Chapter 6

Sadie sat next to Oakley and pretended to watch the Homecoming football game. The Titans were currently pummeling their rivals and spirits were high. Even so, it would be no hardship for her to depart right after halftime. She was leaving early, heading to Coach's ranch to help Lorelie do all the last-minute stuff before her party. The rest of the guests would arrive about an hour or so later once the game was over.

It had been nine days since Sadie had instigated that ill-fated Truth or Dare game. Nine straight days of an unending fuck festival. Joel and Oakley had come back to her bed that night like two men possessed, and they'd found a way to be together every single night since then, five times at her apartment, twice in the bar, once at their bunkhouse and one time by a lake in the back bed of their pickup truck.

It was insanity. Beautiful, mind-blowing insanity.

And despite the unending litany of orgasms, Sadie knew they were living on borrowed time. The kiss Oakley and Joel had shared had jarred something loose and, though they were trying to ignore the fact that it was teetering precariously, they seemed to have accepted there was nothing that could stop it from crashing to the ground and shattering.

Worst of all, it was her fault. Neither man blamed her, but that didn't mean she hadn't opened Pandora's box. She had honestly thought Joel merely needed a little push in the right direction. She was certain she hadn't misread his feelings, but what she hadn't understood was how strongly he would fight against them.

Even though, she should have realized. She'd known Joel for years. Knew how strongly he stood by his convictions, how much he believed in doing the right thing, in keeping the people around him happy. He'd move heaven and earth for his mother if she needed him. And for Coach. For Oakley…and now, she suspected, for her. Once he cared about someone, there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to protect them. Even if that meant denying his own happiness or hiding some intrinsic part of himself that he thought others wouldn't understand or accept.

"Sadie?"

She glanced up at Oakley's voice.

"Man, that was a deep thought. I hope it was some dirty fantasy that involved me," he said with a sexy grin.

She hadn't mentioned her fears. How could she? She was the one who'd put the two of them in this untenable position to begin with. For years she'd refused their offers to date because she hadn't wanted to break up their friendship. Looks like she'd managed to drive a wedge between them anyway…and not in a way she had expected.

"Damn," Oakley frowned. "That's no fantasy. What's wrong, Sade?"

She shook off her uneasiness. "Nothing. Just bored. Football's not my thing."

"Don't let Joel hear you say that. High school football played a big role in some of the happiest days of his life."

"How long can you keep pretending?"

Oakley's brow creased. He knew what she was talking about. He glanced around the stands and she cursed herself for starting this now. Here. They'd chosen seats amongst Joel's old teammates and their loved ones.

She glanced down to the sideline and spotted the back of Joel's head. He was standing next to Tucker and Caleb, waiting to take the field at halftime to watch as their beloved Coach was honored for his contributions to Maris football. Lorelie stood near the guys, next to her dad, looking so proud she could pop.

That left her and Oakley in the stands with girlfriends, wives and friends, all those who had come to cheer on the Titans of today as well as the state champs from fifteen years ago.

"Sadie." Oakley stood up and offered his hand. "Come here."

She followed as he led them out of the stands to a private place near the gate. "It's not going to happen with me and Joel."

"But you want it to. And so does he. I can tell. When we're together, it's…like there's something missing."

Oakley frowned. "Wait. You don't enjoy what we do?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid. You're right there beside me. You know I love it. But I'm not blind and I have a really hard time not pointing out something when it's wrong. What you and Joel are denying. To yourselves. To us. It's wrong."

"I don't have a choice, Sadie. If it were up to me, things would be different. But I can't force the guy to accept what I'm offering. He has to come to me."

She blew out an exasperated breath. "He can't do that. It's just not in him. We have to convince him, show him?—"

"No." Oakley cut her off. "Absolutely not. We cracked the door with that kiss and we left it open. I'm not shoving him through. He's going to walk in on his own or he's not. There's nothing else you and I can do."

"Well…I think that sucks."

Oakley chuckled. "That's because you and me are doers. We want something, we just take it. Joel's a thinker. He has to analyze, weigh all the options and dangers. Shit like that takes time."

