Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Riven

With each person walking by me, I felt their eyes linger, saw them whisper and pretend not to be discussing who I was. It made my skin crawl, but I pushed through, picking up the groceries Grandma had asked me to get after my PO appointment.

I didn’t care what people thought of me. I didn’t care about anyone in Clayton, but I hated being watched, being stared at like I was some kinda fucking attraction put there for their amusement. It was one of the reasons I tried not to go anywhere. That, and disliking people in general, but I would do anything Grandma asked. How could I not?

I turned down another aisle, scanning for the cornmeal she wanted, when I saw them. Becca was pushing a cart with a toddler sitting inside it. The little girl was pointing to something. She had chubby cheeks, and her hair was the same dark auburn as Bec’s.

Parrish stood beside her, another little girl holding his hand. Her hair was black, her eyes brown with thick lashes. She was spinning around and dancing, Parrish moving his arm with her, as if it was automatic.

They hadn’t seen me yet.

My skin started to itch. I wanted nothing more than to get out of there. I could have gone my whole life without seeing Becca again. But just as I started to turn and walk away, she glanced my direction, then did a double take when she recognized me. She froze, tears pooling in her eyes, teeth digging into her bottom lip, and Jesus Christ, she looked like she was going to cry.

“Riv,” she said gently, almost a whisper, but one that echoed out, playing on repeat around me.

Parrish’s head whipped my way, eyes darting from me to Becca, his jaw tense.

“Riven,” Becca said again, as if testing the sound of my name on her tongue.

The little girl holding Parrish’s hand looked to be an age that was too close for comfort, making my throat feel like it was closing up.

“Who’s that, Uncle Parrish?”

“An old friend, kiddo,” he replied in a cautious tone.

“How have you been? I…” Bec’s gaze shot to the kids, then back to me, like she wished this moment wasn’t happening around them. I wished it wasn’t happening at all.

Were we really going to talk like nothing happened? Forget that she had been my girlfriend when shit had gone down? That I’d heard she’d cheated on me with Rex? That there had been rumors she was fucking around with Rex before I was even sentenced, and that she hadn’t come to see me once? That she’d just gone from being with me to being with Rex in the hardest moment of my life? Not that I would’ve wanted her to sit around and wait for me, but choosing Rex, sleeping with Rex while I was sitting in jail, waiting for trial and to be sentenced, and never seeing her?

I didn’t blame her for moving on. Hell, I didn’t even blame her for ending up with Rex, not really. I understood his ability to manipulate people and make them feel like they had no other choice except him, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hash it all out or pretend everything was okay.

And the little girl…Christ, she was only five or so.

“I’m sorry… Can we… I don’t… I have to go.” She walked away, leaving the cart and both kids there with Parrish.

His eyes were soft, pleading with me not to say anything, and what the fuck kind of man did he think I was? That I’d make a scene in front of these kids like I didn’t know their life was probably hard enough already?

I couldn’t help looking down at the one holding his hand, though. She didn’t look like me, not outside of the hair and eye color, but Bec had brown eyes too, and Rex had dark hair. Still, I couldn’t get over how close the timing was. The fact that now I had proof Becca was fucking Rex when we were together. Either that or… I shook my head, refusing to believe that. Grandma would have told me. If there was any question, she wouldn’t have let that little girl be with the Hunts if she was mine.

“Don’t, Riv. It’s not what you think,” Parrish warned with that mouth that had been on my dick just a damn week ago. What a mess this was. Why in the hell was I getting tangled up in this shit? We belonged on an episode of one of those shows where they had to take a DNA test to see who the father was.

I bit back the words I wanted to say, the curses that lingered on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t about to let them spill out in front of the kids. “You don’t know what I think.” I grabbed a box from the shelf and walked away.

I hoped like hell I didn’t run into them again as I grabbed the last few things Grandma needed, and then I got the fuck out of Dodge.

My hands were shaking the whole drive home. Grandma was gardening when I pulled up, which was why she had asked me to go to the store for her. She wore one of those big, floppy hats and turned to wave at me.

I grabbed the bags and got out, forcing myself to smile and pretend nothing happened.

“Got everything?”

“Yep. I’ll put it away for you.”

“Thank you, Riven. You’re the best.”

Ignoring the fact that she couldn’t be more wrong, I nodded, then went to put the groceries away.

After that, I left through the back door and headed over to the garage. The whole time I showered, I tried to forget everything about this day—from losing my shit with Wayne, to seeing Becca, and fuck, even the way Parrish’s eyes had been kind like he wanted to console me. I didn’t need that shit. Didn’t need anyone to take care of me, and it pissed me off that he thought I did.

My head was crowded with too many thoughts. Grandma called about dinner, and I told her I wasn’t hungry.

Could that little girl be mine? Was Rex Hunt raising my kid? I would kill him if that was the case, which reminded me that Christ, I’d be the world’s worst father outside of him.

It was ten when lights pushed through the slats in the blinds. I immediately shoved to my feet, my nape tingling with awareness. I didn’t try to hide that I was there. I pulled the door open—and let out a relieved breath when I saw it was Parrish, which was followed quickly by a flood of anger at myself for feeling that way and at him for always fucking being there and inserting himself in my life so much.

“What do you want?” I asked the second he got out of the truck.

“She’s not yours.”

Damned if some of the pressure that had built inside me didn’t ease.

