Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

Parrish

“You still grumpy?” I asked Riven the next Friday afternoon as he handed me his form to sign. We’d spent the whole week ignoring what happened between us—mostly Riven’s doing. I was following his lead because the way I saw it, this was a whole lot more screwed up for him than it was for me.

The good news was he hadn’t been as anti-Parrish as he’d been before I’d had dinner with him and then sucked a load out of his balls. The bad news was I couldn’t say he was friendly either. When he did speak to me, it was usually with sarcasm or talking shit. When our crew stopped to eat lunch, he didn’t sit with us. When we laughed and chatted and told stories, Riven never responded or joined in the conversations. He kept himself locked up tight, detached, and it pissed me off. Not at him, but because of the situation. After everything that happened to him, I figured Riven didn’t know any other way to be.

“I’m not grumpy. I hate the world. There’s a difference.”

I risked a step closer, glancing around to make sure Wayne or Smitty weren’t nearby. “I don’t think you hated having your dick in my mouth.”

“A mouth is a mouth.” He shrugged.

I chuckled. “You’re a real bastard, you know that?” The thing was, I didn’t think that was true at all. Not really. Sure, he could be an asshole, but I thought it was more about protecting himself than anything else.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” He pointed to the paper in my hand. “Are you going to sign that?”

“Why do you think he uses actual paper? Isn’t there an app for this?”

“Because he likes to torture me by making me talk to you. And also because he works for the state. They don’t give money for stuff that helps people like me or programs like mine. They don’t give a fuck how dated it is.”

He had that right. I sighed, signed it, and handed it back to him. His perma-scowl on his gorgeous face made those bow lips of his a straight line rather than plump and kissable the way they naturally were. I wanted to see him lose himself the way he had last weekend. With his dick in my mouth, Riven had let go, been free, and he deserved more of that. I wanted to be the one to give it to him.

“Let’s do something tonight,” I said, just as Wayne approached.

“You took the words out of my mouth, boss. We can head down to your uncle’s bar and grab a beer. Riven here needs to learn to relax.” Wayne wrapped an arm playfully around Riven. The second he did, Riven’s gaze hardened, and he pushed Wayne away.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” His words were sharp enough to cut glass.

Wayne stumbled a few steps backward, and I stepped between them. “Riv…chill out.”

It was fine if he didn’t like to be touched or whatever his issue was with what Wayne had said or done, but he didn’t get to assault people. Especially not when he was on parole and we were currently at his job. Wayne was harmless and just liked to have a good time.

Riven clenched his jaw, a muscle pulsing in the left side. I cocked my head, studying him, trying to figure out where the anger was coming from. Had something bad happened to him? Besides the obvious.

“Riv?” I asked again, but it was like he’d shut down, like he didn’t even see me.

“Hey, my bad,” Wayne said. “I get up in people’s space sometimes. I didn’t mean any harm.” He held his hands up and stepped around me so we could both see him. “My cousin spent some time inside. I get it. I wasn’t thinking. We’re cool.”

Jesus, thank God that had been Wayne and not someone else. He was really like a big golden retriever.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it,” I answered for Riven, who seemed to be coming out of it some.

“I gotta go see my PO,” was all he said, then turned and went for his truck.

“Fuck.” I ran a hand through my hair.

“Sorry, Parrish. I wasn’t thinking. I know how it can be for people, and that’s partly why I’m trying to reach out to him. It was real hard on my cousin. He ended up doing something dumb and getting his ass thrown right back inside.”

I wouldn’t say it out loud, but that was my worry for Riven too. Not that he’d deserved to be there in the first place, but he wasn’t innocent either. And he was so angry now, such a quick trigger. I was scared he would do something dumb…and I shouldn’t be. It wasn’t my business. If Riven screwed up, that was on him, but I felt an obligation to him now, like I owed him something because of Dad, Bill, and Rex’s shit.

I squeezed Wayne’s shoulder in support. “It’s not your fault. Thank you for being cool about it, though. Riv’s been through a lot. I’ll talk to him.”

“Yeah, I heard he’s tight with your family. Your dad was talking about it at the Homestead.” Wayne wasn’t a lifer in Clayton, so he hadn’t been around when we were young. He didn’t know how close Riven and Rex used to be. I didn’t know how much he even knew about what Riven had supposedly done.

“What did he say?” I asked, forcing down the words I really wanted to say. Why was Dad talking about Riv?

“Not much. Just that Riven got out. How he was like a father to him and tried to steer him right, but Riven always had a temper. I figured it was just him talking shit. You know how he gets. I know he’s your dad, but he can’t pretend to be a real upstanding citizen.” Wayne laughed.

Motherfucker. Of course Dad would try to manipulate the past and make it like he and Rex were always the good guys and Riv wasn’t. People’s memories could be easily altered, especially by someone like my dad. He would have them remembering things exactly as he said they happened rather than how they did.

“Thanks again, Wayne. I appreciate your understanding. Riven is a good guy. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

He frowned, probably because he could tell I was saying that my dad was full of shit. “Sure, man. I hear you. See you next week.”

After we went our separate ways, I couldn’t stop thinking about Riven the whole way home. The man was on my mind way too much. I took a shower as soon as I got home, and just as I got out, my doorbell rang over and over again. “Goddamn it.” It was always something.