Sadie laughed. For someone who seemed to walk through life with a nonchalant, devil-may-care attitude, Oakley was probably one of the shrewdest people she'd ever met. He saw way more than he let on. And even better, he understood what made the people he cared about tick.

Meanwhile, she didn't have a clue. She'd always been the type to try to force puzzle pieces together that didn't fit. It was one reason she was so bad at relationships. She'd choose the world's worst guy, then work like a son of a bitch to hang on to something she'd had no business reaching for to begin with.

Even with Oakley and Joel, she'd found a way to make the possibility of something special impossible by choosing both guys instead of just one. The longer she was with them, the more she didn't have a doubt she could have made a happy ending with either of them. And, in typical fashion, she'd fucked it up by grasping at a short-term fantasy that likely wouldn't last through the rest of the year.

Whistles pierced the night, marking the end of the second quarter. The announcer came over the loudspeaker, inviting the crowd to turn their attention to the special halftime presentation.

Oakley wrapped his arm around her shoulder and turned her back to the stands. "Come on. Joel will be upset if we miss this."

Sadie returned to her place on the blanket she'd set down to share with Oakley and Joel. She'd caught more than a few sideways glances when she'd walked in with both of them before the game. While Lorelie thought she was dating Joel—and clearly suspected Oakley was just a third wheel—there were plenty of other friends left wondering exactly which guy she was with.

Except for Caleb, a local businessman and a former teammate of Joel's. His stare felt a little too perceptive for Sadie's comfort. Caleb had seemed to know it was both.

The announcer began to introduce the older players. She and Oakley screamed their fool heads off when Joel's name was announced and he walked across the field. She laughed as all the guys fist-bumped each other as they walked down the line. It was cool to see so many of the players back home and together in the same place.

Sadie remembered the boys who'd made up that team fondly, even though they'd been younger than her. Probably because quite a few of them had had crushes on her. She wondered how many of them had honed their flirting skills on her before landing their real high school sweethearts. Tucker and Walt had, for sure. And Jack—though he'd flirted with anything in a skirt.

The stadium was packed with current students and their parents, locals who lived and breathed high school football, and returning graduates, who had come home from wherever they'd moved to take that long walk down memory lane.

Sadie had never felt particularly nostalgic about high school. It was four years of her life that she'd basically just tried to survive. Not because she had been bullied. It was more like she'd been bored out of her mind.

She saw the Homecoming Court standing to one side, waiting for their time to shine under the stadium lights. Four girls nervously hoping they'd walk off with the crown. Sadie remembered standing in that exact same place. And she could recall her thoughts at that moment. She was hoping she wouldn't win because the whole thing felt like one big joke and she'd feel like an ass in a tiara.

"I know you told me the story, but I still can't quite picture you down there on that field in a crown," Oakley joked, leaning close.

"Neither can I. It was embarrassing as hell."

He laughed. "Yeah. That's sort of how I imagined you would have felt about it. Joel looks happy though. I wish I'd known him in high school."

She glanced at Oakley's face as he looked at his best friend. They were so close it was hard to remember they hadn't known each other forever. It seemed like they should have grown up together.

Sadie tried to think back to Joel in school, tried to remember some details she could offer Oakley. "He was a quiet kid. Not that he didn't have friends. He just wasn't showy or cocky. I remember being surprised when he made the Varsity football team because he didn't have that jock strut the rest of the guys had. He was a rule-follower, even then. And a good guy, which meant the girls steered clear. Most high school girls are only into the bad boys."

Oakley listened to her description in rapt attention. "Their loss, I guess."

She nodded. "Yeah. It was."

Once all the guys had been introduced, it was time for the main event. Coach Carr was called forward. Lorelie walked with him toward the superintendent of the school system and the Maris High School principal. The announcer read off Coach's accomplishments, the list long and full of all the things that made him the amazing man he was. And then they directed everyone's attention to the press box. A large white sheet was hanging above the concession stand, but at the principal's command, the covering fell away to reveal a new sign.

