Chapter 41

Chapter Forty-One

Ava

A month has passed by since I moved back to the mansion. We finally have a routine, and the babies have moved into their bedrooms. Aisling and Niko take all of my time, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy. I'm perpetually exhausted, but I wouldn't have it any other way. That's not to say there aren't brief moments where I just want ten minutes to myself. Viktor hired a second nanny to help, but I barely let them do anything. I've never felt so protective of someone as I do of the babies. They need their mother, not a nanny.

Shit, what am I saying? I'm not Aisling's mother, yet I feel like I am. As much as I despise Fiona, she's Aisling's biological mother. The question is, would I let Fiona take her if she came for her? I probably wouldn't. I'll protect Aisling at any cost, especially from Fiona.

I can't believe she hasn't made an appearance to see her since I've been here. I would think she would have shown up since I'm here, and she hates me. I suppose I should count my blessings. Today Anita is coming to spend the afternoon with us, which I'm glad about. She's a wonderful grandmother.

There's a soft knock at my door.

"Come in."

"Ms. O'Brien, I wanted to check in and see if you needed anything?" Aisling's nanny, Brenda, asks.

"I'm fine. Is Aisling still sleeping?"

"Yes."

"Perfect. I'm going downstairs to check on things. Get me if she wakes up."

"Okay." She leaves as quietly as she came in.

"This is as good as it's going to get," I say to myself, taking a last glance in the mirror.

I leave the bedroom and go to each of the babies' bedrooms. I peek to check in on them both, even with Brenda telling me Aisling is sleeping. Once I confirm they're asleep, I make my way downstairs to the kitchen, where Mary should be putting the final touches on our lunch.

"Anita, I didn't know you were here already." I walk into the kitchen and give her a hug.

"I just got here," she smiles.

"You should have come up or had someone get me."

"You're here now. Nothing to fuss about. How are my grandchildren?"

"Luckily, sleeping right now. But it won't be long before one of them wakes. I swear they take turns, making sure I'm always busy." We laugh.

"I remember those days. Long days and nights."

"How are things?" I ask Anita.

"Ms. O'Brien, would you like some lemonade?" Mary asks.

"That will be great, Mary," I say, sitting at the breakfast table.

"Nothing new. I've been thinking of redoing the dining room," Anita says.

"That sounds fun. Here, I'm just trying to get through the day." She laughs.

"Do you need some help? Are the nannies not working out?" she asks more seriously, concern written all over her face.

"They're fine. But I just can't explain it. It's like I want to make sure the babies are good myself. I think I'm crazy."

"Not at all. It's normal for a new mother to think only she knows what's best for her child. But you don't want to burn yourself out. You need to let them help you."

"I know. I can't help it. The babies are my world."

Mary sets a glass in front of me.

"Ava—"

"Yes?"

"I want to thank you for caring for and loving Aisling like she's yours. I can't imagine it's easy since she's Fiona's daughter. You're an amazing woman." She squeezes my hand.

"But it is easy. Aisling is an amazing little girl. I can't imagine my life without her. It's like she's as much mine as Niko. I could care less that Fiona is her mother."

"It's wonderful. Viktor is lucky to have found you. I don't know many women who would do what you're doing." I smile and don't say anything. As much as I love Viktor, I can't allow myself to let him in. For my sake, I can't think of a life with him.

"Is Tina still joining us?" I ask, changing the subject.

"I believe so," Anita answers, knowing, I'm sure, I don't want to talk about Viktor anymore. In fact, it's hard talking about him because every time I do, I have to face the truth that Viktor and I can't ever be more than just co-parents. It's hard knowing that we have too many obstacles standing in our way. I'm not sure we will ever get past them.

Tina, Anita and I spend a few hours chatting away. I excused myself to feed the babies while they plan a get-together for later this week. They want some of the Manarch family to come over to meet Niko. I'm not too keen on it. I'm not sure I want any Manarchs to be part of Niko's life besides the immediate family. I was going to object, but I'm sure Viktor will once he finds out about their plans. I finally put Aisling down and make my way downstairs with both baby monitors. It makes me realize this house isn't set up for babies. This going up and down the stairs isn't productive at all, and it's exhausting. I go to the living room where Anita and Tina are talking.