There was no ignoring it, so I tugged on a pair of jeans and went for the door. Bec was there with Sophie and Lainey. Her eyes were ringed red, and it was clear she’d been crying.

My gaze dashed from her to the girls, then back again.

“Uncle Parrish!” Lainey wrapped her arms around my legs in a hug.

“Hey, kiddo. It’s good to see you.” I hugged her back. “Come in.”

“Mommy said she would take us to get ice cream, and we stopped by to see if you would go with us. Daddy didn’t want to,” Lainey said, making my heart break for her. Becca did a pretty good job of shielding them from who their dad was and tried to make up for the fact that he didn’t spend time with them, but there was only so much she could do.

“Yeah, of course. Let me finish getting dressed real quick.”

They came in while I tugged on a T-shirt, socks, and shoes. I ran my fingers through my wet hair, and then we climbed into Becca’s car and went to get ice cream.

Scoops was right next to the grocery store. It was a local ice cream shop with a fenced outdoor play area in the back. I grabbed Sophie out of her car seat, nuzzling her chubby cheeks, and we went inside.

“Okay, what do you ladies want? My treat.”

“No, Parrish. You don’t have to do that. You do enough for us.” Bec squeezed my arm.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” I wanted them to have positive men in their lives, and so far, I was the only one. The last thing I wanted was for these little girls to grow up and think they had to be with a man who treated them the way Rex did Becca.

Everyone got a bowl, since it was a lot less messy than a cone, before heading out back. We sat at a table, Sophie getting more ice cream on her face than in her mouth, but it was cute as hell.

When we finished eating, Lainey asked, “Can we go play?”

“Yeah, baby. Stay in the area for little ones with Soph, though, would you?”

“Uh-huh.” Lainey took her sister’s hand and walked away with her. We were close enough that we could keep an eye on them and make sure nothing happened but would be able to talk without them hearing.

“What happened, Bec?”

“Nothing really. It wasn’t anything more than what we deal with every day. I needed to go to the grocery store, and it was hell getting any money out of Rex. You know how he can be. He acts like food is an inconvenience. Finally he gave me some, and I asked him if he could babysit so I’d just run and come back.”

“He’s their dad. That’s not babysitting. That’s being a father.” Jesus, he was such a prick. What kind of man didn’t want to spend time with those perfect little girls?

“It is when their daddy is Rex. Anyway, he said no, of course, and then Lainey was complaining about being hot and bored, so I thought maybe all of us could go together. It could be family time. We could come and get ice cream, then shop and maybe cook out. The girls overheard and got so excited—Soph probably more because of Lainey, but still. I usually don’t ask stuff like that in front of them, but they’d come back into the room. Rex said no, then took off with Les, and I just felt…defeated. I’m so tired, Parrish. I broke down and started crying. Poor Lainey was consoling me, which made me feel like the worst mama in the world, so I pulled myself together, promised my girls we were still getting ice cream, and then went to see you. I know you’re not their daddy, but they love you so much.”

“I love them too, and you don’t ever have to feel like you can’t come to me. I want to spend time with them. I’m so sorry my brother is such a piece of shit.”

“I wish you were their daddy. I wish I could’ve been with you. You’re so much better to us than he is.”

My gut clenched. “Becca…” It wasn’t the first time she’d said something like that. One night after Lainey was born and Rex had disappeared for days on end, I went over to help her out, and she’d tried to kiss me. I’d stopped her, and she’d apologized, had run out completely embarrassed, but she still hinted from time to time.

“I know. You’re gay. I just…I don’t know how to be without someone, ya know?”

Jesus, my heart broke for her. She really believed that. “You don’t need me. You don’t need Rex or any other man. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You deserve better, and I wish you would leave my brother for good. I would help. I have some money saved up. It’s yours. Contact your aunt in Washington.”

Her mouth fell open like I’d just told her she should commit treason. “I couldn’t leave him. How would I do it on my own?”

“Sweetheart, you’re mostly doing it on your own now. I’m not saying it would be easy, but the three of you deserve better. You have to break the cycle.” Becca’s mom had lived her life with a shitty man who was even worse than Rex in some ways. But her mom had dealt with it because she thought she needed him, and now it was the same with Becca. The second she thought Riven was pulling away, she leaned on Rex, and then when Riven got locked up, she was already tangled up with him. The thought of being alone scared her so damn much. I didn’t want those girls to share the same fate, and I knew she didn’t either. If that’s what the girls continued to see, it’s what they would think relationships and life were supposed to be.

“Like I said, I can’t be alone, Parrish. At least he’s there in some ways.”

I nodded, knowing that was what she would say. There was nothing I could do to change her mind.

“You know I love him, don’t you?” Becca asked softly.

I frowned. “Rex?”

“No. Riven. It was different with him. He never treated me badly. I messed it up, even before he got locked up. I can’t explain why I ever started messing with Rex in the first place. He got in my head.”

I reached over and squeezed her hand. “He’s good at that. And you can’t beat yourself up over things that happened in the past. All you can do is move on and try and do better.”

I held her hand across the table, feeling like the biggest prick alive. Becca had been through so much, and she was still in love with Riven…and as wrong as it was, I couldn’t make myself stop wanting him too.