Chapter 5

Joel stood next to Oakley outside the door to Sadie's apartment on Wednesday and cursed himself for being the world's biggest idiot. He shouldn't be here, but he couldn't stay away.

He and Oakley hadn't seen her since Friday night at the bunkhouse. Since the night he let his best friend lick his cock and squeeze his balls.

Neither he nor Oakley had mentioned the incident. He suspected Oakley wanted to talk about it, but he'd been too afraid of Joel's response. Oakley was right to be scared. Even now, Joel was torn between beating the fucking shit out of him or…God…pushing the man against a wall and demanding he suck his cock for real this time.

Now he was standing outside Sadie's house, having let way too much go unsaid. His gut was telling him to walk away right now. Turn around, get in the truck and fall into a bottle of bourbon until he was able to forget Sadie and Oakley even existed.

The rest of him—his heart, head, and dick—wasn't going anywhere.

Sadie opened the door looking completely adorable.

A fact Oakley expressed through a wolf whistle. "Damn, Sade. I love these miniskirts of yours."

His friend stepped inside the apartment, not stopping until he had Sadie in his arms. Joel had ceased wondering what exactly it was about watching Oakley kiss the girl Joel was in love with that turned him on so much. Some things, he figured, were simply meant to remain mysteries. Like whether or not ghosts were real, Atlantis had existed, and why the Texas Rangers couldn't win a freaking World Series.

When the kiss continued with no sign of letting up, Joel walked inside and closed the door behind him. The sound of it drove Sadie and Oakley apart.

"Hi," she said to Joel with a flirty grin.

"Remembered I was here, did you?"

She laughed at his joke and he realized why he was here. Because it was fun. It was easy. And because, despite all the shit rolling around in his head, he couldn't deny that it felt right to be here. Like he belonged.

Joel had spent most of his life feeling as if he was a peripheral player. While he'd been a member of the Titans' state championship, his position had been center. He'd basically snapped the ball to Tucker, then plowed into the first guy he saw. He'd done both jobs efficiently, but not in such a way that he got a lot of notice.

That seemed to be true of most things. Quite a few of his teammates had gone on to do amazing things with their lives—Tucker made it big in the NFL, Walt found success in Nashville, Jack worked with at-risk kids, Tyson was a doctor, Caleb had taken over the family business, and Evan kept Maris safe as a cop. Meanwhile, he was still working on Coach's ranch, a position he'd started part-time while in high school. He'd gone nowhere and done nothing noteworthy.

"I didn't forget you."

Joel's cock rose rapidly in response to her sultry wink.

Oakley, who thought with his cock and then his stomach—in that order—walked toward her kitchen. "I smell food, but I don't see anything."

Sadie had offered to make them dinner. "We're not eating here."

Joel adjusted his pants and stifled a groan. He wasn't sure he could go out with Sadie and maintain any semblance of public decency. "We're not?"

She shook her head and pointed toward her bedroom. "Dinner—and dessert—are in there."

Joel grinned. She was the sexiest woman he'd ever met.

She started to walk toward her bedroom, but he grasped her hand and held her back.

"Not so fast," Joel said. Sadie was clearly used to being the aggressor in her sexual encounters. She was also as submissive as the day was long. He'd recognized that need in her their first night together. Knowing no one had ever given her the challenge she longed for was one of the reasons he'd spent most of the past week walking around with a hard-on. He had a list of bedroom demands that would keep them busy for the next decade or so. "Take off your clothes."

Sadie narrowed her eyes briefly. Just long enough that he thought she might balk. He secretly hoped she would. He was dying to show her how delicious punishment could be.

Then, as she had in the past week, she obeyed. It floored him to see such a powerful woman give herself over to him. Her skirt, blouse and bra fell away quickly. She hadn't been wearing panties, a fact that delighted Oakley.

"Damn, I wish I'd known that when I was kissing you," Oakley murmured.

Once she was naked, she looked at them, a spark of challenge in her gaze. "Your turn."

