30. Kai

THIRTY

Is there anything better than

to be longing for something,

when you know it is within reach?

Greta Garbo

My sister and Bodhi will be married in two days.

My family arrived a few hours ago on the ferry, along with Aima and her parents and some other close friends and relatives from Hawaii. They're all staying at Alicante in rooms at the resort, but right now, they've converged on my place of work like a litter of puppies crawling over one another, touching things they shouldn't and yapping incessantly.

"So, this is where you work?" Aima asks, stating the obvious.

"It is. My office is there." I point to the back of the shop. "And there." I point out the door toward the ocean.

"It's ideal for you. Really, Kai. Do you love it here?"

Aima's a sweet woman. Kind hearted. If we weren't wrongfully "betrothed" I'd be way more welcoming right now.

"Honestly? Yes. I really love it here. When I came to Marbella, I thought it would be temporary. I needed a break from the surf circuit and from everything going on with Kalaine and Bodhi. But now, I love it."

"I'm glad. You look well." She tucks a strand of her full dark hair behind her ear.

Aima has typical Hawaiian hair. It's wild and long and thick, nearly black, but with mahogany or red tones when the light hits it. She's wearing a floral sundress. She's definitely beautiful. Just … nothing. I feel nothing but brotherly affection for her.

"Do you think you'll come home one day?" she asks.

"No one knows the future, but if I base it on my life now? No. I don't see myself back on the islands to live. Of course, I'll always visit regularly as long as my ohana is there."

"Wow."

"I know. Life's funny that way. Isn't it?"

"It is. You never know where you'll end up—or with whom."

She bats her lashes up at me. It's a subtle movement, nothing too forward, but I see it.

"You want to end up with someone who can't live without you," I say. "Someone you can't live without."

"Totally." She nods.

"I want that for you, Aima."

I do want the best for her. I hope she ends up happy whether she's single or with a man who wants her the way I want Mila.

"I want that too, Kai."

Pretty sure there was a misfire there. The way Aima's looking at me says she still hopes that man is me.

"Ben!" I shout.

"Yeah, boss?" Ben strides toward me, and I've never been so happy to see him approaching in my life.

"Aima here is from Hawaii. We grew up together, like brother and sister." I emphasize those words as if saying them will solidify our ohana status.

"Nice to meet you, Aima."

"She's never been to Marbella before."

"Oh, well, let me show you around the shack and give you the lowdown on where to eat."

"Um. Okay." Aima glances over at me.

I grin a full smile at her.

I clap Ben on the back and walk over to my parents. "You know I have a girlfriend, right?"

"Yes, son. Where is she, though?"

"She's working. She runs an inn on the North Shore."

"North Shore?"

"We call it North Shore here too."

My father nods. My mother smiles.

"You'll meet her soon," I tell them. "And she's my date to the wedding."

"So, it's serious?" my mother asks.

"Very."

Whaaat?

My mouth. What possesses me to say things like, I'm her boyfriend, and Very serious? Usually I'm reserved. I think before I speak. Lately, I don't know what's come over me besides a need to protect Mila and to be there for her any way I can.

My parents exchange a look.

"We've known one another for four years."

"But you are only dating now, and it's already serious?"

If they only knew.

"She's a single mom. She's been through a divorce. Her ex left her years ago. We're being respectful of her son. He's only seven."

"Ahh. That's wise." My dad nods his head a few times in approval.

"We haven't even told her son we're dating," I explain.

"But you're serious?" My mother looks confused.

"She's it for me." There. I said it.

My father's face breaks into a smile. My mother looks conflicted. Of course she does. She hasn't met Mila. She loves Aima. She has plans to matchmake me if there's even a chink in my availability. Her dream is for me to come home to Hawaii and marry Aima. Then we'd give her little grandbabies and raise them nearby. It's a lovely dream, but it's not my dream.

My dream is currently on the other side of this island preparing dinner for a full inn of guests. And like any dream, she's elusive.

Eventually, my family and extended family leave the shack. Bodhi escorts them out and Ben and Jamison linger behind to take over. Bodhi and Kalaine are having a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party tonight. And Mila and I are going as a couple. They invited us and I presented the invitation to her with a big EXIT sign over the top.

"You don't have to come," I told her.

"Of course I do," she said.

So now I don't know if she's coming because she wants to be with me, or if she is just fulfilling a duty. She could be thanking me for being a buffer to Brad, or she might simply be trying to be a good friend. Whatever her motive, she'll be with me tonight, and I'm not mad about that in the least.

The bachelor-ette party includes every relative and close island friend under age thirty-five. We're a crowd of twenty-seven people total. We eat a meal at Kala and Bodhi's favorite restaurant followed by dancing at Club Descanso. Then we're teamed up for a scavenger hunt to search for a list of twenty wedding themed items. We end the night at one of the pools in the back area of the resort. Bodhi reserved a whole section of patio and an entire pool for us.

Mila comes out in a modest one piece. She warned me, I'm wearing a mom suit. It's the only kind I have anymore. Sorry I won't be your sexy date. I've given birth. I'm a grown woman in my early thirties with a figure that isn't all it used to be. I hope it's enough to make Aima think you're into me.

She couldn't be more wrong. I'm into her and she could be wearing a scuba suit for all I care. But she's not. She walks over to a lounger, drops her towel and then strolls to the edge of the pool where she points her toe and swishes it along the surface of the water to test the temperature. I dunk myself underwater and resurface just to cool off and refocus.

