Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

Maureen

My heart pounded as Trent pulled me to my feet, holding my hand in his as his gaze roamed my face first, then my body, taking a silent assessment. I met his attention head-on, waiting for him to find fault, to say I wasn't ready. Or worse, to call the whole thing off. What would I do then?

"Last chance to add any limits." His voice was stern yet gentle when his eyes met mine. I shivered under his shrewd gaze.

"I'm fine."

He seemed to search my face for a moment, then nodded. "Okay then. Strip please."

I sucked in a deep breath. I'd been expecting that. And I knew I needed it. Needed to have any protections and defenses taken away from me. But to have to actually do it. To take off all my clothes, and not for sex, with Trent watching my every move, knowing that he'd be able to see all my bits up close and personal, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He had the grace to look away when I began to work the buttons on my blouse, busying himself in his closet. Probably where his implements were. The knowledge made flutters in my stomach.

A few hours ago, I'd been fantasizing about what it would be like to submit to Trent. Now I was actually about to find out.

My fingers trembled, ever so slightly, as I undid my silk blouse, and slipped it off my shoulders. My bra was white lace, and it had to go too. Then my slacks, and my matching panties. I could feel Trent watching me, but I didn't look up to confirm. Once I was completely naked, with nothing on but my jewelry, I crossed my arms over my chest, and waited for his instruction.

"We don't have any spanking benches in here," he said, his lips curving up in a smile, "but I do think you should be restrained in some way. Just another aspect of control taken from you. I think you need that."

"Yes, Sir," I whispered, already falling into a submissive mindset I would have sworn I didn't actually possess.

"I have some cuffs, a bit of rope, and some bondage tape, so we are going to use those. Work with what we have."

"Okay."

Trent frowned, his disappointment evident. "What was that?"

Before I could answer, he hooked my chin between his fingers, and tilted my face up so I was required to look at him.

"Reenie, you have to answer me correctly. This is difficult for you, I know, so I need you to make an intentional choice to submit to me, and to put yourself in that mindset in every moment." His stern expression softened. "I know it's difficult, Reenie, but it's very important. Promise me you'll try."

"I promise," I vowed.

The truth was, he had no idea how not hard it was. Submitting to him… felt like coming home. Like doing what I was always meant to do. And how was that even possible? I was a Domme. I was comfortable being a Domme. I was, with the exception of tonight, very good at it. The first time I'd wielded an implement in the direction of a naughty submissive, I'd felt a wholeness, a rightness, like I was where I was meant to be, doing what I was meant to do.

But this… this was something different.

"Okay," Trent agreed, seemingly appeased by my answer. "Stay there."

I had to watch as he used the ropes to affix cuffs to his bed frame, where my ankles would go.

When he called me over to him, I came. Without hesitation.

I lowered myself face down, bent over his mattress, and cooperated while he fastened the leather cuffs to my ankles then used another set to hold my hands behind me, at the middle of my back.

I had far more give than I would have had on a spanking bench, but not enough to escape. Not that I would have wanted to.

In my mind, I knew how big of a deal this was, how hard it should be. But in my heart, I just… wanted it. For a multitude of reasons.

"Have you ever been spanked before, Maureen?" Trent's voice rang out behind me.

"No, Sir." Had my mother been one for physical discipline, I'd have probably been an abused child, but her method had been to tear me down emotionally.

"Okay, then. I'm going to do something I normally wouldn't do for a punishment, and give you a short warmup with my hand, just to get you used to the sensation and to get the blood flowing to prevent bruising."

"Yes, Sir."

"This is a punishment, so you won't be able to safeword out of it, but you have your safe words to let me know if something is wrong and we need to pause or reassess, renegotiate."

"Yes, Sir." The mention of safe words brought a fresh wave of shame, and I resolved that I wouldn't use them at all unless I had no other choice.

"We'll use the traffic-light system."

"Yes, Sir."

"All right, we're going to begin now. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Sir."

Those two words were apparently all he'd been waiting for. As soon as they left my lips, his hand fell hard across my upturned bottom, first on my right cheek, then my left. The pain was shocking, but not unbearable. The humiliation of it, of letting this man, this colleague spank my bare bottom as if I were an errant child… that was something else entirely.

Fresh shame burned my cheeks, and tears filled my eyes from the first swat. I was suddenly questioning all my life choices, including the one where I'd thought this was a good idea.

The submissive feelings that had been present only moments before fell away. I fought against the restraints as panic bubbled in my chest. This wasn't right. It wasn't who I was. It hurt, and it scared me.

"Fear. Fear of not being in control." It was Trent's voice that echoed my inner thoughts as he paused to rub soft circles on my lower back. "That's what you're feeling, Reenie, and it's a completely normal feeling. Even for someone who is submissive by nature. You're okay."

But I wasn't sure that was true. Sure his words made sense, but it was deeper, right? For me? It had to be.

"Do you trust me? Do you trust yourself?" His calm words broke through my inner panic.

The answer, to both questions, was yes. I didn't have to think about it.

"Remember. You wanted this. This was what you asked for. And when you start to question yourself, I need you to think about why."

Mira. Her image popped into my brain. Mira crying and confiding in me. Mira, asking me for help. Mira strapped to a bench, vulnerable and on display. Mira, taking everything I gave. Mira calling Red. Calling it again and again. Mira crying in shock, apologizing for wrongs that weren't her own.

I calmed myself with a shaky breath. That was why I was here. That was what I needed to focus on.

As if he'd read my mind, or sensed the shift in my thought process, Trent began to spank again. The smacks felt different this time, like he'd changed the position of his hand. I focused on picturing what he might be doing, but I couldn't. I never used my hand. It just seemed… too personal.

Personal. Intimate. That was what was scaring me about this. I rarely had my submissives naked either.

"Reenie." His soft voice was full of censure. "I can feel you pulling away, going somewhere else in your head. Stop it."

Damn. He was good. And he was right.

"You're a Domme, Maureen. I have no doubt that you're a good one. One who cares. I know you care about Mira. You owed her your focus. Your full attention."

Fuck. His words brought me to the crux of the matter. The few swats he gave me with his hand felt harder again, then suddenly stopped. I heard movements behind me and knew the warmup was over.

I had no idea what implements he'd chosen. I hadn't asked, and he hadn't shared.

The first swat took my breath away. The surface of the implement was smooth. Wood? It felt stingy on impact, then followed with a deep thudding pain that seemed to embed itself in my backside. Definitely wood.

As soon as I made my assessment, it came down again, once more stealing my breath. It hit again and again, leaving me gasping for air, unable to focus on anything but the pain.

Good. That was what I needed. I needed to not be able to think. To not let my thoughts stray like they had in the Dungeon. To be able to remember why I was really here.

Mira. My reputation as a Domme. My pride in my job. Those were the reasons I'd asked for this.

"You're a good Domme, Maureen Stahlbaum." Fuck, how did he keep doing this? Reading my mind the way he was? Knowing exactly what to say exactly when?

I knew I was a good Domme. I believed it. But hearing him say it…

Tears pricked my eyelids. A combination of pride and shame roiled in my chest. I didn't feel like a good Domme. Mira had been counting on me, and I'd let her down. And worse, she was a student, not an experienced submissive. I'd been her first encounter with using spanking outside of the classroom punishments, and I'd fucked up royally.

"Harder," I whispered. Trent was too good. Each swat was evenly paced and with a medium amount of strength behind them. I could anticipate them, and the amount of pain they would cause. There was a rhythm that I'd let my body become accustomed to.

The next swat came at full force. Trent listened to my request even while he scolded me for it. "Don't tell me what to do. You are not the one in control here, Maureen."