29

29

STACEY

The deadly silence fills the cemetery as we walk slowly behind the black coffin, a spray of white roses on top. Luciella is beside me, holding my hand while she grabs her mother’s. They’re sobbing, wiping their tears away with a handkerchief.

I keep my eyes forward, the large umbrella above our heads keeping us dry from the downpour of torrential rain.

The group of people follows behind us, all in black, all silent except the whimpers full of sorrow. Dez and Tylar are right behind me. They arrived at the manor this morning, just in time for the service.

Other than whimpers, it’s so quiet, I can hear every drop of rain, every crack of thunder in the distance and Lu’s hyperventilated hitches of air.

Kade and Ewan are carrying the coffin, along with four of Jason’s friends, and the funeral director is leading the way to a deep plot. It was reserved years ago for Ewan and Aria; no one knew Jason would be the first to fill it.

When we reach the plot, I glance behind me, the air nearly knocked from my lungs with how beautiful the view is, despite the rain. We can see the entire loch from here, the Munros crowding the sky – in the near distance is the manor surrounded by trees. During summer it will be a wonderful sight.

We gather around the hole in the ground, and my eyes stay on Kade, who is completely emotionless as he helps them lower Jason’s coffin onto the wooden slats covering the plot before dropping the ropes they’ll use to lower the casket.

Ewan is a mess. His eyes are red, and tears are soaking his cheeks as he audibly weeps for his son. He’s covering his mouth with one hand, the other on the casket.

His teeth chatter as he looks around everyone, his gaze finally landing on his wife. Aria reaches out and takes his hand, pulling him close, and he barely holds himself together, his body shaking in her hold.

Kade stands beside me, his stare blank as he looks at the grass way past the coffin. I notice the tension in his expression; he’s trying so hard to stay calm. He’s either going to break down in tears, or he’s going to break something or someone.

I try to take his hand, but he pulls away, and my heart sinks.

An older man in a long suit speaks of life and death, about Jason and how adored he was. He speaks of peace and love, until the words blur together like my vision, and I lower my head.

When he stops talking, he asks for the carriers to come forward again, and Jason’s favourite song – “The Woods” by Hollow Coves – plays as they slowly lower the casket into the grave.

Kade is still a statue – his movements almost robotic. His gaze is cold, unyielding, and he’s barely giving anyone attention. He isn’t even looking at the coffin – he’s looking past it.

He’s just a shell of breaking emotions, and I have no idea what this means. Is he a ticking time bomb? Is he going to lose himself? Will he explode at the wrong time? Will he get through this?

Kade’s hair is soaked, falling over his forehead as he licks a droplet from his lips, his nostrils flaring.

Rage. It’s growing inside him like a blazing inferno.

We all stand in silence as the song fills the quietness, the lyrics very fitting considering we’re at the top of a hill and the view of the trees below is beautiful.

He’ll be here, standing with us, probably bobbing his head to the song while we all muffle our cries and blow our noses. He won’t want us to be sad and miserable – he’ll want us to live our lives and be happy.

I glance over my shoulder, and my teary gaze lands on a heartbroken Giana. Her bottom lip quivers, and she doesn’t appear to have slept a wink in days given the black rings under her eyes. She’s shakily holding a rose in her hand, the thorn cutting into her skin as she fights to fill her lungs.

She hasn’t reached out to anyone – no one has reached out to her either. They were hoping to work on things. He was getting better for her, and now he’s gone.

As the song ends, Kade comes back over to stand beside me while Ewan struggles to speak. He tries to thank everyone for coming, to say that every single one of us meant a lot to Jason and he’ll stay alive in our hearts, but his voice keeps breaking, and he eventually needs his wife to comfort him and lead him back to the crowd.

Luciella moves to stand beside the coffin, and I hold my breath. My best friend hasn’t been the same since leaving the lodge. She cries all the time, and she eats even less than Kade.

I’ve tried to keep her in the studio room with me – we exercise, dance, stretch, lie on the crash mats and I listen to all of her stories about Jason growing up.

She clears her throat and unfolds a piece of paper, then takes a deep breath.

“On your twelfth birthday, I…” She pauses. “I took my first steps and walked straight into your arms. When I turned four, I started my first day of school and you were the only one wh-who managed to calm me down when I cried. M-m-my first school disco—”

She nearly drops the piece of paper. Kade is stiff as a board beside me, emotionless, but I can see in his eyes that he’s battling how he feels. He’s witnessing his twin sister falling apart in front of everyone.

Base isn’t even here to comfort her. He’s in Russia, battling with his family to cancel the arranged marriage he agreed to and get back to the girl he loves.

I offer Kade my hand again, and I hold my breath until he grips it like a vice, his throat bobbing.

Lu wipes her eyes. “Sorry.” She blows out a breath. “No one would be my date at the school dance, so you danced with me in the playground.” Her throat cracks. “You danced with me until the music from the hall stopped. For prom, I didn’t like my shoes but didn’t want to tell Mum, so you used your first wage to buy me a new pair. I was afraid of the dark, so you and Kade slept on my room floor whenever I had nightmares.”

Kade’s fingers tighten around mine, and I glance up to see a lone tear sliding down his cheek, the muscle in his jaw ticking with each blink. I stroke my thumb against his hand and rest my head on his shoulder.

Luciella’s shakes worsen, but she keeps going. “You moved out, and I felt like a piece of my soul was missing. You were going to walk me down the aisle. Hold my first child. Watch me grow up.”

She stops and presses her hand to her mouth, and Aria nods her head, smiling warmly. “You’re doing well, sweetheart.”