Oakley didn't hesitate. The man had two temperatures—freezing cold and boiling. He could be standing in line at the grocery store with nothing more on his mind than paying the clerk. Then a pretty woman—or hot guy—would walk by and the man would be raring to go. Joel had given him shit about it, but nowadays, he found himself in the same boat. One look from Sadie, the sound of her voice or even a whiff of her perfume, and he'd go from soft to steel in an instant.

Joel tried to keep his focus on Sadie as Oakley stripped off his shirt and pants. He'd seen his friend naked more times than he could count in the past eight years. After all, they shared a room and neither of them had any hang-ups about nudity. The difference was, seeing Oakley without clothing had never affected him before.

Even more disturbing was the idea of taking off his clothes in front of Oakley. His friend's bisexuality had always been there. Always. But Joel had never felt as if Oakley was attracted to him.

Was he now?

If not, then what the hell was all that licking and touching about? Was Oakley just trying to make sure Joel got off too? Or had it meant something to him?

Once Oakley was naked, he and Sadie turned to look at Joel. Sadie looked impatient, but Oakley's gaze was different. It felt like a dare.

Joel reached for his t-shirt and tugged it off. Then, before he could think of a reason not to, he kicked off his shoes and pants. Fuck it. He'd made his bed when he'd crawled into Sadie's with Oakley. There was no going back now.

They followed Sadie to her bedroom. Oakley laughed loudly when he saw her bed, and Joel grinned. She'd laid a red-and-white-checkered tablecloth on top of her comforter and lit candles on the nightstands. In the middle of her makeshift picnic was a bucket of KFC, a huge bowl of McDonald's French fries and a bottle of Don Julio.

"I forgot to mention," she said, crawling onto the bed. "I can't cook."

"Tequila?" Joel asked, reaching for the full bottle of Blanco.

Sadie shrugged. "Tequila makes everything taste good."

Oakley took the bottle from him, uncorked it and took a shot. "You got that right." He passed the bottle to Sadie, who followed his lead. Then she sent the tequila to Joel. He took a swig, enjoying the heat of the alcohol as it slid down his throat.

He and Oakley joined her on the bed, the three of them talking and laughing as if it was the most normal thing on earth to be eating fast food while naked in her bed.

Once they'd plowed through the bucket and put a big dent in the massive pile of fries she'd bought, Oakley "cleared the table", moving everything—except the tequila—to the floor.

"What should we do next?" Oakley asked, though the way he ran his fingers over Sadie's breasts made it obvious what he wanted to do.

Sadie, however, had other plans. She pushed his hand away. "Nope. No wham-bam tonight."

Joel scowled. "I'm fairly certain we've never done wham-bam."

She laughed. "You know what I mean. We get busy and then we get off. We're going to try that anticipation thing Oakley and I discussed."

Oakley scowled. "Thought we agreed we sucked at that."

"Which is why we need practice. I thought we could play a game."

Joel looked at their naked bodies. "I guess strip poker is out."

Sadie giggled, then took another quick shot of tequila. "I want to play Truth or Dare."

Oakley's brows lifted in approval. "I like the sound of that. Can we make it Kinky Truth or Dare?"

Sadie handed Oakley the bottle as she rolled her eyes. "You have a one-track mind."

Oakley took another drink. "Fine. Your game, you start."

"Okay." Sadie leaned against the headboard and looked at Oakley. It occurred to Joel she'd had time to consider her questions…and her dares. She was far too ready to play. "Oak. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Tell me about your first time."

Oakley stretched out next to her, though the opposite direction, his head positioned at her feet. "Okay. With a guy or a girl?"

Sadie was undaunted. "Your first first. Was it with a girl?"

Oakley shook his head. "Nope. It was a guy. Friend of mine from school. We were sixteen. His name was Jacob." Oakley's gaze remained on Sadie's face and Joel got a sense Oakley didn't want to say more.

Joel was surprised to realize he didn't know this story. He and Oakley had shared so much of their lives with each other, it didn't occur to him until now that the one thing they didn't discuss was Oakley's affairs with guys. Had Oakley purposely avoided telling Joel about them? Had Joel somehow given him the impression those stories would make him uncomfortable?