The Nicholas Carr Stadium had been named and dedicated to the talented coach who had given so much to the school, the community and to the players who loved him.

Sadie didn't consider herself a sentimental person, but she didn't hesitate to take the tissue Tucker's girlfriend, Lela, offered her at the unveiling.

Coach had been like a father to the boys who played for him, but he'd taken more than a few other wayward souls under his wing as well. She recalled sitting under these stands following the Homecoming game all those years ago and wishing that her mother had been there to see her crowned. She had truly believed that silly honor would've made her mother proud of her.

Coach Carr had found her there and he'd comforted her. His wife had died in childbirth with Lorelie. He understood how hard it was for a daughter to grow up without her mother, but he said that in his estimation, that missing part only made a woman stronger. Because she learned how to stand on her own two feet, to discover who she truly was—not through emulation, but through honest introspection. It was the first time Sadie had felt a kinship with Lorelie, a girl she'd barely known.

And then he'd said something Sadie had never forgotten. He told her that tears were fine as long as she knew what she was crying for.

Sadie had gone home that night and thought about what Coach had said. She thought she'd been crying for her mom, but when forced to face the truth, she realized she'd been feeling sorry for herself. They'd been wasted tears. She didn't need her mother's approval. She only needed her own.

Coach had set her on the path to discovering her own strength, her own sense of being. And she'd never forgotten it.

* * *

Joel walkedinto the barn with Caleb and Tyson, who quickly beelined for the stage to get ready for their opening set. Sadie and Oakley had left the game shortly after halftime to help Lorelie get ready for the onslaught of people who were just now starting to arrive. The Titans had trounced the Pioneers 36-7, maintaining their undefeated status. The excitement level of the locals was reaching fever pitch as everyone proclaimed this team was going to do what none other had done since Joel's. Bring home the state trophy.

Sadie was already set up behind the bar, a few early arrivers standing in line, waiting for drinks. Oakley was just behind her, pumping the keg and making some off-color joke about two nuns and a cheerleader. Everyone was laughing. The evening had only just begun, but it promised to be a great night.

Joel stood back as he watched all the activity surrounding them. He and Oakley had spent the better part of three days getting the barn cleaned out and setting up a bar area, building a makeshift stage for both bands, Walt and his musician friend, and Ty's Collective, as well as chiseling out a decent bit of space for dancing.

Lorelie and her girlfriends had spent all afternoon decorating and making the food. From the look on Coach's face, Joel suspected every bit of sweat and hard work was worth it. The guy was in his element, surrounded by so many people who loved him and who were delighted to see someone so worthy get the recognition he deserved.

"Hey."

Joel turned around to find Lorelie standing next to him.

"Aren't you joining the party?" she asked. "I thought you were helping Sadie behind the bar."

Lorelie had cornered him a few days ago to ask how things were going between him and Sadie. He'd given her a vague answer about everything being fine before making an excuse and getting away from her. He wanted to shout to the world that Sadie was his girlfriend. God knew that's what he wanted her to be. But he couldn't.

Everything was too screwed up. His feelings for Oakley were gumming up the works, and Sadie was still resistant to accept what was going on as anything more than a short-term fling. She was determined they'd ride the merry-go-round until they got dizzy and then they'd just get off. He didn't want off.

"I'm just soaking it all in for a minute."

Lorelie followed his glance at Coach, her own smile growing. "I'm so happy we're all here. Together again. And that Dad is getting better."

"I'm glad too. This party was a great idea."

High school had been one of the best times of his life. For a kid who'd always been a bit of a loner growing up, he'd hit his stride as a sophomore. Pretty much because of Coach. He'd been sitting on a bench outside school one day, waiting for his mom to pick him up. Tucker, who was in his math class, had stopped to ask him a question about an assignment while waiting for practice to start. Tucker had made starting quarterback for the Varsity squad as a freshman. It seemed to Joel his friend had been born throwing a ball.

