Chapter 37

37

“ W here’s Jinx?” Sabre asked. She was waiting outside the entrance to Brax’s quarters, where they were supposed to be having breakfast.

“She went that way,” Mikhail replied, opening a portal abruptly. “And we’re going this way.”

Sabre stood up straight, eyeing him warily. “We’re doing what now?”

“Come on. I’ll explain when we get there,” he said, walking through the metaphysical doorway, knowing Sabre would follow.

He stepped into his living room, causing Styx to jump up and release a vicious growl. It quickly turned to a happy whine when he recognised Mikhail, and he bounded over for some pats. By the time Sabre stepped through the portal, Mikhail had two hellhounds on their backs, groaning in bliss as he rubbed their stomachs.

“They are going to be so spoiled,” Sabre pointed out, offering the hounds scratches. “What’s going on? What are we doing here?”

“We need to talk,” Mikhail said, smiling when he felt the pups moving around beneath his hand. “Soon,” he crooned to the female.

Sabre eyed him warily. “Talk about what?”

He braced himself in case Sabre got physical. At least you have a forcefield now, he reminded himself happily. Though, it likely wouldn't be enough when it came to the best assassin in Purgatory. “About how I ordered you to kill me.”

Sabre went deathly still, her lips barely moving when she said, “ What?”

“I think it’s about time we discussed what I did to you, don’t you?” Mikhail inquired softly.

“No. I do not,” Sabre spat. She looked incredulous. “And what do you mean what you did to me ? I’m the one who hurt you .”

He shook his head sadly. “We both know that isn’t the truth. I broke your heart that day.”

Sabre stared at him unblinkingly before she scoffed and paced away. Her movements were sharp and jagged, the air around her practically swirling with the intensity of her anger. She stopped abruptly, lifting her chin in his direction. “You want to do this? Fine. I’m game. Let’s do it. Yes. You broke my heart that day. You broke me . So much so that I didn’t want to bring you back. I stood over your body and watched the blood puddle around you, and I wanted you to stay dead. I wanted you to reap what you had sowed.”

My poor Sabre, he thought. She spoke those words as if she were confessing her sins at the gates of Heaven. She sounded devastated and guilt-ridden, but there was no need. He wasn’t hearing anything he didn’t already know.

Her eyes narrowed, a potent mix of pain and fury in their depths. “You knew.” It sounded like an accusation.

Mikhail nodded his head, smiling sadly. “I knew. Before I asked you, I knew it was a real possibility. And I accepted it. Staying dead would have been well deserved.”

“Yet you still asked me,” Sabre stated.

“Ordered you,” he corrected sternly. “Yes. I did. I ordered you to do it for many reasons: for my kingdom, for my family, for you. But mostly, I did it because I knew I could trust you to see it through. Nobody else could have let that bolt fly.”

Sabre’s laugh was sharp and brittle. “Of course not. Nobody but an angel assassin would stoop so low. Oh, and I can’t wait to hear how killing my charge was for me. ”

Her words hung in the air, heavy and oppressive, and Mikhail took a deep breath to steady himself. He hoped he could find the words to make her understand. “You sacrificed so much for me, Sabre. Even as a child, you sacrificed for me. After finding me, you returned to The Blue Devil Den, knowing that you would be tortured and forced to do despicable things. Things in complete contradiction to the angelic blood running through your veins. But you did it. For me.”

“Exactly!” Sabre yelled angrily, causing the two hellhounds to whine. She shot them an apologetic look and lowered her voice. “And how do you repay me? I may have shot you through your heart, but you crushed mine, Mikhail.”

“I know. You’re my guardian. You were created and sent by the Heavens to protect me, to guide me, to be here for me no matter what. And you always have been. Sitting on the throne is a burden, but being a guardian is perhaps an even greater one. But don’t you see?” He took a step forward, pleading his case. “I had to make sure your sacrifices weren’t in vain. I had to ensure everything you went through wasn’t for nothing. I had to make it count. I couldn’t lose more family. I couldn’t lose you . Who do you think Z would have gone for next? What obstacle would he have removed in order to get to me?”

“Let me get this straight,” Sabre said very quietly. Mikhail felt his butt clench. He knew that tone. “You orchestrated your own death and abandoned your people because you thought it would, what, stop me from being a target?”

He took a slow step back when Sabre took one forward. “I won’t lie. It wasn’t the whole reason. But yes. It was a factor. A key factor. All the guardians of my uncles and my father were killed before they were. Z was clearing a path, taking out his biggest threats.”

Sabre unsheathed a knife from her belt, pointing it at him with a shaking hand. “You’re a fucking moron, you know that?” She sprang at him, taking him to the floor. Straddling his chest, she pressed the knife to his throat. “Z had no idea I even existed. Nobody did. I wasn’t in any danger. And even if I was …” she pushed the blade into his skin, drawing blood, “it is my duty to die for you. It is my right . How dare you take that away from me.”