"Details," Sadie prompted.

"Jake was an oops. A late-in-life baby for his folks. Which meant he had a lot of older siblings who were adults. Jake was housesitting for his older brother one weekend. His parents had said it was cool for him to stay at his brother's place to take care of the dog and stuff. I got invited to sleep over too. His brother left us a twelve-pack of beer in the fridge that Jake's parents didn't know about. Neither one of us really partied so it didn't take much for us to get tipsy. Next thing I know, Jake's kissing me."

Sadie tilted her head. "Did you know then? Did you know you were into guys?"

Oakley nodded slowly and for the first time since he started talking, his eyes drifted to Joel. "Yeah. I always knew I wasn't exactly like the other guys. My straight friends. They were all about girls, and while I could appreciate boobs as much as the other guys, I sort of got the same tingle whenever I caught a glimpse of a guy's ass in the locker room. Jake was completely out of the closet, one-hundred-percent gay. A lot of the guys stayed away from him because that freaked them out, made them nervous. It didn't bother me."

"What happened then?" Joel was strangely aroused by Oakley's story.

"Kissing turned to touching. Clothes came off. It wasn't Jake's first time. He put on a condom, filled my ass with lube and we fucked."

Typical Oakley description. Straight forward, graphic language, nothing extra or flowery.

"You liked it?" Sadie asked.

Oakley's grin grew. "I fucking loved it. Jake and I sort of kept going for a while, but he was a giver, not a taker, and not into girls at all. Six months later I was at a campground with my parents. We'd met and started hanging out with another family. They had a pretty daughter about my age. The two of us snuck out of the tents one night, started making out. One thing led to another and it was finally my turn to put the condom on."

"And you liked it?" Joel asked.

Oakley laughed. "I fucking loved it."

Sadie picked up a pillow and batted him in the head. "It occurs to me from your story, you clearly haven't grown up a bit since high school. An eternal man-child. Peter Pan."

"Growing up is for pussies. My turn." Oakley took Sadie's foot in his hand and sucked her big toe into his mouth as she gasped and squirmed. Oakley didn't release her. Instead, he said, "Sadie. Truth or dare?"

She narrowed her eyes. "God. Both choices are potentially dangerous."

Oakley gave her a wicked wink.

"Fine. Truth."

Oakley dropped her foot and sat up. "Good. I was hoping you'd pick that. There's something I've been wanting to know ever since I moved to Maris, but every time I bring it up, you change the subject."

It was clear from Sadie's groan she knew where this was going. Which sparked Joel's curiosity because he didn't have a clue.

"You don't strike me as the Homecoming-Queen type. Tell me how that happened."

Joel could understand Oakley's confusion. Hell, he knew her then, but he was still hard-pressed to remember the conservative, clean-cut blonde, run-of-the-mill girl she'd been then compared to the powerhouse, opinionated, take-no-prisoners, stand-out-in-a-crowd beauty she was now.

Sadie shrugged. "Why can't you let that go?"

"I'm curious too," Joel admitted.

She glared at him. "You were there, Joel. Didn't you vote for me?"

He nodded. "I was a sophomore."

"Oh yeah. Only the seniors voted." She looked at Oakley and confessed, "I guess I have changed a bit since high school."

"That might be the understatement of the century. You've changed completely."

"I was a typical teenager. High school was my rebellious stage."

Joel thought of the Sadie she was at seventeen vs. the Sadie she was now. The words didn't compute. "High school was your rebellious age?"

"I was six years old when my mom split. That meant my dad raised me. You've met the man. Have you ever noticed anything soft or girlie in him?"

"Jesus, no," Oakley muttered.

"That's because there isn't anything. He didn't have a clue how to relate to a little girl, so he basically just treated me like a boy. We went to baseball games together, he put me in little league. I did my homework at a table in Cruisers, surrounded by a bunch of drunks and foul language, and I watched more than a little inappropriate making out in the back room. None of that shit fazes you after a while."