Coach had stopped by to move Tucker along, and then he noticed Joel. Said he'd seen him sitting around after school every day. Joel hated riding the bus almost as much as he hated hanging out in an empty house alone for hours. So he'd elected to stay after school instead, doing his homework and watching all the other students come and go from extracurricular activities until his mom came to pick him up.

Coach invited him to practice and, since Joel's mom was still a couple hours away from getting off work, he'd figured why not. He joined the team that very day, never missed a practice after that and by junior year, he was the starting center at every game and working part-time on this ranch. Being a part of the team had given Joel some things he hadn't really had before high school—friends and a purpose.

Lorelie laughed as some of the guys arrived with their girlfriends in tow. Jack and Tucker came into the barn in style, Tucker with a ball in hand and yelling for Jack to "go long." Jack ran toward Coach as Tucker lobbed the ball at him. After Jack caught it, he handed it to Coach.

Joel knew what it was. All the guys had signed a football for Coach as a gift, a memento of the night.

"Wow." Lorelie's smile grew. "Look at Dad's face."

Joel couldn't look away. "Never seen the guy so happy."

Lorelie turned and hugged Joel. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"For calling the guys, asking them to come back. I think seeing all of them is what helped my dad get better. It reminded him of better times and made him feel young again. I know I never say it, but I'm glad you're here, Joel. It was just me and Dad for so long. With you and Oakley, it feels like we have a regular family."

Joel swallowed heavily and tightened the embrace. He understood what it meant to be light on family. Lorelie only had her dad. He'd only ever had his mom. Until she said it aloud, he'd never realized that they had begun to feel like a family. Joel thought he'd regretted not leaving Maris, but that wasn't true. He'd subconsciously stayed because he hadn't wanted to leave all the people he loved.

He placed a brotherly kiss on the top of Lorelie's head. "Love you, kiddo."

She laughed at the nickname he hadn't used in years. Mainly because she'd become a woman and threatened to emasculate him if he continued to call her that.

"Love you too."

The moment passed as they stepped apart and surveyed the room once more. Lela and Tucker had taken to the dance floor as soon as Ty's Collective started playing. Walt was next to the stage, tinkering with some of his equipment, Jack and Evan Sparks were playing a game of one-upmanship as they reminisced about their glory days in high school.

He'd felt twinges of jealousy whenever he considered his friends and the places they'd traveled to, but the fact that they'd all returned to Maris spoke volumes to him. There really wasn't any place better than home.

The more Joel looked around at the people in his barn, the more he realized he couldn't leave here. He was happy.

His gaze landed on Oakley, who had taken Sadie's hand to spin her in time with the music behind the bar. She was laughing and trying to break free so she could pour a drink.

No. He couldn't leave.

"Damn. If all the girls around here are as pretty as you, I may never leave Texas again."

Joel and Lorelie turned around at the strange voice. Joel's hackles rose as a man he'd never seen gave Lorelie a charming smile to match his come-on. Joel started to tell the guy to back off, but as always, Lorelie was more than prepared to fight her own battles.

"Is that a pickup line?" To a stranger, Lorelie would sound sweet, flirty. But Joel recognized the tone. This guy was in danger. Joel stuck around for the show.

The guy stepped closer to her. "Did it work?"

"Not even a little bit."

He laughed. "Guess I'll have to figure out something else that might work with you then."

Lorelie narrowed her eyes. "Yeah. That's not gonna happen."

The man didn't look deterred. In fact, if Joel read his face correctly, it appeared he'd taken Lorelie's comment as a dare. "Never say never, beautiful."

Lorelie rolled her eyes. "You know, I made up the guest list for this party and I don't know you from Adam, which means you weren't invited."

The man pointed to a guitar case resting against the table next to him. "Actually, I was. I'm Glen Young, Walt's friend. I just got into town. Goddamn GPS on my phone took me all around Robin Hood's barn. Didn't think I'd ever get here."

Lorelie pointed toward the stage. "Walt's over there getting ready. I think he had given up on you. Said something to the effect that you were probably three sheets or between the sheets with some groupie."

Glen chuckled. "Walt always was a jealous bastard. So…if it's your party, you must be Lorelie. Walt failed to tell me how gorgeous you are."

