Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

Ava

" I f you swear the danger is real, I'll leave with you. No questions asked," I tell Oliver as I lay Nikolas in his bassinet.

"He isn't lying, and you know I wouldn't lie to you. Not about this. We've been through enough these five months for you to know I would never put you or my nephew in harm's way."

Oliver has been my rock. I wouldn't have made it without him.

"And you swear the mansion is the safest place?"

He looks at me, thinking. Before I ask again, he answers.

"I don't know if it is. But I know you won't be any safer elsewhere. The mansion is a fortress. It would take a field army to get through to you or my nephew. We stand a better chance fighting there."

"Don't think I won't leave at the first sign of trouble. Nikolas is my world, and he will always come first. I don't care about the Manarch name."

"Agreed. I'll help you leave myself. We should go before Viktor sends an army to get you."

The thought makes me laugh. I wouldn't put it past him.

I'm not exactly sure if this is the right call. I know Oliver is telling the truth. He's been good to Nikolas and me. He's like a brother, and I have to trust he's telling me the truth. He's been here for me all along, no questions asked.

It's not long before he's loading Nikolas and me in the SUV, and I don't fail to notice the other two SUVs and the dozen men with us. I'm being guarded better than royalty, but I suppose Nikolas is royalty for a criminal empire. He's the son of the man who will take over the Manarch Clan. I'm not an idiot, Nikolas has a claim to the Manarch Clan, and I hate what it implies.

After we arrive at the mansion, Viktor tells me he and Fiona are divorced and assures me she isn't in the house. We head upstairs so he can show me Nikolas' new bedroom.

Viktor opens the door to the right of my old bedroom. Inside the bedroom, everything is perfect, and I'm in awe. The walls are painted a soft gray with his crib as the focal point. The furniture is white, with a beautiful glider and ottoman in one corner and a gorgeous rug in the center. The bedroom looks like it came out of a magazine.

"Do you like it?" Viktor asks.

"Yes, thank you." He puts the car seat on the changing table, it's unorthodox, but it does put Niko at the perfect height to lift him out. I take Niko—I can't believe I'm calling him Niko—out and lay him in a bassinet I hadn't noticed beside the glider. "You thought of everything." I smile, seeing what an amazing father Viktor already is to our son, but I never doubted he wouldn't be.

"Are you hungry? Do you want something to drink? Are you tired?" he asks when I face him.

"I'm fine. Thank you. You can go about your day." He looks at me, unsure. Then I hear the cry of a baby. "Is your daughter here? I thought you said Fiona was gone." Suddenly I'm on high alert and angry. I'm not doing this.

"Aisling is here, but Fiona is not."

"I… I don't understand," I stammer.

"Aisling lives with me. Fiona is an unfit mother." I look at Niko to make sure he's fine before I lead Viktor out of the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. I cross my arms.

"Is that how it's going to be? Will you decide I'm an unfit mother, too, and take Niko from me?"

"Of course not." There's a furrow between his brows as he takes a step forward. "Why would you say that? You're nothing like Fiona. You've seen what Fiona is capable of. You're an amazing mother to our son." He closes the gap, and I see his intention to touch my face, but I take a step back. He looks hurt, but how am I supposed to know he's telling the truth? My head's a mess.

"I don't believe you." Aisling's cries grow louder. "Are you going to let her cry?" I scold him.

"The nanny's with her," he tells me.

"For goodness sake." I follow the cries, and find her to the left of my old bedroom. I open the door and find the nanny trying to soothe her, but Aisling is not having it.

"Mr. Manarch, I apologize. I'm not sure why she's fussy. I've fed and changed her." The poor girl looks and sounds flustered. Before he speaks, I walk to the nanny.

"Hand her to me." She looks at me, then at Viktor. "Don't look at him. Look at me." She looks at me, confused. "Hand her to me." I hear Viktor chuckle. "Hi, sweetheart. What's wrong? It's okay. What do you need, sweet girl?" I embrace her, and suddenly, the cries stop. I softly rock her.

"Give us the room," Viktor orders and the nanny leaves. "You're a natural," he tells me as he stalks my way.

"She needs her mother." I walk over to the glider, which looks unused.

"Fiona has never been a mother to Aisling," he declares as I sit. "She's held her a handful of times since she was born."

I look at Aisling. "But she's perfect. What mother wouldn't want to be with this sweet baby?" It breaks my heart that Fiona could be so cruel and leave Aisling behind. For Aisling to feel like her mother doesn't love her or care about her.

"Fiona—" I start to speak but close my eyes instead, overwhelmed by what I'm walking into.

We're quiet for a while. I feel Viktor watching Aisling and me. There are moments when our eyes meet, but I can't get caught in his web. I need to focus on Niko. He's the only reason I'm here. When I'm sure Aisling is finally asleep, I walk to her bassinet and lay her down. How could a mother leave her baby behind? But then I think of my own mother. She left me behind without any regard for me. Tears start rolling unbidden down my cheeks. The pain is unbearable and overwhelming.

