you were a kid doesn’t change that.”

In some ways, he was right. I wasn’t an idiot. Riv had done bad shit. I had done bad shit too, but… “I refuse to believe that means you can’t ever be anything different than what you were. What is the point of life if that’s the case? What’s the point in trying to be better if we’re still judged by the past? Some of that same shit you did, I did too, and I won’t ever believe that I can’t try to be a better person. That Rex couldn’t if he wanted to. Life would be a cruel joke otherwise.”

“It’s a cruel joke now.”

“No, Riv. It’s not.”

His gaze flashed to mine before returning to the road. “It was different for you,” he said quietly.

“What was different for me?”

“The shit you did. I was there because I wanted to be. Because I was just like Rex. You did shit because you had a fucked-up dad and brother pressuring you. You were a kid and didn’t know better.”

It was my turn to laugh. “I knew right from wrong. If I’m not allowed to make a martyr out of you, you’re not allowed to make one out of me either.”

He sighed. We were never going to agree on this, and I could tell that Riven was done with the conversation. “Why are we talking about this?”

“Because you’re stubborn,” I teased.

“Think that’s you.”

I was stubborn when it came to him. I didn’t understand it, but that had always been the case, and apparently, it always would be. “You were sixteen and Rex tried to steal the tip jar at a coffeehouse when the employee went to the back. You stopped him. When he got you into selling drugs, your rule was no kids, and you said that if you found out he did, you would beat his ass and be done with it. When you caught me trying to use coke, you flushed that shit and told me you’d kick my ass if you ever caught me again. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for Betsy. If Lainey were yours, you’d be a better father to her than Rex ever will. Maybe we’re trash to some people, but that’s just because we didn’t know we could be more. And now that we do, we’re trying our best to be better than we used to be. To be better than our parents or those around us. What more can we do?”

Riven didn’t respond right away. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, brows furrowed beneath the snapback of his hat.

Finally, he nodded, and I figured that was as good as I was going to get, but damned if it didn’t make me smile.

*

Riven didn’t arguewhen we got back to his place and I immediately started to help him get the cameras installed. Betsy had kept his old tools and supplies, so we dug them out of the shed and got to work.

It was clear Betsy thought we were idiots and there was no reason to do this, but she didn’t stop us. We installed a few on the house—both the front and back for different angles—one on Riven’s apartment, and another angled down the driveway. All of it was controlled by an app on his phone, and while part of me wondered if it was overkill, it made him feel like Betsy was more secure, and that was the most important thing.

Well, at least I hoped it was overkill. Who wanted to think their family was capable of the things my family was?

It took most of the afternoon and, I was pretty sure, most of Riven’s first paycheck. When we were finished, Betsy called us in for dinner, and Riven didn’t argue about that either.

We went easier on him than we had at breakfast, not teasing him too much.

Betsy had made beef roast and potatoes, which we’d both grubbed the fuck out of. Riv and I insisted on doing the dishes again afterward, and then at about eight, we were heading back to his apartment, neither of us speaking.

This was when I expected him to tell me to go, that he was done with me because I’d slept in his bed last night and hadn’t left since.

Instead, the second we were inside, Riven closed the door behind us and said, “Take your clothes off.”

Okay, well, I wasn’t going to argue with that, but… “I’ve been sweating and working all day. You’re welcome to have my ass again, but you have to shower with me first.”

“I’m not showering with you,” Riven answered, making me roll my eyes.

“I’m determined to get you to lighten up.”

“Take your clothes off,” he said again, and I did. Riven sat in the kitchen chair, watching me the whole time, the bulge beneath his fly growing. When I was standing in front of him naked, he told me, “Go shower.”

“Bossy motherfucker.” But damn, I liked it.

He followed, and I thought he’d join me. Instead, he watched as I cleaned up, doing a fast job of washing my body to get myself ready for him. I loved that he would be musky and sweaty when he took me. Loved that I would smell sweat on his skin, and I wanted to taste every drop of it.

When I was finished, I walked over to Riven, water dripping on the floor, but I didn’t care. I shook the strands of hair out of my eyes, then leaned in, chasing his mouth with mine, knowing he wouldn’t let me capture it.

