Chapter 20

twenty

Rose

“Thank you, Kingstonville! Singing for our hometown crowd, on my twenty-first birthday, no less, has been amazing and a dream come true. Drive home safely…” Noah says into the mic as Cameron lifts his drumsticks in the air and Barnett lifts his guitar, before all three leave the stage, looking sweaty as hell, to a roaring crowd, chanting for one more.

Cameron grins, running my way, and I squeal, ready to bolt, but his sweaty bare chest collides with my body, and I whine, “Uh, gross, Cam….”

He laughs and kisses my head before letting me go when I shove him, and Barnett chuckles when I give him a warning glare, and kisses my head as well, before I lock eyes with Noah.

His beater is soaked, his hair damp, but the spark in his eyes lights up the whole place.

He’s living his dream, and honestly, despite the hurt, the pain, and the lies between us, I’m so goddamn proud of him.

He tilts his head, his eyes taking in his button-down shirt tied at my waist, before we lock eyes. He raises a brow, and I sigh, knowing what he wants.

The boys chuckle at my defeated look, knowing I can’t say no, not on his birthday, but I ignore them and walk into Noah’s sweaty body, my arms going around his neck, my head pressing against his chest while he wraps his arms around my waist.

He lifts me, and instinctively I wrap my legs around his narrow waist, squeezing him tight.

Tears sting my eyes at the familiarity of him holding me this way, and I choke out, “I’m so proud of you, birthday boy….”

He squeezes me, his body relaxing into mine.

“Boys,” a loud voice says, but Noah ignores it, only holding me tighter.

“Let’s go distract Joel, they need this,” Cameron rasps with emotion.

I feel Noah kiss my shoulder, and I can’t help the sob that releases from my throat, and he grips me even tighter, if that’s possible.

“Fuck, Petal, don’t cry…” he rasps, and my tears fall faster as I hold him tighter to me.

I’ve missed him so much. I’ve missed his touch, his connection, his voice.

I’ve missed him .

I shake my head and grip him tighter, my fingers latching onto the sweaty hair at the base of his neck.

“You were amazing,” I croak.

Right now, I regret never listening to his songs and not looking up his music videos.

I know we’re both hurting, but right now, I’m pushing all that aside, not because he’s the love of my life, but because he’s also my best friend, and I’m so proud of his achievements.

“Thank you, baby, for being my muse,” he rasps against my skin, sending tingles and goosebumps over me.

He holds me, not letting me go, and I squeeze my eyes shut, holding on just as tight, wishing things were different.

I love this man so much that it consumes me, but how can we move past everything that’s happened?

I had to give birth on my own.

He left me.

“Noah…,” a voice that sounds like Joel’s says regretfully. Noah tenses when I try to untangle us, only holding me tighter, one of his hands going to my right leg, keeping it around his waist.

“Look, I’m sorry, I don’t want to interrupt, I fucking don’t, but the VIPs are waiting,” Joel says again.

I feel Noah shake his head, and slowly allow me to lower my legs. However, he doesn’t untangle his arms around me; instead, he places his forehead against mine as I grip his biceps.

His eyes flick between mine, and he whispers, “I have to sign some autographs and take some pictures, but as soon as I’m done, you and I are going home, and we’re going to talk about everything. Fuck my birthday party; you are the only person I want to spend the evening with. I, fuck, I can’t live without you any longer, Rose. I nearly drank myself to death two years ago. This time, if you leave me, if I lose you…I know I’ll succeed because you,” he swallows hard as my tears fall, “you and our son, you are my dream, my future—not music or touring or the fans, you two are, and even before I knew about Diego, it was still always you….”

I bite my bottom lip to hold in my sob, and Noah grips me tighter before pressing his lips against mine in a quick, hard, searing kiss, then lets go of me, and walks away with his hands fisted.

I blink.

Holy….

“Oh yeah, you two are definitely going to be alright, and I look forward to getting to know you and your son on the next tour,” Joel says, chuckling, before I hear him walk away. I slowly close my eyes, allowing my tears to fall.

I don’t move from my spot for a few minutes, trying to control my emotions.

So much is going through my head and, honestly, I’m starting to feel sick with it all. I’ve had two years to fall apart, to be angry and mad, and now, I’m beginning to realize I’ve just been lonely without him. Hearing his words and his music, I know he’s been lonely without me as well, but that doesn’t change all those photos with other women, especially the one of Piper licking his neck.

It doesn’t change the fact he left me….