He had his hands in his pockets as he climbed the step to the cement landing that led into my little apartment.

“How do you know?”

“Because I paid for the DNA test myself, Riv. Bec and I wanted to be sure. Rex was being a dick to her when Lainey was born. Used it as an excuse to punish Bec, telling her the baby wasn’t his, that she didn’t keep her legs closed and shit like that.”

“Did he forget his dick was inside those legs?” Somehow men always seemed to disengage themselves from responsibility when it came to kids. My own dad had done the same thing to my mom, only she didn’t want me either, which was where Grandma had come into the picture.

“I know. But that’s just Rex. He’s a piece of shit.” When I didn’t respond right away, he added, “She’s not yours.” He tugged a folded piece of paper from his back pocket. “I would never lie to you about something like that.”

For whatever reason, I believed him. Still, I couldn’t stop myself from taking it and looking at the results that showed that Lainey was Rex’s. Deep down I had to have known. Grandma didn’t tell me right away that Becca had Rex’s baby, but if she had wondered who the kid belonged to, she wouldn’t have kept that from me.

“She was fucking him before I went inside.” Which I’d thought anyway.

“Yeah,” he answered simply.

I grabbed the pack of cigarettes I had inside, lit one, and sat on the edge of the cement. When Parrish did the same, I told him, “You can leave now.”

“Bec’s been through a lot. I know she screwed up, but you know what it’s like for her. She’s afraid of being alone, of being unattached. She’s scared of saying no, and I guarantee you the only reason she was sleeping with Rex was because she was worried about you not wanting her anymore.”

“So this is my fault?” I snapped, but the thing was, I knew his words were true. I’d been pulling away from Becca even before that shit had gone down outside the Homestead. I’d been tired of the heaviness of this life even back then.

“No.”

“Is he good to her?” I asked, despite knowing the answer.

“No. He’s not physically abusive, if that’s your question. I’d kill him if he laid a hand on any of them. Actually, Dad would too. He doesn’t have many lines he won’t cross, and that’s one of them. But he has no real relationship with the kids. Becca takes care of them. Rex comes and goes as he pleases, fucks whom he pleases, and half the time I give them money to make ends meet.”

“Shit.” I took a drag of my smoke, hating the taste and wondering why I even did it.

I growled when Parrish took it out of my hand and put it out. “You were frowning at it.” He chuckled softly. Our arms brushed, warm skin against warm skin, and though I told myself I should, I didn’t pull away.

“Thank you, Parrish. For taking care of her.” Because while I was done with Becca and hadn’t had feelings for her in a long time, she was still a victim of our environment, just like the rest of us. All of us were fuckups, only in different ways.

“Is there any chance for the two of you? She needs out of here, and I know you want out of here…”

I whipped my head in his direction, jaw tense. “You ate my cum a week ago and you’re asking me that now?”

“Believe me, it’s not easy, but I gotta ask for her. I hate the situation she’s in, that those little girls don’t have a dad they can love and respect, and I worry like hell that they’ll fall into the same pattern. As much as I want you, they’re more important.”

“We’re not fucking around again,” I answered, fingers feeling empty without the cigarette.

“You’re not answering my question.”

“The answer is no. I can’t. I want the best for her, want her as far away from your family as she can get, but I can’t be with her.” Hell, as far as I was concerned, I wouldn’t ever be with anyone again. People always let you down, and that included me. If it wasn’t someone messing with my emotions, it would be me doing it to them. Life was easier alone.

“Yeah…I thought you’d say that.” Parrish nudged my arm, then kept his tight up against it. “Think you can keep from shoving Wayne at work next week? All he did was ask you to go out for a drink.”

“Fuck.” I rubbed a hand over my face, frustration bubbling inside me. I really was a screwup. “I don’t like to be touched by people I don’t know or trust. Not like that. And at the same time he mentioned your uncle’s bar…”

“Shit. I didn’t think about that part. He’s cool, but we’re lucky it was him. Smitty or Harold wouldn’t have been as understanding.”

I heard the warning in his voice: don’t let it happen again.

“What is this we? I’m lucky. We’re not a package deal. Stop feeling an obligation to get my life on track because you feel bad about what happened. It was my choice, and I went through with it.”

“I’ve spent my whole adult life trying to right their wrongs, Riv. It’s not just you.”

I unexpectedly flinched. Did I think I was special to him? That wasn’t something I wanted either, so I wasn’t sure where the reaction had come from…but while hearing this wasn’t something new to me, it did make my insides twist up.

“Why didn’t you just leave this town?” Asking the question frustrated me, but I didn’t take it back. Clearly, Parrish was staying for now, and he found every way he could to engage me. There didn’t seem to be any getting around it.

“At first? I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to leave my home. What the fuck would I do anywhere other than here? It’s all I know. After that, because of Bec and the girls. If I’m not here to make sure they’re okay, who will?”

“That’s why Bec won’t leave either. What you said first. This is all she knows too,” I reminded him. “I’m not saying she shouldn’t, just that it’s not that easy.”

He blinked a few times as if he hadn’t thought of it that way before, at least not in comparison to himself. “I know. So I guess I’ll be here to take care of them.”

“They’re not your responsibility.”

“Would you leave Betsy?”

Well, shit. He had me there and he knew it. There was no chance in hell I would ever leave her again.