“Take off your clothes,” I ordered because two could play this game. His pupils blew wide. I waited for him to say no, but then he tugged his shirt over his head, hat falling to the floor when he did. His jeans came next, my eyes blazing a trail up his muscular body. “You’re so hot. I can’t believe I made myself think I hated you when you came back.” I stroked his cock, leaned in, and licked the sweat from his neck. “Mmm. Tastes good.”

Riven growled in response, wrestling me to his bed. He was a man on a mission, fervent in his desire for me. With slick fingers, he pushed one inside me, then two, fucking me with them, eyes wild and firmly on me. I was on my back, arching toward him, cock achy and throbbing, balls full with cum. “Fuck me,” I demanded, unable to wait for more.

“Get on your hands and knees.”

I did as he said, ass feeling empty without him inside me. Riven grabbed a condom, rolled it down his length, slicked himself up, then slammed into me in one fierce, urgent thrust.

“God yes.” My eyes rolled back, and I savored the burning and fullness of his cock possessing me. He took my ass, fast and furious, like he would die if he didn’t come, just like he’d done the night before.

This time, when I fell to the mattress, Riven went down beside me. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“I won’t. Yesterday was a long day, and it was late. Cut me some slack.” I rolled toward him, on my side, head in my hand while I looked down at him. “Where do you want to go?”

“Hmm?”

“You want to move. Where to?”

He shrugged. “Anywhere but here.”

“I’ve always been curious about the East Coast. I’ve never been, and I’d love to live on the water…any kind of water—ocean, lake, whatever.” I laid my hand on his chest, brushing my thumb back and forth over Riven’s pebbled nipple. “I used to have this dream of owning a construction company. I don’t give a shit about being rich. I just want to be comfortable and have something that’s mine. Do you have a dream, Riv?” He had to, didn’t he? It was human nature to want something, to want more.

He shook his head. “Nah, I don’t really think that way. Easier not to get let down if you don’t allow yourself to dream.”

I got it. This life was fucked up. Neither of us had been given much to feel hopeful about. I lost myself in it too, forgot my dream or thought I’d never have it. Still, I had one. “I’m gonna help you figure out yours.”

He turned his head in my direction, staring deep into my eyes, like they held the answers he was searching for. “Sounds nice…your dream. You always were different from the rest of us.”

“You’re not so different from me. You just don’t know how to believe otherwise.” Again he didn’t respond right away, but that was Riven, so I did my best to keep the conversation going. “What about Texas?”

“Fuck no.”

“Good point. I don’t know what I was thinking.” From there, I just started naming states and Riven would veto them, or say maybe. I asked him about things he liked, and he said he didn’t know.

“I might have been in my midtwenties, but I didn’t even know who I was before I got locked up. Still don’t know if I do.” Which was enough to break my heart. Riven had been through too much shit and deserved so much better.

We kept talking—about books he’d read in prison, and about people he’d met. He had some scary stories and some cool ones too. He told me about fights he’d gotten into and about a man who had been incarcerated since he was eighteen—how he’d gotten his GED and a college degree in prison because he wanted to be a therapist when he got out.

“He was released when you were still inside?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think it happened? That his dream came true?”

The only response was his breathing before he nodded. “I refused to believe anything else.”

Those words did something to my heart. Riven McKenna was special, and damned if I didn’t want to do everything in my power to make sure he knew that.

We talked for hours. I was tired but didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to ruin this moment we’d found together, where we were on the same wavelength and Riven had lowered the walls he’d spent his whole life building around himself.

We talked until the sun peeked through the blinds, telling me time had gone on without us and morning was already here. We hadn’t left the bed all night, just lay there, naked and sharing, and Riven had allowed it.

I think maybe he’d needed it.

We were both on our sides now, faces inches apart. My body trembled, the need to kiss him, to taste him and finally know the flavor of Riven’s mouth, building higher and higher until I couldn’t hold it back anymore. He’d said I could try to kiss him and he wouldn’t let me, so I leaned in, felt the initial brush of his chapped lips against mine when he didn’t pull away.

It shocked me, so unexpected that I jerked back, hating myself for breaking the moment, but not ever wanting to do something Riven didn’t want me to do.

