Chapter 9

nine

Rose

I close my eyes as a gentle breeze hits me, nothing but the birds chirping and trees rustling hitting my ears.

“It’s peaceful here; I can see why your mom chose this cemetery,” I say, leaning back against the stone and looking up. “I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you. I wanted to be here for the funeral, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. Al made it perfectly clear he’d physically throw me out if I showed. I-I didn’t want that stress on your family, even if it meant I didn’t get to say goodbye, and then as time went on, it became too difficult to come back into town. The longer I stayed away, the easier it was to forget this part of my life, and then Al came home. I knew I wouldn’t be welcome.”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Can you believe it, Cal? My brother, the person I loved the most on this earth growing up, threatened me. He allowed his partner to hit me, and believed I’d cheat on Noah, he said…. He-he said I died when Mom did, and he got married and let me find out through the news. When he realizes I never did what they think I did, he’s going to understand why I’ll never want him anywhere near my son, or me for that matter. He’s going to realize that, yes, I did die when Mom did, that he did lose his sister….”

Hurt fills me, the past still clouding my emotions, the pain too much to bear, and I close my eyes. “Deigo will be one in two weeks, Cal, three days before Noah turns twenty-one.” I sigh. “It doesn’t seem real, you know, I mean, right about now I should be married to Noah or at least engaged, watching his dreams come true while learning all about animal behavior, but I’m not. Instead, I’m a single mom, struggling to meet rent each month with the two jobs I have, and trying to keep up with part-time college, going for a degree I never wanted to begin with because I couldn’t get a full scholarship.” Tears sting my eyes. “You should be working with Alejandro, living it up, not buried six feet under. Everything is different than how it should be Cal, and it kills me.”

Some tears fall, and I wipe them away, looking toward the mountains.

“Dad wants to try and make amends, yet he’s the one who kicked me out, who tried to force an abortion on me because of what happened with mom. He’s with Deigo now, and honestly, I don’t know how to feel about it.” I snort. “He begged. He actually hired someone to track me down, and sat at my work every day for three weeks, begging me to give him a chance with his grandson. If it weren’t for Mrs. Cannon convincing me that I can’t punish him for my hurt because I’d be punishing Diego by keeping his grandfather from his life, then I wouldn’t be sitting here now.” I swallow hard. “He’s got these next two weeks to prove to me he won’t treat my son the way he did me. If he shows he’s changed, I’ll allow him to have a relationship with Diego, just not with me.”

The breeze picks up, and I smile sadly. “I know I sound bitter and spiteful, like I’m holding onto a grudge, but I just…I’m at the stage where I believe I’m better off on my own.” I look down, gently playing with the rose bracelet I have yet to cut off, and admit, “It’s better that way, I think.”

Gently, I trace Noah’s name on my wrist, underneath the bracelet, the date we met just below it. Diego’s name sits above his father’s, then his date of birth.

“I’ll always love him, Cal. It wasn’t puppy love or high school love. It was all-consuming; it was everything. No one held a candle to him, never on my radar. He’s my heart and my soul, but being on my own, after feeling the pain I felt when he left, and having all my family turn against me, being on my own is for the best. I’ll never allow anyone into my heart again. Keeping a roof over Deigo’s head is all I care about now.” More tears fall. “I’ve lost everything and everyone but him, Cal…. You, Dad, Noah, Al, Van, Barnett, Cameron…. Everyone but him.”

Another breeze hits, and I tilt my head into the sun, smiling, hoping that is his way of agreeing with me….

With a heavy heart, knowing I wouldn’t be back at his grave for a long while, I promise Cal I’ll do my best to visit him, before leaving for town and heading to the bakery for Diego’s birthday cake, even though it is two weeks away.

I think my dad is worried I’ll back out, and honestly, he should be because being back here and being around all the places I spent with him is hard.

For months, I refused contact with my father, but when he showed up, it shocked me, but when Natalie shoved me out of my shock, anger took hold, and I refused to speak to him despite him trying so hard.

I only gave in because Mrs. Cannon brought Diego into it, and now I’m staying back at my father’s, in my old room until the end of next week. He drove Diego and me back to Kingstonville, seeing as I still don’t have a car, and promised to take us back once our visit is over. He wants to celebrate Diego’s first birthday, and prove he can be a good grandfather, which is why I’m now waiting for Clark to bring out the ridiculous red tractor cake my dad ordered.

