Chapter 8

eight

Noah – Eight Months Later

“Fuck that was amazing!” Barnett shouts as we leave the stage, the crowd screaming for another song.

Cameron chuckles, while I half smile, taking the water from the cooler, and then gulping it. My throat is sore, my body tired, and, fuck, am I sweating.

After eight months of touring, we’ve become bigger than I ever dreamed, winning Grammys and AMAs. All our shows have been sold out, our record’s a hit, and it's fucking amazing, a dream come true, and yet I feel fucking empty.

Have for nearly two years.

I watch as Cameron and Barnett joke around, pushing each other while they walk over to the green room where some VIP fans are waiting for us. I don’t want to follow; I’d rather go back to the hotel and have a drink before going to bed, but I don’t have a choice.

For months, the label has forced us to go out to clubs and take pictures with fans, mostly women. We had to get our names out there any way we could, and the boys lapped it up while I, well, I fucking felt like I was cheating, even though I never touched any of the women.

Pathetic right, that I felt like I was cheating by just smiling and wrapping my arm around a woman, when she cheated, when she had someone else’s child….

I miss her, I miss her so fucking much, but I’m trying to move forward, move on….

I’ve gone on a few dates lately. I promise myself to give them my all, but each time I meet with them somewhere public, I can’t get into it. They try to touch me, and I cringe, but I’m getting better, or at least I think I am.

My date last night lasted a whole hour before I made some excuse.

It just fucking sucks; my body only wants one person, but I can’t have her, and even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to trust her, and trust is a huge part of a relationship.

And could I really raise someone else’s child?

Barnett turns and walks backward, grinning wide. "Are you ready for your 21st birthday party next week after our last show?”

I chuckle. “I said no to a party.”

He shrugs. “I never heard that.”

Snorting, Cameron shoves him inside the green room before sending me a wink, and I snort, knowing he’s about to get his dick wet.

He’s one man who has taken advantage of this lifestyle, that’s for sure. While he and Barnett have been living it up, buying shit they don’t need, and hooking up, I’ve been playing it safe. I bought a big house back home on Kings Close, a home we used to speak about, and I save my money like my ass was on fire—the trailer park boy inside still concerned about losing everything.

I love my mom, I do, but she never tried hard enough in life to leave the trailer park.

Shaking my head, I walk into the green room.

Barnett already has his top off, making out with some girl, which has to be some sort of record for him, while Cameron has two girls, one under each arm, and one actually licking his sweat off his neck. I cringe; that shit’s just plain nasty.

He gives me a wonky smile, and I chuckle and head to a group of guys near the drinks table, passing a dolled-up Piper watching me like a hawk, still trying her hardest to get in my bed.

The bitch now works with our managers, taking on an internship with them, which means she’s around all the fucking time, and I swear, if she tries to hold my hand one more time, I’m going on fucking strike until she’s put somewhere else.

There can’t be The Delinquents without their lead singer and owner to all the fucking songs, the song rights one thing I refused to give to the label.

Just as I get near the guys to give them my autograph so I can get the hell outta here, some busty blonde steps before me, making me halt and nearly knock into her.

I raise a brow as she pushes her large tits up, twirling her finger in her bleach-blonde hair, her eyes eating up my bare chest.

“Hey Noah,” she rasps, trying to be sexy, but it comes out whiny.

I smile at her to be polite because, apparently, you can’t just chuck women out for being flirty. I ask, “Would you like an autograph?”

She grins, then licks her filled bottom lip. “You could autograph my tits in the morning.”

I internally wince; people seem to think I’m a bad boy and would be turned on by that kind of proposition, and I get it; I have piercings, I smoke, I have tattoos, and I swear like a fucking sailor, and yeah, in high school, I was a badass, but a certain redhead brought out my sweet side, and then I transformed to this heartbroken, angry singer that the girls ate up. Now, well, now I’m just numb.

I haven’t physically touched another girl since Rose, and honestly, right now, I don’t plan to. I can’t. My body wouldn’t let me even if I tried. I mean fuck, this girl basically has her nipples showing in her see-through dress, and my dick hasn’t even twitched, yet if I think of Rose wearing that in the bedroom, it’ll go hard as…. Ah fuck.

I breathe through the thought, not wanting this girl to get the wrong idea, willing my cock to go down.

Cameron.

Barnett.

Joel.

Mom….

Internally I sigh with relief before giving my attention back to the girl before me, thankful my cock has softened.