But then it was his lips that crushed mine, his tongue that pushed into my mouth. He tasted like Riven. I didn’t know how to explain it other than that—maybe broken dreams fused together by the hope I tried to feed him. He rolled on top of me, pinning me to the bed, our tongues a tangled mess of urgency and hunger.

I’d kissed a lot of men in my life, but it had never been like this, never so all-consuming, each sweep of our tongues amping up the desire I felt for him.

Riven rutted against me, his hot, hard dick rubbing mine. His hand fisted in my hair, the other laced our fingers together, like something had switched his brain off, and with it out of commission, amplified his need.

My balls drew up, tingles running the length of my body as I arched toward him, flashes behind my eyelids, cum spurting between our bodies. Riven bit my lip, going tense and rigid above me as his release joined mine on our stomachs. He kept kissing, kept rutting, massaging our cum into our skin, before he pulled away and rolled off.

Lifting a hand, I touched my swollen bottom lip where he’d bitten me…and smiled.

“Jesus,” Riven said, and I looked over to see him watching me.

“I can’t help it. That was hot.”

He shook his head, then sat up. I was pretty sure he was smiling too.

*

I hated leavingRiven’s place that morning, but I couldn’t stay forever. He was quiet like always. He’d showered after he’d gotten out of bed, and then I’d done the same. When I said I should head out, he nodded in agreement, not acting like anything had changed between us when he said he would see me at work the next day.

And I guessed nothing had changed, not really. I was just all up in my feels for whatever reason, and walking around with a bitten lip that felt like I had been claimed.

I wanted to be claimed by Riven.

My heart punched against my chest when I pulled up at my house and noticed my brother’s car in the driveway. I jumped out and saw the doorknob missing on my front door. Inside, food containers and soda and beer bottles were strewn all over the table, along with weed. Rex was passed out on my couch in his boxers.

“Rex! What the fuck.” I kicked his leg. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Jesus Christ, Parrish!” he grumbled, sitting up.

“What are you doing here?” I asked again, trying to keep a lid on my anger so I didn’t lose it on him, not that he didn’t deserve it.

“Got in a fight with Bec on Friday. She’s being a bitch. Dad was pissing me off too, so I stayed here.” He scratched his balls, and I rolled my eyes. “Where have you been all weekend?”

I’ve been with Riven, and I know what you didwarred with my guilt for being with Riven while Becca was taking care of the kids all weekend alone. Usually, she would have called me in a situation like that. I didn’t know why she hadn’t.

“Get out of my house. You do this again, and I’m calling the cops on you.” It wasn’t like they would do shit, not really. He was my family, and he hadn’t stolen anything that I knew of. The police would chalk it up to an argument between us and tell Rex not to do it again.

“You weren’t here, so why does it matter?” He looked at me, eyes questioning. “Who were you with?”

“Why does it matter who I was with?”

“You got yourself a boyfriend now? I always thought you were gonna switch teams so you could try and take my family away from me.”

I rolled my eyes. He was an idiot. “It doesn’t work that way, and excuse me for being there for Becca and the girls. Maybe you should try and do it once in a while.”

He stood and pushed me. “Fuck you, Parrish.”

I shoved him right back. “Fuck you too. Get the hell out of my house.”

He grabbed his jeans and pulled them on. “You’re such a bitch. And you haven’t talked to Dad. What’s going on with Riven?”

My panicked gaze snapped to his, looking for signs that he knew what was going on with us, knew I’d spent the weekend with Riven. I didn’t really care, except I didn’t want it to put Riv on their radar even more, and I didn’t want to hurt Becca. But he was just being a dick and didn’t seem to know more. I guessed he meant at work.

“Nothing is going on with him. He comes to work every day, we work on the house, then go our separate ways. Why am I supposed to be keeping an eye on him? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Keep your mouth shut, and do as you’re told.” He tugged on his shirt next.

“What did you do to Riven? Why can’t you leave him alone?”

Rex’s reply was a belch. He grabbed his weed from the coffee table and shoved it into his pocket before going for his shoes.

Knowing I couldn’t get him to say anything else about Riven, I figured I could at least try to get him to spend time with his family. “Go home to Becca. Make her and the kids breakfast. Spend time with them or some shit.”

“No.” He walked out.

With a sigh, I went to change clothes, and then headed over to see Becca and the girls.