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22. Kai

TWENTY-TWO

Co-parenting is the bridge we construct with love,

enabling our children to move freely between us.

~ Unknown

Marbella islanders have a few significant events that mark the calendar year, kind of like Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving. Only, ours are Beach Bash, Shark Attack, and Last Days of Summer.

Beach Bash is sort of our last local hurrah before our island officially fills with the chaos that is Spring Break. From the week after Beach Bash through the beginning of September, Marbella changes from a sweet small town community, mainly inhabited by full-time residents, part-time property owners, and the low hum of winter vacationers to what I call a controlled madhouse.

For the duration of spring and summer, our island is overrun by tourists. They travel from all over the country and the world to descend on us in droves like seagulls to a dropped sandwich.

The heart of our island—the community behind the tourism—continues to beat in the background, but the outsiders run the show and we exist to meet their every whim so they'll keep coming back year after year to indulge themselves in our slice of paradise. This is our economy. They keep the lights on, so we lay out the annual welcome mat.

Beach Bash is a Marbella tradition. It's hosted by locals for locals. And it's the one party where you'll see just about everyone you know out on the sand, in the water, around barbecues and later hanging at the bonfires. We're saying goodbye to our season of keeping the island to ourselves and easing into the melee that is summer on Marbella.

We host the bash on the resort beach, in Descanso, just south of the watersports shack. I'm here, boards lined up on the sand for people to drag out, ride, and return on the honor system. Usually I'm watching that action, but this year, I'm scanning the horizon for Mila and Noah. They should be here any minute and I'm unable to focus on anything in front of me because I'm so preoccupied with the two people who feel like my world these days.

Bodhi sidles up next to me. "Waiting for your woman?"

He has no idea. Then again, he waited for my sister for years.

"Yeah."

I don't meet his eyes. Instead mine are trained on the edge of the beach toward the direction where Mila and Noah will be coming.

"You know, it's been hard for you and me to get any time alone since Mavs and I got back. I never even heard the story of how you got Mila to change from her no men status to being willing to give you two a chance. What happened there? One day you're single and I'm off to Hawaii and Portugal for two weeks, and the next, I'm getting a FaceTime that you're dating someone. And when we got back, you two are like an old married couple—inseparable, intertwined, fully devoted to a relationship. I'm not saying it's fast. You've known one another for years. It's just the transition made my head spin." He pauses. "In a good way. A really good way. Just … it was such a one-eighty."

"It was. I guess … when you know someone as long as Mila and I have, the leap from friends to more happens pretty quickly. And, at our age, we've already dated and know what we want and what we don't. There's not a lot of need for the kinds of dates that let you know if you're interested or compatible."

My gut twists. I'm not exactly lying to Bodhi. The invisible leap in my heart from friends to more gave me whiplash too, but it feels so right. Then again, I'm totally lying to him. And I want to come clean. But not here. Not during this event when we're all out in the open and I'm expecting Mila and Noah to show up any minute. Not on the very day she told Brad he could casually show up and she'd introduce him to their son.

"Makes sense," Bodhi says. "So, what did you say to her? How did you get her to change her stance? Tell me your moves, oh, great one!" He laughs and nudges me lightly with his elbow.

I take a deep breath. Like it or not, today may be the day I let the cat out of the bag with Bodhi. Then what? How can I ask him to keep our secret from my sister? It's not that I don't want her to know we're faking. I'd honestly rather if she did know. It's just … the more people I tell the truth to, the more precarious our secret will be. So far, Chloe is the only one who knows, and she's been surprisingly hush-hush.

I'm about to open my mouth to tell Bodhi everything when I see them—Noah and Mila getting out of the golf cart she keeps at the inn and walking across the sand toward me. My eyes lock on hers and I walk away from Bodhi without even saying another word.

"Yeah. Go get your girl!" he shouts after me, chuckling. "Don't mind me. Just walk on. I see how it is!"

"Sorry! We'll talk later!" I shout back to him.

I trot across the sand in a slow run toward Mila and Noah, waves of relief washing over me the closer we get to one another. I'm so far underwater for her I might drown. And for Noah. That's the thing. It's not just Mila. It's that boy. He's always been ohana to me, but since Mila and I have been faking, my feelings for Noah have grown deeper roots too. I want to lead him, to laugh with him, to protect him, to be there for him. I want to watch him grow from a boy into a man—to pour the wisdom into him that my father gave me. I'm not his dad, but I feel something akin to fatherly feelings for Noah. This whole situation is like a vine, tangling and gripping, and growing faster than I can keep up with it.

