Chapter 36

36

J inx stirred beneath her blankets, consciousness slowly seeping back as the first rays of light filtered through the window in her guest room. As the fog of sleep lifted, memories from the previous afternoon came flooding back, causing her cheeks to flush with embarrassment.

She buried her face in her pillow, groaning softly. The events played out in her mind like a vivid dream—or nightmare. Her tiger form, so powerful and graceful, was reduced to a simpering puddle at Mikhail's feet. Her feline side remembered the feel of his skin beneath her tongue, the intoxicating scent of his arousal that had filled her nostrils. She had been utterly captivated. Even now, the animal pined for her mate.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Jinx berated herself.

“What’s stupid?” Eric asked from where he was stretched out on the lounge. He’d spent the night after they’d gossiped into the wee hours.

“Me,” Jinx replied, staring at the ceiling. “I should never have shifted around Mikhail. It’s going to make it all the harder to keep my swiftly crumbling walls erected.”

Eric shuffled around until he was sitting cross-legged. “I thought we agreed last night that you were going to give up—and give in —to fate.”

Jinx hummed before she sat up, ran a hand through her tangled hair and pushed herself out of bed. She dressed quickly inside the walk-in closet in comfortable jeans and a soft shirt, her movements brisk. She had said that. And it hadn’t been an easy admission. But now, in the light of day, her doubts were returning.

“Jinx, being mated to Mikhail will be less of a cage and more of a blessing,” Eric reminded her quietly when she walked back into the main space.

She dropped down next to him, twirling some hair around her fingers. “I know that. I truly do. One of my concerns was that I would feel like a slave to fate. That my control had been stolen from me again.”

“But you know that’s not true. All you—and Mikhail—have been doing is showing just how in control of your lives you are. I mean, you had sex with the guy and didn’t mate him. If that’s not control or proof that you have the freedom to make your own choices, I don’t know what is,” Eric pointed out.

Jinx knew he was right. And she was at the very edge of the cliff, her body on the brink of plunging off, diving into the unknown of love, and praying that Mikhail would be at the bottom to catch her. But … “But …”

“No buts,” Eric said firmly. He tugged her hair from her hands, where she was making the tangles worse. “Jinx, you’re not even that emotionally damaged anymore. That reason is getting mighty flimsy.”

Jinx gasped. “How do you know how mentally stable I am? I’m one big walking trauma, buddy!” She pointed to her head. “It’s a mess of pain and self-loathing in here!”

Eric snorted at her theatrics. “You were mostly healed before you met Mikhail. Your confidence took a hit when you discovered he was your fated mate and brought your past to the surface. That’s understandable. But you’ve been working through it ever since. Every second you draw breath, you choose to deal, you choose to fight. And you’ve been choosing to fight for Mikhail.”

She stared at her friend, her mind processing his words. “I have, haven’t I?” She hadn’t been fighting against her mating. She’s been fighting for it. Every time she thought about Mikhail, saw him, spoke with him, or touched him, she’d been healing and dealing. And she hadn’t even noticed. “Stupid,” she decided once more. Barring receiving anonymous gifts, her intrusive thoughts had been suspiciously quiet since she’d had sex with Mikhail.

Eric leaned in, giving her a one-armed hug. “Nah, you’re not stupid. But he will be if he doesn’t come to the same realisation soon.”

“After Z …” Jinx immediately began to defend Mikhail.

Eric held up a hand. “Z could be on the run for years. Yes, his capture is a factor in everyone living happily ever after. But none of us know how long we have. What if right now is your time? What if it’s your chance to live happily for now ? Isn’t Mikhail worth it?” He poked her in the side, making her wiggle. “Aren’t you ?”

Her reflex was to say she wasn’t worth it. But it was surprisingly easy to squash. After all, fate had deemed her the perfect complement to Mikhail, and she believed him to be amazing in every way. “Yes. Even a few days as mates would be worth it.”

“I’m glad you agree.” Eric hopped up and pulled her to her feet. He pushed her toward the door. “Now, go get ‘em, tiger.”