Diego is only turning one; he doesn’t need a massive cake.

“So, is this going to be one of those smash cake things?” Amber, a girl from my year of high school, asks as she hands some cupcakes to a woman standing beside me.

I snort. “I’d love to see my dad's face if that happened. The cake was his idea, while I suggested several little cupcakes because he’ll only be one.”

She grins as the double doors open, and Clark walks through, holding a massive square box. I groan, making him laugh, his belly jiggling.

“Alright, darling. It’s not as big as you think; it’s just packaged in sections because you must place it back in the freezer when you return to your dad's. I know what your dad requested, but I also know you, even if you haven’t been home for nearly two years. It’s a square cake. The top half is a blue sky with clouds, and the other half is green like fields. In the middle is a big red tractor with the number one formed as smoke from the exhaust, and farm animals surrounding it. Now, I have put a note on the top, but I’ll tell you, you need to get it out of the freezer two days before his birthday, and unwrap it.”

I shake my head and say, “Thank you, Clark, I really appreciate it.”

He smiles, handing me the box, and rasps, “You’ve been missed, Rose.”

Amber agrees, “Yeah, especially on weekends when you’d help out.”

I laugh. “It's good to know I’m missed." They both smile, and I sigh. “I promise I’ll try to keep in contact when I go home.”

Clark sighs, running his hand through his scruffy, ginger hair. “This is your home, Rose. We know about the rumors Gina and those mean girls spread about you cheating on Noah, and we know they were all bullshit.” I swallow hard and look at the box. “Please, just remember there are people here who have missed you and want nothing more than for you to come back home where you belong.”

Looking at Clark, I give him a soft smile and admit, “This place hasn’t been my home since he left, Clark. I don’t think I’ll ever move back, but I will try to stay in contact more.”

Amber’s brown eyes tear up, but she nods as Clark leans over, touches my cheek, and whispers, “Please don’t be a stranger, sweetheart.”

He kisses my cheek before Amber leans over and does the same, and I give them both sad smiles. With a heavy heart, I walk toward the door, opening it before saying, “I’ll see you soon.”

They both smile sadly, and I turn so I don’t bump into anyone, only to freeze at the figure before me. My palms instantly start to sweat, and my heart rises.

Torn jeans, black Henley, and biker boots.

I blink, thinking maybe I’m seeing things, that perhaps he’s not here as I take in the form of the man I thought I’d never see again. His hair is a little longer on top, and he’s sporting some scruff around his jaw and upper lip. His brow now has a piercing and…he looks good.

Way too flipping good.

What the hell? Couldn’t he have gotten ugly over the years?

I blink and blink again, realizing he really is standing before me.

Noah flipping Scott, the ass who broke me. He made me fall in love with him, promised me so fricking much, ensuring he was all I saw after four years together, only to run at the first hurdle thrown in our way. Well, not the first. Piper lied, saying she caught me making out with the captain of the basketball team when I was sixteen, the guy, Cole, actually agreeing with her, only to find out she was screwing him.

Noah never doubted me then, didn’t even look into it, and yet, he sees a picture, and instead of confronting me, he bolts.

Anger takes hold. I don’t know why he’s in town, and I don’t care. For nearly two years, I’ve ensured to stay away from anything Noah. I’ll see glimpses of magazines and tabloids of him with other women, being all cozy, and it would kill me, but I’d walk away and wait until work was done, homework was completed, and Diego was in bed before falling apart. I’d hear snippets of his music, all about being hurt and cheated on by his love, but again, I’d wait until I was alone at night to break, but really, I’ve kept myself away from any knowledge of him.

I don’t know if he has a girlfriend or a wife, and I don’t want to know his tour dates or if his music is climbing or falling. This is the path he’s decided on, and now, he has to live with his decisions.

With all the strength I can manage, I get my feet to move, but instead of stopping in front of him and giving him a piece of my mind, I walk by him, completely blanking him.

He chose not to confront me, ignoring all my attempts to contact him because I thought he deserved to know about his son. He chose to run away over the lies his sister and Piper told.

He chose not to fight for me, for us.

Screw him!

Tears fall as I get to my dad's Mercedes, my wrist tingling where his name is inked. Instantly, I hate myself for feeling this way, and hate it even more that he’s seen me in his black button-down shirt, something I can’t seem to make myself throw out.