"Finally, it took you long enough," Tina says.

"You realize I have two babies." I startle myself with the confession. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. You know what I mean," I say, a little embarrassed, but Anita smiles at me lovingly. "What are you both talking about?" I quickly change the subject.

"We were talking about you having to go up and down the stairs for the kids," Tina answers.

"Actually, I was just thinking the same thing as I was coming downstairs." I sit. "This house isn't exactly designed for my needs. Not with two babies, at least."

"You can change that," Anita says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Remodel the house to suit your needs. What are some of the obstacles you're facing?"

"I haven't really given it much thought. For starters, I guess it would be nice if Niko and Aisling's bedrooms were next to each other. Maybe a shared bathroom between the bedrooms would make things easier, and a large nursery on this floor so I don't have to go up and down if we have company." I confess.

"Why didn't you say something?" Viktor asks, interrupting me as he enters the living room. When did he get home? "Hi, Mom, Tina." He hugs her.

"I think because she's been a little too busy taking care of your children to think about it," Tina answers sarcastically.

"How about you don't speak for Ava." His voice is deep and commanding, waking my libido. I have to remind my libido what the truth is. Simmer down libido. You and Viktor aren't together.

"Settle down, you two," Anita says.

"I need a moment with Ava." His eyes glue me in place. "Ava?—?"

"Sure." I stand. "I'll be right back."

"We'll check on dinner. Come on, Tina," Anita says.

Viktor leads me to his office. The air between us is filled with sexual tension, and I can feel the pull. But sex has never been an issue. Being here isn't making it easy on my inner desires, but I refuse to let us go there. He opens the door to let me in first. I stop midway.

"Did you need something?" I ask.

"Why didn't you tell me the kids' bedroom arrangements aren't working or that you wanted something on the first floor?" He walks closer to me, and I take a few steps backward.

"Honestly, I hadn't given it much thought until recently. Besides, it isn't my place to make changes to the house. This is your home, not mine." Again he steps closer to me, and I take a few steps back.

"This is your home too. If you need to make changes for the benefit of our children, then so be it."

"Viktor, as much as I love and adore Aisling, don't forget she already has a mother." I find myself reminding him. But I think it's more that I'm reminding myself. I know I claim over and over that Aisling is my daughter. Still, I can't ignore or forget that Fiona is her biological mother. Fiona could take her away from me, and I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing. The law would be on her side if she chose to take it there.

"She is as much yours as she is mine." He takes more steps toward me, and I try to back away, but I've nowhere to go. I literally have my back to a wall. "Ava," he whispers, only inches from me. He moves a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"Don't," I beg.

"How long are you going to fight this? How long are you going to fight us?"

I want to tell him as long as it takes. Until my body no longer craves him or my heart no longer loves him. Even if it's impossible, I have to try.

"We can't happen…" I begin to tell him, but I don't get to finish what I'm saying.

His lips brush mine. If I were stronger, I would try harder to push him away, but I can't. Instead, my fingers dig into his hair, and I return his kiss with the same intensity. It's ferocious, animalistic.

The last time we've kissed was in the hospital bathroom when Niko was born. I've kept my distance from him, always using one of the babies as a shield. Because I know what will happen. I put my hands on his chest, breaking the kiss. I've let things go far enough.

"We have company. I have to go," I finally say, sliding out from between him and the wall.

"Ava—"

"No, Viktor. I was clear," I say. I leave his office before I cross a line I won't be able to come back from. Because he's right, I'm fighting a battle I've already lost.

After the long day, I find myself physically and mentally exhausted. I touch my lips which still feel like they are burning from the kiss earlier. How did I ever think I could be near him and be able to move on? My need for him grows by the second. He is ingrained in the deepest part of me, and I was lying to myself when I thought I would no longer love or crave him. He's the love of my life. The man who, in so many ways, completes me. I'll never be able to love another man. I'm his, and he's made that clear with every touch. What did I get myself into by coming back? It's becoming obvious Viktor has no intentions of letting me go, and I'm not so sure I want him to. Because I belong with him.