Chapter 18 - Rand

One by one, the Silver Wolves returned to the mansion. Each time, I hoped to see Astrid in tow. Each time, I was disappointed.

The problem was, I couldn't tell if I was disappointed because she was a wanted criminal who needed to be taken in so we could get the information we needed, or because I wanted to see her again. It had to be the first one. Because there was no way in hell I would want anything to do with Astrid now.

But every time I told myself that, I wondered if I was lying.

When Tannen, the last of the group, came back empty-handed, I slouched back on the sofa, bristling. But instead of just shaking his head and reporting that he hadn't found anything like everyone else had, he stated, "I found her."

My head jerked up so fast, I was surprised I didn't get whiplash. "You did?" I said as Jameson asked, "Where?"

"Northwest of town, a few hours out," he said. "I'd nearly given up looking for her when I caught her scent."

"Where is she?" I looked around as if expecting to see her dragged into the hall at any second.

Tannen eyed me, his features calm and collected. He was one of my best friends. I wasn't sure exactly what he was about to say, but I knew I wasn't going to like it.

"Probably nearly at the Gray Wolf's hideout at this point," he said.

"She got away?" Jameson demanded. "Why didn't you go after her?"

"She didn't get away," Tannen said.

Realization and fury washed over me at the same time. I stared in disbelief as I tried to process his words and their implication. I shot to my feet.

"You let her go?" I seethed, fingers curling into fists. "How the hell could you do that?"

"Because I think she's telling the truth," he said evenly. "She told me Thea's in trouble."

I stalked toward him, doing everything in my power not to slam my fist into his face. "You let a criminal go! We need her information."

"She told it to me."

I opened my mouth, realizing his words didn't make sense with the narrative I'd formed in my head.

"She what?" Jameson asked.

"She said to expect around twenty men around midnight tonight. Maybe earlier or later, if they figured out she was compromised."

I shook my head, unwilling to believe it. Astrid had been lying, and Tannen, normally incredibly intelligent, had fallen for it. I couldn't believe he'd been this stupid.

"We still need her," I said. "We don't even know where she's going."

"She's heading to the Gray Wolf's hideout," he said. "Northwest of here, a few hours' run." He eyed me levelly. "I can give you more precise directions if you need them. She gave them to me."

Again, I tried and failed to process the words.

"How do you know she's not lying?" Mark asked.

"I like to think I'm a good judge of character," Tannen fired back. "And I know for a fact that I would do anything for my brother."

"You said yourself she was heading toward the Gray Wolf's hideout," Mark pointed out.

"Because that's where Thea is, apparently."

"How the hell did you swallow all that bullshit?" I snarled. "You normally have a lot more common sense than that."

Tannen frowned, folding his arms as he stared me down. He didn't break eye contact, remaining calm and collected.

"Rand, you're not thinking straight," he said. "If you thought about it for more than a handful of seconds, you'd realize some of your logic is backward."

It all slammed into me at once. I'd let my anger get the better of me and built a narrative in my head that I had assumed was correct. I'd refused to listen to anything else. If I'd thought clearly in the moment, maybe I would have listened to what she was saying.

She'd come to me for help. There's no other reason she would have told me any of that. I should have seen it immediately. And I'd ignored her.

And now she was alone and going after her sister. If I'd listened to her, none of this would have had to happen. And I realized that, no matter what had happened or what she'd done, I didn't want anything bad to happen to her. I couldn't.

I growled, rubbing my face with my hand. "Why the hell didn't you go with her, then?" I asked. "She's waltzing into danger without backup."

"She wanted me to tell everyone else the information she had," he explained. "In fact, she was stubbornly adamant about that fact."

The thought of Astrid going into danger bothered me more than I would have expected. I stalked outside, rubbing my face as I tried to process everything. The wind pushed the hair from my face as I closed the door behind me.

Moonlight shone down on the lake, the reflection rippling and distorting.

Astrid had betrayed me. She'd betrayed all the Silver Wolves. Even if she told us eventually, that didn't fix the potential damage she'd caused.

Except, she was trying to rectify things, even if it meant putting Thea in danger. She wanted to make things right.

And now she had gone after Thea. She would do anything to protect her sister. Including sacrifice herself. She'd done all of this, knowing there was a strong chance she wouldn't make it out alive.

My fingers gripped the balcony, knuckles turning white. Astrid was walking into what could very well be a suicide mission. After everything she'd done, I shouldn't have cared. I shouldn't have worried about her at all. But the thought of her getting hurt still gnawed at me. Just knowing she was putting herself in danger made my wolf snarl and pace.

I rubbed my face, taking a step back from the balcony as I wrestled with myself. I couldn't let Astrid get hurt. I was furious with her, so I shouldn't care. Then why the hell did I?

All the things I had liked about Astrid flooded back to me. The way she didn't take my bullshit. The way she laughed, and the way she glared when I did something that annoyed her. I liked how passionate she could get about things, and I liked how she was as stubborn as me. I liked how a tiny little woman like that had no issue standing up to me. She was smart, kind, and cared about those she loved.

And I'd liked how she had always loved and defended Thea. I'd admired the lengths she would go to for her sister. I still did.

And it hit me. It probably should have hit me a long time ago, but I hadn't wanted to admit it. I knew why I couldn't stand the thought of Astrid getting hurt.

I loved her.

I loved her, and I couldn't let her try to rescue Thea on her own.

I marched back into the living room, where the rest of the Silver Wolves were chatting in low murmurs to one another. They all fell quiet the instant I walked into the room.

"I'm going after Astrid," I said, turning to Tannen. "You said she told you where the hideout was?"

"A general approximation," he agreed. "I'll go with you."

"Same here." Mark stood, stretching. "You should have at least a bit of backup. Who knows how many people you're going to go up against?"

"You're going to need a healer if you're getting yourself into this sort of mess," Klyte said, pushing away from his chair.

"I'll come, too." Luke shrugged. "Mostly because I'm really itching for a fight."

"Same," Malcolm said. "There should at least be someone with sense coming along."

Jameson nodded, eyes roaming across the remaining group. "We can probably handle things here with the rest of us," he said. "If anything goes wrong, I want one of you to come back and let us know."

I barely heard him. I didn't care about the details now. All that mattered was that Astrid was alone and in danger. I aimed to change that. I'd worry about the rest after.