5. Dale

5

DALE

Silence overtakes us as we stay seated on the couch gazing into the fire. I don't mean to stay holding her. I only wanted to make sure she didn't choke, but when she settles in next to me and leans against my side, I don't want to move. It's instantaneous in how right all of this is. This is what I've been searching for, for the past couple of years.

Bella, as I've grown to call her because she's so damn beautiful. Even with this bruising, swelling, and cuts, there's no way to hide her from me. She has given my life meaning in a way nothing else has ever been able to. It's like I'm living for her and it's fast, ridiculous, and scary, but I can't help it. It's how I feel and it's what feels right.

I've fallen and I've fallen hard. If this happened a couple of years ago, I would've thought it was all lust and complete bullshit, but I watched my brother and Maggie, and he fell for her instantly. After his first marriage, he, of all people, wouldn't have been so susceptible to falling in love again. However, he proved me wrong and was a new man and in love with an amazing woman.

Falling for Bella pains me to think this way because who's saying she's not already spoken for? I need to slow down and not scare or confuse her. But if she has somebody, I'm going to either beat him within an inch of his life because I have a strong suspicion she's this way because of him. Or I'm going to lie into him for not protecting her the way she's meant to be protected.

She's an angel, so sweet and gentle, and needs to be revered and cherished. Something I'm praying I will get to do for the rest of my life.

"Thank you for saying that. I'm happy to know you feel taken care of. That's something you should always have. You deserve to be happy and healthy."

She rolls her head closer, and my body tightens as a need for her builds inside of me.

Fuck.

"Thank you," she whispers and yawns. She's been through a lot and staying alert is bound to be more exhausting, and she needs her rest. So, I sacrifice myself to be her pillow because it is not a hardship for me. "I haven't felt so safe in a long time. Not since my nana passed away a couple of years ago and I was all alone."

I hold her closer, trying not to make a big deal about another slip of knowledge as it pushes past her memory block and comes to light. It seems the more relaxed she is, the more comes to the surface and I don't want her to have any added pressure.

"It makes me so happy to hear that. Rest, Bella. I'll wake you shortly."

"Mmmm…kay."

Her breathing deepens, and she's out as she slumps against my body. I push myself down a little so she can rest more on my chest, and I lay my head back against the couch and I gaze up at the ceiling.

She's been alone for the past couple of years. It still doesn't signal if she's with somebody or not. A part of me isn't worrying about it, though. If she wants me, then I'm going to keep her. Hell with a husband or boyfriend, shit, or a girlfriend. I found her, so I get to keep her.

I use my free hand and rub my eyes.

You're a fucking asshole, Mitchell. She's not a dog, she's a perfect person and anybody who's been with her is bound to be looking for her and wanting her back. The major concern is if they're worthy of having her back.

Sighing, I pull her a little closer into my arms and relish the soft sigh that escapes her lips.

This might be my only chance to hold her like a man who holds his woman, and I won't waste it.

I close my eyes and memorize her weight against me, and the soft sleep noises she makes have me wishing I have the rest of her nights like this for all our lives.

"My parents were wonderful parents. They're both gone now, and it's just my brother, his family and me now. I'm lucky to have them," I say, after we took a little nap, and I woke her to make sure she's okay. This time when I did so, though, she remained awake and we've been talking nonsense. Or more like she's asking a lot of questions, hoping to dislodge something about herself.

I still haven't reminded her about what she said about her grandmother since our conversation is flowing, and I want to see what else dislodges from her.

"You're lucky. My parents died when I was a teen and I became an orphan. Luckily, I had Nana to take me in, but then I lost her and now I don't have anybody." She takes a flash of a moment to realize what she says, but then she snaps her eyes open, her mouth drops, and she covers her mouth with her hands. Tears build in her eyes, and a couple slip onto her cheeks.

"I remember losing my parents. The cops came over one night. I was fourteen, and home by myself. I was waiting for my parents, but they never came. They got hit by a drunk driver on their way home from dinner. I was supposed to go with them, but I was unwell and they promised to bring me home some egg drop soup and an egg roll. But they never came home."

Bella bursts into tears as if she's reliving losing her parents all over again. I guess she is because the memories tied to her parents are coming back.

"They were amazing parents. They were older and struggled to even get pregnant with me, but they always called me their miracle baby because they had no more. We were extremely close. My friends even thought it was weird with how close we were." She hiccups and tucks her head into my chest as I pull her in tight as I let her grieve her parents all over again.

"All the memories are coming back about them," she says as she sobs. I continue to rock her, trying to soothe her in any way I can.

"I'm sorry you have to remember it all over again. Those memories shouldn't have ever been taken away."

She continues to cry as I stroke her back and let her release it all. Several moments pass and she settles down.