I quickly climb in before he can see my emotions and what he does to me, placing the cake on the passenger seat before starting the car up, quickly reversing from my spot, and driving away, not once looking in the rearview mirror.

Twenty minutes later I sigh as I walk into my father’s home. It hasn’t changed much since I left; there are a few toys in front of the couch that he bought for Diego, which is the only difference.

“Sweetheart, how was Clark’s? Were there any problems? You took a while,” Dad asks as he walks out of the kitchen without my son.

I furrow my brows and look around, saying, “I went to see Cal first. Where’s Diego?”

Dad smiles. “He’s in his highchair, munching on cucumber sticks. The boy loves them.”

I snort, passing him the box, which he takes willingly. I reply, “Yeah, Mrs. Cannon is obsessed with them, and she was determined to get him to like them. Clark put the instructions on the cake. You need to place it straight in the freezer.”

He nods and smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. Sadness fills them, but I won’t feel guilty. He gave me an ultimatum, and I chose my son.

He sighs. “So did Clark give you grief about leaving town?”

I half smile and walk toward the kitchen with him. "They did, but they weren’t the problem. I bumped into Noah on the way out." Dad stops and looks at me with shock, and I admit, “I didn’t speak to him; I just walked past. Dad, I uh, I don’t know why he’s in town, but while he is, me and Deigo shouldn’t be.”

Dad instantly shakes his head and denies, “No, you promised me this, Rose. I’ll make sure he stays away from you, I swear. He’s doing his last tour date on the fifteenth, but he won’t bother you or Deigo; I’ll personally see to it.”

The fifteenth…. His birthday….

I swallow hard and follow my dad into the kitchen. I instantly smile when I see Deigo munching on his cucumber, but I scowl with anger when the backdoor opens.

“Dad, what was so important that you had us rush over here,” my big brother asks, but he stands still when he hears Diego giggle, and looks his way.

The urge to grab my son and run hits hard.

“Dad is that…?” Alejandro starts but is cut off as Vanessa smashes into him.

“Al, what on earth…?” She cuts herself off when her eyes go to Deigo, and she gasps, “Oh my, he’s the spitting of Noah….”

And that snaps me back to reality.

I shove past my father, and lift Diego from his chair. He squeals, seeing me, squeezing his fists, and I smile, placing him on my hip. His left hand instantly grabs the necklace Noah bought years ago, while his right keeps hold of his cucumber stick, shoving it back into his mouth.

“Rose, please,” my dad starts.

I shake my head. “No. You had no right to invite them here, knowing my stance on the situation.”

I look toward my brother when I see movement out of the corner of my eye, and glare at Vanessa when she whispers, “Rose, please, I-I?—”

I cut her off, “One word out of you where my son is concerned, and I’ll break your nose.” Her eyes widen, and Al steps forward but stops when I sneer at him, “What, going to let your wife hit me again, only this time instead of being pregnant, I’ll be holding my son?”

“Rose, please, sweetheart, I just wanted my kids in the same room together again; they made a mistake,” my dad whispers, trying to ease my anger, but I shake my head.

“That wasn’t your call to make. You kicked me out, remember? You gave me an ultimatum, get an abortion or be cut off, and I chose my son.” He swallows hard. I rasp, “I don’t want anything to do with them, Dad, and I certainly don’t want them anywhere near my son. I’d like for you to take us home, please.”

Alejandro speaks up, “This is your home, Rose, yours and his….”

I laugh. “His, you don’t even know his name, do you?”

He looks down regretfully, and pain and fury fill me. He has no right to feel shame. This was his choice. He knew me and what I felt for Noah, yet he believed a lie.

Shaking my head, I walk out of the kitchen with Noah in my arms, my dad pleading, following me, “Rose, please don’t go. His birthday is in two weeks. We’ve got the cake, a small bounce house, and everything for him. Please, I just want a chance to fix what I broke….”

I swallow hard and look back at my dad, a teary-eyed Vanessa standing behind him with Al holding her because, yeah, sure, why not support your wife who hit your sister?

I shake my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t, Dad. I knew this was a mistake.”

That said, I walk upstairs to my room to grab our bags.

I never should have come here—first Noah and now my brother and his wife.

It’s just too much too soon. Maybe I’ll never be able to let go of the hurt from the past, which says a lot about who I will be in the future….