Chapter 10

Coming home from the hospital with Sawyer and Wes is surreal. This guy was my one-night stand and now we're bringing home a whole baby boy. The past two days happened so fast. My water broke a week before my due date and it was Fathers' Day, of all days. I was in labor within hours, and baby Sawyer came quickly once it all started.

Wes had been by my side through everything. That alone was a show of support I hadn't been expecting.

Now we're home. We're cozy here. We've become a little family.

I can't stop looking at Sawyer. He's a tiny little ball of mush that hangs on my boob all day, but I don't care about that. I made him. He's mine. I still can't believe that I grew an entire human being inside my body and then birthed him. The realization of this hits me every time I look at him and see my eyes and nose.

I've talked to my family and friends and done video calls with everyone, but I'm not ready to pop our little bubble. I want to stay here in this house with Wes and Sawyer for as long as we can. I know that hockey pre-season is going to end for him next month, but until then, our family is fine with leaving us be for now.

Sawyer is crying again, and I look over at my phone to see that it's 3am, time for his next feeding. My breasts are telling me the same. Engorgement is… uncomfortable, but I'm thrilled that I've been able to feed him this way. Wes gets up as I settle in with Sawyer, leaning against the pillows to get him latched. I'm barely awake, and Wes has left the room. He returns a moment later with my favorite tumbler filled with ice water and one of my fruit and cheese protein packs from downstairs.

He's been supporting me like this since we got home. This is our new normal, the routine I've come to rely on since Sawyer's arrival. I'm not sure how it'll go once he goes back to work. I don't have to worry about that yet. He's also mine while we're in the newborn bubble. I'm hoping it won't pop for a long time.

"Do you need anything else, babe?" he asks as he settles back into bed.

"I'm good for now," I take a sip of water. "Sawyer will probably need a change before he goes back to sleep."

"I can do that. Do you need to pump after he's done?" he quizzes.

"Yeah, I might. I'm making a lot more than he needs," I say with a chuckle.

"And it makes your boobs look phenomenal." He waggles his eyes up and down at me.

I lay a playful smack on his shoulder after I put down my water cup. It's only been a few weeks, and I feel like a pro at this breastfeeding thing. The sleeplessness is hard and so is overproducing. I'll have a nice supply in my freezer when I go back to work, though. Sawyer is snuggled in the crook of my arm, latched on in the cross cradle hold and eating like a champ.

"I know, I know," Wes quips, "they're not for me." One corner of his mouth ticks up. "Yet."

He lays back on the pillows but doesn't go back to sleep. When Sawyer is done eating, Wes takes him from me, and I get myself hooked up to the pump on my nightstand to empty out the rest of the milk on both sides. At first, Wes had been totally weirded out by this process. However, it doesn't faze him anymore.

Wes holds Sawyer up in a sitting position and starts patting his back to burp him. He hears the satisfying little expulsion and settles Sawyer against his chest, skin to skin, since Wes isn't wearing a shirt.

"It's so nice how calm he gets when he's against me like this." Wes looks so peaceful.

"He loves his dad… I mean, you." I clear my throat, nervous that I let that slip out. We haven't talked about what our future holds, and I don't want to just assume that Weston wants to be a dad to a child that's not his own blood. I smile at the little baby head snuggling against him.

Wes picks him up, supporting his head, and gets ready to change him before putting him back in the bassinet next to us. He snaps a few photos, trying to get Sawyer to make funny faces by sticking out his tongue and making silly noises.

"You're not gonna post those, right?" I know he loves to post on social media everything, but I'm not ready for Sawyer's online debut.

"No," he keeps snapping, "these are just for us." He snaps one of me in my pump bra, hooked up in all my milking glory.

"Delete that, Wes!" I whisper shout.

He looks at his phone and taps something. "Oh, no. These are going in my private collection. They're locked away in the vault."

"Weston! Delete them!" I try to grab his phone.

"Hey, you're gonna spill if you don't stop." He laughs and points at the milk sloshing against the sides of the bottles attached to my pump.

"Come on, Wes," I plead. "There's no telling who might get a hold of your phone in the locker room with guy shenanigans."

"Okay, fine. You're probably right." He shows me his screen as he deletes the photos of me pumping.

He looks back at Sawyer. "I can't stop myself. It's like he's changing every day, and I don't want to miss it. So, I've got to take photos of him. I know when I go back to work, he will grow so much, but I'll have these pictures to look back on while I'm at away games. He's so sweet, and he won't be this little forever. Do you think we should do a newborn photo shoot? Like with professionals?"

"Maybe, let's talk about it when I'm not half asleep and hooked to a milking machine." I yawn.

"Gotcha, that's fair." He goes back to trying to get the perfect angle of Sawyer. "Oh my god, Presley, look, he's smiling!"

I laugh, knowing what's coming next. "Wes, that's not a smile."

Sure enough, Sawyer's bottom half makes a loud noise, a sign that he definitely needs to be changed, immediately.

We both laugh as Wes grabs a diaper from the caddy on his nightstand.