29. Penelope

29

PENELOPE

H ow am I here? One year later.

Lola climbs out of the driver’s side of the car and walks around, joining Nora as she gets out of the car. I stay frozen in the backseat, wedged between Linc and Asher.

Asher has changed in the last year too, although he was already starting to change from the rambunctious, hyper child into a full-on broody teenager when Colt died. But there’s definitely a darkness there now.

He exits the car, leaving Linc and I in the back seat as I stare at the water.

“It’ll be okay, Penelope.”

I swallow a sob, hating the lake for taunting me. “No it won’t, Linc.”

I’m angry with him for making me come here, but I know at the end of the day, he was right. I owe this to Nora. If her therapist thinks this will help her with her grief, then I have to be here.

Linc opens his door and leaves while I try to get the courage to follow. They all grab their bags from the trunk.

I look at the water, calm but still ominous.

Why am I here, Colt?

I finally join the rest of them as Nora unlocks the front door to the house, and we all go inside. It hasn’t been touched by the year that passed. Everything looks the same as the last time I was here, and I want to scream at the top of my lungs at the quiet room because nothing is the same.

Everyone is eerily quiet as they all take their bags to their designated rooms. I sit on the couch, my head in my hands feeling every emotion I felt a year ago but topped with grief and loss, knowing he’s gone forever.

“Do this for her. Pull it together.” My eyes lift to look up at Linc, and I want to slap him as I stand to face him.

“What should I do? Go put on my bikini and splash around in the lake where he died?”

His eyes draw together with frustration as they dart behind me to the hall leading to the master bedroom. “Behave. Don’t say shit like that around her.”

It surprises me to see Linc so protective of Nora after so many years of deliberately pushing her buttons.

“I thought I’d cook dinner, and then we can go out on the deck to eat.” Nora comes into the hall, and Linc drops the daggers he was staring at me, turning to give her a reassuring smile.

“Sounds good, Mom.”

Her eyes go to me, and I struggle not to break. “What about you, Penelope?”

I can feel Linc’s eyes threatening me. It sounds insane . “Absolutely.”

“Great.” She smiles as she gives my arm a quick squeeze and walks into the kitchen. Lola and Asher come out of their rooms. Lola helps Nora as Asher plants himself on the couch with his headphones on, listening to music on his phone.

Dinner is quiet as we sit out on the deck with a clear view of the water below.

I hate it here.

“This used to be my favorite place in the world.” What? My own thoughts are interrupted by her as I stop pushing the food around my plate with a fork to look up at Nora. She looks over her shoulder, out at the lake below with a whimsical look on her pretty face. “Maybe it can be again.”

Linc and Lola share a look before Lola squeezes Nora’s shoulder with a strained smile. “Maybe, Mom.”

“Oh, come on .”

We all look at Asher, who has said his first sentence of the night and is stewing in fury from his seat at the table.

“Ash, knock it off,” Linc growls, taking the protector role seriously.

Asher’s grown a lot in the last year, now a match for his big brother. He doesn’t back down, tossing the cloth napkin over his plate of food. “No. This is not a happy place. This is the place where Colt died. And I’m not sitting here and pretending like nothing fucking happened.”

“Asher, please.” I hear the pleading in Nora’s voice.

Ash softens slightly, but he doesn’t give in. “We lost the only good thing to come out of the Sterling family here,” his long arms gesture out toward the lake, “in this place.” His eyes meet Nora’s, desperately trying to convey the truth to her, and I feel it from across the table. “The only person who could ever tame Linc. The one who told Lola she didn’t have to always play the pretty princess and could be real.” His hand moves to his own chest, the anguish filling his eyes. I never realized how badly he was hurting. “The one who got me away from the house occasionally and tried to make sure I was more like him and less like Linc.”

I flinch when he says that, but Linc stays stoic as he listens.

Asher’s eyes move to Linc. “And obviously, he failed because I’m an asshole at seventeen.”

“Asher, you are you, not either of your brothers.” Nora is sitting straight up in her chair, her hands in her lap.

“Oh please, Mom.” Ash’s cold gaze lands on Nora. “Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to do all year? To make me him? The tutors, volunteering. You miss him so damn much you thought maybe you could make me more like him.”

Nora shakes her head from side to side, tearing up. “No. Not at all. I just wanted to spend time with you and help you grow into a man.”

“Please.”