Joel tried to imagine Sadie's childhood. Compared to his strict upbringing, it actually sounded ideal. Joel's days were more regimented. School, homework, chores, prayers, bedtime. He'd never heard his mother curse, never seen her drink, and she sure as hell had never gone out on a date. What she had done was work all day, every day, at two different stores while he was at school, then she took on tailoring jobs on the side, sewing at home until late at night to make sure they had enough money for the bills and food. It was a rather lifeless, humorless existence. Maybe that was why he was so attracted to Sadie and Oakley, with their colorful tales and larger-than-life personalities.

"So you decided to rebel?" Oakley asked.

"Yeah. Once I got boobs, the dad who used to let me do whatever I wanted went into meltdown mode. Turned into the overprotective bastard he is today." There wasn't a bit of malice lacing Sadie's tone. In fact, it was pretty obvious she adored her dad. "So I decided to push his buttons. Dyed my hair blonde, started wearing makeup and low-cut shirts. Went a little boy crazy, talking on the phone all night. My dad went ballistic. Didn't have a clue how to deal with a girlie-girl. It was okay for a while, but my outside didn't match my insides and that was pretty obvious to the other girls. I've never had a lot of friends who were girls. All that drama and squealing and giggling shit gets on my nerves."

Joel suddenly realized that was part of what made her so attractive. He'd thought it was her blunt honesty, but it was all that other stuff too.

"I guess the fact I was a late bloomer made me a bit more noticeable, more memorable when compared to the other three senior girls who were up for the title. It didn't help that—while they were all gorgeous—they were also snooty bitches who hadn't been particularly nice to many people in our class. According to the principal, I won by a landslide."

"When did you give up the whole rebellion thing?" Oakley asked.

"Just before graduation. Met a badass guy with a motorcycle and tats who smoked like a chimney and I thought I was in love. Turned out I was just in love with the tats and the bike. Even so, I stuck with the loser six months longer than I should have. At the end of the relationship, I had my own motorcycle, a really bad tattoo on my ass, and my father started sleeping better at night."

Oakley studied Sadie's naked body. "I love the butterfly tat."

She grinned. "So do I, but it's what's under the butterfly that sucked."

"Ah," Oakley said. "And so we get the story. What was it? His name? His face?"

Sadie narrowed her eyes. "Please. I would never be so stupid. It was just his initials."

Joel laughed until she turned her gaze to him. "Okay, Joel. Your turn. Truth or dare?"

In light of the revelations of the past few minutes, Joel decided to take the easy way out. "Dare."

"Awesome," Sadie said without a second of hesitation. "I dare you to kiss Oakley."

Joel froze, hoping he hadn't heard her correctly. "What?"

"Kiss Oakley. And nothing lame. Lips touching, mouths open, little tongue action would be cool. And maybe you can grip his hair like you do mine. Because that is totally hot."

"Sadie…" Joel didn't know what else to say. Didn't know how to get out of this situation. Shit, how to get out of this bed and this room.

Oakley didn't make a peep, his face completely impassive. What the hell did he think of her dare? Why didn't he step in and say no way?

Because he wanted it.

Oakley wanted his kiss. Joel knew that. Knew it deep down in his soul. God, he'd always known it.

Joel tried to fight down the panic gripping him. His next move had the potential to destroy so much more than this unorthodox affair they'd begun. He was terrified of losing his best friend.

The silence dragged on for too long. And while Oakley had one hell of a poker face, it started to slip, his eyes revealing a sadness Joel couldn't stand to see.

"One kiss," Joel whispered as he leaned across Sadie's body, gripped Oakley's face and pulled his lips to his.

Joel wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't the explosion of heat, passion, and desire that crashed over him like an avalanche.

Oakley had obviously considered what this would be like, and he was ready to take advantage of the opportunity. His best friend wasn't a passive lover. Joel had discovered that the other night. He may let Joel take the lead in most things, but when he really wanted something, Oakley took it.

Right now, Oakley wanted him. His hands reached out to grip Joel's upper arms tightly. He held him close, allowing no retreat. Not that Joel had plans to go anywhere.

There had been no slow start. They'd gone in with mouths open, devouring, claiming, taking everything and then demanding more.