Her eyes eat me up and a frustrated groan escapes me. I could tell her to fuck off, but she’ll take it as a hard-to-get moment and try harder, so I do what I always do. I lift up my left hand, put all my fingers down bar one, and show the name tattooed on my ring finger.

Her blue eyes widen in shock, her lustful look disappearing, and she stutters, “I-I didn’t know you-you were married, I-I thought it was a rumor.”

I smile at her. I heard about the rumor, and the gossip sites are all speculating, because of the heartbreak in my lyrics, that my wife left me or I cheated, and wanted her back. Then there’s the fact that no one has seen me kiss another girl. Because I haven’t denied or confirmed, the rumor mill is getting wild, and that’s how I want it to stay.

A sick part of me hopes she’ll hear all about it and feel like shit, just like I do day in, day out.

“It’s not something I announce to people,” I admit and give her part of the truth. “She’s my high school sweetheart, fell in love at fourteen, and she has been my only.” She goes to open her mouth, most likely to state we could keep a quick fuck quiet, probably seeing the pictures of me with other women that were made to look more than what it was, and I turn my arm and show her the initial with over fifty roses around it, proving no one will come close. I rasp, “I’ve added a rose in each state we have visited because her name is Rose.”

Yeah, I’m a big badass over here, pining for a girl who cheated.

She swallows buts nods, holding out a paper and pen. Willingly, I give her my autograph, and she hightails it over to a group of girls, looking defeated, and shaking her head. I hear her mutter, “The rumors are right. He’s married to his high school sweetheart. He won’t cheat.”

I grin when the girls groan and complain, bringing up the photos of me with other women, asking if she was sure.

So fucking predictable.

Shaking my head, I go to the men and shake hands, taking pictures, before slipping out the back door, knowing the boys won’t be back at the hotel until morning, giving me enough time to try and finish the song I’ve been working on: “Falling Petals.”

“Fuck, I can’t believe you didn’t take anyone home with you last night, and wrote a whole new fucking song,” Cameron groans from beside me in the SUV, but I ignore him.

He and Barnett have been on at me to move on and live my life, but I’m not ready. While I’m still writing fucking songs about her, I can’t move on, I just can’t, it wouldn’t be right to the person I decide to try with.

“He’s right, Noah, I mean I love Rose, I do…and I’ve spoken to your mom. She’s adamant you need to speak to her, but you won’t, and she won’t explain to me why. Dude, I think the nicest thing you can do for both Rose and you is to move on, and I know all your songs are about her, and she’s been your muse for nearly six years, and it's given us our careers, but you’re not fucking happy, and it’s just depressing now,” Barnett says, but I ignore him as well.

Mom would call continuously and bring her up, and I just couldn’t cope with it any longer. She’d beg and plead for me to contact Rose, and exclaimed that it wasn’t what it seemed, that I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

Now, I won’t answer her calls.

The pain of hearing my mother standing by the girl that spent four years lying to me and cheated on me, and had another man’s fucking child…. There’s only so much someone can take.

“Noah…” Barnett tries again, but I cut him off.

“I don’t need this right now, Barn. We’re five minutes from my mom’s house, and I don’t have the strength for this right now.” I don’t look at him as I speak, I keep my eyes on the scenery, watching the town we grew up in fly by.

I’ve only been home once since I left, and that was for an hour to pay my respects to Cal’s family. I didn't want to bump into Rose, so I was going to keep the visit short, only to find out she wasn’t at the funeral; she was not welcome.

No one says anything for the remainder of the drive, which I’m grateful for.

In two weeks, we’re doing our home show, but the boys wanted to come home early to see their families, and begged me to come. I couldn’t say no to them, knowing I was the reason why they barely came here.

It’s just hard because everywhere I look, I see Rose.

Gritting my teeth, I try to keep my emotions at bay as we pull into the driveway of my mother’s new three-bedroom house, which she bought with Nick.

Yeah, they’re still together, which shocked me, but I’m happy for her. She’s changed for the better, stopped drinking, and become someone I’m proud of.

I’m not sure what made her change, but Nick fell in love with the woman she is now, and decided to take a leap in their relationship. It's not a ring, but I think he’s close.

When the car stops, I slap both Barnett’s and Cameron's shoulders, before climbing out as the driver gives me my bag.

“We’ll see you tomorrow at your studio,” Cam says, and I nod, saluting him.