“It was only a matter of time before Z found out about you,” Mikhail pointed out rationally. “I wasn’t willing to wait around and watch that happen. Besides, you’re mine. I’m allowed to protect you if I want.”

Sabre sat back, glaring down at him. “You sound like a child.”

Mikhail shrugged before reaching up and swiping his palm over the tiny nick in his neck. “Most of my motives were totally kingly. I’m allowed to have one that was just for me.”

“You … what … I … you …” Sabre spluttered. She took a deep breath, visibly calming herself. “I was scared that my powers would fail and I wouldn’t be able to bring you back. It’s never happened before, but right after I killed you, I thought, this time, they won’t work . The one time it’s the most important, and they won’t work. I was terrified.”

Mikhail watched as she slowly unfurled her wings, the red and gold feathers stretching gracefully across his living room. He shouted in alarm when she reached over her shoulder and roughly yanked out a handful. “What are you doing? Stop that!”

Sabre thrust the feathers in his face. “I had a few golden feathers pop up over the years for various acts of service . I could never pinpoint what I did to earn them. But when I resurrected you, I suddenly got dozens of these fuckers. Dozens!” Sabre yelled, tossing them in the air. “Killing you and bringing you back earned me golden fucking tickets. I felt sick. I wanted to rip the wings from my back.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely from his prone position. “I’m so sorry.”

They both watched as Styx trotted over, picking up the feathers in his mouth before throwing his head back. Red and gold fluttered to the floor, making the hellhounds bark happily. Styx’s mate heaved herself from her nest, jumping down to play, too.

A single tear traced the curve of Sabre’s cheek. “Silly beasts,” she admonished. But she pulled out another handful of her precious feathers for them to chase.

“Why did you bring me back?” Mikhail asked. “You had a choice.”

Sabre nodded, her gaze staying fixed on the hounds. “The moment I laid eyes on you in that crib, I knew you were mine. I knew I’d finally discovered my charge and that our fates were intertwined.” She looked at him, her mauve eyes now clear and direct. “I chose you then. I didn’t have to. I could have walked away or told Maliq to go fuck himself. But I chose you. And I would choose you every day if I had to. Including when you’re dead.”

Mikhail inhaled, absorbing the weight of her words and the depth of her commitment. “Thank you. For choosing me.”

Sabre grunted, then picked up a gold feather, twirling it between her fingers. “I guess, given where I’ve ended up, you’re welcome.”

The silence stretched out, and Mikhail cleared his throat. “So, um, what now?”

“Now …” Sabre began, brandishing her knife once more. “Now, I ask you a few more questions while I have a captive audience.”

“That’s cool,” Mikhail said quickly, keeping his hands flat beside his head. “But … are we good? Do you love me?”

She ran her tongue over her top teeth, regarding him steadily. “We’re good. I love you.”

He wanted to jump for joy and hug her, but she had that pigsticker of hers pressed against his skin once more. “Thank you, Sabre. I love you, too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sabre griped, sounding like her old self. “Tell me about Jinx. She’s good enough to fuck but not good enough to mate?”

Mikhail jolted, all but impaling himself on the blade. “Sabre!”

“Oops,” Sabre commented mildly. “You may have a small puncture wound.”

“Damnit!” Mikhail grumbled, finally bucking Sabre off. He sat up and pressed his hand to his neck, feeling wetness—and a hole. “You stabbed me in the neck.”

“Oh, please. You stabbed yourself. You’re the one who moved.” She stood up, brushing off feathers before offering him a hand.

Mikhail grumbled but accepted the assistance. He went to the mirror by his door, examining the broken skin. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t a scratch either. He kept pressure on it as he moved to his bedroom, rummaging around in his drawers for the first-aid kit. After slapping a dressing on it, he returned to the living room to find Sabre helping the female hellhound add some feathers to his ruined sectional.

“Well?” Sabre tossed over her shoulder. “Are you making Jinx your mistress or something? That will look great to the masses questioning your ability to lead.”

“I’m not making Jinx my mistress,” Mikhail said roughly. “I can’t have anything that supersedes my duty to the throne. And that includes claiming a fated mate.”

Sabre looked at him, head cocked to the side as if he were a circus oddity. “You think you’ll be a shitty king if you take Jinx as your Queen?”

“I think I’ll be a distracted king,” he clarified.

Sabre shook her head, looking more annoyed with each passing second. “You really are a moron, aren’t you? Are you forgetting that you were designed for Jinx by the fates themselves? You are supposed to be with her. She is supposed to be with you . Did you ever stop and think that maybe the way to succeed is by accepting your destiny instead of fighting against it? That maybe you’ll be less distracted with Jinx by your side because that is where she is supposed to be? By. Your. Side.”

“I …” Mikhail closed his mouth with a resounding snap . No. He had not thought of that.

Sabre marched over to him, skewering him with a disgusted look. “You don’t deserve my wisdom, but I’m going to give it to you anyway because I’m magnanimous.”

“Magnanimous? Have you been playing Wordle again?” He dodged, feeling the breeze from her open palm as it sailed past his face, missing him by millimetres.