"Unko!" Noah runs at me. "Can we surf today? Mom said it's up to you."

I look up from where Noah has run at me and wrapped his arms around my waist to Mila who has on a floral sundress and sunglasses, her beach bag over her shoulder and a smile on her face that feels like it's just for me.

Noah releases his grip on me.

I glance out at the waves and back at Noah. "I think the water's going to be pretty crowded today. Let's boogie board instead and I promise we'll go surfing this weekend. As long as your mom says that's alright."

Mila smiles at me. "That's a good plan."

"Can we make a sandcastle instead?" Noah asks.

"Oh, yeah! We can totally do that. And play spikeball and throw the frisbee around. And we'll eat all the barbecue and then roast s'mores …"

I look over at Mila.

She chuckles. "Your energy is nearly as off the charts as Noah's."

"What can I say, I love Beach Bash."

I do enjoy Beach Bash, but that's not what I love. I love being here with the two of them, seeing Noah's excitement. Just seeing Mila at all, anytime I can.

"Here. Give me that." I reach for her beach bag. "We'll get you a spot near everyone. Kala and Summer and Riley already laid out blankets. I told them to save a spot for you."

"I'm one of the girls, huh?"

"Is that okay?"

"I like it."

Mila hands me her bag and we walk side by side over to the spot near the shoreline where all my friends have their beach stuff staked out under umbrellas in a cluster. The girls all greet Mila. Noah sees a friend and runs off after asking permission. Mila drops down and joins in the conversation that's already going on—like she belongs here, my girlfriend with all my friends.

An ache forms in my sternum, clenching and pulling. I want this. I want her, here with my people, laughing and smiling and being welcomed. I want to be able to touch her and kiss her freely.

I never saw this coming—the dangerous snare I was walking straight into when I volunteered myself as Mila's protector. And now I'm here, my feelings clamping in around me, unable to wriggle free if I wanted to. And I don't want to. I only want what I can't have. Wanting Mila the way I do may be the worst kind of torture I've ever known.

Mila stays with my friends' wives and my sister under the umbrellas. Noah runs up to me, and not only do he and I build a sand castle, we gather a team of the guys from the watersports shack and a few of Noah's friends and their brothers. Noah dubs us the "Sand Masters" and we enter the contest. The winning team gets gift certificates to Tuesday's Tacos, which is a prize totally worth the amount of OCD focus we put into building our mansion of sand. Later in the afternoon, they announce the winners. We end up taking third place and then, as tradition goes, all the kids under ten get to run around kicking down the castles just before the barbecues are fired up at dusk.

And that's when he shows up.

Brad.

I see him before Mila does, and my instincts kick into overdrive. He's not a threat, but tell my reptilian brain that. I'm like a dragon who just saw someone entering his lair. I look for Noah. Check. He's playing volleyball with a bunch of kids his age. Then I search the crowd for Mila. She's standing with my sister and Chloe near the water, the shore pound licking at her feet and ankles and retreating back to the sea in a rhythm older than time.

Brad sees Mila too. I watch his face as he approaches her, remorse and caution etched in his expression. He knows what he lost. My scales flatten and my talons retract just the slightest. If anyone on earth knows what it's like to love that particular woman and not be able to have her, it's me. In this short suspended flicker of time, Brad and I are kindred souls, pining for something far too beautiful and elusive than either of us deserve.

Only, I would never leave her. Never. And he did. She may seem unaffected, but the way she's sworn off men tells me he left scars too deep for the eye to see. Scars still tender to the touch. I'd kiss those wounds if she'd let me. Bandage them and stay with her while they heal. If only.

I make my way to Mila's side just before Brad does.

He eyes me like the competitor I am. If there's a contest for her heart, I'll win it or die trying.

"Hey," he says to Mila, as if they are the only two people on the beach.

He's appropriately sheepish, I'll give him that.

"Oh, hey, Brad."

Mila looks up at me and my arm loops around her waist as if it has a mind of its own.

"Brad, you remember Chloe," Mila says with a sweetness that makes me love her even more.

"Brad." Chloe's demeanor is nearly chilly. A fellow dragon. I'm glad Mila's got her.

"This is Kalaine, Kai's sister." Mila continues the introductions.

"Nice to meet you," Brad says to Kalaine. Then he turns his attention to Mila. "Sorry I'm later than I planned. I hoped to get here sooner. Work things …" He trails off.