I would have gone straight home, but I don’t think I’m ready to see the place yet. My sister has been staying there since she got kicked out of college last month, but the house is the one Rose and I always talked about. I don’t know why I bought it, but I did, and now I kind of regret it.

“Noah,” My mother gasps as she opens her front door.

I can’t help the smile that comes over my face. She looks healthy and happy; her cheeks are no longer hollow, her hair is longer, and she actually has fucking meat on her bones.

She runs at me and grabs me in a hug, and I hug her back tighter, taking in her cinnamon smell that no longer smells like booze mixed in with it.

“I missed you,” she whispers as she pulls back, and I smile.

“I missed you too, Mom.”

She nods as she looks over my face and chews her bottom lip.

I instantly read her and shake my head. “Mom, please don’t.”

She looks down, pressing her white maxi dress down. “I know you don’t want to hear it; I know you’ve just come home, but Noah, for months, you have blocked my calls, only willing to speak to Nick, and I-I…God.” She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “You’re going to fall apart, son, I know you are. When you realize how big a mistake you’ve made, you’re going to fall, and you have my genes; you spent five months drinking yourself into oblivion, and nearly died twice.”

I sigh, ignoring her insinuation that I could have an addictive personality, and say, “I’m not the one who cheated, Mom. She?—”

Mom cuts me off, “Just speak to her, please, she’s?—”

I cut her off this time, “No, I’ve spent nearly two fucking years to get to place where I’m no longer angry. Do I hurt? Yeah, I do, but I’m moving on, and you need to as well.”

She goes to open her mouth, but before she can say anything, Nick walks out of the house, grinning. He rushes over and grabs me in a bear hug.

“Fuck, you’re a sight for sore eyes, son,” he whispers emotionally, and I hug him back tighter.

“I missed you too, Dad….”

I hear Mom sniffle, and I smile. She always gets emotional when I give him the title he deserves.

He pulls back and grips my shoulder, noting the differences from when he last saw me.

“Brow piercing, really?” he says as his eyes go to my forearm, noticing the extra roses.

I snort, trying to distract him. “Got my tongue done as well.”

I stick my tongue out to prove it, and he chuckles and shakes his head before looking at Mom, and something passes between them. He tilts his head, and then smirks.

“Noah, I know you’ve just got into town, but I was wondering if you could go to Clark’s bakery for me to pick up the cake order for your birthday so we have it in our freezer, ready.”

Mom gasps, but I don’t think anything of it. Instead, I raise a brow. “You want me to see my birthday cake, really?”

He grins. “Yeah, I do. Your Mustang is in the garage. I moved it when you stupidly allowed your sister to crash at your place.”

I roll my eyes. "It’s only for a few more weeks, then she’s out. I already told her yesterday after Piper bragged to a dancer that she’ll be staying there while we’re here.”

Mom butts in, “Please tell me that girl will not be staying at your home.”

I frown at her tone, and deny, "No, Mom, she’s not. Management told her to stay at the motel or go home.”

Mom nods with approval, confusing me, as Nick gives me a piece of paper, stating, “It’s already paid for, so don’t even think about it.” Then he shoves me toward the garage, grinning. I look toward Mom as I open the garage door to see she’s basically bouncing with excitement, grinning from ear to ear.

Weird, very fucking weird.

It doesn’t take long before I pull up outside the bakery and tap the steering wheel, wondering if I should call and have them bring the cake out.

Nearly two years and I’m still not used to the fans.

Shaking my head, I grab the paper and mutter, “Just get in and out,” and climb out of my car.

I keep my eyes peeled but head low, hoping no one will notice me, when I hear the bell over the door and look up so I don’t bump into whoever is coming out, but I freeze in shock.

Curves to die for, long curly dark red hair cascading down her back, lips so plump they beg me to bite, and so oblivious to me standing here.

She smiles, saying, “See you soon,” before turning my way and freezing in place herself.

Her dark green eyes widen when they lock with mine, and everything inside me awakens, and everyone around me disappears.

“Rose…” I rasp with pain and love and heartache.

She blinks, then blinks again, like she can’t believe it’s really me, before she shakes herself out of it, flares her nostrils, and walks toward me. But instead of stopping before me like I thought she would, she passes me, completely ignoring me.

Anger and pain hit me hard, and I have to fist my hands so I don’t turn around and fucking grab her.

I stand here for God knows how long, trying to get my emotions under control after seeing her for the first time in nearly two years, pissed that she’s acting like a scorned lover only for it to hit me?—

She was wearing my black button-down shirt from prom….