Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Ava

I t has been two weeks since I started at the House of Beauty boutique, and I've loved every minute. The people are amazing, both coworkers and customers. It's nice, considering the last two weeks of my personal life have been a nightmare.

Since finding out I'm pregnant, I can't seem to focus on anything else. Every night I stare at the ceiling, thinking of reasons I shouldn't call Viktor. I'm beginning to feel pathetic. But I'm still conflicted. I don't know what to do. My only consolation has been Lisa. I'm grateful for her. I wish I could talk to Tina, but that is not an option. Despite not knowing Lisa long, she tries to be there for me. Nothing big, of course. But these days, any little thing is better than nothing.

The clock reads nine, my cue to get my skinny ass to the bus. Another routine I like. Taking the bus gives me time to think and reflect on life. But I don't want to think too much. When I let my thoughts wander, they land on Viktor, and I can't have that. It's a sure ticket to crying a river. Instead, I've been trying to read on the bus. This week I'm reading The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy . Anything to shut my brain off.

At my stop, I get off. It amazes me how quickly I adopted a routine. I walk to the bakery and get my morning pastry. My guilty pleasure since I have to limit my caffeine intake. I grab Maddie, my supervisor, her usual. She didn't ask me to get it. But she's made me feel so welcome, and I don't mind. She has that mother aura that makes me feel safe. Work has been about the only good thing these days. Well, besides my baby.

"Good morning," I announce brightly as I enter the boutique.

"Good morning, Ava. You really shouldn't spoil me," Maddie says as I hand her pastry.

"I'm not spoiling you." I put my purse behind the counter. "How has it been?"

"Slow, but it's early. We need to enjoy these quiet moments. New jewelry came in. Do you mind setting it out?"

"I'd love to."

For the next hour, I lose myself in clearing the jewelry case to clean it. The task is mechanical, which I'm enjoying. I put all my energy and focus on making the display look shiny and beautiful, ensuring I have no time to think of anything else. Dusting off the current jewelry, I put them in their respective boxes. I want it to look new and inviting.

"Wow, that looks great."

I look up at Maddie. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. I can't remember the last time the display looked this good."

"I'm glad you like it. Hopefully, the customers will too." I wink.

The next time I look at my watch, it's close to three o'clock. We've been bombarded by customers nonstop. It's crazy enough that no one has had a chance to eat. The boutique looks like a tornado hit. I pick up some shoe boxes but suddenly feel dizzy and drop them.

"Are you okay? Sit down," Maddie asks, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, just a little dizzy."

"It's probably because you haven't eaten."

"Yes, that must be it," I say, but I'm sure that's only half true. I'm not ready to tell Maddie, or anyone else for that matter, that I'm pregnant.

"Tell you what, go take a break. The diner down the street is great."

"That sounds perfect."

"Good. See you in a half-hour."

I get my purse and set out for the diner. The weather is cool. Just what I need. I get my AirPods ready to drown my brain with music. I take my cell, ready to select my Sia & Similar Artist Station. But somehow, I end up looking through old texts from Viktor. I don't know why I do this to myself. Why am I torturing myself? But as much as I want to hate him, it makes me feel good to see his texts. It's probably stupid, but I can't help myself. I go to the last text he sent before I changed my number.

Viktor: I miss the lavender scent you leave behind every time you enter a room. Come home.

I stare at the text longer than I should. The words are simple, yet the implication isn't. We don't have the home we once did, at least not anymore. His house stopped being my home the second I learned he slept with Fiona. I'm not even including the baby she's expecting. I wish I could tell him that he is my home. But I won't—I can't. I have to be strong and move on for both of our sakes. It doesn't matter what we want. The cards have been dealt.

If only it were that easy. A tear escapes me as I miss the scent of his skin and the feel of his lips exploring my body. The truth is, I don't want to be without him. My love for him runs deep, he's seared into my soul, but he changed us. Viktor sleeping with Fiona changed everything. After Nathan, I swore I would never be with a man who cheats. I won't allow myself to be the woman who is made a fool of.

I can't help but wonder why he cheated? Did I do something to lead him to it? I wish I knew the reason he slept with her. What does she have that I can't give him? Did he realize he loved her more than he loved me? I have to admit if I'd given him a chance, he would have answered my questions. But it was too hard to talk with him, and now it's too late. If I want to move forward, I need to forget about Viktor or at least try to do so. I have to think of my baby. The baby has the be my priority.

I turn the volume of the cell up and press play. Destiny by Sia starts. How fitting. But I won't do it to myself. Instead, I search for Kelly Clarkson, "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)." What is it they say? Fake it until you make it. That has to be my new motto.