"No problem. This is for you, not me." Mila leans into me just the slightest. I give her side a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

"Well, yeah. So." Brad stuffs his hands in his pockets.

Bless my sister's heart. She has obviously sized up the situation with Brad. Maybe Mila even told her some backstory.

Kalaine cuts through the awkward silence. "So, Brad. Work kept you from getting to the party on time? What is it that you do?"

"I own an exercise equipment resale. I'm expanding onto Marbella. Just purchased Outriggers Cove. I'll be doing a watersports resale there. And a rental."

"Ahhh." My sister smiles over at me, oblivious to how her next words will sound. She looks straight at me with that classic little-sister tease in her eyes. "So, this is the competition, huh?"

In all the craziness of our fake dating, it never occurred to me that the company Brad is bringing here is in direct competition with the watersports shack. But the way Brad's looking at me, he's not thinking business at all. He's thinking of Mila.

"Well," Mila says, as if she's about to say something significant.

But she doesn't.

And we all just stand there staring at one another in the type of awkward silence that doesn't fit such a chill beach setting.

That is, until Noah comes bursting into our circle of discomfort with his usual exuberance.

"Hey, Mom! Spencer is having a sleepover. Can I go?"

"Let me talk to Marie."

"His mom said it's okay if you said it's okay."

"I'll talk to Marie," Mila repeats.

Noah looks about ready to bolt. I glance at Brad. He's studying Noah like he's never seen a child before. And in this case, I guess he hasn't. I wonder what it would be like to be in Brad's shoes—to have a son and never to have known him all these years. I've been at every one of Noah's birthday parties since I met Mila. I've helped with homework. I've fixed broken toys, goofed off, held him when he cried. I taught Noah to ride a bike when it was time to take the training wheels off. And, most recently, I taught him to surf.

"Noah?" Mila says.

At the sound of his name, I realize I've been standing with my arm around Mila's waist—in front of her son, whom we are definitely not trying to confuse. I drop my arm in a way that hopefully isn't distracting to Noah, while still looking natural enough to keep Brad thinking I'm madly in love with his ex-wife. Which, I am.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"I want you to meet a friend of mine."

"Okay."

Noah's tone couldn't be more disinterested, like any typical child on a beach in the middle of a party would be.

"This is my friend, Brad. We went to high school together."

"Hi." Noah gives a small wave.

"Brad bought Outriggers Cove recently," Mila tells Noah.

"Wow. The whole cove?" Noah asks.

"Yes." Brad says his first word ever to his son. I try to wrap my mind around the fact that he's never said a word to him before now. I can't.

"Wow!" Noah looks at Brad for a fraction of a second and then turns to Mila. "Can I go play now?"

"Sure, sweetie," Mila says.

Meanwhile, Brad is staring at Noah in a way that would almost be creepy if I didn't know the reason behind his fixation.

Noah darts away, oblivious to the fact that he just met his biological dad.

"Well, I think that went well. Don't you?" Chloe says.

"Mm hmm," Mila says in a mildly detached tone of voice.

My arm is back around her before the last mmm sound is out of her mouth. Fake or not, she needs my support right now, and that much couldn't be more real.

"Do you mind if I … hang around a bit?" Brad asks Mila.

"I figured you would."

"I'll just …" he steps away a little, tipping his head toward the area where Noah is playing with friends. "I'll keep my distance. I won't talk to him."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Thank you, Mila. Really."

Brad looks at me. Then at the spot where my arm is secure around Mila. Then back at her as if he wishes he didn't have to talk to her in front of an audience. If he asked to speak to her alone, and she wanted to allow for that, I'd back off, but he's not asking and she's leaning on me in that way that says, stay. So, I am.

"You're welcome, Brad." Mila says softly. "Thanks for being sensitive to the need to take this slowly."

"Of course. Of course. And … it's good to see you." He looks her over, like a man who's still in love with his ex-wife, his eyes traveling just enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

"Okay, then," Chloe chimes in loudly. "Good talk. Good to see you, Brad. We'll be here chatting. You know, so …"

Mila gives Chloe a mildly scolding look. Knowing her, she's considering Brad's feelings, even though this whole situation is a consequence of his choices. He could be the one with his arm around Mila, with Noah running up to him on this beach every spring during Beach Bash. But he threw that all away. I'm all for second chances. But certain choices have unalterable ramifications. Walking away from your family and leaving your wife to raise your son single-handedly is one of them.

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