4. Bella

4

BELLA

Bella

I barely contain my panic. Everything is strange to me, even my thoughts are foggy, and I can't pinpoint one clue as to who I am, what happened, where I am. Nothing.

Add to the fact, this stranger undressed me and put me in his clothes. It makes it worse. He states he hasn't met me before, so double stressor, that makes two people now who don't know who I am. Me being the first. However, the earnest gaze in his eyes and his considerate distance from me has me believing him when he says he never looked and he won't hurt me.

This blind faith in feeling like this man is a good man is strong, but I want to believe I'm not being a dope and need my head examined.

Which I do, but I can't get that to happen because of a stupid storm that has me trapped.

What was I doing out in a storm? How did I get hurt?

A million questions hammer away in my mind, and it only makes my head hurt more, which is a nice distraction from all the aches and pains my body is enduring. It's stiff, and I'd kill for a long hot soak in a lavender bathtub.

I freeze as a flash of me soaking in a tub with lots of bubbles plays out in my mind, only to come crashing down when I startle from an imaginary pounding on the door. I scan the room, but there's no sound. Well, nothing besides the whistling of the wind outside and the fire crackling.

"Are you okay?" Dale asks. He observes everything I'm doing, and I don't know how to perceive it.

On one hand, he's feeling responsible for me since he found me, and I get it, but the other makes me wonder if he's telling me the full truth.

It makes me uncomfortable not knowing if I have trust issues or not. No matter how much I try to remember, there's nothing. I want to trust him because I'm not getting any warning signals, but I can't trust myself at the moment, so forget about trusting another person.

"Yeah, I thought I heard something."

"I just checked everything out before you woke up. Do you want me to go around and check again?" Dale stands, concern written all over his face, and he starts to walk away.

"No, please don't." The idea of sitting in the dark alone, well with only the fireplace, has me on edge and I don't want to be by myself. "I don't want to be alone right now."

Dale nods and sits as he scoots back into the chair.

With a little discomfort, I ease back onto the couch and pull the blankets tighter even though it's warm in the room. The fire is giving off a ton of heat.

We sit in silence as I take stock of my body, and it's strange how when everything hurts, nothing sticks out until you scan each body part and I'm one massive wreck. My lip stings, but my nerves force me to ignore it as I bite on my bottom lip. I can't see a lot out of my left eye as it's swollen, and it won't open all the way. My stomach keeps rolling. It's like I'm a constant tidal wave and I hope I can keep everything down, however it doesn't feel like there is anything in my belly as is.

We remain in silence as I maintain my gaze on the flames and force myself to relax my body by reminding myself to ease my muscles. Everything in my mind is like a black void, so I force myself to stop searching into the abyss and allow the peace inside the cottage to take over while the storm rages outside. It's a metaphor for my life, I'm assuming, and I hug myself tighter, trying to soothe myself any way possible.

Dale stands and moves over to the fireplace, puts on an oven mitt and grabs a Dutch oven that's been sitting on the stone floor. In all my inner chaos, I didn't notice it sitting there.

"While you were resting, I had chicken noodle soup heating up."

I lift my gaze toward him with a brow lifted. He smiles. "Don't get too excited, it's from a can, but you should try to eat something. You've been in and out for a little over ten hours now, and I don't know the last time you ate."

My stomach dips and I'm not too thrilled at the idea of eating, but he's right. "I'm nauseated."

He nods. "I assumed you would be with the head injury, but a bit of food might help settle your stomach."

Agreeing, I nod and watch as he ladles two scoops full into a mug. Thankful to have a handle to hold on to as I'm still shaky and don't want to spill a bowl of soup into my lap.

Dale hands it over and I sniff it and my stomach churns. I sigh and lift a small amount of the broth in the spoon and bring it to my lips. Dale stays crouched beside me, ready to grab the mug if I drop it.

The hot liquid feels good in my mouth as it goes down. "Mmmm. This is good, thank you. I mean, it's not tomato soup, but it'll do." I freeze as I realize what I said.

Dale cocks his head and his lips upturn a little. "Okay, so tomato soup is more to your liking. There's a little tidbit for you."

It's not much information, but it's something and I can't help the burst of relief that invades me.

"See? It's just going to take some time, but we'll get you into shape in no time."

I grab another spoonful of the broth and force it to go down. My stomach doesn't agree yet, but I'm hoping it will get with the program soon enough.

"What's your favorite color?" Dale asks.

I frown and check him over. I don't know. Nothing is coming to me.

"Sorry. I wanted to take you off balance and see if something would come out. The soup gave us something, so I figured, why not try something else?"

It's good thinking, but obviously doesn't work. However, I don't want to focus on myself. It gives me more of a headache because I keep concentrating too hard. No matter how hard I try to calm myself down.

"Will you talk to me? It hurts to use my brain too much." I smirk and sip my soup.

Dale stands and gets himself some soup. "What would you like to talk about?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Tell me about yourself. Maybe it will be like the soup and something will trigger." It sounds dumb even in my head, but it's another way to get to know this man who has been going far and beyond for me. I may not have my memories, but he's a protector at heart. There's no denying it, and I can't help but swoon over it a little bit.