"My nana was a wildfire too. She was my dad's mom, but she always said my mom was her soul child. They were close too. Nana joked that if anything ever happened between my mom and dad, she would take my mom. But that wasn't ever anything to worry about. My parents were so in love and devoted to each other. They were teachers and loved to travel. Sometimes I didn't want to go so I would spend a couple weeks in the summer with my nana. Just her and me, and she taught me how to sneak into the movies at the movie theater. How to stay up way past curfew. She even snuck in horror movies into my sleepover bags with my friends." She chuckles and plays her fingers over my chest.

It has my body on a live wire, but she's not aware she's doing it. It's more of a comfort thing for her and I let her continue, even though it's making me struggle to not let my hands roam over her body. Everything is purely platonic on her end.

"It sounds like you had the best family possible."

"I did. The absolute best. Want to know something?"

"Everything. I want to know everything." Without thinking, I kiss the top of her head and freeze, but thankfully she continues on and doesn't call me out on it.

"I knew I had the best and never took what I had with my family for granted. I saw what a lot of kids at school had in the way of a family and I remember going home and hugging my parents and my nana for no other reason than I wanted to love on them. It gives me peace knowing they knew how much I loved and cherished them. It's all I've ever wanted for my future husband and kids."

My heart jumps a little as she talks about her dreams for a future husband and kids, and I can't stop my brain from picturing myself as the man on her arm and our beautiful children around us feeling the love and devotion she described about her childhood.

"It's wonderful and you'll make it happen. You're young enough and all your dreams will come true," I say, wishing those dreams involve me.

"Is that all my dreams, though? I mean, what if I'm career driven? What if this isn't what I want entirely? What if it's a symptom of my memory loss?"

All valuable questions, but I like to think her mind is in a fresh state and so she's able to listen to her heart better without all the noise of life and people's judgements.

"That can very well be true, though, but it doesn't negate the desire now. Plus, dreams are ever evolving. Who says you can't have all that and a successful career? What are your hobbies? What do you like to do?" I purse my lips, wondering if another memory is going to slip through.

The room is silent, and the wind is still batting away outside, and the fire is still crackling, but I need to put another log on soon.

"Umph. I don't know. I'm getting all these snippets about my family, but my hobbies or what I enjoy are still out of reach. It's like I can sense it. There's this door and I keep reaching for the handle, but it keeps falling back and I can't grab on to turn the knob."

"Don't force it. We'll just keep talking and let it unfold naturally. Just like we've been doing. Look at how much you've remembered already."

She sighs as she stays curled next to me. Even after she woke, she didn't move. She only curled her legs up to her chest but didn't get up. It makes me happy because I figured as soon as she realized she fell asleep on me I thought for sure she'd get embarrassed and move as far away from me as possible, but she hasn't. She began talking things over and asking questions like it's something we do every night.

The fire gets too low now and I need to stoke it again. I move to get up.

"Where are you going?" A slight panic hits the inflection of her voice, and she stiffens. It lasts a moment before she shakes her head and blushes. Dropping her gaze so she doesn't have to look at me.

"Nowhere, Bella. I'm just going to put another log on the fire and keep it going. It's getting too low."

Bella slumps back. "Oh. I'm sorry." She still won't make eye contact with me.

I lean over and tip her chin up with my finger. "Don't ever be sorry. You're uncertain about things right now and I'm happy to settle your nerves. We just keep our lines of communication open, okay?"

Her eyes jump back and forth at mine, and I maintain contact even though I catch her swallowing in my periphery and my hand itches to stroke along her neck, but then the darkening bruises around her neck have me ready to start a war. I choke down the violent rage, as I don't want to frighten Bella.

I must do a good job because she nods, then gives me a wide grin. "Bella. That means beautiful. You've been calling me beautiful."

Her excitement makes me happy, but it worries me for her to understand what I've been calling her. I pray it won't make her nervous.

The recognition takes hold, and I watch her become bashful right before my eyes. "You think I'm beautiful?"

I don't know what I should do or say. I'm tempted to lie and ask if that is what it means? But I'm not a jackass and she's not stupid.

With a heavy breath, I lightly stroke the back of my fingers against her uninjured cheek. "I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

A gasp escapes her, and she licks her lips. I watch her tongue stroke her lips a few times and watching them get wet for me has me aching to drop my head and meet her for one hell of a kiss.

I copy her and lick mine too, and her eyes dilate as she watches. She tilts her head backwards, accepting me if I want to kiss her.

The need to have her, to taste her, overcomes me and I drop an inch ready to consume her, but I drop my gaze to her neck and the bruising is a flashing warning sign. I can't kiss her, not like this. I can't confuse her or make things difficult for her if her memories come back, and she has somebody.

I can't torture her or myself this way.

Instead, I lean my forehead against hers. "Bella, I'm dying to kiss you. It's all I want, but we can't. It's not right, not until we know more. I don't want to hurt you. I can't hurt you."