She glared at him. “Mikhail, you were not just born to be King. You were also born to be Jinx’s mate. You think being bonded will be a weakness? That’s impossible. Fate doesn’t make mistakes like that. If the gods have given you Jinx, it’s because she will make you stronger. ” She grabbed onto his biceps, pulling him close. “I have fought against many things throughout my years, but I’ve never fought fate.” She released him, and he rocked back a step. “So, just, you know … stop.”

“Stop fighting fate?” Mikhail repeated. He’d been completely unaware of doing it.

“Stop,” Sabre confirmed. “And stop denying Jinx. It’s time to drop the rope, Mikhail. There can be no tug of war if one person drops the rope. Accept who you are. Accept what you’re here to do. And see what happens when you’re not constantly tugging.” She paused and snickered. “When you’re not tugging. That sounds dirty. Like wanking.”

Mikhail rolled his eyes, his mouth twitching into a smile. “I get the euphemism, Sabre. You don’t need to paint me a picture.”

“Great!” Sabre cheered. She spun him around and pushed him towards the door. “Now go tell Jinx you love her.”

Mikhail dug his heels in, his breath leaving him in a rush. “I didn’t say anything about love.”

Sabre huffed and rolled her eyes. “You didn’t need to. You can’t stay away from her even though your misplaced sense of duty tells you to. You think about her all the time, and you’d do anything for her. Plus, the stupid little hearts in your eyes every time you look at her is a dead giveaway.”

“I do not have hearts in my eyes,” Mikhail retorted. He promptly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, just in case there was any truth to the absurd accusation. “But you’re right about the other stuff. Isn’t it too soon?”

He remembered his parents’ long courtship, the years they spent building a life together before even considering marriage. Though they were probably a poor example, he acknowledged.

“What the fuck does time have to do with anything? One week, one month or one year … who cares? You either have love in your heart, or you don’t,” Sabre told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

“I’m inclined to think you’re right,” Mikhail said carefully, ignoring Sabre’s scoff. “And because I’m hopeful Jinx is of the same mind after speaking with her earlier, I shall take your advice and stop fighting. After we deal with Z?—”

“Nope!” Sabre interrupted with a disapproving frown. “Not after. Now.” She gentled her tone, continuing, “You’ve been stuck since you returned, Mikhail, and so very careful. Careful not to say or do the wrong thing, careful not to make any big choices or any big moves, careful not to offend anyone. You’re scared to make a mistake. You’re scared to have more regrets. So, you’ve tiptoed around your family, your people, your mate, and your enemies. Your caution is understandable, but it’s paralysing you. You need to break free from this fear if you want to move forward. Maybe taking action in one part of your life will help you take action in others.”

Mikhail took a deep breath, letting the weight of Sabre’s words sink in. He knew she was right. Even though it stung to hear his weaknesses laid out so plainly, he remembered when he was decisive and confident and acted without second-guessing every move. He remembered being a king. “I have been terrified of making things worse. I don’t want to fail again, Sabre. I can’t fail.”

“You won’t. As long as you stop running.” She gripped him by the back of the neck, her forehead resting against his. “I know it’s scary, but sometimes you have to lean into the scary stuff rather than push back against it. And trust that you’ll come out the other side because you fought for it rather than ran from it.”

Mikhail nodded. “Stop running from fate, Jinx, my fears, and Z. Act. Don’t re act.”

“Now you’re getting it,” Sabre praised. She squeezed his neck one last time before releasing him.

He straightened, savouring the rush of oxygen that filled his chest with an invigorating warmth. It was almost intoxicating, this new surge of vitality that coursed through him. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, he was free from the heavy, overwhelming fatigue that had been his constant companion. He felt lighter, more centred, as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “I feel good,” he confessed, almost in disbelief. “Strong.”

“You are strong,” Sabre declared. “And you’ll be stronger when you’re with your mate.”

His mind was quiet in the best way. All of the angst, regrets and fears that had been his constant companion were gone. Just poof , like they were never there. In their place, he now felt determined, confident, and powerful. “I can already tell you’re right. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself,” he added.

Sabre snorted rudely. “Because you’re a pig-headed male with a fragile ego.”

Mikhail turned his nose up and gave Sabre his back, snubbing her completely. “I was going to say that fate already did me a favour, so I should have known that Jinx would end up being just as much of a miracle. But I don’t think I will now.”

“What miracle?” Sabre demanded, marching around in front of him.

“Really?” Mikhail rolled his eyes, pressing his pointer finger against Sabre’s third eye and causing her to rock back on her feet. “You of course, you brain-dead angel.”

“Oh …” She shoved her hands into her pockets, looking flustered and uncomfortable.

He grinned because he loved seeing her squirm. Opening his arms wide, he fluttered his lashes at her. “Want to hug it out?”

Sabre hissed like a pit viper, and Mikhail stepped backwards into a portal, laughing as he made his escape. And I’m back!