"You realize all you did was reword the first pickup line that failed miserably. Your efforts are getting worse, not better," she teased.

Joel still stood close in case Lorelie needed him, but it was becoming more and more apparent she wasn't going to be calling in the troops.

Glen laughed loudly. "I'm going to sing you a song, Lori."

She shook her head, but she didn't look annoyed. "Don't bother. I'm not your type."

Glen gave her a curious look. "What's my type?"

"Blind, deaf, and stupid." With that, she gave Glen a wicked grin and walked away.

Glen's grin grew wider. "Damn."

Joel felt compelled to warn the guy off, in deference to Coach. "She's not a woman you want to mess with."

Glen only offered Joel a nonchalant shrug, his eyes still locked on Lorelie's retreating form. "Maybe not, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry that girl."

Before Joel could say more, Glen headed to the stage, where Walt was was waiting in the wings. He watched the men high-five.

Ty noticed the man's arrival, so he and his band wrapped up their song, then he introduced Walt and Glen. Glen had his guitar out of the case and plugged into the amp in record time. Within minutes, he and Walt were jamming out and the dance floor filled up almost instantly.

"Hey, Joel," Sadie called out. "Thought you were helping us."

Joel walked over to the makeshift bar, joining Sadie and Oakley in the tight space. The lack of room meant they kept bumping into each other. He took advantage of the opportunity that afforded with Sadie, leaning closer, brushing her ass with his crotch whenever he could.

The sexy smile she gave him and the number of times she managed to run her breasts across his arm as she reached for something told him she was on to his game. And as always, Sadie found a way beat him at it. He had to adjust his pants several times as his cock refused to stay down. It was becoming painful.

The problem was Oakley. There was no way to avoid running into him as well. Each time they got too close, Joel backed away.

Twice he caught the hurt in Oakley's gaze as he dodged his casual touches. Joel hated pulling away from his best friend, but he couldn't figure out how to make his feelings go away.

It was that damn kiss. It haunted him. Replayed in his mind twenty-four-seven. He'd never kissed a guy. Never wanted to. Now he couldn't think of anything except kissing Oakley.

He reached out to grab another stack of red Solo cups, careful to avoid touching Oakley.

Oakley frowned, the expression drawing Joel's gaze to his lips.

God, he had it bad. Joel turned away and looked around the barn, studying the faces. Former teammates and friends surrounded him. Sadie's dad sat next to Coach with some other guys from town, the fellas who usually packed around the bar in Cruisers the night after a Titans game to dissect and discuss every play. His mother was even in attendance, standing in a corner, chatting with a couple of ladies from church.

What would they think if Joel reached over and kissed Oakley? Right here. Right now.

"Joel?" Sadie pulled him from his thoughts. "You okay?"

He nodded, even as he thought, nope. I am definitely not okay.

"Bunkhouse? After the party?" she asked. There was a twinge of doubt in her voice, something he'd never heard there before.

She knew.

How could she not?

But she and Oakley had gone along with him after that kiss. Joel had wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, had wanted to ignore it. And because Sadie and Oakley cared about him, they'd respected his wishes and pretended right along with him.

Joel couldn't understand how he could be this fucked-up inside. He was living a dream, sharing the girl he loved with his best friend. The sex was off the charts. He should be happy.

He wasn't.

He couldn't give Sadie and Oakley what they wanted. For the first time in his life, the king of people-pleasers didn't have it in himself to offer them the key to true happiness. It was clenched tightly in his white-knuckled fist. And it was staying there.

"Joel?" Sadie said when he failed to answer.

He was a coward. And a greedy one at that.

"Absolutely," he said in response to her question. "Come on. Dance with me. Oakley can hold down the fort back here for a little while."

Joel needed air, space, a chance to catch his breath. He couldn't let Sadie see him struggling. He feared she'd leave, walk away.

He couldn't let her do that. So they'd all just keep ignoring. Keep pretending.

Keep believing that this was working.

Even though it wasn't.