I guess I have a thing for a woman in a mom suit. At least that woman in that suit.

Eventually, Mila descends one step at a time. I push off underwater and sluice my way beneath the surface to meet her at the stairs, emerging just as her feet hit the bottom step.

"Oh!" she startles momentarily.

Her eyes dip to my chest and back up to my face. The chemistry between us feels like it did in the shack: physical, electric, intimate. Only for me that's the least of what I'm feeling.

The ache for her never dulls in me. Even when we're together I want more of her. And when we're apart, I'm only half useful because a part of me keeps reaching to the other side of this island we share trying to tether myself to her with an invisible thread—one that's wearing thin the closer we get to our end date.

Mila won't need me to act like her boyfriend forever. Just the other day she mentioned that Brad will only be here for his project part-time. He's got other store locations to constantly oversee. His time here on Marbella will be intensive at first, but then he'll come and go. Mila will be able to string Brad along without needing me present as a prop in her pretend relationship.

But she's here now, staring up into my eyes as if we're alone.

"Chicken fights!" Ben shouts like a frat boy from the other end of the pool. "Partner up!"

"You in?" I ask Mila.

"Of course. Let's show them who's the number one chicken on the island."

"Somehow that doesn't sound very impressive." I chuckle.

She giggles. "It sounded better in my head."

I lower myself into the water, turning so Mila can easily climb onto my shoulders. We walk toward the middle of the pool, my hands on her shins, her hands in my hair.

She runs her fingertips through from front to back and then says, "Sorry! I don't know what I did that for."

"You can just keep doing that," I tease.

"We'll lose if I do."

"Sacrifices. Sacrifices," I joke.

But she surprises me and runs both hands through my hair, dragging her fingernails along my scalp. I close my eyes like Shaka when I'm rubbing his head. The dog? Really? Mila's touching me and I'm thinking of that mutt.

We play chicken with a fierce competitiveness that's tinged with laughter. She feels like she's mine, up on my shoulders, an extension of me in the best of ways. We're synchronized and on a mission to win. Couple after couple falls into the water until it comes down to Mila and me against Kalaine and Bodhi.

It's a brutal contest. Kala and Bodhi and I were all pro surfers. They're back at it these days. Competing is in our blood. Mila must pick up on my energy, or maybe this is a side of her I never knew existed. That thought thrills me. She has layers. I don't know all of her. I want to spend the rest of my life uncovering and appreciating all the facets of Mila.

The girls are screaming on our shoulders while Bodhi and I maneuver beneath them in shoulder-high water. They're pushing at one another and pretending to trash talk. At times one of them says something completely over-the-top ridiculous and the other one cracks up, making them temporarily weaken from laughter. The guests in our group are all chanting the names of one or the other couple. My name and Mila's repeat among the raucous shouts.

"Bodhi and Kalaine!" "Go Kai and Mila!" "Knock her down, Mila!" "Bride and Groom!"

The group around us is surprisingly rowdy after such a full night. And the girls and Bodhi and I are feeding off their energy. Bodhi and I stare one another down, moving around one another like two young bulls.

"You are going down, Charlie Brown! Down into water town! I hope you don't drown!" Mila shouts like she's some rapping Doctor Seuss queen of the game of Chicken.

Kalaine laughs hard. Mila seizes the moment and gives my sister one last shove. Kala topples off Bodhi's shoulders into the water.

Mila squeals and bounces on my shoulders.

"That's right! Uh huh! We won! Winner winner, CHICKEN dinner!" Mila shouts.

I whoop along with her. She holds on tight while her laughter filters down from her spot above me.

When she pumps her fist, I'm laughing so hard I have to grip her shins to make sure I don't drop her.

I never see Mila letting loose like this. She's always bearing the weight of motherhood and running the inn with grace and finesse. But she's constantly on, never able to fully let go because people rely on her. Even when she relaxes, I can feel the weight of her life like a cloud around her. I never realized it until now. The contrast is stark. Mila free and unhindered is one of my new favorite things in the world.

I vow to get her out more—not just for Noah's surf lessons and Noah's parties and events—but for her. Even as a friend, I will do this one thing for her. If we never become what I wish we would, I still want to give her the gift of letting loose.

I release her legs and she slides down my back. When I turn, she's right in front of me.

Ben starts chanting, "Winners kiss! Winners kiss! Win-ners Kiss! Win-ners Kiss!" and pretty soon everyone in the area is chanting along with him. My eyes scan the crowd and fall back on Mila. She shrugs and lifts onto her tiptoes. I bend down and place a soft peck on her lips. It's reminiscent of the kiss I gave her at her aunt's party. Safe. Chaste. Barely noticeable.

"Oh, no!" Ben shouts. "That's not how it's done, Kai! My wife's co-stars kiss her like that. That's what we call a show biz kiss. That's not a winner's kiss!"

He's laughing, oblivious to my vow to never kiss Mila again—not during our charade. The next time I kiss her I want us both to know it's real. That day may never come. But I can't keep kissing her while my heart is all in and we're not actually committed to anything more than friendship.

Mila looks up at me. "We can do better."

"Oh, I'm well aware," I say in a voice for her ears only.

She looks straight in my eyes and says, "Win-ners kiss, Kai."

So I bend in and give her what she asked for. It's a winner's kiss.

I only hope I can actually win her heart one day.