"What is it?" Viktor stands beside me. I take the baby monitor and leave the bedroom. "Ava, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I can't believe Fiona left without Aisling. I know what it feels like to be abandoned by the one person who is supposed to protect and love you." He pulls me into his arms and holds me. His sandalwood scent instantly soothes me, and for a moment, I find myself consumed by him, forgetting everything that has happened up until now. His closeness reminds me of how much I've missed him.

"Mr. Manarch," Mary interrupts us apologetically. Instantly the spell is broken. "Ms. O'Brien, how nice to see you." I pull away from Viktor.

"Yes, it's nice to see you too, Mary." I step away from Viktor, and I can see he isn't happy.

"Did you need something?" Viktor is cold toward Mary.

"I just wanted to let you both know I've made you something light to eat since it's a few hours to dinner." She looks at me.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Mary. But I want to take a shower before Niko wakes for his next feeding."

"Of course." I start walking to my old bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Viktor stops me.

"The guest room. I imagined it would be my bedroom."

"Your things are in our bedroom."

"You must be out of your goddamned mind if you think I'm going to sleep in your bed after Fiona?—"

"Fiona has never slept in our bed." He emphasizes it like I'm supposed to believe him. Like it's going to make a difference, we're too far gone. We stare at each other for a long time in silence.

"I don't trust you," I finally say with a sigh. "What makes you think I'll believe anything you say? I agree to stay in the mansion, only if you know where we stand. We aren't together. We will co-parent but nothing else." He closes the gap in two steps.

"You are mine."

His lips are close to mine. My breath catches. He's about to kiss me when Niko's wailing breaks through the haze. I'm grateful for Niko's cry. I know I'm unable to resist what Viktor and I have. Another second together, and I might have caved.

"I have to go." I turn and leave before he has a chance to say something or, worse, kiss me.

I'm exhausted beyond reason. I can barely keep my eyes open between feeding Niko every two hours and being overwhelmed by memories of Viktor and me. Being in this house isn't helping either, every corner holds a memory of what we used to be. While Niko is sleeping, I take the opportunity to shower. As I'm drying my hair Aisling's cry stops me. I don't move since it's not my place, but she doesn't stop, and my heart is aching. I leave my bedroom and go to hers trying to convince myself that the last thing I need is for her to wake Niko. I open the door and see the nanny who's flustered again. She jumps when she notices me.

"I didn't mean to scare you," I say, entering the bedroom.

"It's okay, Ms. O'Brien. She's been a fussy baby since I started a month ago, but lately it seems to have gotten worse."

I don't know much about motherhood, yet I feel like she needs a mother's touch. I take Aisling from her and walk to the glider.

"You can go and have dinner. I'll stay with her."

"Are you sure? I don't want to bother you." The nanny gives me a small smile and I can tell she's grateful for what I said.

"It's fine." I sit and start rocking as the nanny leaves. "Aisling, what do you need, sweetheart?"

She opens her eyes wide like she understands me. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed, and without thinking I start breastfeeding her. The door opens, and Viktor walks in. I find myself feeling a sense of panic, I'm doing something I probably shouldn't. But I can't explain it, I have to but I'm not sure how Viktor will react.

"I'm sorry Viktor, I?—"

"Please don't stop or apologize." He pulls a chair to sit beside me. "You have no idea how beautiful you look. You're an amazing woman and mother."

We sit in silence as I feed Aisling. I have a connection with her I don't understand, an overwhelming feeling like she's mine. She feels like a part of me. I burp her, lay her in her bassinet and take a step back and look at her.

"I don't understand it, but I feel so connected to her. It's an unexplainable pull. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to breastfeed her," I finally tell him.

"You don't need to apologize. You have no idea how happy it makes me that Aisling has the warmth of a mother, even if it's for just a moment. Fiona has never been that for her."

It breaks my heart, but in an instant, I know what I want to do.

"Would it be okay if her bassinet is moved to my bedroom along with Niko? I want them both close to me."

"You don't have to do that. I didn't bring you home to take care of Aisling." I take a deep breath. I want to tell him this is not my home, but it's not the time.

"I want her bassinet moved along with Niko's." This time I order.

I start walking to my bedroom to make room for both of them. I move anything obstructing both sides of my bed. Minutes later, Angus, Oliver, and Viktor come in with Aisling and her bassinet.

"To my left," I instruct. I go to Niko's bedroom to get him. With him in my arms, I return to my bedroom.

"Do you need anything else?" Viktor asks as he enters with Niko's bassinet.

"Would it be too much trouble to move one of the gliders to my bedroom?"

"No." He smiles and leaves.

Fifteen minutes later, everything is in place. Oliver and Angus say their quiet goodbyes, and I thank them while Viktor lingers. We occasionally look at each other, but we don't say a word.

"I should probably try and take a nap before one of them wakes," I finally say.

"Right." He stands awkwardly in front of my bed.

"I'm not sure what your routine is with Aisling. If you want to stay, you're welcome," I say climbing into bed.

"Are you sure?" He smiles.

"Don't make me change my mind," I answer, eyelids getting heavier. This Mom thing is not going to be easy. Especially with feeling like Aisling is my daughter too.