“Knock it off, you little shit.” Linc’s voice is a warning growl.

But Asher again doesn’t back down, his hand gripping the glass patio table in front of him. “No. None of you have been there this year. You haven’t seen it. Mom is barely able to get out of bed, and when she can, it’s to drag me to something to better humanity with fake smiles plastered on our faces, acting like everything is okay. And it’s not. Nothing is okay.”

Linc’s sitting right next to me, and I swear I can feel the tension that’s built up in his body. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to move on.”

“She isn’t moving on, none of us are.” He points to Lola, me, and then Linc. “And all of you are too caught up in your own bullshit to notice. Lola puts in her allotted time each week, sure. But even when she’s there, she isn’t there.”

I watch Lola shrink in her seat, unable to argue.

Asher’s eyes land on Linc. “And you, playing house with your dead brother’s girlfriend.”

I want to melt into the floor, slide into the cracks, and disappear forever. Nora just shakes her head, pulling the cloth napkin from her lap and placing it on the table with a shaking hand as she stands up. “I’m so sorry, Asher. I swear that’s not what I was trying to do.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom. He’s just being a little asshole.”

“Fuck you, Linc. I’ve been there. The whole time.”

Nora raises her hands in the air, signaling for surrender. “Stop. Please don’t fight, boys.” She turns and looks out over the railing at the lake, her voice full of sadness. “I think I’m going to go lay down. Please don’t fight anymore.”

She brushes Asher’s cheek and then squeezes Linc’s shoulder as she goes back into the house, and then Linc turns to Asher for the real showdown.

“What the fuck is your problem? Has she not been through enough, you little shit?

“We all have been, Linc! And she dragged us here for what? Some sort of therapy that’s only going to make it worse.”

“We don’t know that, but your little outburst sure didn’t help.”

“What’s the matter, Linc? Pissed it wasn’t you who got to be an asshole for once?”

Lola sighs heavily. “You guys, stop. This isn’t helping anything.”

Asher sits back in his chair, his legs having grown in the last year so they stretch under the table, his sandy blond hair swaying in the night wind. “I’m tired of pretending like everything is okay. Colt is gone.” His throat bobs as his eyes slide to me, and I have the desire to fade away again. “And it’s all her fault.”

I’m horrified and stuck in shock, unable to argue with him because I know it is, in fact, my fault.

Surprisingly, it’s Linc who comes to my rescue. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Asher sits up straight, his body leaning forward in a menacing action as his eyes move to his brother’s. “I know exactly what I’m talking about.”

What the hell does that mean? He couldn’t know everything . My eyes widen as he smirks at Linc. “You two ruined everything and left us to pick up the pieces. Hopefully she’s a good lay, Linc, otherwise there’s no way it was worth it.”

Shit.

Linc jumps out of his chair, and Asher rises to meet him just as Linc reaches his side of the table. The two brothers stand toe-to-toe. “Watch what you say. You think you’re a man, but I’ll have you on the floor, begging for Mom.”

“Fuck you, Linc.” Asher’s chin lifts in defiance, showing he isn’t backing down. “You guys aren’t the only ones who lost him.”

“Asher, I think you should go to your room,” Lola says quietly from her seat and doesn’t look up at either brother with her request.

“No fucking way. You need to explain. What do you mean, you know what you’re talking about?”

I don’t want to know the answer. I don’t think I can handle it.

My eyes lift in time to see the cold smile slide over Asher’s handsome face. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

He shoves past Linc and goes inside, and I see Linc starting to go after him, but now Lola stands up, stepping in front of Linc. “Don’t. Let him go.”

“He’s being a fucking asshole.”

“Is he right? Are you pissed it’s not you?”

Lola’s tone is half joking, and it makes Linc smile. “I think all the Sterling siblings have had our moment.”

Lola sits back down at the table, taking a drink of her wine. “You’re right. And so is he. We all left him there to deal with everything. Who knows what he’s seen over the last year.”

My heart squeezes tightly in my chest, thinking about all the pain we’ve caused, all of it threatening to explode from under the surface, and I’m having a hard time catching a breath as I stand from the table.

My eyes land on Linc. “This was a really great idea.”

I don’t wait for a smartass reply as I exit quickly, going inside and up to the top floor balcony, looking out at the water below and wishing more than anything I could go back in time.

But there’s no redoes, and there’s no escape.