50. Abraxas

Tori and I spent the night with my treasure. I stayed in my fae form to hold her through the night, stroking her hair and just reveling in the feeling of her warmth against me. In the morning, she buried her face in my chest, her voice muffled with sleep as she grumbled about needing a mattress if this was to become a regular affair.

Icarried her up to our room and made excellent use of the mattress there until late into the morning. As she dozed peacefully after, I traced my fae hands down the beautiful curve of her back, placing small kisses all along her spine.

Ihad a kingdom to run and couldn't linger with her all day, despite how much I wanted to. I drew the curtains tight to let her rest.

Afterweeks away, I sat through hours of briefings and updates. My mind continued to wander back to the beautiful woman sleeping in my bed, and maybe I wasn't the only one. Tori's presence dominated the war room even though she was peacefully sleeping elsewhere. My officers spoke of her with the utmost respect. I almost wondered if they had even missed me.

AsI strode back to my room, a peculiar sight caught my attention. One of the castle balconies was littered with small songbirds. They hopped on their tiny feet, and sang harmoniously, a sight I had never seen before.

Ipeered out to see PrinceJun seated near the balcony's edge, even more birds crowded his shoulders and hair. They sang as if encouraging him to do the same, but his mouth stayed closed, and he gave them a sad smile.

Icarefully stepped out into the open air, but the birds still rose in a flutter of wings as they fled from my presence. Jun stood.

"To what do I owe the honor, KingAbraxas?" If he was surprised to see me, he didn't show it. I waved my hand to dismiss the formality.

"I apologize for scaring away your… friends. I didn't mean to intrude." My voice was so soft it even surprised me.

Heoffered a small smile, a hint of warmth in his eyes. "No apology necessary. They come and go as they please." I could see how so many had fallen in love with him. He was like the first blossom of spring, gentle and radiant. It would be easy to want to protect him, but I had learned my lesson with Tori. Sometimes, protection was nothing more than a cage; I could see how Jun had suffered for it.

"Just as you can, YourHighness."

Hefurrowed his brows. "I don't think Tori would like that."

Hewas correct, but my sweet mate suffered from the same overprotectiveness that I needed to fight as well. "No, I don't think she would, but she would not stop you. She would understand."

Darknessfell over Jun's face. "I doubt that."

Theair was quiet, the hush that precedes a storm, and it seemed fitting for our conversation.

"Your sister is like a tempest, violent and seen from miles around. I love her all the more for it. But you, I think you are more like me. Your rage simmers deep below the surface, a molten pool that will eventually no longer be able to be contained, to disastrous results."

"No, I don't harbor anger. It has just never lingered in my heart. AllI feel is sadness, like a great wallowing pit trying to suck me under. It's harder some days than others to tread those waters, but having Pallas and Tori nearby helps." He let out a long sigh. "I never knew how to fight. I'm not like Tori. But that doesn't mean I'm helpless."

"What you did during that battle wasn't the actions of someone who doesn't know how to fight."

"PerhapsI should say I have never desired to fight. I don't think she's ever understood that." I saw it there, that space between them.

"Sometimes those who love us most know us the very least, especially when it's family."

Atthis, Jun said nothing.

"I know there are many who care for you deeply, but sometimes that makes it harder for them to see the wound and bleed with you. Should you need someone who is more removed… I am here."

Ithought I pushed too far. I hardly knew this man, even if he was now some of the only family I had. I turned to leave when he spoke again.

"I wish I could talk to her, to Tori. It is what I did for two hundred years. Now…the silence is unbearable, and I know it hurts her. I don't think she will ever forgive me for that."

"I have done more unforgivable things in my life than I can count. ThingsI know I will not be forgiven for. Your sister knows them, and she loves me still. She accepts me with those scars. She would do the same for you."

"She never knew you without them."

"Do you truly think she would shy away from your scars? You may have no desire to fight, but I know she does, and she would fight for you. She already has, recklessly."

Atthat, Jun's mouth twitched into the smallest smile. "That sounds like her." He sighed again, but I saw a dam inside him break. "Singing, music, it used to be everything to me. It was my life, my joy. But now, I can't even pick up a harp. Every note is just a reminder of his touch, of the pain. When he collared me, it was like he ripped the music out of me, and I can still feel the scratches where it held on, trying to stay inside. And now it's gone, and there is nothing left but scars."

Jun'svoice croaked, and he hid his face in his hands. "What he did to me, that was terrible. But this is worse. It's like he's stolen my very soul. I don't know if I'm even me anymore. Tori can see it. I know she does. I see how she wishes I was just the brother she knew in Niata again. ButI don't think I can ever be him again."

Movingcloser, I sat down beside him, careful to maintain a respectful distance. "I don't think you will ever be that man again, Jun." He pulled his face up to look at me. "Life's most painful events change us irrevocably. It's natural to grieve for the person you were before, but it"s also necessary to let that person go to embrace who you are becoming."

Hedidn't say anything for a second, letting his gaze drift to the floor again. "And who is that?"

"Perhaps someone who can harbor anger."

Helooked at me like I had spoken the impossible.

"For five hundred years, I was stagnant. I let my anger trap me in place. I lived, but I too felt as if it was with my soul ripped out. ThenI went to Niata…Your sister, she has changed me completely. She allowed me to be reborn in more ways than one."

"But that's a beautiful thing, what the poets write about in songs that last through time."

"It is, but… there is strength in anger. IfI had never met your sister, Hadeon would be dead." Jun's eyes widened. "The man I was before would have never hesitated. He would have ripped Hadeon to shreds, no matter the cost, no matter who I dragged down with me. My journey to Koron might have been my end, but it would have been his as well. I would have taken this entire world with me if I had needed to."

"That's… horrifying," Jun muttered.

"Yes, just as I was. But tell me, have you ever felt the same? Even a spark of that dark desire for retribution?" At this, he remained silent. "Through suffering, you have grown strong. Of that I have no doubt. Lean on your sister, on Pallas if you must, but use that strength. Let that righteous anger guide you. It's the key to your survival."

It may be the key to all our survival. I would not lay that thought on him. Not yet.

"Love can save you, but violence will free you. If you learn to guide that inner anger, Jun, I have no doubt you will shift this world just as much as your sister."

Heheld my gaze, and I could see the battle being fought inside his mind. He had much to think about; much to learn about himself.

"Sleep on it, YourHighness. Tomorrow, we leave for the Torr."