“What? Now? I can’t go like this!” Jinx exclaimed, dodging Eric’s sly hands. “I haven’t brushed my hair. Or my teeth. And I really need to pee.”

“Then get to it. You don’t want squirting to take on a whole new meaning when you’re having mating sex.”

Jinx gaped at her friends. “Eric! You’ve been spending too much time with that dirty pixie.” But she was laughing as she went into the bathroom and went through the motions.

“Phaedra has a lot of experience to share,” Eric said, his amusement clear through the bathroom door. “If you’re nice to me, I might just disclose a trick or two with you.”

Jinx flung open the door and into his arms, giving him a hard hug. “You’re the best friend an ex-sex slave, tiger shifter could ask for. You always treat me like, well, me,” she ended lamely.

Eric smiled at her. “Because that’s all I see: you . The real you. And I knew from the moment we met you were a queen.”

“Oh …” It was a lovely thing to say, but it gave her a moment’s pause. “Do you think the people of Purgatory will accept me as their queen?”

Eric looked at her like she was nuts. “Are you kidding? Do you know how many people will feel comfortable and safe talking to one of their own? You’ve been them, Jinx. You can relate to the people. With your history, you are in a unique position to help so many of us. They will accept you with open arms, I promise you. And if they don’t,” he shrugged, looking serious, “I’ll get Sabre to stab them.”

Jinx nodded. She hadn’t considered any of that, but it made sense. “And if Mikhail doesn’t? Accept me with open arms?” she asked, biting her bottom lip nervously.

“Then I will gladly do the stabbing,” Eric vowed solemnly. He coaxed her out of the room, leading her down the hallway. “Go to him now. Don’t waste another day without telling him how you really feel.”

As if summoned by her thoughts, Mikhail appeared from the corner, almost knocking her and Eric over.

“Jinx, my apologies. Are you okay?” Mikhail said, holding onto her forearms, his eyes running over her body. He didn’t so much as glance in Eric’s direction, who was hopping up and down, holding his foot.

Jinx grinned. “I’m fine.” She was a little breathless, not because of the near-miss but because her mate looked dreamy in a steel-grey collared shirt and black slacks. His hair was still wet from a recent shower, and he smelled like a walking wet dream.

“Good morning,” Mikhail said with a smile, his voice deep and smooth.

“Morning,” Jinx replied, trying to keep her tone casual and pretending her heart wasn’t about to beat out of her chest.

“I’m fine, too,” Eric said. “I have nine other toes. I didn’t need that one.”

“Good, good,” Mikhail murmured, keeping his focus on Jinx. “I was just heading to your room to escort you to breakfast,” he explained, still holding onto her.

“You were?” Her hands began creeping up his chest.

“Yeah, because you really need help walking to breakfast,” Sabre snarked from behind Mikhail. “She’s not going to topple over. You can let her go now.”

Jinx frowned, peering around Mikhail’s body. “Good morning to you, too.”

Sabre huffed, looking a little contrite. “Hey, Jinx. You good?”

“I am,” Jinx promised, concerned for her friend. The attitude was unlike her. “But you don’t seem to be.”

“Ignore her,” Mikhail bade. “She woke up pissy this morning.”

“I woke up impatient this morning,” Sabre corrected. “We need some action. But you seem to have forgotten what that is.” She crossed her arms over her chest and pointedly looked between them. “ Both of you.”

“Sabre, can you give us a minute?” Mikhail didn’t look at her, and Jinx could see the annoyance on his face. “Now.” It clearly wasn’t a request.

After a moment, Sabre huffed and grabbed Eric’s sleeve. Eric mouthed, ‘ Good luck’ over his shoulder before they both disappeared around the corner. “What’s up with her?”

Mikhail looked around and, finding them alone, leaned back against the corridor wall. He tugged Jinx willingly to him, holding her hand in a sure grip. “She’s not used to any of this—being at court, making plans, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She’s used to getting things done and controlling everything. It’s an adjustment. Plus, despite her saying she’s fine with how you and I are handling our relationship, I don’t think she really is.”