Dale sits and instead of using a spoon, he sips out of the mug. "Okay. I'm here on vacation, I have a younger brother Eric who is married with two kids, the second was born only last month. I love the water and can't stay away from it." He quiets down as he drinks his soup.

"Why would you come here for a vacation? It's the middle of winter. Don't you want somewhere sunny?"

He laughs. "Nope, not my scene. I don't like to be around many people, and I wanted to be somewhere I can hunker down on my own and think."

"Oh." I frown and lower my head. "I'm sorry for ruining your plans."

"Oh, shit, Bella, that's not what I mean. I'm happy you're here. I'm not thrilled about the circumstances, but I like that you're safe here, with me."

Lifting my head, I meet his gaze, as I try to get the excitement within me under control at him being happy I'm here. "Bella?"

Dale's eyes widen, and he squirms in his seat a little. "What?"

"You called me Bella?"

"I did."

I chuckle. "You did."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I was just wondering why you called me that."

He sighs and runs his empty palm down his jeans. "Oh, well, we don't know your name, so it's what I've been calling you in my head." He shrugs, trying to pass it off as no big deal.

"Why Bella? Does it mean something?"

"No, nothing really. You just look like a Bella to me. More soup?" He stands and points at my mug that is still half full. I'm slowly eating it, but I notice my stomach is more settled. I don't want to push it, though.

"No, I'm good. Thank you." I take a small sip.

He seems a little uncomfortable with the name, so I don't want to push. I wonder if it's the name of a girlfriend or somebody he's close with and he's embarrassed he called me by that name.

"What is it you have to think about?"

"Oh, well, I'm wondering about the next steps in my life. What I should do?"

"Yeah? What are they?"

His tense shoulders ease up as he resumes his seat with another mug full of soup. "Well, I'm old." He chuckles and I make a face at him.

The man is not old, not by a long shot. He's extremely attractive with a built body, small lines around his eyes that crinkle more when he smiles but is still fit as all get out. I'm sure if I wasn't in the condition I'm in, I'd be panting over the man. He's far too sexy to be considered old.

"I'm forty-four, and I'm wondering if it's time to retire. I've put in a lot of years in the service, but it's lonely now. Watching my brother get married and have kids makes me wonder if I missed out on things and I don't want to miss out on more. It's too late for the family part, but at least I can figure out something else in life."

"You're not too old for kids and a family. It can still happen." With how well he's taking care of me, his future wife and children are going to be so lucky to have him.

An ache builds in my chest I can't explain.

"Do you have kids?"

I shake my head as I process why my heart hurts. "No, I don't, but I really want them."

I take a second before I snap my head to glance at Dale, and he smiles at me. "There you go. You're not a mom but want to be one."

Joy fills me as another piece comes to mind, and this fuzzy feeling of being a mom is strong. There's a knowing inside of me, telling me this is something I have always wanted.

"I don't know how to explain it, but I want a family more than anything."

"I'm sure you'll get them one day," Dale says.

A brief flutter hits my stomach as a fantasy tries to build of me with my stomach swollen with child while Dale's hand holds my belly, and he kisses it as he talks to our child.

The soup goes down the wrong way, and I cough and choke as I clear the passage. I shouldn't be thinking like that. Who's saying I don't have a boyfriend or a husband out there, worried and trying to find me and here I am fantasizing about my rescuer?

Dale moves to the couch and strokes my back while grabbing the mug and setting it aside. He hands me a cup of water and I take small sips. "Thank you. The soup went down the wrong way." Because I'm dreaming about you and I having a freaking baby.

"You're good." He remains seated and I blush, but I don't want him to move.

"How long have you been in the service, then? Why did you join?"

"I went to college to get my Bachelor's of Science degree because I wanted to be an officer in the Coast Guard. I love the water and wanted to rescue people, and one day hopefully become an admiral." In a natural response, I lean in against him and rest my head on his shoulder. His arm wraps around me, and a sense of security washes over me. Listening to him speak calms me and I'm able to relax. "Growing up, my family and I used to visit the beach a lot, and I loved being out on the ocean. There was a terrible accident when two speed boats collided with each other when we were out deep-sea fishing. The Coast Guard showed up. I watched them diving into the water from the helicopter and saving everybody's lives and got locked into my memory from that day forward. Joining was never a dream, it was an inevitability."

I continue to watch the fire as I listen to Dale. "Did you become an admiral, then? Is that why it's okay to retire now?"

"No. I'm a captain, which is rewarding and great, but there's an emptiness and I wonder if the service can fulfill it anymore. That's why I'm here to think it over. I need to decide within the next six months to put in my retirement papers or serve for another brief span. I have over twenty years in."

"Well, I'm one hundred percent positive you're an amazing Coast Guard and people are lucky to have you there to protect them."

"Yeah? You think so?" I hear a smile in his voice.

"Nope. I know so because look at how well you've taken care of me." I mean every word because whatever my situation is, I hit the jackpot when Dale came to my rescue. I can't imagine what my predicament would be right now if it wasn't for him.