It also doesn’t explain why he’d choose to be with others, if he loved me that much, when I haven’t even looked at another guy romantically, because he’s all I’ve ever wanted.

I blink a few times, knowing that if I want answers to my questions, I need to ask them.

I know I can’t live without Noah; I’ve tried it for two years. I hardened my heart, but unfortunately for me, Noah still holds it in his hands.

Taking a deep breath, I turn, ready to face my fears head-on but phone goes off, and I grab it from my jeans pocket. I frown when I see a message from an unknown number.

Hating my curiosity, I open the message instead of deleting it, only to scoff at the picture sent to me.

Piper is sprawled naked over a passed-out Noah, and when I say passed out, I mean there’s a bottle of liquor lying next to him on the large bed, passed out.

A laugh bubbles up, knowing this was most likely from Piper or Gina. They probably got my number from Tamera’s phone without her knowing, which means they must see something I don’t as far as Noah and I are concerned.

I know they were in the crowd; I saw them with his parents in the family section.

They’re trying to convince me he screwed Piper, it’s not that she’s smirking in the camera, clearly showing she wasn’t drinking, which was a dumb move on her part. No, it’s the fact the sheet isn’t covering Noah well, and I can see his jeans still on and still buttoned. It proves how stupid they are.

Shaking my head, I put my phone back in my pocket and head to the green room, where the boys were doing meet-and-greets.

Apparently, Cameron and Barnett like to take advantage of it with the female fans but have promised to keep their clothes on today. When I asked what Noah does, Cam just grinned and walked away.

Not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad one just yet.

With a fire lit under my butt, I walk into the green room, which, funny enough, has a green back wall, but I instantly stop at the image before me, and defeat hits hard.

I’m not enough for him, I won’t keep him happy in this life, and this proves it.

With tears falling yet again, I turn and leave without saying a word about some dark-haired girl in a short dress kissing Noah, filling my brain and killing me.

I don’t know if he was kissing her back, and honestly, I don’t care. Okay, that’s a lie; I do care, but seeing that just proves I’m not for this life.

I can’t sit back day in and day out, and watch girls throw themselves at the man I love. I already have trust issues with him leaving the way he did. This happening daily will tear us apart, and I can’t deal with the pain that will bring.

We need to co-parent for Diego’s sake, and that’s it.

With a heavy, defeated heart, I leave the stadium where the concert was held and hail a cab, hoping my father will pay for it because, well, I’m officially broke after changing my train ticket to a flexible one.

Thankfully, I have $100 in a jar at home, and that should be enough until I get paid in a week.

It takes nearly an hour to get to my dad's, no thanks to traffic, and the amount due on the taxi screen, well, it’s giving me hives.

“Alright, miss, that’s $178.49,” the man says, and I swallow hard, smiling at him.

“I just need to grab my purse from inside,” I say, and he looks at me skeptically. I smile, climb out, and rush toward the house. The door opens as I get near, and I sigh in relief to see my dad.

“Rose?” he questions with concern, his eyes taking in my features.

I clear my throat and whisper, “I never ask you for anything, Dad.” He nods, and I tilt my head to the cab. “I only have $100, and that’s at home in a jar. Could you, uh, pay the cab fare?”

His eyes widen but he doesn’t hesitate to go to the cab and pay, and my body relaxes, and I walk inside.

I notice my bags still near the front door where I left them, and tears build again. I don’t want to take Diego from my father; they’ve forged a bond, but I need to go home.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” my dad asks.

I don’t look at him but nod. “It’s for the best, Dad. I don’t belong in his world anymore.”

“Rose, he loves you,” my dad protests, and I turn and look at him, tears trailing my cheeks.

“I know,” I sob, “and I love him so much. I have never stopped, but his life is different now. I don’t belong, and there’s just too much hurt between us.”

My dad rushes my way and takes me in his arms, and I cry for everything that I’ve lost, all because Noah didn’t fight for us.

I know I could fight now, but I think defeat has always been in the cards.

After I cried my heart out, my dad helps me get Diego ready while discussing how to arrange visitation for Noah and Diego, before he takes us to the train station with a promise to see him soon and to keep in contact.

We leave Kingstonville while I vow never to open my heart to someone again. Noah will always own it, and that’s something I have to live with, but he and I were through when he walked away.

I need to focus on myself and our son, and I have to get myself ready for when Noah finds someone else, because he will; after what I saw, it’s only a matter of time.

It’s not like I’m his only anymore anyway….