“You… you were – are – the perfect big brother for me and Kade. The best. Caring, supportive, funny and exactly the kind of sibling everyone deserves. I love you, Jason. I-I miss you.”

Kade lets go of my hand. “Fuck this,” he spits through gritted teeth and shoulders his way through the crowd.

I don’t hesitate to go after him. Neither do five of his guards. But before we catch up with him, he staggers to the side, drops to the grass and starts seizing again.

“Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures,” the doctor says, reading from his clipboard. “From your EEG during your third episode, there weren’t any spikes in electrical activity to indicate epilepsy, so we can likely rule that out, though not completely. PNESs are not uncommon for someone who sustained as much trauma as yourself, Mr Mitchell. Your father suffered from pseudo-seizures too.”

Aria sits down beside Kade. “They only stopped about ten years ago,” she says. “He had triggers that brought them on. Anything from a word to a feeling to a smell set him off. That’s why he wasn’t allowed to drive when he was younger. He crashed while blacked out and nearly killed someone.”

Kade’s jaw ticks as he stares at his bouncing knee, legs parted wide as he slouches on the sofa beside me. I don’t think he’s even listening.

As soon as Aria got him to her colleague’s office, he was sent for testing, and they happened to have caught a third seizure that got him a solid diagnosis. The doctor had said he was lucky, because it can take years for someone to catch this type of seizure on an EEG.

“Pseudo?” I ask, tilting my head.

“Pseudo-seizures,” the doctor clarifies. “They mimic epileptic seizures, but they’re brought on by stress, anxiety and other mental factors.”

“How did Tobias stop them?” I ask, badly wanting to take Kade’s hand but not knowing how he’ll react. I already feel like I’m overstepping by just being here, but he forced me to sit with him.

The doctor looks at Aria, and she gives me a warm smile. “Time. And a lot of help from the institution. He said he could always feel them coming on, and he had no idea how to stop them. Not that they can be stopped. Just… with time, they started to come on less frequently until they were weeks apart, months apart, and then years.”

Kade closes his eyes with a deep sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t have time for this bullshit.”

The doctor clears his throat as he packs up his things. “I recommend plenty of rest. Relax for a few days. Don’t take part in any strenuous exercise.” He gives me a pointed look and goes back to Kade.

“I’m too busy to rest.”

Correction: he needs to continue torturing Archie in the freezer.

Aria sighs. “He’ll rest. Thank you, Doctor Shique.”

The man lowers his head in acknowledgement, and Aria walks him out of the manor as Kade scowls at the back of his head.

I turn to him, and his eyes soften a touch. “How do you feel?”

“Fine. I just need this fucking day over with.”

I chew my lip and sit back as Aria walks back into her office, rubbing her arm. “Why don’t you grab a shower and have an early night?”

Kade doesn’t respond – he just gets to his feet and storms out, but before he can vanish, I spot him blinking excessively again.

“We need to keep a close eye on him,” Aria says to me. “I think Kade is very unpredictable at the moment, and you might be the only person holding him together. Today must’ve been too much for him to handle.”

I don’t feel an ounce of embarrassment as I tell her, “He kissed me. The other day, seconds before he had a seizure, he kissed me. I think that triggered him. It was the first time in a year we’d been… like that.”

I don’t mention him fingering me in front of Chris. That was different.

“We don’t know if that was a trigger.”

I nod as I stand and smooth down my dress. “How are you? I know today has been hard.”

She raises her shoulders shyly. “I don’t really know how to answer that.”

“Yeah.” I give her a tight smile, and it drops as I step forward nervously. “I’m truly sorry about Jason. I know if I wasn’t there, he might not—”

Aria raises a hand to stop me. “No. Don’t do this again, Stacey. You’re not to blame. None of this is your fault. It’s that vile, horrible woman.”

I nod again. “Luciella’s asleep. Tylar went home to pack some clothes to stay here for a while.”

“She’ll love having all three of you together again. My best friend and I lived together. It was like having a sister.”

“Yeah,” I reply. “Gabriella.”

Her eyes brighten. “We buried her a few plots over from where Jason is now. I go every Friday and lay fresh flowers. I talk to her, you know? I tell her about my life and my kids, about what we’d be doing if she was still here. I asked her to look after Jason for us.”

Her best friend was murdered by Tobias’s best friend. He bludgeoned her skull with a hammer. Aria stabbed the killer to death then accidentally drove the blade into Ewan’s side.

Horrid.

I gulp. “I’m worried about Kade.”

“He’s been through a lot. We’re lucky we got him to a semi-sane state so quickly. Doctor Shique thinks he’s in denial too, but I think he’s just focused on getting his father back and taking his anger out on the man in my freezer.” She grimaces. “It smells terrible down there.”

Against my wishes, a smile breaks through. “He deserves everything that’s coming to him. At least we can’t hear his screams while we try to sleep.”

“I agree, which is why he’s still there. But I can assure you, Kade Mitchell will be on his hands and knees bleaching that entire freezer before I restock it.”

I grin at her, but it slips again. “If it helps at all with the seizures, I’ll stay away from Kade… romantically. I know there’s a chance I did trigger one, and I don’t want that to happen again. I’ll be there for him and be his friend.” The word friend sticks in my throat. “I can’t walk away from him.”

“Of course,” she replies, resting her hand on my shoulder. “You’ve both been through a lot. Let’s not forget what you had to endure. Go at a pace that suits you both if you can. He lost control of his body once, and he’ll feel like it’s happening again with these seizures. He loves you very much. I see it every time he looks at you.”

“I love him too.”

Kade clears his throat; he’s standing on the threshold of the room, glaring between the two of us. “Ewan is looking for you,” he says to his mother.