Chapter Ten

Genesis

THE LAST WEEK has been surreal. Raptor and Devil have been waiting on me hand and foot, helping me to the bathroom when I need to use it. Talk about something embarrassing as hell. The first time I had to get up and go to the bathroom, Devil was with me. He wanted to remain with me. It was an argument worse than any I've ever had in my life until he finally relented and waited just outside the closed bathroom door. The second I called out for him, Devil was right back at my side. He had to help me off the toilet, pull my pants up for me, and then he held onto me as I washed my hands. It really sucks not being able to use both of my hands right now. What I didn't do is look in the mirror. For the last week, I've managed to avoid seeing what I look like and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I feel the amount of pain in my body and don't need to see the damage Ricky's guys inflicted on me. You can say I'm avoiding as much of the situation as I can and I won't argue a bit about it.

Vault has been in to see me with King. They asked me some questions about Ricky and I answered them the best I could. I truly don't know much about him because Melinda kept us away from one another for the most part. King let me know he's digging into him and they will do whatever it takes to find him and make him pay for what he's done to me. He's also looking into Melinda and seeing if he can figure out where she is now. I don't know if I want her found at this point. Yes, I care about her and I hope she's okay. However, there's the fear in the back of my mind that she'll come back and take Matie from me.

Morgan and Kat have been in to spend time with me as well. They always bring Matie in with them and let me spend time with him even if I can't hold him or take care of him the way I'm used to doing. We don't really talk about anything important, just kind of what's going on at work and around the clubhouse. They brought in Hope, Annabell, and Savannah to meet me as well. I like the women here that I've met so far. Though I've been told to stay as far away from the Phantom girls as I can by all of them. I guess they don't like the fact that I'm here and are just waiting for me to make an appearance so they can get a good look at me and size me up. I don't understand why because I'm no competition for anyone. Raptor and Devil might be paying me attention right now, but it will end and they'll go back to treating me like shit once again.

Doc checks on me a few times a day. Today is actually the first day he's allowing me to eat something other than soft food because of my throat. He feels it's healed enough and the inflammation has gone down so much already. Raptor went out to get me a cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake the second Doc said I could eat anything I want to now. It helps that I haven't really been speaking a lot. Yeah, I've had visitors, but I've been sleeping a lot too. Doc assured me it's normal and the best thing for me as I heal. I'm taking my medicine the way I need to, and the guys ensure I don't miss a dose or let the pain get too out of control for me to handle. Honestly, I don't know how to handle everyone taking care of me and making sure Matie is being looked after.

I've been so used to doing everything on my own and for the first time in my life, I don't have to. While I want to soak up the attention and let the happiness take over, I don't allow myself to. I keep reminding myself that when I'm fully healed, all of this will end and the guys will go back to their lives and forget all about me. At this point, I don't know how I'm going to go on without Raptor or Devil around. They've been at my side every day and in a few more weeks, they won't be. I'll be alone once again and living the bleak existence I've been simply surviving in my entire life. Honestly, I don't want to live that way any longer. I want to have friends, a life, and build something better for Matie. Eventually, I want to find a guy of my own and have a relationship with him.

Yeah, I'll admit I dream of that being two men and not one man. Raptor and Devil star in all of my dreams as I imagine a life with the two of them. It's just that—a dream and nothing more. I'm not the kind of girl men like them go for. Yeah, they might fuck me, but that's all it will ever be. I don't lack self-confidence or underestimate my own worth. I know exactly who I am and what I bring to the table. When it comes to looks, I'm not the girl bikers will ever settle down with. I'm the one they keep a secret and fuck behind closed doors where no one can see or ever find out. That's okay. I'll be more than happy to settle down with a guy who works a regular job, has weekends off, and wants to have a family one day.

Anyway, yesterday the guys talked to me about moving into a house they have on the compound. I'm still the only one who knows what's going on between the two of them. Or what I walked in on at least. Apparently they have a home behind the clubhouse and they feel it will be better for me to recover there where there's more privacy and I won't have to worry about everyone coming upstairs at all hours of the night after drinking, fucking, or doing whatever they do here. Reluctantly, I agree to go there instead because I might feel more comfortable in a house instead of Raptor's room in the clubhouse. I'm sure he wants to get back to using it without me taking up the bed.

Other than the guys sitting on the edge or end of the bed, neither one of them have laid down with me. Yeah, the first night they both slept near me, but nothing since then. Part of me understands while the rest of me is kind of hurt. I guess I shouldn't really bitch considering they've done everything I've needed for the last week. My emotions are all over the place though, and Doc said that's normal for what I've been through. He wants me to talk to someone about it, but I'm not sure if I can. I've never been to a counselor before in my life and I don't think I can go to one now.

"Comin' in," Raptor says, giving a soft tap on the door as if I'm gonna be up and moving around on my own.

"Morning, Raptor. I think I need to go to the bathroom if you're able to take me," I respond, my voice full of embarrassment because I hate having to depend on the guys to go there.

"I've got you, Angel. And there's no reason to be embarrassed about this. You've been hurt and need the help. Devil and I have no problem helping you. Once you're done in the bathroom, we'll get you loaded up in the SUV and go up to the house so you can get settled in," Raptor informs me as he makes his way over to my side and pulls back the blankets.

Raptor carefully lifts me up in his arms and watches my arm so he doesn't jostle it around too much. They both hate putting me in more pain than I'm always in. He carries me into the bathroom attached to his room and stands me up right in front of the toilet. Making sure the seat is down, Raptor helps me lower my body after pushing down the sweatpants I'm still wearing. They're big on me and the tee-shirt falls to mid-thigh so it covers everything. Without hesitating, Raptor turns and leaves me alone in the bathroom. He'll come in once I'm done and help me wash my hand. After he makes sure I have my pants up where they belong. I can pull them up for the most part, but sometimes they get a little twisted and I need some help to fix them. It's annoying as hell, but there's nothing I can do to change it until I'm allowed to use my arm again.

