Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Ava

S itting in a coffee shop, I watch people living their lives while mine is falling apart. I guess it's not their fault, they didn't cause this pain, but I hate how happy they look. I resent my dad, it's a terrible thing to say, but he put me in this situation. If he hadn't borrowed money from the Manarchs, I would have never met Viktor. If he was a better father, my heart wouldn't be breaking into a million pieces. But is that really true? Do I truly wish I'd never met Viktor? My time with him brought me to life. I wish I could shout to the wind that I don't love him anymore.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. The colors were bright, the sun was shining, and life was great. But my world has shattered, and my heart is in pieces because of him, not my dad. What a joke now that I look back. So many lies. Lies brought us together, and now they've torn us apart. He was with Fiona while being with me. My world has come to a halt, and I can barely breathe. I can't help the tears.

"Are you okay?" the waitress asks.

"Yes, thank you for asking." I put down a ten-dollar bill and leave.

I'm supposed to be tough, but without him, who am I? With Viktor, I thought I'd found the missing piece that brought a sense of completeness to me. He made me feel that my flaws weren't important. In a strange way, he made me want to be a better woman, a better version of myself. My past didn't matter. Everything was about our future, our family. Our love was supposed to be our anchor in life. A love that brought light to his dark world.

I'm not sure if I can ever forgive him for crushing our dreams. But it's so hard not to think of him, so fucking hard not to love him. I don't want to need him, but I do. He often consumes my thoughts, no matter how hard I try.

This thing between us was just supposed to be a job, an arrangement. In and out, over in a year. Where did it go wrong? Where did I go wrong? Why did I let him break down my walls? I know I learned who I am from being with him. I learned that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. With Viktor, I felt less broken and more loved. I don't regret the arrangement. I can't regret Viktor. But I would give anything to erase everything that happened since Fiona's return.

I sit on a nearby bench and think of the first time I saw Viktor. The deep voice that woke my senses from their sleep, the depths of his hazel eyes that held the promise of unimaginable pleasure from his touch. He was everything I hadn't realized I wanted in my life. His betrayal is a contradiction of the man who brought me alive the night we met. I felt empty and broken before him. He mended cracks I didn't know existed, and then, in one moment, he destroyed it all.

But it's hard to ignore the fact a part of him is growing inside of me. A product of the love we swore to always protect. I have to be strong, if not for me, at least for the life growing inside of me.

I know Viktor and I will forever be connected, even if he never learns the truth. I'm being selfish. But this isn't about Viktor or me. We don't matter, and we no longer come first. I can no longer listen to my heart blindly. I have to let Viktor go, no matter how devastating it might be.

I place my hand on my belly and speak to the child growing within me. "I'm not sure what it's going to mean when you come into this world. There are a few things I want you to know. I love your daddy, and I know he would love you just the same if he knew about you. We've made some questionable decisions. Those decisions have changed the trajectories of our lives. I need you to know that love is beautiful, but it's also hard. Your daddy changed my life. Regardless of what happens, I'll always be here and love you unconditionally. I'll protect you with my life."

My life is a blank canvas, and I can be whomever I want to be without Viktor. I can make a fresh start and focus on the beautiful life growing inside of me. The baby and I can have the life we deserve. Viktor has to be my past. Otherwise, he will consume me.