Chapter 19

nineteen

Rose

“I knew I would never forget you,

You went and blew my mind,

You held my heart in your hands and consumed me.

Oh, oh, you went and consumed me.

You gave my life direction,

You gave me a purpose to keep on living, and losing you is killing.

Hey, my little Petal, I miss you,

I need you.

Hey, my little Petal, return to me,

Give me my purpose back,

Yeah, baby, give me my purpose back….

Oh, you’re my Consumption….”

Tears stain my cheeks as Noah sings “Consumption” into the mic as I watch stage side.

When he begged me to come to his show tonight, I didn’t know what to expect. A small part of me thought all his songs were full of despair and heartbreak, but instead, they were full of longing and wishing to change how things happened back then.

They’re full of the love he has for me, and it is heartbreaking to watch the pain with which he sings.

I don’t know why I agreed to do this, to listen to all this.

When I saw him at the cemetery, I was shocked a little, especially knowing he punched my brother, but I think I was in my lusty little head as well.

I mean, the love of your life sitting on the hood of a Mustang, wearing jeans and a wife beater? I mean, damn ….

This is what happens when you don’t have sex for nearly two years. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to get myself off, but nothing is as good as Noah, and that sucks, because Noah left.

And now I have to stand back and hear what he felt when we were apart.

The crowd roars as the song finishes, and I smile slightly at the proud looks on Camerons and Barnett’s faces.

Noah laughs, looking my way, and I tilt my head, giving him a slight grin, which causes him to grin back, and then look out to the crowd.

“Alright, this next song is new,” he announces as the crowd screams and cheers, the roars vibrating through me. “If you haven’t guessed, most of our songs are inspired by one girl, my girl." My eyes widen as everyone goes wild.

Damn you, Noah….

He looks my way again and admits, “Now, she’s here tonight, so please give her a warm welcome. This is her first concert, after all….”

He raises his arm my way and the crowd cheers, and I know my face has gone red.

Chuckling, he says, “I think I may be in the doghouse for that move." Everyone laughs, and I shake my head as he gives me a boyish grin, and then says, “This song is for my Petal, my Rose, this is ‘You’re Perfectly Mine’.”

The crowd gets louder as I suck in a breath at his words.

We haven’t even spoken, we haven’t put our hurt out there, and yet, he believes I’m still his, and I guess he’s right; I am, but love and your heart belonging to someone isn’t enough, and he knows that.

He takes his guitar pick and strums the chords, creating an upbeat tune. Barnett follows before Cameron beats out the tempo on the drums, grinning wide at me as Noah’s lips hit the mic, his eyes on me.

“Girl, the moment we locked eyes, I knew I had to have you.

You were so fine, and I wanted you as mine.”

I smile bashfully as he winks at me, the crowd screaming.…

“You pretended not to notice, but we both knew you were mine.

You played hard to get, but I played harder,

Baby, you were fucking perfect, perfectly mine.”

“So, you’re the girl I should thank…,” someone says from beside me, but I don’t look, keeping my eyes on Noah as he plays and sings.

“I hear your heart beating to the beat of my song,

You made the most of my love.

I hear your heart beating to the beat of my song,

You made me fall harder than anyone.

I hear your heart beating to the beat of my song,

I’ll never let you leave; you’re my one.

You, baby, are perfectly mine….”

I grin at his words, shaking my head.

“He loves you, you know,” the voice speaks again, and I look to see their manager, Joel, looking intently at me, his blue-green eyes full of concern and a little guilt.

I give him a nod and admit, “I know, but sometimes it’s not enough.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry.” I frown, and he gives me a boyish smile, the star tattoo on his cheek stretching, and he rasps, “Loads of women claimed to be pregnant by one of the boys on a daily basis.” My brows hit my hairline, and he nods. “It's never true. A court-ordered pregnancy test always confirms it, and if they were pregnant, normally, the boys weren’t even in the state at the time of conception, and when you called saying you were, indeed, pregnant and with Noah’s kid, no less, I thought you were lying. I knew for a fact he hadn’t gotten anyone pregnant, but I guess I didn’t count for the love of his life to be on the other end of the line.” He shakes his head and looks toward the boys, and I follow his gaze to see Noah singing his heart out, and he says, “I knew he had a girl back home, a girl he was in love with. The boys mentioned the photo, and how they knew he made a mistake but had convinced himself the photo must be true, too scared of his feelings…. Like I said, I’m sorry….”

I nod, keeping my eyes on Noah, and whisper, “You’re forgiven….”

Because he is. Things can’t be changed at the end of the day, and I’ve swallowed too much bitterness over the past two years.

Noah sings the chorus again, and I can’t help the smile that forms as he looks my way and sings….

“I hear your heart beating to the beat of my song,

You made the most of my love.

I hear your heart beating to the beat of the song,

You made me fall harder than anyone.

I hear your heart beating to the beat of my song,

I’ll never let you leave; you’re my one.

Oooh, oh, oh, baby, I hear your heartbeat, oh, oh, your heart beating to the beat of my song.

The-the beat of my song. Baby, I’ll never…. Oh, never let you leave….

Oh, you’re my one, my perfect one….”

A few tears fall, and Joel rasps, “Yeah, love may not always be enough, but with you two, I think you're wrong. I think it is.”

I don’t reply, only keeping my eyes on Noah, wishing he had never left the way he did, because I know for a fact that he’s my one, too, and that is something that will never change, even if it means being alone.