Once I'm done, Raptor comes back in and helps me. Together he gets me to the sink where I stand and wash my hand very awkwardly. The second I'm done, I'm back up in his arms. It took me one time with each of them to not mention my weight and them carrying me around. Both of them got pissed as hell and didn't speak to me for a few hours. They still took care of me, but they refused to say a word around me. It was horrible. So, I keep my mouth shut and let them do what they feel is best.

Instead of putting me back in the bed, Raptor leaves his room and carries me down the hall to the stairs where Devil is waiting. They make their way down and I see the common room pretty filled as they get to the bottom step. Morgan comes over to me with Matie in her arms and joins our small group. Everyone else remains seated as they all nod or wave to us. Devil gets the main door when we get to it and we head for the SUV parked right outside. Raptor places me in the front seat and carefully puts the seatbelt on me so it won't bother my arm in the sling before closing me inside. Devil and Morgan climb in the backseat with Matie and place him in the car seat that's appeared out of nowhere because I know it's not anything I had for him. Once Raptor is settled in the driver's seat, he starts the engine and pulls away from the clubhouse.

"So, the house is out back?" I ask, not being able to stand the silence in the SUV.

"Yeah. We all have houses out here. Raptor and I were waitin' to move into ours so we spent the mornin' gettin' all brand-new furniture and makin' sure we have everythin' needed to take care of you and Matie. You'll have a bedroom on the first floor so you don't have to worry about the stairs. It will allow you to come out of the room more than you've been able to so far. Doc thinks it's okay for you to be up and movin' around a little more. You just have to watch your arm and make sure you don't overdo things," Devil answers me as I think about what he's saying.

These two literally just furnished a house they haven't spent a single night in for Matie and I. Even if it's not a long-term situation, the fact that they took the time to fill a house with furniture means more to me than they'll ever be able to understand. Honestly, it brings a tear to my eyes and I have to look out the window so no one sees. Morgan reaches her hand up between the seats and rests her hand on my shoulder so I'm obviously not fooling her. With a nod of my head, I acknowledge her attempt to comfort me so she knows I appreciate her.

It's not long before I see the houses appear. They're all large places and in a row with landscaped yards, new paint, paved driveways, and everything I've always wanted in a house. This is certainly not helping the tears from spilling over. Like I said, I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and I don't see it stopping to let me off anytime soon. This shit sucks!

"This one is ours," Raptor says, pulling into a driveway.

Their house is right in the middle and it has a wraparound porch with chairs already placed and waiting to be sat in while the sun sets or rises. The front door is one of those large double doors that are wide enough to carry in any type of furniture without hitting anything or it not fitting. The upper portion is glass with designs etched in it that I can't see from the SUV in the driveway. Windows fill the front of the house and I notice the dark curtains covering the ones on the lower floor so no one can see inside.

"Today we're gonna focus on gettin' you settled in bed. Doc doesn't want you up movin' around too much just yet. I think this weekend is when he's gonna let you out of bed. Once you can move around, we'll show you the house and you can hang out in the kitchen or livin' room," Raptor says as he shuts the engine off and remains in his seat for a minute while turning to look at me.

Devil is the first one out of the SUV as he jogs around the back and opens my door. Removing my seatbelt, he lifts me up in his arms and carries me toward the house while Morgan gets Matie out in his car seat and Raptor gets out of the driver's seat. He rushes up the front steps of the house and opens the door using some kind of electronic locking system instead of a key. Raptor assures me he'll explain it once I can get up and walk around.

"Since you can't take care of Matie right now, we each have a room downstairs so he won't be far from you. You're actually in the middle of both our rooms. We've got one of those pack ‘n play things for him to sleep in so we can move it from one room to the next dependin' on which one of us has him that night. Or we can wheel it into the livin' room and kitchen if we're in there and he's nappin'. I'm gonna have Deegan pick up an early lunch for us from the diner since none of us ate breakfast. Anythin' in particular you want?" Devil asks me as he carries me through the house and turns to the hall on the left.

I try to take in the details, but it's kind of hard to notice anything when the pain is starting to consume me once again. That makes everything hard to deal with or notice because it's all I can think about. Devil notices as my body starts to tense up and lets Raptor know.

"She's gonna need her pain medicine. The second Deegan gets here, we'll have to give it to her," he says, his voice full of concern as Raptor opens the door for us and I'm carried in a room and laid on the softest mattress I've ever felt in my life.

"Thank you, Devil. Thank you, Raptor. You both have gone out of your way to help me when you don't have to at all," I say, my eyes already closing against the pain as pillows are arranged around my arm in the sling as carefully as possible.

"You don't have to thank us for anythin', Angel. We wouldn't be anywhere else," Raptor says, leaning over the bed and pressing his warm, full lips against my forehead.

I barely feel Devil do the same thing as one of them covers me up and I sink into the bed. Other than the sound of their steps leaving the room, I don't notice anything else. Sleep starts to pull me under. Despite the pain I'm in, I know I won't sleep peacefully. This is going to be sleep where I barely do more than doze until I can eat and take the pain medicine. Doc warned the guys not to give it to me on an empty stomach and they've taken that to heart. If it's even remotely close to the time for my medicine, pain or antibiotic, I'm being fed something. Sometimes it feels as if all I do is eat and sleep right now. I guess that's what my body needs to heal so I can get back to my life and away from the guys and club. I belong as an employee and nothing more than that.