CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Mad Bell

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Mad Bell

I groaned as I squeezed my lids closed and let my head fall into my hands.

It wasn't a hangover that had the unhappy sound falling from my mouth.

My feet were on the ground and the sheet was haphazardly draped over my lap. Not that it mattered.

It was the morning after, and though I'd woken up alone, I wished I hadn't.

There was no place for that shit here, so I tried to bat the thoughts away.

Only when I opened my eyes, the five used condoms littering the floor taunted me, forcing me to remember the best sex I'd had in my life. All the other birthdays could kiss my ass after that. Fuckin' hell.

What was I supposed to do now?

I felt like shit because I couldn't give Maisy what she deserved. A woman like that, she needed a good man. She needed a whole one. Someone who would be strong enough to run with her through this life. I was a shell. Jaded and grumpy. I had no place in her world of life and dreams and possibilities.

So as much as it hurt to wake up and find myself alone, I told myself it was for the best. Maisy was damn smart for running.

I stood and stretched, cringing when my back popped a few times. Felt good, but also reminded me that I was now one year closer to forty. I wasn't getting any younger, and after last night, I realized that my life wasn't quite where I wanted it to be. I'd been missing something big, something I'd been trying to push away for years.

A good woman could change your life.

But Maisy wasn't mine. She couldn't be mine because I wasn't good enough for her.

I tried my hardest to pack away the night I shared with Masiy as I prepared myself to face the day. Yeah, that shit was hard to do. I didn't think I'd ever forget how it felt to be with her. Not to mention how her scent was lingering around my room and probably wouldn't be leaving any time soon. It was a good thing I had a house and could avoid being hit with the memory of last night by not staying here. Maybe it was best to lock the room up tight and not visit again for a long while. Give that stale scent a chance to take over and erase last night since that was the way it had to be.

But, fuck, I didn't think it could happen. Maisy was not someone you forgot. She wasn't someone you walked away from. And I had no doubts it was going to kill me to try.

First thing first, I needed to take a damn shower. It would be best if I washed the night away before stepping foot out of this room.

Though I was finding it hard to get up. I knew why, but that was shit I was trying to push away.

I decided to send Roadkill a text letting him know I'd be working today. Despite how many times he'd offered to work the whole day for me, I knew I'd never let that happen. I didn't leave my kitchen in the hands of someone else unless I had to. It wasn't like I had a life or anything, so it didn't matter that I was there nearly every damn day.

Maisy was off today. I always knew her schedule. It used to be that I had to know what day I'd get a reprieve from her tricks, but somewhere along the way, things had changed. It was like I was trying to hold on to that feeling of wishing for a day without her. But then I started feeling like something was missing those days. It really hit me around the time of the Chili for Charity.

I hadn't realized it then, but there had been a shift. Maybe it had been a big one, but I'd refused to see the signs.

Guessed it didn't matter though.

But fuck if I was gonna sit here and moon over a woman who left before I woke up. It was a clear sign that last night was just a one-time thing. Hell, I wouldn't doubt if she had regrets or thought of it as some kind of payback-hate-type fuck.

I pushed to my feet, letting the sheet fall to the floor. I dragged my naked ass into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror over the sink. After taking a much-needed piss that felt like it lasted five minutes, I turned the water too hot and stepped into the shower.

After I had washed the night away and dressed, I cleaned up the mess. My hands worked angrily as I stripped the bed. It looked like I was gonna be doing some sheets today. I had a pile of dirty clothes in the basket in the closet, so I figured I'd take care of it all at the same time. My stomach grumbled as I walked down the stairs to the main part of the building. I wondered if anyone had made anything for breakfast. I sure as hell didn't expect it, but today of all days, I would have really appreciated it.

Yeah, I liked to cook. And usually, I cooked the same things over and over again, like I pretty much ate while I was at work so there wasn't much variety unless it was slow and I felt like experimenting. It sure was nice when I didn't have to worry about it once in a while.

The universe must have decided to give me a little something because I smelled sweet goodness the moment I opened the back door. Cinnamon and vanilla filled the space and I could hear the commotion in the kitchen. I smiled. There was something about it that got me in the chest. I might not have been here a lot, but this made me realize that I was missing out most of the time. Maybe I wasn't as much of a solitary hermit as I thought I was.

Before I chowed down, I headed to start a load of laundry. I still had a few hours until I had to be at the bar, but I knew laundry wasn't a quick chore, and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask one of the club bunnies to do it. Nope. I didn't give them anything so I expected nothing from them in return. It was only right. Plus, something about them touching my sheets and making my bed right after the night I shared with Maisy turned my stomach. Felt a little disrespectful… even though she'd been the one who left.

A scowl pulled at my face as I shoved clothes into the washer.

Damn. That was the exact thing I was trying to avoid.

I did my best to shake that shit off again as I walked to the kitchen.

I was surprised at how full I found the place. The kitchen took up the left corner of the big room with a huge, stainless steel prep table blocking off the area. The rest of the room housed a bunch of tables and chairs. Nothing fancy, but then again, you wouldn't expect to find fancy in a place like this.

A few of the Old Ladies were milling about on the left side, and a couple of 'em were eating with their families at the tables. I headed over and grabbed a plate of eggs, bacon, and what looked like cinnamon muffins. They smelled amazing.

Grass called me over with a chin nod. I wondered if the VP ate here often or if I'd just come on the right morning.

I plopped down next to Plugs and across from Grass.

"Good night?" Grass asked.

"It was," I said. "Didn't see you." I tried to tease but it came out a little tight.

"You would have if you'd followed the party back to the compound," he said, face stern for a second before he cracked a smile. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna ask."

"You don't need to," Twigs said as he came sneaking up behind me. He plopped down on my free side. "All you had to do was step out back and you'd have heard how well Maisy was taking his—" He stopped short when he looked over and caught my death glare. "What? I'm not sayin' anything bad. Sounded like she was enjoying herself. Made me a little jealous, is all."

I had no clue where it came from, but a growl tore from my throat. I didn't know why I didn't mind my brothers hearing her in the throws of passion while I was fuckin' her, but the thought of one of them thinking they could fuck her was my limit. Hell, they could think about me fuckin' her all they like, picture it even. Wouldn't lie, that kinda turned me on. But they better watch out if they were thinkin' of her without me.

Twigs smacked me upside the head. I blinked at him, too shocked to be pissed.

"I meant jealous of your dick, not of gettin' with her," he clarified.

I was taken off guard and couldn't stop the bark of a laugh that slipped out. Yep, I had no clue how to respond to that, so I was just gonna let it go.

"Hey," Grass said, catching my attention. "Know you're probably tired of cookin' but I wanted to see if you'd be down for doing some ribs for one of the cookouts sometime. I've heard you're amazing at sauces." His eyes flicked over to Twigs. That man did sing my praises when it came to my wing sauces. "You don't have to. Just thought I'd throw it out there."

I thought about it. Then figured what the hell. I could get Roadkill to work the open shift. Take the afternoon to work on the ribs then close out the bar. It was doable. I could probably even take the day off, but we all knew I wouldn't.

They'd asked me before, but I'd always turned it down. They never once made me feel bad about it, and eventually, they asking stopped. I hadn't even been mad about it. But, if I was being honest, I was glad the VP was opening the invitation up again.

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "Sounds good, I'm in."

I stayed a while, catching up with some of the brothers and listening to stories of the day-to-day bullshit. I couldn't lie, it was nice to sit in the background and not have to think too much. Might have woken up in a shit mood, but at least I'd been able to escape it for a bit.