Joel felt no need to be gentle with Oakley. Instead, he longed for a roughness he didn't dare show to Sadie. She was soft, sweet and, despite her penchant for pain, he held himself in check. He'd rather rip off his arm than hurt her.

The same didn't hold true for Oakley. Not that he didn't care about his friend—he loved him. But because Joel wanted to feel this. Really fucking feel it.

Oakley got it. He bit Joel's lower lip, the sting, followed by the bitter taste of blood, driving Joel out of his mind. He gripped Oakley's hair and pulled it, hard enough to provoke a pained groan. The sound was almost enough to make Joel stop. Until Oakley gave as good as he got—digging his fingers into Joel's scalp.

The pain morphed into a pleasure so intense, Joel feared he'd come right there. Oakley hadn't touched his cock, his hands weren't even near his dick, and yet, Joel was on the precipice of blowing. Hard.

The realization shook him.

He shoved Oakley away, then rose from the bed. His harsh breathing loud in the quiet room. What the fuck was he doing?

"That can't happen again." The words fell out before Joel could think about them.

"The hell it can't." Oakley looked just as wiped out, overwhelmed. Shattered.

Joel shook his head. Every molecule in his body was telling him to leave, but his feet were sunk in some imaginary quicksand. Something was holding him there. If he left right now, it would be the biggest mistake of his life.

But staying here was a mistake too.

"I'm sorry."

It was the first time Sadie had spoken since her dare. But Joel hadn't forgotten her presence. Not for a single second. And he knew Oakley hadn't either.

He'd felt her eyes on them as they'd kissed, her arousal wrapping around them, driving them higher.

Oakley reached over and ran a gentle hand through her hair. "What are you apologizing for?"

Sadie didn't look at Oakley. She never took her eyes off Joel. He couldn't stand the fear, the sadness in her eyes. This sure as hell wasn't her fault. Knowing Sadie, she'd thought this dare—this entire game—would help move along something that was inevitable. And it had.

"Not your fault, Sade," Joel said.

She gave him an expectant look. Clearly she hadn't given up hope that he'd accept what had happened.

He couldn't.

"I'm straight." It was probably the dumbest thing he'd ever said in his life, but for some reason, Joel felt as if he had to keep saying it. More for himself than for them.

Oakley snorted, shaking his head and closing his eyes. Joel could almost hear the cursing dialogue running through his best friend's mind. Then, as always, Oakley found a place to put the anger. It was a skill Joel envied.

When his eyelids lifted, he captured Joel's gaze, giving him a smile and a shrug. "It's okay, man. We tried it. You didn't like it. No harm, no foul."

Oakley's words were a gift. He was letting Joel off the hook, pretending to buy into a big-ass lie.

Because they'd tried it and Joel had—to quote Oakley—fucking loved it.

If he'd been a better man, he would have admitted that. Given something back to his best friend. But in his mind, he pictured the faces of his mother, his teammates, Coach. How would they react if he came out? If he told them that not only was he in love with Sadie Milligan, he was head over heels for his best friend too?

He'd lived his entire life walking the straight and narrow, never rocking the boat. He couldn't see a way to stop doing that now.

So he greedily took the escape. He smiled and nodded, tried to play it cool. Truth was, he couldn't have spoken if his life depended on it. His throat was constricted, completely closed, the words trapped behind the steel door.

"Besides," Oakley said, "you can't fucking kiss worth a damn. Can't hold a candle to our sweet Sadie's kisses."

Oakley apparently sought to prove that point by kissing Sadie. She'd laughed lightly at his joke before Oakley's lips covered hers.

Oakley was trying to find a way to take the heavy, too-intense moment and turn it back into something they could all handle. It wouldn't work, but Joel loved his friend for trying.

Loved him.

When they broke apart, Oakley looked over his shoulder at him. Joel hadn't moved an inch. He still wasn't sure which direction to go. That old song from The Clash drifted through his head. Should I stay or should I go?

"Coming back to bed?" Oakley asked.

For a moment, Joel had imagined their game was over. He was wrong. Oakley had just issued the final dare.

And just like last time, Joel found it impossible to resist.