“I can empathise with your first point. But not your second.” Jinx frowned, feeling frustrated with Sabre’s attitude. “It’s really none of her business.”

“I know that. And she does too,” Mikhail said, tossing her a crooked grin, “deep down. To be honest, I think it’s less about us and more about me. It’s just another strike against me, one more thing she can blame me for and be pissed about.”

Jinx slouched against the wall, leaning into his side. “You two still haven’t cleared the air?”

“Not entirely, no,” he admitted. “I’ve been using Z as an excuse to delay the confrontation, I think. Which makes me cowardly, I know. But I’m afraid of what will happen when we talk about it all openly. I’ve been using Z as an excuse about us, too.”

She looked up at him, finding his expression contrite. “What do you mean?”

“When Z and his plans are no longer between us, will anything change? By way of what choices will we be able to make or what freedoms will we have? After speaking my truth with Brax yesterday, I’m not so sure,” Mikhail stated, his voice flat.

Jinx felt a bubble of hysteria rise within her. Is he here to tell me he’s made a decision, and we have no future right when I’ve decided we do have one? Jinx thought to herself. That would be just her luck. She didn’t say anything, wondering if she could slink back to her room. But before she could move, Mikhail cursed and dropped her hand. He moved in front of her, placing both hands on the wall by her head.

“I’m just going to say it. Like I should have said many things to Brax long before now, and I promise you, Sabre will be my next stop.” He dipped his head until their eyes were level. “I want you, Jinx. And I’m already more than halfway in love with you,” he declared, making her breath catch. “But what happens when I get all the way there? What happens when we claim each other, and you become more important to me than my people? What then?”

Mikhail is falling in love with me? She licked her dry lips, noting how his pupils dilated, and his eyes tracked the movement. “Mikhail …”

He grunted, tracing her lips with his thumb. “I want to throw you over my shoulder and lock you away in my room, naked, all day, every day, and every night. We’re not mated yet. We’re not sharing a heartbeat. And I already want to blow off my duties for you. It’s dangerous.”

“I can see how that would be a concern for you,” Jinx offered, her body swaying against his. He was hard, his breaths coming in pants. She ran her nose along the tanned line of his neck, inhaling his rich, masculine scent. When she got to his ear, she murmured, “While we’re being honest, I want you to know that I feel safer with you than anyone on the planet. I trust you to care for me and treat me with respect. I trust you with my past. And I think I trust myself with my past.”

She placed a soft kiss on the shell of his ear before leaning back to see his face. “It doesn’t hurt me as much as it did weeks ago. And I no longer believe having a fated mate equates to my choices being stolen. Because every day that we choose to be polite, that we choose to be friends, that we choose to have sex, I’m in control. And I know it.”

“You said sex,” Mikhail practically whimpered. “Please don’t say that word.”

Jinx laughed, watching avidly as he repositioned the large bulge in his pants. “I just poured my heart out, and all you heard was sex ?”

“I heard every word,” he vowed, cupping her face. “I’m more honoured than I can say. But it only makes my future decisions more difficult. Knowing you’re down to be claimed …?” He shook his head and side-stepped, so they were no longer touching.

Was it wrong of her to feel happy? Jinx wondered. She’d potentially just set herself up for heartbreak, but all she felt was joy. He was worried she would become the most important thing in the world to him. It was the best compliment she’d ever received.

“Well, good luck with that,” she said, patting his cheek. She giggled when his expression turned dumbfounded. She had no intention of pressuring him. She’d told him where she stood. Now, it was up to him. She pressed a loud, noisy kiss to his lips before adding, “Talk to Sabre. It’s time.”

She turned and walked back to her room, shutting the door behind her. She squeezed her eyes closed and did a weird, happy little stomp-dance. “It’s all going to work out. I just know it.”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news …” a smooth voice said from her left. “But it really isn’t.”